wonder and light

it’s in every wide-eyed stare
that seems to light up
his whole face

while softening mine

it’s in the way he views lights
sweetly breathing the word,
“wowwwwwww”

my heart stops for a moment

it’s in the excited, rising
pitch in his voice as he says
“Santa” and “Cwissmas”

that puts a twinkle in my eyes

it’s in his sincere concern
when he asks me with
worry stitched across his face
“Am naughty, Santa bwing no pwesents?”

i have to stifle a laugh

it’s in the mirth with which he replies
“That’s wight! If I good, Santa bwings
pwesents! on CWISSMASSSS!”
when i remind him there’s still
hope

i love him no matter how naughty he is

it’s in the way i can feel the joy
as he does because he
reminds me how to

i have a reason to let go and smile

he runs the years back
on my rusty clock
just by being himself

the ultimate gift in life

he is wonder and light
and i am grateful.

it’s ok to get wet. really.

it is funny how
people look at you oddly
standing in the rain

if you don’t hurry
because you’re just enjoying
the water falling.

if you do not have
a worried look on your face
or an umbrella

they will slow down and
stare at you as if to say,
“what is wrong with you?”

i just smile back and
step in another puddle
as they hurry on.

mud squishes between
my wet toes and the edges of
my mouth lift right up.

i’ll pick another
glistening flower and my
jeans will get darker.

eventually
soggy footprints lead a path
back to my doorstep.

people will still drive
by, dry, inside their warm cars.
my smile is warmer.

Stripes at my back, my heart on my sleeve.

Today’s Photohunt Theme: “Stripes”

my favorite stripes in a warm time
run up behind me in a line
I lay back and close my eyes
the time of solace and rest flies

quite soon I hear the little feet
marking out a quick-paced beat
a giggling is drawing near
the favorite sound my ears could hear

my eyes open and see his face
filling up my eye-view space
he’s grinning, asking to join me
I reach out, pull him up quickly

now a different kind of peace unfolds
of tickling, laughter, hugs and holds
and just as rest can make me whole
this connection refuels my soul.

Excuses just for the hell of it.

Well, I’ll be damned.  There was no Haiku Friday post here today.  I have to admit that I was planning on writing one on Thursday night, but then I got completely sidetracked by this post and then totally shit-kicked (in a good way) by this one.  Both are thought-provoking, exceptionally good reads, both in body and comments.

So, basically, you can blame Loralee and Catherine for my lack of Haiku Friday post.  (Because I know you were just sobbing and clawing at your face today because your life felt empty when you realized there was no Sarcastic Mom Haiku Friday post.)

Oh, and today (Friday) we actually exercised (OH, HELL. ALERT THE NEWS).  We hit the Brentwood YMCA (love that facility) and Braden had a super fab time in the nursery with other kiddos his age while John and I sweated like fat pigs on the treadmills.

I checked out the pools and the smell was so wonderful.  Yes, I know that sounds weird.  I used to swim a lot, and haven’t done it seriously in a long time.  Guess what I’m planning on taking up again immediately?  Momma’s gonna build her Aqua Lungs again.  Watch out.

And even on a kind of gloomy, off-and-on-again rainy day?  We found joy.  Braden got to paint for the first time ever.  I promise to show you more on that topic soon.  Cute as hell, I tell you.

I did post another article over at Examiner on Thursday night – it’s about Earth Hour.  Do you know about that?  If you don’t, check it out, and make plans in your area.

And if you’re having a hard time thinking of things to do in the dark for an hour, boy have I got some suggestions for you.

Peace out.

A new day, a new gig, a happier me.

Things are looking up; my mood is lightening a little more each day, and the sunshine and warmth that’s been poking around these parts lately has had more than a little to do with that. For a stretch of days last week and the beginning of this week, it has been sunny and in the 70s, and that is RIGHT up my alley. I’ve had the opportunity to prepare garden beds and plant flowers. The physical work, time outside, and thoughts of beautiful gladioli, dahlias, cosmos, and yarrow bursting open some time in the future all swirl together to make my step a bit more sprightly.

When I haven’t been playing in the dirt, John and I have taken Braden here and there to various parks and playgrounds around our area. I have really missed doing that, and so has Braden. It’s not that you can’t do that kind of stuff when it’s cold – that’s what jackets and hats are for, after all – but my kiddo happens to have a serious HATE relationship with his face getting cold.

And I wasn’t too keen on seeing how he’d feel about a ski mask, so yeah.

But for days recently, we’ve been riding down slides and pumping our legs on the swings, and I’ll be damned if that doesn’t make me a gagillion times more giddy than a glass of red wine.

I do not forsake thee, red wine. I just place you aside for a short time. We shall join again, I promise thee.

Monday night, I was able to hang out with some lovely blogging ladies at the UBP IRL in Nashville, snarf some red wine and cheese, and have my husband and kiddo not far away from me. That was pretty freakin’ nice, too.

And I’ve just started a new writing gig, to which I was referred by the always lovely Sarah (Imaginary Binky).

It’s helping me find my “big girl” journalistic voice, which is kind of cool, in a challenging and frustrating way (can you say, “Lotus has to learn how to get a point across without droning on and on and on for eons?). Yeah, you could say I’m not the Queen of Brevity. And then you could say it again, scream it, and finish by stamping it on my forehead.

So I’ve been setting things up and writing my very first articles as Nashville Parenting Examiner. I’ll be writing a lot of locally flavored items, as well as many general parenting pieces. I’m planning on writing about events and activities that will be of interest to people in this area, and also publish a regular spattering of opinion pieces that anyone can get their head into. In addition, I’ll be hosting giveaways there, and giving general information that is helpful for all parents.

On top of all that, I’m planning on spotlighting Parent Bloggers I know and love (could this be you?) that I’ve built relationships with during my time on this website. Groovy, right? I think so. I’ll be counting on page views and subscriptions to keep me afloat, so anyone subscribing, visiting, and commenting? Will make my day.

The RSS feed is http://www.examiner.com/RSS-6205-Nashville-Parenting-Examiner

The related Twitter account is nashvilleparent

So, warmth, sun, fun, productivity, accomplishments… laughter, mirth, time with family… I’m seeing good things. It’s feeling pretty good.

Why, I’ve been so inspired by happiness lately that I even shaved my legs for the first time in over a month, trimmed the ole’ 70s bush and frolicked in the sheets with my husband. And while you may think, “UH 1) TMI and 2) So?” it’s a big deal here, considering that the last time that happened we conceived a baby. Yeah. Read the archives a little and do the math. You’ll see that it’s been an awfully evil long time.

Psychologically crippling fears resist logic and desire and can put you in places you don’t want to be for even a second. And then they keep you there for indefinite amounts of time. You even start feeling that the pain that’s being caused you and your most beloved is all your fault; you should just wake up, break out, get better, damnit.

It just can’t be forced.  Something’s gotta give, one way or another.

It’s giving. Finally, it is caving in and crumbling away.  Bit by bit.

And as it falls off of my shoulders, I’m feeling that shine again, the one that comes from inside. Not the same shine as before, from the same girl as before, but that’s okay.

Every day of this adult life, I’m learning. I’m always in process; this is a journey. The waiting for the completion of who I am and where I’m going is pointless.  I am ever changing.  It is time I accept that and who I am right now, ready to welcome the next change, whatever the moments that pass may hold.

Just be, right?

I’m workin’ on it.

It’s for me, even if I don’t know why.

Feeling pretty peaceful today. I watched a creeped out movie last night by myself (Dead Silence) which is something I like to do (watch creeped out movies, not by myself, particularly). Somehow, I made it through the night. Usually, I end up imagining only 5 less than 1,074 ways I’m going to die the night after I watch something like that alone. Seriously, don’t watch crap like The Ring or The Grudge by yourself. Or be by yourself ever again after you watch them. (Kids in the house don’t count, they’re worthless during a ghost or demon attack.)

I digress. The main point being pushed aside by my blathering is that I slept really well last night. My fingers never touched my keyboard after 9:30pm – a rarity. Woke up this morning and listened to Braden playing in his room (in his crib) until he sounded the cranky “Come Get Me NOW” alarm. Then I stripped him of PJs and we went downstairs for breakfast. Some days I just let him run around while he eats instead of sitting at the table. I know, bad eating habits and all that (blah blah blah bahl). It’s the exception rather than the norm, so I don’t buy that bunk.

He’s been running around naked, laughing his little dimples into a frenzy over Teletubbies, and shoving banana chunks, wheat chex, and rice milk down his little throat. He ran over to the television screen a while ago, pointed (so close he was touching it) and said, “weeeeehhhhdddd!!!” He was right. It was completely red, with the red Teletubby standing in the middle of it. He’s been showing an intense interest in letters, numbers, shapes, and colors lately. I don’t push it, but I answer all his questions. And I kind of stand back, observing his brilliance, then reinforcing his enthusiasm. It amazes me, makes me proud. Of course, I’m also proud every time he announces, “aaahhhrt!” (fart) and “buuuhhhp!” (burp)

I dropped onto the couch after eating my granola bars and drinking my coffee, to continue watching him parade around in laughter at these odd, annoying, little colored creatures dancing around on my television screen. Braden’s sick right now, so he’s a bit more snugglie than usual. He ran over to the couch, flashed his dimples at me, and then crawled up and inserted himself into the empty space on my torso, pressing his face into my chest. I watched him while he watched TV. And I felt so lucky.

Here I am, laying on this couch with a full belly, and I get to touch his soft skin. I get to look at his adorable face, and kiss his sweet cheek. He wants me to hold him close. And I get to. Other than John (when he’s here) I’m the only one who gets to enjoy Braden’s sweetness in this way. I’m the only one who gets to hold him in an embrace like this, savoring his sweet smell, knowing that he loves me.

I’m the only one (most of the time) who gets to see him doing things like this:

I’m the only one who gets to see his cute and funny little dances this morning, and receive his hugs full of love and confidence. For that, though I see no reason why I deserve it, I am infinitely thankful.

No snark today, folks. Just blessings for your Friday. Here’s hoping your week wraps up pleasantly.