• I had a miscarriage when I was only fifteen years old. The guy I was so crazy in love with was probably only relieved with the news. I had thoughts of marrying him. It didn’t happen. I am glad now looking back that I didn’t spend the rest of my life with him but just this past week he passed away and I found myself reliving those memories. Vividly for the first time in a long time. I had shoved those memories far, far away. The sad thing is when you are only fifteen and pregnant and very scared of the future and having to tell your parents, you don’t really want the baby so much. But I discovered how heart wrenching it was to miscarry that baby. At home. In the bathroom. Alone. On the toilet. Yes. I took the baby in my hands and saw that he was a boy. A life lost. No one but me to mourn him. I only told the father that I had miscarried. I told one girlfriend. And no one else. Ever. I gave the baby a funeral. I buried him in a little box with a cross necklace that my boyfriend had given me. And I buried that memory too.

    April 27, 2010
  • xxx thinking of you.
    .-= Veronica´s last blog ..A journey =-.

    April 27, 2010
  • Thinking of you & sending peaceful thoughts~we never forget; we just have to keep going on. (((hugs)))

    .-= connie´s last blog ..Playing catch up~Our anniversary on 1/31/09 =-.

    April 27, 2010
  • Was that too much info above? You can delete it if you want.

    April 27, 2010
    • Never too much – you can share as much as you want to here, any time you feel moved to do so. I’ll only delete it if you really want me to.


      April 27, 2010
      • I just got to thinking that it might have been too much. It’s ok to leave it since you don’t mind. It felt very strange writing it out.

        April 28, 2010
  • Sending you much love and sending peaceful thoughts your way. Love you, Loter. xoxo
    .-= Sarah´s last blog ..Thursday Ten: The Happy EarthDay To You Edition =-.

    April 27, 2010
  • I am so sorry for your loss!!
    i lost a baby last year it is so hard to go through!!
    Will be praying for you!!

    April 27, 2010
  • I am so sorry. Holding you in my heart.

    April 27, 2010
  • xxxooo

    thinking of you, loving you.
    .-= Athena´s last blog ..seaside candids =-.

    April 28, 2010
  • Love you, Lotus. Always.
    .-= Mishi´s last blog ..You. are. of Love. =-.

    April 28, 2010
  • This was nice, Lotus.

    And as one of those other women, thank you.
    .-= Colleen – Mommy Always Wins´s last blog ..The job. =-.

    April 29, 2010
  • I’m very sorry for your loss and thank you for thinking other women. I’m one of them. It’s almost 8 yrs. ago and I still think about that baby and cry sometimes!
    .-= Ladynred´s last blog ..365/114-120 and weekly winners (April 25-May 01) =-.

    May 02, 2010
  • That was beautiful and I feel your pain. It’s so very hard to explain how it leaves us when we lose our babies.

    I wish I could release the pain, but I’m still not sure how.

    And Junebug, don’t feel ashamed of what you wrote. It’s traumatic and writing is sometimes the only way we can deal with it.
    .-= Meg @sleepynewmommy´s last blog ..This is NOT a Post About Abortion =-.

    May 02, 2010
  • Kat

    Hugs and love to you!
    .-= Kat´s last blog ..moments of you – footprints in the sand =-.

    May 02, 2010
  • So sorry for your loss. I recently lost my son when I was 19 weeks in May. Beautiful post!

    July 27, 2010

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