Because it says, “Sex Ed 101″ on my front door.
So, do you guys remember the story about the girl who was screaming for the imaginary friend who had run away from her?
Well, that was what I thought, anyway. If you’re not apprised of the story, go read that post.
A short time after all that went down, say, a couple weeks later, I had the opportunity to speak with Screaming Banshee Girl (as I have dubbed her).
See, we have this lil’ thing in the backyard that tends to attract the neighborhood kids:
[Aside: if one more of them tromps on my seedlings whilst visiting the freakin' dog? I am going to fertilize my flower beds with Neighborhood Kid Stew.]
So, SBG’s little brother (about 2 years old, maybe) came over to stare at The Mexican, and she followed him.
I walked over to make sure everything was safe. It is my nightmare that my little Mexican is going to snarl at one of them the wrong way (he has “little man complex”) and then I have a parent at my front door with a shotgun and a lot of misplaced anger. Or something.
So, anyway, I strolled on over.
Conversation ensued.
Girl: He’s so cute.
Me: Yeah.
Girl: I like him.
Me: Yeah, he’s cute. Do you have any pets?
Girl: No.
(by the way, this dashes the idea that she was calling a lost pet in that first post, hah!)
Pause.
Girl: So, why he doesn’t have eggs?
Me: Uh. What?
Girl: Where are his eggs? Why doesn’t he have any eggs?
Me: Wait. Eggs? (thinking: wtf? are you serious?)
Girl: Yes, so he can have babies from them.
Me: Um. Riiiiight. See, dogs don’t lay eggs.
Girl: *nodding, staring intently*
Me: Dogs and lots of other animals don’t lay eggs like birds, they have babies like we do.
Girl: Ohhh, yeah. Ok.
Pause.
Girl: So, how does that happen?
Girl: *expectant, eager stare*
Me: *stifled laugh*
Me: Have you talked to your parents about that?
Girl: Uh-huh, yup.
Me: *knowing smile*
Silence.
Girl: Um. No. I haven’t.
Girl: *intense, longing, probing, desirous stare*
Me: Nice try. You need to ask your parents about that, hon.
Girl: *insanely disappointed look of displeasure and dashed hopes*
The bad thing? Is that I really just wanted to tell her that about 3 weeks after you stand on your front porch screaming, a baby will fall right out of your butt.
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Zoeyjane
and that is why i don’t talk to neighbourhood children. no, wait, i do. that’s why i don’t have a dog – mexican or otherwise.
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Summer
I don’t know how you handled that with a straight face!
Summer’s last blog post..Discipline and Abuse
Veronica
You did so well! I would have been a laughing mess.
You think someones parents are trying to avoid the sex talk? Hehe.
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Mr Lady
Great. I just peed on my brand new couch. If only I had some PANTIES to act as a barrier….
Mr Lady’s last blog post..T Minus 4 and Counting
Mr Lady
Don’t you just love it when people leave comments on public blogs that only the blog owner and, like, two other people will GET?
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Kat
Damn. I WISH you had told her that!
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lilacspecs
heeeheeeHEEEE!
I’m now giggling insanely at the meanness of that exchange. But mean in a totally appropriate way. Hehehehe.
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Ness
That is totally cute. Random but cute. I remember the ‘golden rule’ of being a camp counselor. Do NOT DISCUSS ANYTHING OF A SEXUAL NATURE OR YOU WILL GET SUED. Seriously. DO NOT BE ALONE WITH A CAMPER AT ANY TIME OR THEY WILL ACCUSE YOU OF S3XUAL ABUSE. Geez! And these were really well off, celebrity kids too, not exactly your everyday garden variety. Ha ha.
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Marylin
Hehehe aww that is so cute, bless
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BeThisWay
You mean that’s not how babies get here?
Then maybe I really do only have one kid…
Katy
Ahhh, the neighborhood kids. They invite themselves over to swim, drench my wood floors and use up all my towels and popsicles. Always a pleasure.
http://mynutvillage.com/
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Madness
Ha! Lotus..I so totally would have said it .. and then shouted “HA!” and laughed my butt off and slapped my knee and if/when her parents said anything to me Id be all “yeah, well.. your kid obviously wants to know about doin tha deed so maybe you should just tell her, lady”…because i am so totally not the mom who handed her 11 year old daughter some books and said “youre smart enough to get it .. let me know if you have any questions” …
oh… HA!
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Taz
hehe..
cute..
the mexican must have alot of fans.
Taz’s last blog post..Isn’t she the cutest..
sjoukes
what a great little story..and so well written..lovely…I bet her parents would appreciate it as well ..lol
Kecia
Two thoughts…
One: maybe her family calls testicles ….eggs, and she couldn’t see his “eggs”…since one of them is so nicely … absent from the party.
Two: Is it wrong that I feel angry that she is even LOOKING at your dog? I really need to get over my disdain for other little girls. (ha, other…l am 37 and no longer a little girl…) brb after I call my shrink.
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Allie
I wonder if she eats eggs in the morning and thinks she is consuming puppies.
Food for thought… Ha! I just got my own joke.
Junebug
You’re so funny!
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Beth_C
It’s probably a good thing you held your tongue – but imagine the cool blog post that would have made!
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soge shirts
Lol thats a funny situation to be sure. I might have blabbed or given her the old stork story ha jk.
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Michelle in KY
I am cracking up! I so dread dealing with other people’s kids I don’t know that well…and I have a neighborhood full of them and some how they end up at my house…I do like kids I really do…just mostly mine! lol
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Mary
I’m impressed by your restraint. I’d so of told her that screaming results in babies. And I wouldn’t be all that off base now would I?
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HRH
Opportunity missed…
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Sarah
LMAO…you handled that great! I would’ve stuttered through any answer.
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Karen
Eggs. Ha!
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Rachael
That is pretty funny… I think her parents need to pay more attention to her.
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lceel
I am so proud of you – that you resisted the urge to f**k with that little girl’s mind. Because it would have been SO easy – and you would have supplied yourself with secret giggles for at least a week – but you were strong and I applaud you. But oh, I have to go away now – my mind is being flooded with images of THE RACK and I can’t bear it, so near, yet so far. AARRGGHH.
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Ree
I think you should do a Sex 101 online class. snort.
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Tracee Sioux
Clever kid. I find myself inexplicably wanting to tell all kids the truth to any question. Of course, I realize that if I do this I risk parental wrath.
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Claire in CA, USA
You.crack.me.up. Yesterday, I was sitting here, longing to hug you in your grief…today I come on over and see you have found an outlet…being amused by the neighbor-girl.
Blessings to you, Lotus.
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Rebecca
Ah that last bit cracked me up.
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Twitter: ramblingreba
laurieofthesevenstories
Amazing restraint. And how very, very strange.
by the way, about the miscarriage. Take it from a lady five kids, one miscarriage- try before you are ready. Nothing is more distracting then children, in a good way. When I had one I was an absolute nutcase. Of course, still am absolute nutcase, but in calmer, gentler, healthier and happier way.
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river
(Tongue-in-cheek) You’ve gotta expect questions like that when you have Sex-Ed 101 on your front door………..
I would have said he’s a boy dog and only girl dogs have babies.
Nicky
AAHAHAHA I love everything about this post!
The Mexican is too awesome.
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Beck
Good grief. Some people’s kids.
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Tracy D
OMG! Too freakin funny. I am totally cracking up. Then you would have definitely had the parents with shotguns on your porch! LOL LOL
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Elissa
All I have to say is, OMG LOL!!!!!
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shannymar
Hahaha, well I guess you foiled her plan!
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