My son: already uber skilled at making me wish, Forrest Gump Style, that God would make me a bird so I could fly far, far away.
Yeah. Either that, or just jam a very sharp pencil into my temple. Whatev.
Braden finds several ways each day to make my soul feel tired, from peeing on every inch of carpet in the house, twice (not so bad, really), to (constantly) SCREEEEEEAMING when things go horribly wrong (like, the world is turning on it’s axis, and stuff), to dragging everything from Room A into Room B, everything from Room B into Room C, and everything from Room C into Room A (seventy-two and a half times a day).
One of my favorite things is when he asks me for something, I rush to get it for him, and then just as I’m GIVING HIM EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTED, he has a Mega-Mega-Ultra-Meltdown. Complete with running, screaming, stomping, indignant, evil looks and crying real tears. I mean, how DARE I give him what he asked for? Am I STUPID?
The message: “You are evil, Mommy, and you make my life miserable. It is my belief that you want me to be unhappy. And you have succeeded.”
I want to bash my head against the wall. While jamming a pencil in my temple.
Or, you know, if you want to turn me into a bird, God, really, I’m cool with that.
But these are just moments.
The real favorite? The way he has a knack for driving me nuts while also being so endearingly freaking cute that I can’t stop smiling.
Scenario which is repeated multiple times a day:
He brings me his shoe.
“Dis shoe?”
He wants me to put it on him.
He puts his little butt into my lap and gives me the shoe, staring intently at his little foot. He watches me put the shoe on, sometimes helping by tugging the velcro tabs a bit. He is intense.
It can be dark and cold out. Doesn’t matter.
He can be wearing PJs, regular clothes, or absolutely nothing. Doesn’t matter to him.
But he thinks that if he puts on at least one shoe, we’re going outside. And if one doesn’t work? Any second shoe will do, my friend.
“Dis shoe?”
*runs to door, pats it*
“Owww-siiiighhhh!”
The scream that comes when we don’t go outside? I can take it. Even over and over again.
I can even love it.
#1 by Rachelskirts on March 3, 2008 - 12:19 AM
Aww! Cute story.
In only slightly related news, I think I’m starting to recognize your child’s bum. Is that weird? Thought so. Is it doubly weird that I just said “bum”?
(Yikes. This? This is why I should be banned from commenting. I FAIL at it.)
Rachelskirts’s last blog post..In Which I Broach the Subject of Leg Hair
#2 by Summer on March 3, 2008 - 12:20 AM
LOL Your boy and mine should get together. No, wait, they shouldn’t who knows what they’d dream up together.
Baby bums, too cute. Even during tantrums.
Summer’s last blog post..Best of February
#3 by Mrs. F on March 3, 2008 - 12:21 AM
Love the mis-matched shoe/naked bootie shot.
Sometimes I wish I was a bird, too. That is putting it mildly fo’ sho’…
Mrs. F’s last blog post..Whassa Mattah Mamma?
#4 by urbanhippiemama on March 3, 2008 - 12:35 AM
oh my gosh.. have him and kaden been communicating telepathicallly??? kaden does the shoes and the “outside!” just like that!!!
gosh.. that little bum… always SO cute!
urbanhippiemama’s last blog post..PhotoHunt 6: Party & Crafty Challenge
#5 by VDog on March 3, 2008 - 12:41 AM
Oh my goodness. Now you’re REALLY making me look forward to the next few months.
VDog’s last blog post..Lucky ~ March Blog Exchange
#6 by Jessica on March 3, 2008 - 1:57 AM
A friend of mine put it best during one of my sons meltdowns. “Ahh Emo baby, your life is pain.” It makes me smile and helps me not want to muzzle that little bellowing guy. Hope it works for you!
Jessica’s last blog post..The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions
#7 by zoeyjane on March 3, 2008 - 2:17 AM
obviously, they all read the same book, on the inside.
mine does that too, ‘cept not for the shoes. she’ll grab her coat “coah on” and then if i don’t put her coat on her, will climb onto a table to get my purse. because she knows that my purse is always the last thing we grab before going outside. then, she’ll tap the apt door for like five freaking minutes before exploding in rage and throwing my purse, at me. Then her coat goes on the floor (in anger, and as a dampener) for when she throws herself, ass first down screaming “noooo, stopppp! don’tttt ouch!”
it’s always funny until she fakes abuse.
zoeyjane’s last blog post..I get this feeling like, somebody’s watching me.
#8 by Lightening on March 3, 2008 - 2:28 AM
My 4 year old just came in (he’s supposed to be in BED) and took one look at the computer and said “HEY! Who’s that got no clothes?” I said “That’s Braden”. He said “that funny. Looks like me or R (his sister).”
Lightening’s last blog post..Breaking It Down
#9 by shannymar on March 3, 2008 - 3:42 AM
Woot! Nakey baby bum! How cute!
shannymar’s last blog post..Went to the dentist
#10 by MizFit on March 3, 2008 - 5:05 AM
that
is
so
my
life.
the “how dare you give me what I asked for!!!”
second only to the MINEMINE when no one is messing with the Toddler Tornados stuff!
(whats the deal with that?!)
M.
MizFit’s last blog post..Monday Facetime.
#11 by Beck on March 3, 2008 - 7:41 AM
Hee! Why are naked baby butts so much cuter than regular butts?
I love baby logic, like shoes = outside, regardless of any other satorial issues. Genius!
Beck’s last blog post..A dull and dreary dismal day
#12 by cynematic on March 3, 2008 - 8:04 AM
Eh, well, I guess I won’t say how annoying the “I can make a sentence but only with the words ‘butt’, ‘poo’, ‘poo-poo head’, and ‘moo-moo’” years are then. Something to look forward to! (My little guy’s 4. Love you even though you wear me down with your bathroom words, little buddy!)
:p
Either way a butt, often–though not necessarily–naked, is involved. Is this somehow indicative of dudeness? Methinks yes.
#13 by Josh on March 3, 2008 - 8:23 AM
Ok Lotus,
I am no child psychologist, but me thinks that lil ‘B’ want to spend more time outside. Thank goodness it is starting to get into the 70’s in tropical ole TN!
We face the same obsessive need to be outside at inopportune times! Alas… I don’t blame the boys.
Josh’s last blog post..Update on Spring…
#14 by Ree on March 3, 2008 - 8:26 AM
Is that his outside outfit? Make sure you use plenty of sunscreen.
hehehehehe.
Love that boot. I have a pair like that myself.
Ree’s last blog post..Building Your Wings
#15 by Ann on March 3, 2008 - 8:57 AM
I’m right there with ya. Emma is 14 months old today and has having the worst hissy fits. Including hitting me!!! My favorite is when she comes over, lifts her arms up to me like she wants to be held and then when I pick her proceeds to have a instantaneous screaming, writhing hissy fit in my arms….as though she didn’t just ask to be picked up.
#16 by nottryingforaboy on March 3, 2008 - 8:58 AM
Aw, cute!
nottryingforaboy’s last blog post..Dining in Vegas
#17 by Sadie on March 3, 2008 - 9:19 AM
Awww! how cute! The shoes don’t even have to match!!
I totally sympathize with the big huge dramatic fit for getting them WHAT THEY WANTED. K does it to me ALL the time these days. I even mentioned it briefly today on my blog. If it ever gets better for you, let me know and I’ll return the favor if it ever gets better here…
Sadie’s last blog post..Random Stuff…
#18 by wright on March 3, 2008 - 9:23 AM
Oh how can it be that we still love our screaming crying babies?!?!? I adore my baby girl’s sweet sad face.I want to nibble her cheeks even when she is making me pull my hair out. That’s motherhood I guess!
Great pic!
wright’s last blog post..Haiku Friday – El Gato’s Day
#19 by Heather on March 3, 2008 - 9:24 AM
I can’t lie and tell you it gets any better…just different as they get older…
But I can tell you they grow so darn fast…you will look back and wish for those tantrums again…like when he asks to barrow the car for his first date!
Hang in there….
Heather’s last blog post..February in New Mexico
#20 by tommie on March 3, 2008 - 9:41 AM
Welcome to my world….except when my older one was 16 months old, I had a newborn who seemed to be attached to my brea$t 24/7…..I swear she lived in a sling for 6 months. That is probably why her first year is a blur!!
Hang in there, it does get better. Soon he will be putting on his own shoes and runing outside…..naked!
tommie’s last blog post..Weekly winners Feb 24-March1,2008
#21 by Bethando on March 3, 2008 - 10:03 AM
I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO know what you’re going through, and I am sorry to say it gets worse the smarter they get. Billy now tells me he hates me when he gets punished. So I got that going for me. Which is NOT EVEN CLOSE to being nice.
Bethando’s last blog post..Brew Day
#22 by Secret Agent Mama on March 3, 2008 - 10:08 AM
Oh God. No. I need to find a way to stop time. Davey’s started with mini-tantrums, and I fear as his vocabulary and mobility broaden, as they are, it’s only a matter of time for me. Oh God.
Secret Agent Mama’s last blog post..Project 365 (192/365)
#23 by MommyTime on March 3, 2008 - 10:11 AM
Recipe for keeping pee off your floor: put diapers on your child.
Recipe for driving readers away from your blog due to lack of longed-for content: put diapers on your child.
I can see your dilemma.
Hang in there! At least you’ve got a son who clearly will grow up to be able to give you excellent fashion advice (if you ever want it…)
MommyTime’s last blog post..Inane Conversations at Our House: New Technology Edition
#24 by Christina on March 3, 2008 - 10:18 AM
Oh yeah, thanks for the reminder that we’ll be getting to that stage again soon.
Right now, Mira is at the “turn just your head away and I’ll scream because you’re clearly trying to abandon me” stage. Fun times. I forgot how annoying, yet sweet, separation anxiety can be.
Christina’s last blog post..Haiku Friday: Red Bird
#25 by Kara - down to earth mommy on March 3, 2008 - 11:08 AM
Little J is so good at the “don’t give me what I want.” Right now he is even better at the “Give me what I said I didn’t want.” Lately he has to say no to all questions first before coming back 30-60seconds later to ask for it like it was all his idea. Usually this is just long enough for me to have put it away and/or sit down on the couch. UGGGGH!!
Kara – down to earth mommy’s last blog post..Don’t Lick the batter!
#26 by Lou Lohman on March 3, 2008 - 11:08 AM
I just wonder what kind of pictures you’re going to be taking of the boy when he’s twelve. And are we going to want to see them?
Personally, I think somebody should warn Braden. He’s going to be getting
biggertaller (whew!) and he’s going to grow out of that baby fat (aawwwww) and I’m afraid his mommy ain’t gonna lose that camera anytime soon and in order to preserve the PG13 rating this site has already, he should really start being concerned about clothing his body. At least minimally. and always make sure he has his back turned to his mom when she is ANYWHERE NEAR a camera.Lou Lohman’s last blog post..Another busy day
#27 by momma on March 3, 2008 - 11:19 AM
Try a diaper – for the peeing all over the place. I hear they work quite well but you have to actually put one on him.
#28 by Maria [Immoral Matriarch] on March 3, 2008 - 11:45 AM
Awwww!
Maria [Immoral Matriarch]’s last blog post..My Life. Hollywood Style.
#29 by justmylife on March 3, 2008 - 12:12 PM
First…I love the picture. Second….. Ain’t kids GRAND?!?! I have went through that phase 3 times and I SO don’t miss it!
justmylife’s last blog post..The good Lord is gonna hold me to my promise!
#30 by Sugarplumsmom on March 3, 2008 - 1:12 PM
Too cute! Sugarplum throws the same fits.. last night it was over cold milk. Then she threw her cup. Guess who lost her milk?
Sugarplumsmom’s last blog post..Little Gymboree Punk
#31 by Kat on March 3, 2008 - 1:38 PM
Omigod. This is so my life 4-6 months ago. It gets better, like everything in toddlerhood.
Tantrum moments like that still happen sometimes right here, when I give him exactly what he wanted. WTH is with that? I sometimes yell, “I AM TRYING TO HELP YOU! THIS IS WHAT YOU ASKED ME FOR!” and then I place the item next to him on the floor, step over his screaming heap and go do something else, whilst singing the Star Bangled Banner really loudly.
LOL on “Ouwsigh?!” That was one of Colin’s first words.
At least your kid will wear shoes. Mine screamed and freaked out when I’d try to put them on him.
#32 by Allison (aka AngelGal) on March 3, 2008 - 1:49 PM
Welcome to the Terrible Two’s. I know he’s not 2 yet. With D, it started REALLY EARLY. I’m not sure it’s ever ended? Or we could just be having a recurrence now. Don’t really know…
Allison (aka AngelGal)’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday #3 – First in 5 Years!
#33 by Maggie on March 3, 2008 - 1:53 PM
OMG, just way too cute! I love, love, love the picture!
I know you’ve done something like 80 million similar memes, but I’ve tagged you for this one anyway.
Maggie’s last blog post..Weekly Winners 3/2/08
#34 by Kathryn on March 3, 2008 - 2:06 PM
I’ve locked away all of my pencils just in case I can’t take it anymore.
Kathryn’s last blog post..Voicemail Hostage
#35 by Dawn on March 3, 2008 - 2:27 PM
You can love it – but you don’t have to like it!
Dawn’s last blog post..NaNoWriMonday – 3:3
#36 by Jerseygirl89 on March 3, 2008 - 2:29 PM
Lovebug is finally just getting out of that phase – now he just does the screaming (which sounds like I’m jamming the pencil into his temple, oddly enough) when he doesn’t get his way. Just see if you can hang on a few more months.
Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Sometimes It’s Like Living In A Foreign Country
#37 by Anglophile Football Fanatic on March 3, 2008 - 3:01 PM
Take a swig of “spirits” wherever needed. And, I promise, it does pass. All phases pass.
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..We Want You! To Swap.
#38 by melissa on March 3, 2008 - 3:26 PM
No judgment here and I am sure it is on your blog somewhere, but why is your kid naked all the time? I was just wonder because it seems to be a constant state of being for some kids. We have a three year-old down the street who gets naked whenever she eats potato chips.
melissa’s last blog post..Alternatives to Frozen Pizza
#39 by Eve on March 3, 2008 - 3:38 PM
At least he doesn’t want to go out in the snow barefoot like the children who live at my house. Although I’m not sure that freezing his little private parts might not be worse than freezing toes. :>
Eve’s last blog post..Cactus Flower
#40 by Kay on March 3, 2008 - 3:53 PM
The shoe thing? TOO cute. But darlin’? He isn’t even two yet, you have much more coming to fly fly away, but you might want to consider a jet air liner.
Just sayin’.
Kay’s last blog post..Meme Monday
#41 by Melissa on March 3, 2008 - 3:55 PM
Sounds very familiar from when my daughter was that age. Thankfully they grow out of that stage and into even more frustrating ones…does that make you feel better.
Melissa’s last blog post..Hope’s Sibling…
#42 by Nicky on March 3, 2008 - 4:21 PM
Oh geez. It is posts like this that make me look oh-so-forward to having a little boy soon! Love it.
Nicky’s last blog post..The good, the bad (but definitely not the ugly) of a Friday night out
#43 by HappyCampers on March 3, 2008 - 4:37 PM
Isn’t that the truth though? They do the most frustrating things, but then just one look and you can’t help but laugh out of the sheer preciousness? Does that still happen when they crash the car into a tree at 16? I sure hope so….
HappyCampers’s last blog post..Weekly Winners: Let’s Visit The Park! Edition
#44 by Jennifer H on March 3, 2008 - 5:08 PM
They should make a jock-strap version of a diaper for boys like Braden. All the fun of nakedy nakedness without all that extra material. And your audience still gets it’s little bum fix when we visit. Think on it. Invent it.
Jennifer H’s last blog post..Rope tricks (or, I’ve been tagged)
#45 by Angie on March 3, 2008 - 5:31 PM
Oh, it brings back so many memories that seem like a lifetime ago!
Angie’s last blog post..Something sneaky is going on around here.
#46 by Taz on March 3, 2008 - 5:35 PM
your son has the cutest butt..
neat blog too..
btw 19 weeks old is up.. hehe
Taz’s last blog post..19 weeks old
#47 by Melodie on March 3, 2008 - 6:01 PM
Ahh…. the joys of toddlerhood! If you think 2 is bad – just wait until 3! Age 2 is a breeze in comparison. Oops… did I just let the monkey out of the bag? Sorry!
Honestly, it will get better – he’s freaking out because he is totally caveman right now. As his language skills get better – so will his attitude. In the meantime, you can do what I did – just walk away. I cannot tell you how many times I left 1 or 2 screaming toddlers on the floor in the middle of the room. I have also locked them out of a room for 2 minutes – just to grab hold of sanity. My boys are 13 months apart…. I know sanity and when it slips from my fingers. Good luck!
Melodie’s last blog post..The pressure of school
#48 by Karen C. on March 3, 2008 - 6:17 PM
Yeah, crazy isn’t it? How they can drive us crazy, but we wouldn’t trade it for the world??
Karen C.’s last blog post..Shenanigans
#49 by Tasina on March 3, 2008 - 6:42 PM
You won’t believe how much of this will go away once he’s better able to communicate. Hang in there.
Tasina’s last blog post..Me meme
#50 by Dr. Psychostat on March 3, 2008 - 7:40 PM
God has granted you your wish. You shall be transformed into a bird. In particular, a Double-wattled cassowary, C. casuarius. You’ll still need to book a flight to fly away.
#51 by A Whole Lot of Nothing on March 3, 2008 - 7:42 PM
Welcome to the 2s. Be very VERY scared of the 3s.
#52 by Di on March 3, 2008 - 8:01 PM
You are getting so much great practice for adolescence!!!
Di’s last blog post..Verbiation
#53 by Angeline on March 3, 2008 - 8:28 PM
What a butt! sorry I can’t stop laughing but its sooooo funny. Thanks for turning my sadness into laughter. Not feeling too good today, because of my dying aunt
Angeline’s last blog post..Is she wrong?
#54 by Jenski on March 3, 2008 - 8:44 PM
Let him out in the cold with only mis-matched shoes on. See how he likes it then! I mean…wings! Fly like a bird! No pencil to the temple. That’s just messy.
Has Braden ever peed on you while you were putting on one of the shoes?
Jenski’s last blog post..The nose piercing should count for something!
#55 by Jenni on March 3, 2008 - 10:19 PM
Personally, I find the 15 month to 2 (or whenever verbal) the most difficult age. It’s unbelievable how frustrated a not-quite-two year old can feel! And how loudly he can scream!
Hang in there, it gets better.
Jenni’s last blog post..Next Time, I’ll Let Her Finish
#56 by Tracy D on March 4, 2008 - 12:40 AM
They are made adorable so that we do not eat them.
Tracy D’s last blog post..Mondays…. boring mondays….
#57 by river on March 4, 2008 - 2:34 AM
I think the jock strap diaper mentioned in an earlier comment is a great idea. Contain the pee while letting the bum breathe.
#58 by hammy on March 4, 2008 - 5:00 AM
Ahh… The pencil-in-temple syndrome…
Well, have shoes, will go owww-siiigghhh… the motto seems to be ingrained. It’s darned cute, though…
And just in case you missed the fine print, you revoked any rights you had had on free time and personal choices the day you became the proud mommy.
It’s not a fair world, sure. But moms do NOT rest.
#59 by Stephaine on March 4, 2008 - 11:21 AM
LOL…. I shall have my 5 year old son come and wisk you away. Right now he is *The Black Knight* (complete with horse and sword) and any girl that comes near him is a *Princess* who he will save!
On a lighter note – the box of goodies are on their way! Maybe that will help distract him for a while!
#60 by HRH on March 4, 2008 - 12:02 PM
Yep. I’d recognize that scream anywhere and have learned the “tune it out” technique very well…or with a fenced backyard…have at it buddy.
HRH’s last blog post..Short and sweet…
#61 by 'cuz I'm the mommy, that's why on March 7, 2008 - 12:01 AM
That’s called love. The real thing.
Welcome to my world. I also like Poose’s game of “Thisth! Thisth!”, then everything I point to is “No”, even if it’s what he wants, still “No” then slaps my leg, beats his head against the wall (always right on a stud – how does he do it?), the glass door, the tile floor (literally). He has like, a permanent bruise right in the middle of his forehead. He also pulls things out of the trash, throws food, pulls the cushions off the couch, dups out the laundry basket…In general acts like a “Terrible Two”. But then he climbs up in my lap and goes “Mmmah” and ives me a slobbery kiss, and I know that he is absolutely a gift from God.
‘cuz I’m the mommy, that’s why’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen – Favorite Books