Braden and the $300 Torture Appointment.
- At May 6, 2008
- By Lotus, aka Sarcastic Mom
- In Poop/Farts
58
What do you do when your kid gets rashes all the time? When he has diarrhea and cries a lot? When he has a history of food issues/possible allergies/intolerances, and you’re ripping at your hair trying to pin them down?
What do you do when you’ve tried the trials and you came to one conclusion only to do a 180 and come to the opposite conclusion a few months later? And then you still weren’t sure if your brain was working right when things flip on you again?
What do you do when your child has splatter craps, then normal poop, then splatter craps again… and there was no real change in his diet to clue you in on WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?
What do you do when your kid gets such awful butt rashes that he cries and thrashes about, screaming with every diaper change when an active one is present? What do you do when almost everything you’ve tried in order to stop this has failed?
Seriously. What do you do when you feel like a big, huge, stressed out FAILURE because you can’t properly and safely do one of the cornerstones of good parenting: providing a nutritious and healthy diet that doesn’t make your child ILL?
Answer: You jam a big, fat needle in the brat’s arm.
Serves him right for messing with your emotions, damnit!
Really. We didn’t want to do it. We were LOATHE to do it, in fact. That’s why we tried doing the trials at home. The idea of paying $300 so that we could pin our baby down and stick a needle in his arm for long enough to draw a vial of blood was right up there with eating a turd sandwich. Or threading barbed wire through my intestines manually.
But there’s a new $300 medical bill on its way to us right now.
And we’re happy.
Because ahead of that bill, we have the results. Braden has NO allergies. That means no more worrying about every little thing he wants to eat, no more trying to find breads and other foods that he will actually eat (this ”picky” phase SUCKS) that contain no milk, wheat, or eggs.
We cut out lactose and that stopped the rashes. We reduced his liquid intake (and he wasn’t even drinking juice - apparently excess liquid of any kind can add to that whole “Toddler Diarrhea” thing), and the poops are taking form again.
At lunch today, Braden had wheat bread with peanut butter on it. And his satisfied munching sounds did my heart good.
So, you know, next time you’re stressed out, just jam a sharp object into someone’s arm. Worked for us! 
58 comments
Leave a comment
Show Sponsors
The Awesome
Jill S.
Oh man have I been there, times three. Glad the poops are good again.
Jill S.’s last blog post..The Trouble With Paradise
nottryingforaboy
Reading your post, I was thinking food allergies the whole time. From the rashes, the runs, he sounded just like TheYoungest. We’ve been through the testing and are going again next week (for a voluntary study- yup, I”m letting them stick all 5 of us for fun.)
I’m so glad that you don’t have to deal with allergies. And that he’s going back to normal.
nottryingforaboy’s last blog post..My bloggy giveaway scores!
Rebecca
I’m glad he doesn’t have allergies. I know that must be a BIG relief. Peanut butter on wheat bread. YUM!
Rebecca’s last blog post..I’ve moved!
Kris
See, when I’m stressed out I usually stick my foot up the male in the house’s rear end. Of course that only works when they’re marginally older than Braden. But it’s still reserved for those with the defective y chromosome. ;D
Kris’s last blog post..Trying to stick it in backwards and upside down
Colleen
Good to hear he’s got no allergies. Doesn’t mean you found the source of his rashes though, does it? Best of luck…
Colleen’s last blog post..Tackling that darned pantry!
Paloma
It is always a great day when I can read about splatter poops.
Thank you.
Paloma’s last blog post..You Wanna Piece Of Me?
Ree
And when I’m stressed, I usually curl up into the fetal position and cry. Wonder whose arm I can use?
Ree’s last blog post..Damn. How did that happen?
rachel
Too cute.
Now see, we jammed needles in their arms and they just got mad at us :-0
Seriously, I am so thrilled for y’all. Yippeee for good news about precious Braden.
Yummy peanut butter sandwiches.
rachel’s last blog post..Mommy’s Graduation Day
lceel
I am so glad it is going to prove to be so simple. Would that it would work out that way for everyone. It doesn’t and you’re lucky. Very lucky. And I am so glad for Braden.
lceel’s last blog post..Okay, now I’m gonna say PLEASE.
Twitter: lceel
Hydes Like Us
Hooray!! That’s excellent news for you and Braden. Many a happy peanut butter sandwich I’m sure will follow
Hydes
Hydes Like Us’s last blog post..Lady Madonna Part I
A Whole Lot of Nothing
As if you didn’t have enough going on… At least you have answers!
A Whole Lot of Nothing’s last blog post..Good Advice When Digging for Black Gold
Connie
Sorry that Braden had to endure that but glad that you now, at least, have the answers you need. I was 1/2-way expecting to see poop pics when I began reading this, lol
Connie’s last blog post..THREE @ 4:09 PM
witchypoo
I bet Braden is thrilled that he has the constitution to recreate “The Poop Stands Alone”
witchypoo’s last blog post..Sleazy Collection Agency
In the Trenches of Mommyhood
So funny you say that….we have an appt. on Thurs. for Eldest at the allergist. He will be stuck MANY times with needles so we can figure out what the hell to do about these seasonal allergies and the fact that nothing we’ve tried (Allegra, Zyrtec, Claritin, Benedryl) has worked!
My poor buddy.
In the Trenches of Mommyhood’s last blog post..No Words Needed For This One
Tootsie Farklepants
We had similar explosive rash inducing issues with our first born. I think it was the excessive NutriGrain bar consumption. It stopped once we cut back. Seriously. It was like sand in his diaper. Poor kid.
Tootsie Farklepants’s last blog post..It All Started Innocently With an ATM
Madness
I ding dang near pissed my PANTS when I read
“You jam a big, fat needle in the brat’s arm”! Ohhh priceless. And for those of you hoity toity types that *gasped in horror* at a mother saying such a thing… get. a. life.
I am SO pleased to hear that youre finding your way with all of that. *sigh of relief*
Madness’s last blog post..Indiana Presidential Primary today ..
SherE1
Poor baby – glad you were able to figure out what was causing his uncomfortableness.
SherE1′s last blog post..Smoke On!
MP
I want peanut butter and wheat bread!!
I wish we had a tricorder..was that it? The one that you scan a person and it gives you a diagnosis.. I’m such a Trekie wannabe
MP’s last blog post..Summer Lovin
justmylife
Glad you got good news. Peanut butter and kids go together!
justmylife’s last blog post..Thank the Lord it’s Monday!
tommie
what is a little poke now that you have some peace of mind!
tommie’s last blog post..Manic Monday and some butterflies (day 12)
Robyn
I understand some of your frusteration. Jeremy has the runs constantly, and what we not so fondly call hamburger butt…we have tried every cream possible without positive results…the only time he has no rash is when he has no runs…which hasn’t been often…he is on 1/4 strength formula at the moment…he seems to be better then, but we can’t get him to drink soy or anything without milk in it….since he had it till he was a year without problem….I am quite frusterated….plus his diaper bill is hideous…
and we are also pretty sure he isn’t allergic to anything….
BTW…how are you doing with things otherwise???
Jennifer
What great news that he is allergy free! Solid poops are the best!
Jennifer’s last blog post..Study Confirms, Early Bedtime Makes Mother Less Crazy
Sadie
I’m so glad you finally have some answers!! That makes all the difference! A full tummy and rash-less butt definitely helps!!
Sadie’s last blog post..The cake lady needs help…
Twitter: sadiecass
Krissy
Yep, been there done that. Except my toddler went through the allergy test that required them to scratch allergies down her back. Now that was worth it! The benedryl after knocked her flat on her ass and I got to read a whole book.
I don’t think I felt guilt either. Wow, I’m a turd myself.
Krissy’s last blog post..10minutes!
Talina
Awe, poor little guy! I am glad things are improving now.
Splatter poo is never a fun thing.
Talina’s last blog post..The job search continues… Evansville, IN?
Twitter: TalinaN
Holly
That sounds awful! We do lactose-free too.
Holly’s last blog post..I am soooo lucky to be broke
A Jill of All Trades
Or let him run nakey for a while??
Aidan still has the splatter craps from time-to-time; this morning there were apple chunks in it from his oatmeal…mmmm!!
He’s been having them lately and it’s because of teething. We just constantly keep A&D on him….that routine has worked best so far and rashes have decreased dramatically!
A Jill of All Trades’s last blog post..I’m not looking for Jesus, thanks.
Beth_C
Sounds like $300 well spent!
Beth_C’s last blog post..I love my poor tired husband.
Kat
Hey! That’s cool. My 2 cents – we’ve done allergy testing with nutritionists and naturopathic doctors, no needles needed – and they can most often find things that would not show up in a blood test. If there are continual rashes, or in our case continual vomiting and sleep issues, there is something going on, something that none of our traditional medical docs could find. If the rash thing doesn’t get better, try a naturopath!
Veronica
Sucks that it had to come to the blood test, BUT WOO! for him not being allergic to anything!
Veronica’s last blog post..Alien Abductions?
Mad Squirrel
glad there is no food allergies, they stink….trust me! We have poops issues but we got the other way. Hope all is better now for you!
Mad Squirrel’s last blog post..Web Surfing & Ten on Tuesday
Beck
Poor lil’ man. And we’ve been there with The Baby.
Beck’s last blog post..The Girl at Nine
irunwithscissors
ha, well Im glad you were able to figure that out!
irunwithscissors’s last blog post..Ok, I need some help here….
Barb @ getupandplay
Hooray! What great news!
Barb @ getupandplay’s last blog post..In-church entertainment
TEOM
I think Braden would trade the single shot for a childhood filled with peanut butter sandwiches.
Karen
First, I can’t really imagine the torture of having to put your child through that. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have done that, or that I wouldn’t have done that – but oh, the heart-wrenching torture of such a simple procedure… ’cause you just know the kid is going to SCREAM!
Second, I am so happy to hear that he doesn’t have any allergies! How fantastic! My kids have been pretty well blessed so far with no allergies also… *knock on wood* I think my kids would die with no peanut butter sandwiches!
$300 is definitely worth some peace of mind.
Karen’s last blog post..Bubble Umbrella, Anyone?
Jenny from Mommin' It Up!
That sounds awful and wonderful at the same time. I can’t wait until I get to the point in my life where I don’t have to worry about the size, shape, frequency, and consistency of my kids’ poops!!!
Jenny from Mommin’ It Up!’s last blog post..My BFF Has a Blog!
Twitter: jennyitup
Kelley
I am so glad for you babe. I keep trying to get the balls to do this test. But the fact that it took 4 nurses and my husband and I to hold him down for his last blood test at TWO YEARS OLD. I am a little freaking terrified at the thought….
But life would be so much easier if he could Just. Eat. Bread. I can just see the look on both of your faces while he ate that sandwich. Relief. And bliss.
Cause pb sandwiches rock.
Kelley’s last blog post..My baby is at camp.
Mrs. Schmitty
Juice will definitely do that. It used to make a mess of my R. I’m so glad it isn’t food allergies…that could have been rough!
Mrs. Schmitty’s last blog post..Random Conversations
Jenski
That’ll teach him!
I am glad that all your pain and suffering, through the literal crap and watching Braden go through the stabbing, all paid off. Yay for PB&J!
Jenski’s last blog post..Oh, man.
Stephaine
UGH…been there done that!
Glad it is over and you can move forward and not have to wonder anymore!
Eve
I’m glad things are looking up for all of you. Poops and rashes seem to go together and neither is any fun!
Eve’s last blog post..Tuesday Afternoon
Hockeyman
Toddler ass troubles SUCK. Nothing else to say about it.
Hockeyman’s last blog post..2 for Tuesday part 2
Cassey
So glad for you that it wasn’t allergies. That would be rough on you. Nothing is easier than a pb&j and kids gooble it up.
Cassey’s last blog post..Why Party When You Can Watch Others Party?
the planet of janet
had (have) a kid with food allergies. it sucks. glad it’s not in braden’s world anymore.
the planet of janet’s last blog post..Merry birthday to him and happy craziness to you all
Twitter: planetofjanet
river
Good old-fashioned vaseline (petroleum jelly) is great for waterproofing baby butts. Spread a nice thick layer over the entire nappy (diaper) area at each nappy change. It helps a lot if poops don’t make actual skin contact. Great on the no allergies.
Marylin
Woohoo! So glad Braden’s got the all clear for allergies
Marylin’s last blog post..New Beds for All!
frogpondsrock
Phew..
frogpondsrock’s last blog post..Let’s talk about sex..
HappyCampers
Glad you guys got the test done & the allergy issue is answered.
Reese used to have rashes any time he pooped in a diaper. I started using diaper cream if he had a rash, & when it cleared, I smothered his butt with vaseline to try & make a barrier. Seemed to work pretty well.
Best of luck!
HappyCampers’s last blog post..Yay! An Update!
Taz
eeek to needles..
but YAY to braden not having any allergies..
and to him enjoying his sandwiches..
how are ya hun?
been thinking of ya…
Taz’s last blog post..28 Weeks Old..
mah-meee
oh man, that sucks. i know that i’ll have to go through that with my second one. this baby seems real sensitive to everything.
but hooray that braden is not allergic to anything! he can have peanut butter! YAY!
mah-meee’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
imaginary binky
No allergies? YAY! But, so, um… is everything answered and fixed for realz? It seems to crazy to think that less liquid and no dairy will cure the ails. I remember all too well all of Braden’s early issues. I hope it’s fixed now.
imaginary binky’s last blog post..Suri likes the ladybugs
imaginary binky
too, as well. And then.
imaginary binky’s last blog post..Suri likes the ladybugs
stephanie
Here’s me reading your post:
What do you do…? I don’t know..what do you do??? No, really, tell me. I’m stumped here. WHAT do you do?
You do WHAT? Wow. Didn’t see that coming. No allergies? Really? Sweet. That is totally worth big needle torture. (and i HATE needles.)
Shannymar
I’m glad it worked out so well, I mean aside from the whole needle in his arm thing!
Laura McIntyre
Glad to hear there are no allergies, the needle in arm will of been worth it i imagine
Laura McIntyre’s last blog post..La La La
ourcrookedtree
We did the allergy tests with Littel Man. He just hit two so they did the 32 pocky things in his back thing. He did better than I did. Not allergic to a thing; he seemed to grow out of his symptoms. Good Luck!
» 19 Months
[...] the health front, we finally gave in and ordered an allergy test for you. We’ve avoided it previously because of the sticking you with needles thing, and [...]