Best push up bra? Really?
- At August 12, 2008
- By Lotus, aka Sarcastic Mom
- In Blogging Stuff, Humor, letters, PR
54
Let me start out by saying that most of the time I really don’t mind getting PR emails. In fact, the large majority of the time, they are pleasant and interesting, and sometimes they are actually really great fun. I am able to, for example, pass on freebies to you guys over here, and/or get to try something out myself and offer a review. Because of these opportunities, I enjoy receiving PR pitches. But seriously, I’m still a person, and if you’re going to send these types of emails to bloggers, please figure out how to frame them. (Not sending out pure CRAP also helps.)
I received this email recently:
Hello, my name is [name withheld by Sarcastic Mom] and I am an internet marketing specialist. I was looking at websites under the keyword best push up bra and came across your website http://sarcasticmom.com. I see that you’re not ranked on the first page of Google for a best push up bra search.
I’m not sure if you’re aware of why you’re ranked this low but more importantly how easily correctable this is.
There’s no reason you can’t have a top three ranking for the keyword best push up bra based on your site structure and content. You have a very nice site.
You need significantly more one way anchor text backlinks. If you’re interested I can help you with this…
I’m talking about getting you ranked for ALL your keywords. Adding new backlinks on a steady and consistent basis from high PR quality websites is what produces the rankings you are looking for http://sarcasticmom.com.
The right kind of links are very critical in getting top ranking….and I can hand deliver these quality links to you.
My partners and I own 1000′s websites and offer private linking to hundreds of website owners just like yourself.
I didn’t send this email out to very many people but I am currently reaching out to a list of your ‘keyword competitors’ as well. But I do favor your website because I can see your website monetizing the targeted website traffic the keyword best push up bra can deliver.
I have your contact information and phone number. Is it ok if I give you a call?
I have a very simple way to prove that what I do works and it’s risk free for you to try. Nothing beats seeing the results with your own eyes
Is it ok if I give you a call? I would love to pursue this further over the phone with you or should I go somewhere else?
Sincerely,
[Name and Phone Number withheld by Sarcastic Mom]
Dear Asshat Internet Marketing Specialist,
I thought about just replying directly to you via email, but since you are such a faithful reader of my website, http://sarcasticmom.com, I thought I’d just post my response to you here. You won’t miss it, right? Besides, I feel the need to share this with others. Call me crazy.
First of all, I know that quite a few people come to my website via some type of “boob” keyword search. And really, that’s my fault for talking about glorious boobs all the time. I don’t care too much one way or another – I talk about what I feel like talking about, blahblahblah, etc. But I can assure you that I do NOT stay awake at night worrying about whether I am on the front page of Google results for “best push up bra.”
I mean, sometimes I can’t sleep because I don’t seem to be able to make it on the front page of Google results for “most awesome person in the universe,” and that one really DOES perplex me, for obvious reasons. I’ll even admit to being a little jealous that I don’t show up at the top of the results for “hot asian porn,” but that might have something to do with the fact that I’m not “hot” or “asian” and I don’t offer “porn” on this website.
Oh, yeah… I also don’t sell or own the “best push up bra.” Or even CARE what that might be. Do you think that has something to do with all that crap you mentioned about me not being on the top of the Google results for that keyword search? Call me stupid, but I think I may have stumbled upon something.
I have to admit that I wondered briefly if your whole email was just a passive aggressive insult aimed at The Rack. I mean, it looks nice when I photograph it well, but, let’s face it… Twin Beaver Tails over here. So, I’m wondering if you’re SUGGESTING that I might need to go LOOK at the search results for “best push up bra” and make purchases accordingly? If so, thanks for your concern, but also? Eff you.
Oh, and just for the record, using my freakin’ blog URL as my NAME? And then suggesting that you have my phone number and asking if it’s okay to call? That put your RIGHT on the list of Ultimate Assholes of The Universe.
Congratulations.
But I’m REALLY confused at why you don’t show up on the front page of results for that or for “asshats who should die.” Clearly, Google has made an error.
Sincerely,
http://sarcasticmom.com
PS: Anyone with a computer or a phone book can look up a phone number when they have someone’s full name. Only a *insert your favorite expletive* wouldn’t actually USE that person’s name when sending them correspondence. FYI.
54 comments
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Kateanon
Ha – I got something similar last week. Apparently we both talk about our boobs too much.
I’m not at the top of asian porn – but searches for uncensored, explicit and extreme porn all lead people to my blog. I’m so proud.
Kateanons last blog post..Random remarks
Satsuki Rebel
lol. “Asshats who should die.” Now that got a chuckle. Wonder if he’ll respond. I doubt it but I can’t help hoping he’ll try. The comments alone from that would make my day a little brighter.
Satsuki Rebels last blog post..So You Think You Can Dance
Stephanie
Clearly you need a best push up bra page to make the most of this traffic he’s talking about. Way to do your research folks.
Stephanies last blog post..I’m Going to BlogWorld?
Annie
lol…I almost hope they are a devoted reader, because I would *love* to see the response email to this. You are awesome!
Annies last blog post..Back!
kspin
You are my new hero. That was awesome. I really want some other idiot to send you something now…
kspins last blog post..Twists And Turns Of Fate
Suzanne
OMG! I’d say it possibly was some perv who wanted to offer to do a custom fitting for the best push up bra.
Asshat? More like Fucktard
Suzannes last blog post..Thanks to Mandy, a Monday MeMe
twingly25
Beautiful response to that prick. I hope they are as devoted a reader as they say, of course they may not be anymore! Oh well, so you lose one fucktard. We all still love you, and think you rock, we don’t care if you are not the top search for “best push up bra ever” !!! LMAO
flickrlovr
Wow. Seriously?!?
That was a little R.U.D.E.
Love your reply letter. Good work, http://sarcasticmom.com, good work.
Lilacspecs
Sometimes it’s nice not to be a “big name blogger”. Nary a troll or solicitation in sight for me.
Lilacspecss last blog post..Lokerse Feesten
Janine
What? You don’t sit up at night worrying that you’re not on the first page of results for best push up bra? What’s wrong with you?
Janines last blog post..D I Not
Sammanthia
Send them my way (she types as she looks down at her hopelessly flat 32A chest), I could use me a push-up/out bra.
Nice response… I think you managed to make your point. Then again, they sound like an asshat… so maybe not.
Sammanthias last blog post..Hasta La Vista, Linny
river
That was funny. I really like the way you put him down.
Rhi
Oh my goodness – and let me guess, this came from a gmail address with the subject line “Your Website”?
I get these at work all the time – because I am TOTALLY going to hire someone who solicits me via a non-company sponsored email address.
Also, I’m going to get to work on optimizing my site for Push Up Bra. Clearly it’s an untapped market.
Rhis last blog post..this post may or may not be full of lies
Veronica
Dude, I hate those emails.
But even better? I got spam in my mailbox today. My actual mailbox and it was real paper spam. I nearly died laughing at it. They didn’t even get my gender right!
Veronicas last blog post..Missing Things
Jacki
What a great comeback! I am now getting these kinds of PR emails and thought, great! Telemarketing has evolved into email-marketing! I guess that means I’ve arrived as a blogger.
I must say, however, I would love to have boobs to actually push up! My barely A’s are embarrasing.
Jackis last blog post..To the North
Shannon
If I’m not mistaken, I believe your ranking on the results for “best push-up bra” just when up dramatically.
Shannons last blog post..Embarrassed to say…
pgoodness
Ah, junk mail. I got one of those the other day in comment form on my site. Luckily, my spam filter caught it and I was able to clickity-click it into oblivion.
And on the subject of junk…my (recently deceased) dog got mail the other day and it freaked me right out. I happen to have a website with that name and they sent him mail! Freaky. But more freaky? Then someone called and asked for my dorkdog.com!
pgoodnesss last blog post..Getting Things Done Redux
Twitter: Pgoodness
Amie
That got my morning started off with a giggle and the strange urge to adjust my non-push up bra.
Amies last blog post..HIS NEW MOTTO:WALK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BIG STICK
Miss Britt
For future reference, I would totally be interested in the world’s Best Push Up Bra should you ever get offered one as a giveaway prize.
Miss Britts last blog post..One Year: the real reason I didn’t blog this earlier
Melizzard
Well your boobs went to Blogher without you and now look what’s happening… makes you wonder just what went on there huh?
Melizzards last blog post..Summer 2020
Fiesty Charlie
Good Grief Gal!!
Only on your blog would this happen!
Go get ‘em!
Fiesty Charlies last blog post..Houston Hates Me….
KimH.
“Asshat” – that’s the funniest word EVER. I’ve never heard it before – I’ve perhaps read it at your blog and not remembered,but damn, it’s funny. I’m so going to use it from here on out!
Your response was GENIUS!
KimH.s last blog post..Paint gone wrong….very, very wrong.
Sunshine
Classic!
You are MY top search for push up bras, good work!
MommyCosm
Well, you did answer the question of “should I go somewhere else?”. HA
Also, Asshat and Fuckstick are two of my favorite words.
I do believe that this PR person is beyond an Asshat and should really be considered a Fuckstick. Just saying.
MommyCosms last blog post..Grammar Police: it’s and its
Lou Lohman
Dear Dickhead. How DARE you insult Lotus’ RACK. Known everywhere as THE RACK! It IS THE RACK. Dumb shit. Lemme at him. I’ll murdalize ‘im. Creep. Jerk. Asshat.
Can I have a picture now?
Lou Lohmans last blog post..I’ve figured most of it out
Twitter: lceel
Katherine aka SOLO dot MOM
But I don’t understand – why wouldn’t you want to upgrade your ranking in the search browsers for best push up bra… ? now come on…..
But wait —- OMG why haven’t I gotten this email… does that mean —- my blog site —-isn’t showing up —at all!!!!! Oh heavens, NO!
LOL, this is great.
Katherine aka SOLO dot MOMs last blog post..A Weekend SAVED
Special K
Well damn I was hoping I finally was getting my boobs up off of the floor.
Damn.
Special Ks last blog post..Oh Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raging Dad
Amazing, how stupid some people can be. I like the passive aggressive way of making it clear that she’ll work for your “competition” in a heart beat.
Oh yeah, I laugh EVERY time I see someone write “asshat.”
Raging Dads last blog post..Do androids dream of Dora the Explorer?
Allie
Please do not put down The Rack. I will forgive you for the “twin beaver tails” comment (again), but let this be a warning.
Even my husband said The Rack is “bombastic”.
And Rory had his first “look” today, yeah, it was the Magnum.
Allies last blog post..Are You There God? It’s Me, Allie
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
Shannon,
Precisely why I put those specific words in the title.
Kind of like proof that I don’t need some asshat internet marketing specialist to help me add “new backlinks on a steady and consistent basis from high PR quality websites” if I want to be found on a page of search terms.
Amazing how easy it was to make that point, right?
Today, I’m on the FRONT PAGE of Google Results for that search.
Booyah.
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
Allie,
Ah woman, I’m falling in love with ya.
Braden used to do looks all the time when he was a wee nipper – check out his ‘Blue Steel”…
Photo of Braden: “More Blue Steel”
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Junebug
Complicated? to me…
Junebugs last blog post..Happy Birthday Daughter!
janelle
some peeps are just plain schtoooopid!
janelles last blog post..What Kind of Funeral Do You Want & PIF Giveaway
Kecia
You had me at “twin beaver tails”.
Kecias last blog post..Can you home school for college?
rachel
pardon me while I die laughing.
Ree
I can’t even come up with a comment that will do this justice.
Rees last blog post..Just Call Me Sister Hot
Half-Past Kissin' Time
Thank God! I thought this post was going to be about a push-up bra, which I do not wear (I think it’s unnatural when 45 year old women walk around with their boobs right under their chins.)
“or should I go somewhere else?” Um. Yeah. Go to hell.
Half-Past Kissin’ Times last blog post..Saving Face
Missives From Suburbia
“I have to admit that I wondered briefly if your whole email was just a passive aggressive insult aimed at The Rack. I mean, it looks nice when I photograph it well, but, let’s face it… Twin Beaver Tails over here. So, I’m wondering if you’re SUGGESTING that I might need to go LOOK at the search results for “best push up bra” and make purchases accordingly?”
Awesome.
Missives From Suburbias last blog post..It’s My Time
Cassandra Rae
I think it’s cool how you took a crappy nuisance of a spam email and turned it into a funny post!
Cassandra Raes last blog post..Funeral for a Flower {part 2}
Athena
I’m so jealous! My site doesn’t even register in a search for “best push up bra”.
scrambles off to fix that…. lol
Athenas last blog post..Green Life
MP
You mean your name isn’t Sarcastic?? Hmmm
MPs last blog post..The Wind In Your Vagina – Must Read Blog
Tracey
I love you http://www.sarcasticmom.com, I really really do. (tee hee)
Oh and if yours are beaver tails? I think I might as well jump off a bridge…
Traceys last blog post..A look back to the pre-mom days
Colleen - Mommy Always Wins
I’m with Miss Britt on the giveaway.
ohbytheway? You came up #1 in my search for ultimate assholes of the universe. Congrats!
Twitter: mommy_wins
MaryAnn
Twin beaver tails? Have mercy. I must remember to go tinkle BEFORE I read your posts.
Condo Blues
Sadly I’m not on Google’s front page for “best push up bra” either, could it be because I haven’t blogged about bras or what goes in them?
But if you’re Googling for “dog pee makes spots on lawn” I’m your girl! Most of my searches come from variations of dog pee and lawns. My dog is so proud.
Condo Bluess last blog post..Lighting the Olympic Torch
Krystal
Well, I guess we need to boost your Google standings now don’t we?
The nerve of some people! I swear!! But I love your response – thoughtful, invocative, insightful!
I say you should be reccommended for a Blogger’s Pulitzer!
Krystals last blog post..Boy, do I have a Survey for you!
Allyson
That is the best reply letter I have EVER read!!
Allysons last blog post..Just Savoring the Moments…
Angie
ROFL…
By the way, I did a google search; You are now on the first page. Um, err, congratulations??
Angies last blog post..Old letter written in 1891
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[...] them and the mirror; a favorite blogger of mine recently referred to her post-nursing breasts as Twin Beaver Tails, and I sympathize, chica. Me [...]
Betsey
I think this person was just suggesting a way for you get more RAM.
Just saying.
Betseys last blog post..Ousting Hobos From The Back Alley Party Zone
Jessica
I came here looking for the best push up bra
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