Because you want to get inside my brain more often, right?
Do you Twitter?
Yes? Ahhh. You know the love that is Twitter. The somewhat conflicted love tempered by (fail whale, damn you, you bastard!) hate and yet, mmmmm. Love. So, if you already Twitter? You should make sure that you follow me. *Because I randomly say such incredible and insightful things there such as,
“It’s true, I’m a Nude Askhole. Please asscept my hardfelt asspology. Can you ever whoregive me?”
***
“Suddenly I feel as though Twitter just handed me a big hit of X.”
***
“I might have to have sex with him now. I mean. He just changed out of PJ’s to go buy me ice cream.”
***
“Going to get groceries. Do they sell a better outlook on life at Walmart? Even if they do, it’s probably made in China and has lead paint…”
***
“I want magic anti-gravity paint. Just enough to cover my boobs. Bras suck.”
If you don’t Twitter, I would like to introduce you to your newest obsession. (Notice how I have given you no choice in the matter.)
Start off by clicking on this pretty birdie!
Get your account and follow me. For the *above stated reason.
And when it gets all screwed up because someone over there dicked with the code again, like, for the eleventy-billionth time, because they can’t keep their sticky, stupid-dummyhead fingers off of it for, like, 10 MINUTES, then don’t get mad at me, and stuff.
Really, all the times when it screws up just make you want it more. It’s unpredictable in its ability to actually work the way it was intended, so that toooootally makes you want it more. And like, really badly, too. I mean, when it works it’s so good. And you never can tell when it’s going to do that! So the attraction is undeniable. Must.Twitter.Before.System.Crashes.Again.
It’s psychology, dummy! And I know, because I have degrees in that. So, you know, I can say stuff like this. And you are not allowed to question me. I am Lotus Carroll BA/MA. Or something. (Okay, more like BSMF, if you know what I mean.)
Oh, and there is also this thing called Plurk. I like it, and all, but I really did start to get rather pissed off about the “Karma” Score glaring in my face all the time, making me feel the need to achieve something. I can’t deal with that, people. Because if there’s a goal to be reached, a grade to attain, I somehow feel I must.make.highest.score.or.die. “Run in your little wheel, hamster, run!” Ugh. I so don’t need that right now, seriously. Twitter just lets me be me. It’s not waiting for me to jump through enough hoops before I become “enlightened.”
It knows I have already achieved Nirvana. (I just laughed so hard I farted.)
(PS: that was TOTALLY the type of thing you might see me say on Twitter! How ironic.)
41 comments
Leave a comment
Show Sponsors
The Awesome
missy wiggins
I for one, LOVE your twitter updates! They seriously make me smile and sometimes they make my jaw drop but in a good way…
missy wigginss last blog post..Beaches and my Brush with the Pentecostals.
Twitter: molassa
Raging Dad
Totally follow you on Twitter already. I, too, can’t get enough of it. Plurk, not so much. Can’t get into the format. Also, my daughter totally farts when she laughs too.
Raging Dads last blog post..William Friedkin, meet my daughter with streptococcal pharyngitis
Christine
I can get so enraged with twitter…but I keep telling myself, “It’s a free service. It’s a free service. It’s a free service.
I couldn’t get into plurk for the same reason…don’t get all about ranking me, dudes. It’s why I fell away from Cre8Buzz, even though I was one of the early beta members.
When will they GET it that we aren’t about competition, but about community?
Oh, hell…I am about to break out in song here.
“We are the world. We are the people…”
(Sarcasticmom knows this, but if you don’t , I am tweeting as no_watch_me)
Christines last blog post..I defect
Suzanne
I finally bit the bullet and joined today. Silly me, another blogger I follow had her tweets in a side bar and I thought that meant that whatever comments you put on other’s blogs came back to your blog. The comments I might be venting about cough cough relatives that annoy me cough.
Fortunately, I realized the error. And got to see your humorous comments, too. OMG Woman, Braden is a hoot!
Suzannes last blog post..Saying Goodbye to a Furry Friend
Fianna
I have been pondering Plurk as I was just invited into that cult.
But I can’t join anymore things…how many items can a girl update in a day. It was either Plurk or Twitter.
Thank you, Lotus, I needed an intellectual comparison of the 2 services. And the world needs more fart announcements.
Fiannas last blog post..Music Friday – Journey
Lilacspecs
I believe IO do follow your tweets although I do prefer Plurk over Twitter. I friggin HATE karma though. I feel forced to Plurk everyday because of it.
Twitter just bores me though.
Veronica
I have dealt with my twitter addiction. I haven’t tweeted in AGES. I bet twitter doesn’t even miss me
Veronicas last blog post..Sunshine
MizFit
still
resisting
twitter
growing
weaker
in
resolve
MizFits last blog post..S.L.A.P. and the Power of Personal Catchphrases.
Jennifer A.
Hmm, why don’t you follow me on Twitter? I follow you. Not that I stalk or anything. Your tweets make me laugh at work.
And thank you for the info about Plurk. I think I’ll just stay away from that.
Jennifer A.s last blog post..A new Milestone for Jimmy!
lceel
Just don’t SHART. I’m tired of that crap all over my keyboard.
lceels last blog post..Confession is good for the soul
Twitter: lceel
Mary Beth
It’s become a disease – my family is planning an intervention:)
Mary Beths last blog post..THE DARK KNIGHT
Karen of Sillymonkeez
Okay, I’m following you now. I was starting to get bored with Twitter because the people I’ve been following have slowly forgotten about it. I felt like I was talking to myself. Oh, and I’ve never tried Plurking. I think if I add one more thing to my internet responsibilities, my head will surely explode.
Oh, and don’t forget to come enter in my giveaway that starts on Sunday!!
Karen of Sillymonkeezs last blog post..PhotoHunt: Hanging
KD (A Bit Squirrelly)
I follow you already! You crack me up on there!
KD (A Bit Squirrelly)s last blog post..Don’t Answer the Door! It’s Child Protective Services!!
Kay
As a fellow BA in P and a soon to be BSN, it’s always bothering my that Psych is a Bachelors of ARTS?? WTF?? I took Stats and Probabibility for an art?? Hell no, it’s a science damn it. Does it bother you?
Kim H.
Sounds like all the cool girls are TWITTER-ing! I think I SO need to TWITTER.
Kim H.s last blog post..What’s a formal living for, anyway?
Rachael
I also cannot deal with the Karma. But I still can’t stop looking at Plurk. I like Twitter more, and your tweets, well, they are just great.
Rachaels last blog post..Saturday Share #2
Twitter: rachael1013
beautifulmess
I just followed you on twitter.
I Tweet & Plurk…Twitter is easier for me during the day and to mobile with…Plurk is fun to get on at night for me after the munch goes down to bed for the night. I don’t worry about the karma. The interaction with others is all I need.
beautifulmesss last blog post..puppy update
Mz. Nesbit
I have a ba in psychology too. are you doing anything with yours? cause mines just collectin the dust. ha ha.
to creep you out even more-my son’s name is braden too (but we call him brady).
lol
Mz. Nesbits last blog post..Stickin it to the little guy
ourcrookedtree
It’s like that damn Buzz Rating on Cre8Buzz! It sucks me in and now I haven’t seen hubs in days!
ourcrookedtrees last blog post..On Social Media~ What Does It All Mean
*pixie*
Hahaha! I saw a few of those gems when you tweeted them live. Too funny.
http://twitter.com/_pixie_
*pixie*s last blog post..nowhere to run to baby, nowhere to hide
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
Veronica,
Of course it misses you! Who would not miss you?
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
By the way, as I told someone earlier today in email, I am really bad at staying up with who to follow and such, being rather easily distracted and absent minded 97% of the time (the other 3% of the time, I’m asleep), but I do tend to make a point of following people who reply to (@) and DM me on Twitter. That way I know I’m following people who actually talk to me. I also tend to unfollow people I don’t know very well if they haven’t updated even once in about a month. But I don’t check on that very often, see above for why.
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Jerseygirl89
I am afraid of Twitter. I am afraid that once I sign up, I will never, ever get off the computer again. I can’t even keep up with my email, you know. But when I finally crack and give in to all that Twitters, know that I will follow you.
Jerseygirl89s last blog post..Haiku Friday – Search Terms Edition
Queen of Shake Shake
Plurk has a karma rating? Oh man, I’m glad I stayed away then.
Of course, it could be fun. Once a certain someone and I joined a playgroup message board that had a karma rating. We’d purposely screw other people’s rating. It was immature but fun.
Queen of Shake Shakes last blog post..To Write or Not To Write?
A Serious Attempt at Fun
In your view, is Twitter’s main purpose
a.) entertainment
b.) marketing
c.) communication w/ friends
c.) outlet for fart jokes?
A Serious Attempt at Funs last blog post..I Heart Bureaucracy
Tara R
yep, I love twitter and I am already following you
Tara Rs last blog post..How to Fake a Smile
Allie
Me love Twitter long time.
Allies last blog post..What Annoys Me…
tkkerouac
great blog and beautiful photography
tkkerouacs last blog post..MIDSUMMER’S NIGHT DREAM, HESS VILLAGE, KOI AND SIZZLE
Lisa@blessedwithgrace
Okay, I am out of town, at my parents. I don’t have access to my twurl and I can’t remember my twitter password. So, now I read you post and UGH!! Must…Twitter…Now….life….passing….by……h…e…l…p..!!!
Jessica (aka Rose from It's my life...)
Clearly I’m cool because I was following you before this post. But if I hadn’t been I’d totally be rushing over there right now.
Did you know you rock the funny?
Jessica (aka Rose from It’s my life…)s last blog post..Weekly Winners – Oh what to choose?
Rebecca
I can’t see my Plurk Karma on my laptop. I like it that way. Karma comes and Karma goes. I care not.
Rebeccas last blog post..Weekly Winners: July 20-July 26
Twitter: ramblingreba
heartache heartburn
I am following you on twitter as well. I’m a new blogger and twitterer, but I have been reading you for quite some time. I started a blog so I could give myself a little therapy and decided to stop lurking on the blogs I read as well. So here I am.
heartache heartburns last blog post..Glimpses of me
Colleen - Mommy Always Wins
I, too, am plagued by the “karma” thing on plurk, but twitter’s just too wonky for me. Plus it doesn’t auto update, which is a real pain. (And I’ve found it hard to keep track of multiple conversations.) Oh well – let’s just hope they don’t go thru some upgrade that loses half your contacts again anytime soon! Grrrr….
Twitter: mommy_wins
Phil
I’ve always felt like you and I are secretly best friends on Twitter, since we’re like the only two people who Twitter at midnight on a regular basis.
Phils last blog post..To borrow a favorite quote from Kathy Griffin: Michael Savage can suck it!
Leanne
I already follow you, but then you would maybe already know that.
PS Sometimes it’s hard to reply with coffee coming out of your nose. Yes, mentally I’m 12, I like fart jokes. Sometimes I laugh so hard I pee a little…kiddiing….maybe.
Leannes last blog post..Planning Ahead – Christmas in July
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
A Serious Attempt At Fun (Sue),
ALL of those!
Also d) Crack Rock
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
Jessica,
Oh, you are cool, but for reasons completely separate from the wackjob known as me.
<3
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
Phil,
AND we’re TOTALLY going to ride in one of those giant, inflated ball things together!
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
Leanne,
I love women who are mentally 12 year old boys! They’re my FAVORITE!
Also, there’s no “maybe” for me. I pee when I laugh. And cough. And think about pie.
Is that abnormal?
(Kegel Schmegel)
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Jack
I have successfully avoided getting stuck on Twitter. Got so many other time sucks it is a wonder I get anything done.
Jacks last blog post..What Not to Do-Snakebites
Chefdruck
Alright, this is it. Your post is what tipped me over the edge. I’m off to check out Twitter once and for all.
Chefdrucks last blog post..Solace