Thanks to Sarah for introducing me to the phrase, “approximately a shitload.”  It comes in handy on a regular basis, man.

So, I have this problem with Memes.  The problem?  I’m a lazy a**hole and I keep putting them off until they bury me under what seems like a Meme Mountain… and that just makes me pretend they’re not there even more.  Recently, Jess shared with me the time she almost OD’d on Memes, and I can totally relate, what with having a nice collection of them saved as drafts right now myself.

Well, today’s the day to clean out the Meme Drawer, folks.

 (If you’re saying to yourself, “What the hell is a meme?” don’t worry.  You’re normal, and I salute you.  In fact, I kind of envy you.)

Oh, and if I tag you for a meme you’ve already done, please forgive me for overlooking it, and make sure you just mail me a bag of dog poo to get back at me.  I find that always works for me when someone is a jerk.

 Looking Back Five Times Meme

Tagged by: Andie and Lightening

*** INSTRUCTIONS: ***
1. Post 5 links to 5 of your previously written posts. The posts have to relate to the 5 key words given below.
2. Tag 5 other friends to do this meme. Try to tag at least 2 new acquaintances (if not, your current blog buddies will do) so that you get to know them each a little bit better.
3. Don’t forget to read the archived posts and leave comments.
************************

Link 1 FAMILY: Dads Rule and 14 Months
Link 2 FRIEND: I suck.  I don’t write about friends.  Go see this good one: Sarah Porter
Link 3 YOURSELF: I’m a stupid dork. and Meme-ity Meme Meme Meme
Link 4 YOUR LOVE: The Best Gig and The Boys Are Back In Town
Link 5 ANYTHING YOU LIKE : Scatastrophe and It’s Hereditary

Yes, I broke the rules.  That is more than 5 links.  I am just such a rebel.

I’m tagging: Sarah, Dawn, and Veronica.

*

Chain Letter Meme

Tagged by: Rhonda

1. How long have you been blogging?

I did half-assed blogging for a long time on Myspace, starting back in 2005.  In July of 2007, I started blogging more seriously (still on Myspace).  Pretty quickly, I got SICK TO DEATH of Myspace and started thinking about moving somewhere else.  I watched Veronica move from Myspace to Blogger and decided I’d follow her lead.  I started my “Blogspot” site in mid-September 07, and by early December I was fed-up with Blogger, and moved to Wordpress.

I am SO much happier self hosting.  It’s like moving out of a crappy, little dorm into a mansion, yo.

Come sit in my hot tub with me.

2. What inspired you to start a blog and who are your mentors?

As far as life is involved, the existence of my son, Braden, is my greatest inspiration and best topic.  I used to post updates on his development in utero which alerted everyone to interesting things like what fruit Braden was currently most likely to resemble.

As far as other writers, I was almost instantly inspired by Dooce.  You know, I had no idea that there were so many people with such STRONG opinions about Heather Armstrong.  I just know this:  One day I was searching on tips for traveling with an infant.  I ran across Dooce.com.  I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF.  I clicked to something else.  I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF.  I clicked to something else.  I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF.  Get the pattern?  I also went, “Oh, I didn’t know that!” and “Wow, that is insane.” and “Hm, really?  Totally interesting” and “Holy shiznite! That’s cool, I want one of those!”  and “Awwwwww.”  All of those things = I love Dooce.  I laugh, learn, and relate.  It’s worth my time, and it made me want to write again.

And you guys.  You all inspire me, all the time.  Seriously.

3. Are you trying to make money online, or just doing it for fun?

Both.  Just like when I work the corner.

4. What 3 things do you love about being online?

Zombie Porn.

Online Midget Dating Services.

Hitting the Blog Crackpipe.

5. What 3 things do you struggle with online?

Zombie Porn.

Online Midget Dating Services.

Hitting the Blog Crackpipe.

I’m tagging: Bill, Kim, Sandy, and Marylin

*

Guest Relations Informational Request Meme

Tagged by: Ann Michele

First, name the top 5 reasons that if you ran into someone from high school they would totally recognize you.

I’m still:

Short, Curvy, Obnoxious, Stupid-Acting, and Dorky.

Second, name the top 5 reasons if you ran into someone from high school they would totally NOT recognize you.

They would totally recognize me.  They would just pretend they didn’t… they’d be concocting the top five ways to avoid me.  Because I’m obnoxious and dorky.

Third, name the top 5 reasons why you would NOT want them to recognize you.

They’ve already had to suffer enough by having to go to school with me for years.  Let them live their lives in peace now.

Fourth, name the top 5 people you would not mind randomly running into from high school someday, and of course why.

Greer – because I suck balls at keeping in touch with people and I need to tell her I’m sorry.  And hug her and her babies a lot.

Neil – because randomly is the only appropriate way to run into your ex, duh.

Mr. Tyer – Just so I can LAUGH.  That man was insane.

The goats that lived by our high school.  I miss them.

Your Mom – cuz all the high school kids know yer mom, dude.

And lastly, your favorite memory of that person.

Greer – standing on tables and singing about cooperation.

Neil – Golf cart.  I really can’t say much more.

Mr. Tyer – coming back from the principal’s office and informing him in front of the class that HE needed to go talk to the principal.

The goats – the times they broke out of their confinement and ran amuck.

Your Mom – there were so many times with your mom, it’s hard to pick just one….

I’m tagging: Tiffany, Julie, and Mishi

*

Name Game Meme

Tagged by: Sandy

Using the first letter of your name, answer these questions.  They have to be real answers, nothing made up, and you can’t use your own name as an answer.

1. Famous singer: Louie Armstrong.

2. Four letter word: Lame.

3. Street: Loserville Ave.

4. Color: Lilac.

5. Gifts/presents: Lovin’.

6. Vehicle: Why can’t I use my name as an answer?  There’s a car by that name.

7. Things in a souvenir shop: Lemon-scented G-strings?

8. Boy name: Lucifer.

9. Girl name: Lucy.

10. Movie title: Liar.

11. Drink: Lemonade. 

12. Occupation: Lightbulb Quality Control Engineer.

13. Celebrity: Liberaci.

14. Magazine: Life.

15. U.S. city: Los Angeles.

16. Pro sports: Lacrosse?  Is that pro?  *sigh* Lasketball?

17. Fruit: Lapple.

18. Reason for being late for work: Lovin’.

19. Something you throw away: Loaded Diapers.

20. Something you shout: Look where you’re driving, you assbag!  – What?

I’m tagging: Tasina, Junebug, and Amanda

*

Questions About Your Week Meme

Tagged by: Angie

1. What did you accomplish?

I was worried that I’d go through all of 2007 without throwing up once.  I managed to fix that problem by giving myself food poisening Wednesday night, and spent Thursday enjoying the best day in recent memory.

I also finally had blood drawn to check up on my thyroid problem.  Still awaiting results.

2. Did anything not go as expected?

Yes, John saw the picture of my crotch bow on the computer as I was editing my post, before I was able to wear it for him.  I got all pissy about it, and did not actually wear it.  See, I’m a b*tch.

3. What was the highlight of your week?

Watching Braden enjoy Christmas was definitely the highlight.

Oh, and the cockroach that ran out from under his stocking in the afternoon and crawled right onto his foot.  That was AWESOME.

4. Did anything exciting happen you did not expect?

I have finally begun to admit and really talk about the severe mood problems I experience.  Maybe I can actually start being happy again soon.  And I won’t even have to kill anyone with my bare hands!

I’m tagging: 2shews, Siobhan, and Don Mills Diva

*

Your Month Meme

Tagged by: Christine

1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
2. Copy-paste the traits for all the twelve months (see below).
3. Pick your month of birth (see below).
4. Highlight the traits that apply to you.
5. Tag 12 people and let them know by visiting their blogs and leaving a comment for them.
6. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve done it!

My birthday is October 27, 1976.  Mark your calendars and start ordering gifts for next year now.

OCTOBER:

Loves to chat. If you see me, run.

Loves those who loves them.  No.  I love those who PAY me.

Loves to take things at the center.(WTF?) 

Inner and physical beauty. My lungs and spleen are GORGEOUS – this is both inner AND physical.

Lies but doesn’t pretend. I don’t lie or pretend.  That stuff is complicated, and I’m just too lazy, really.

Gets angry often.  “Please don’t make me angry… You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”

Treats friends importantly.  No. Only if they PAY me.

Always making friends.  No.  People are so damn cheap.

Easily hurt but recovers easily.  Due to being a hag, but one with a poor memory.

Daydreamer.  What were we talking about?

Opinionated. Whatever I believe in today is right.  Tomorrow, if it changes, that will be right, too.

Does not care of what others think.  (Except you, of course.  I care what YOU think.)

Emotional.  *too busy crying to think of something to write here*

Decisive.  Well, only if you mean decisive about constantly changing my mind.

Strong clairvoyance.  I see the future.  But only on Tuesdays after having bologna with a guy named Ted, on a red boat.  See, not strong, just mild.

Loves to travel, the arts and literature.  I can’t highlight this, because it’s way, way too broad.

Touchy and easily jealous.  I can’t even make a joke about this.  It’s just true.

Concerned.  Ahhh, I’m a ball of mush when it comes down to it.

Loves outdoors.  I loves me some Nature.

Just and fair.  Yes.  I am always fair in giving myself the winning outcome and upper hand.

Spendthrift.  No. I suck at money stuff.

Easily influenced.  *nods* I totally agree with you.  In fact, will you move in with me?

Easily loses confidence.  It’s true.  I suck.  I am the worst, lamest, loseriest losing loser. Wait, is this a trick?

Loves children.  My heart and uterus have been given the greatest gift.  I finally have a child.

I’m tagging: Melisa, ‘cuz I’m the mommy, that’s why!, Lisa Milton, A Jill of All Trades, Smiler, Janet, Kara, Jenty, Jamie, Jill, Maggie, and MP

All Months:

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Hoopla MEME

Tagged by: Jientje and Eve

Rules:

1. List 12 random things about yourself that have to do with Christmas

2. Please refer to it as a ‘hoopla’ and not the dreaded ‘m’-word.

3. You have to specifically tag people when you’re done. None of this “if you’re reading this, consider yourself tagged” stuff is allowed…then nobody ends up actually doing it. The number of people who you tag is really up to you — but the more, the merrier to get this ‘hoopla’ circulating through the Blog-o-sphere.

4. Please try and do it as quickly as possible. The Christmas season will be over before we know it.

First of all? This is nuts.  Okay, here goes:

1. Every year, my mom made a special bread and these awesome cookies.  This year I made the bread and the cookies for the first time.  We’re planning on making it a tradition.

2. I haven’t been excited about Christmas in many years – until this year.  I think having a little kid brings back all the magic.

3. Last year on Christmas Braden had just switched from breastmilk to Nutramigen and stopped crying ALL THE TIME.

4. My parents put a piece of coal in our stockings every single year.  I keep expecting my dad to mail me one now.

5. Christmas is one of the times when I really wish my sister didn’t live so far away, and even NC seems too far from TN for my parents to live.

6. I would really like to have a white Christmas, but it has been so many years since I’ve seen one.

7. 12 things?  REALLY?

8. This year is the first time I’ve ever put a bow on my crotch for any reason.

9. Christmas lights make my soul VERY HAPPY.  I ADORE them.

10. I get really excited about having a Christmas tree every year.  I love the way it looks and smells.  I can’t get into fake trees.  I can find absolutely no joy in them.

11. Giving presents is more fun than getting them. 12. <Look.  That’s a number “12.”

13. And now I qualify for Thursday Thirteen.  HAHA!  “Sneaky, sneaky, sir.”

I’m tagging: Me. Oh, look! I already did it!  Well, that takes care of that!