The past couple of weeks has been a blur.
Kind of a purple blur, if you know what I mean. If you don’t, well. I don’t have words eloquent enough to explain it to you. She does, though.
As the days pass I’m learning lessons about love, loss, friendship, and allowing myself to just let go and be led (by what, I’m not entirely sure – my heart, mind, conscience, Brigade of Righteous Gnomes?) to do what seems right.
Not waiting for a permission slip to do good, or a forgiveness for past good that should have been done elsewhere, but was not. Not overly worried about my rightful place or whatever. Just letting myself be led by whatever the heck the thingie is that’s leading me.
Wow, that is so clearly stated!
So much of my life I’ve looked back over my shoulder half the time and the other half, I’ve spent worrying about every little detail of what I should be doing.
Just doing that living and growing thing for now. Feeling maybe too much and acting perhaps with too much emotion. (Which is really not unlike me at all, anyway. Big Ball of Emotions, FTW!)
I tend to quite regularly rely on a personal shtick of humorous complaining.
Lately, nothing I want to complain about seems worth the energy by the time the breath hits my lips.
Energy is much better spent elsewhere.
And I am so not talking about the laundry.
And so lately, I’ve: Listed Walks, Walked in Maddie’s Honor, Pressed Pretty Purple Paper, Talked to Mah Beloved Crackah Beeshes, Held My Loved Ones Closer.
Clean/Unwrinkled clothing is SO overrated.
(And just for the record so are mopped floors.)
#1 by Loralee on April 21, 2009 - 12:42 AM
I honestly thought that this whole thing would make me refocus and look at the gratitude in all things no matter WHAT was hitting me.
And I am.
Sorta.
How sucky is it that I am still stressed as hell and looking over my shoulders backwards and forwards WHEN I KNOW BETTER.
Oy.
I want this post to sink in and be my true attitude so much I am ready to take a bath with it. (Pervy but true.) I want to feel it as well as say and think it.
(Does any of this rambling make sense. It’s been a hellish long day.)
P.S. Being self-honest really blows sometimes.
P.P.S. Laundry Sucks.
P.P.P.S. Dishes, too. BOO!
Loralees last blog post..Hemoglobin and Wicked and Care Bears! Oh, MY!
#2 by natalie on April 21, 2009 - 2:01 AM
i feel the same way!
i’m so used to looking over my shoulder though that it’s hard to break the habit. i don’t usually care so much about what other people think of me. my self esteem is pretty good. but i sometimes hold my tongue when i should speak. i walk away when i should stand up. i hide my face when i should embrace the sun.
i don’t know. my mind has been full these past few weeks. the thoughts swirl around and around until they are so mixed up that i can’t separate them out to make sense of them.
hm…
natalies last blog post..Love this!
#3 by Al_Pal on April 21, 2009 - 2:59 AM
Oh goodness. So true. Being, living, enjoying sunshine & the backyard, eating, drinking, being with friends. The floors’ll be fine.
Al_Pals last blog post..My new creative outlet: Bread Puddings!
#4 by lceel on April 21, 2009 - 7:18 AM
Once in a while, life steps aside and allows you to gain some perspective. It offers you an opportunity to see things for what they are. And then it closes in and the rat race starts all over again.
It’s what you do with that moment of perspective, of insight, that measures you.
lceels last blog post..WTF is Manga?
#5 by Athena on April 21, 2009 - 7:54 AM
Life is good. And sometimes better when we just let it be and appreciate it for what it is. What a gift.
love u
~A
Athenas last blog post..Madame Moustache
#6 by anymommy on April 21, 2009 - 3:36 PM
I think you said it perfectly.
anymommys last blog post..Two Niner
#7 by rachel-asouthernfairytale on April 21, 2009 - 8:48 PM
yep.
yep.
yep.
rachel-asouthernfairytales last blog post..This Sums It Up Nicely
#8 by Lisa on April 21, 2009 - 8:57 PM
Sweetie you said it perfectly.
Lisas last blog post..I’m coming out of hiding for a great cause
#9 by Secret Mom Thoughts on April 22, 2009 - 7:41 PM
Well said.
Secret Mom Thoughtss last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
#10 by turnitupmom on April 22, 2009 - 7:47 PM
We’re human beings, not human doings. BE present. BE happy. You go girl…there will still be dishes tomorrow.
turnitupmoms last blog post..FREE Happy Mom "Green" Tee
#11 by George Serradinho on April 23, 2009 - 10:26 AM
I seem to agree with you. I hate doing the dishes although I have to as I’m living by myself.
I always use to look over my shoulder, but lately I have somewhat stopped. I’m enjoying life more and it makes me feel happier and more confident at the same time.
George Serradinhos last blog post..Problems renewing SA passport in London
#12 by talina on April 24, 2009 - 9:58 PM
I hear ya, my focus is also changing these days. Makes my blogging harder but life is seeming better so it’s all good.
talinas last blog post..Picture this: Talina washing laundry in the pond out back and balancing a laundry basket on her head…
#13 by momranoutscreaming on April 24, 2009 - 11:26 PM
I have been watching all of your walk organizing and 1) thinking what an amazing person you are and 2) wondering where you get all of the energy. Screw the dishes! They will still be there when you’re ready to tackle them.
momranoutscreamings last blog post..She could start a new style trend…