A little extra help holding on.

Today’s Photohunt Theme is “Lock”

My memory is shoddy; part of the reason I take so many photographs is so I can remember.

Memories are the treasures that we keep locked deep within the storehouse of our souls, to keep our hearts warm when we are lonely.
–Becky Aligada

And so this is why I keep snapping, to retain these truths of my own experience.  To freeze in time where I’ve been and what I’ve seen.  To hold onto a little bit of… everything.  Sometimes, one needs a little help holding onto certain memories.

Others, of course, stick to us without effort.  Life is funny that way.

The things we truly love stay with us always, locked in our hearts as long as life remains.
–Josephine Baker

Stripes at my back, my heart on my sleeve.

Today’s Photohunt Theme: “Stripes”

my favorite stripes in a warm time
run up behind me in a line
I lay back and close my eyes
the time of solace and rest flies

quite soon I hear the little feet
marking out a quick-paced beat
a giggling is drawing near
the favorite sound my ears could hear

my eyes open and see his face
filling up my eye-view space
he’s grinning, asking to join me
I reach out, pull him up quickly

now a different kind of peace unfolds
of tickling, laughter, hugs and holds
and just as rest can make me whole
this connection refuels my soul.

With this ring, I thee wed.

Today’s Photohunt Theme is “Hands”

Photograph by Joan Williams, at our wedding. It is in my collection.


Today we have been married for five years.
I kind of like him.

He loves me for everything I am, and all the things I am not. He accepts me even though I show him my faults.

I am able to be at my very most “relaxed me,” in his presence.

One in the company of the other can do the most stupid things that come to mind.  The other not only does not mind, but most of the time thinks it’s pretty hilarious.

And he rubs my feet. Keeper.

Last Year’s Anniversary Post
The One About Our Wedding
When We Decided To Have Braden

Yellow: Flashback Style

Today’s Photohunt Theme is “Yellow”

Yellow is the color of this Heathen:

Why, you ask, would I call this poor, innocent Lion Toy a Heathen? Well, it has you fooled. This thing taught my kid how to walk. Which is great, and all, but we kind of expected it would take a little longer.

Braden first walked on August 11, 2007. When he was 10 Months Old. That was before the time of this website, but I wrote about it then…

The Boy Gets His Land Legs

Braden started walking, for real, yesterday. I was in denial on Thursday, when he took 3 steps and then fell on his bum. I thought, “Whoa… where did that come from? No problem, he fell, it will still be a LONG time before he can do that, or better, again!”

Moron thought for the day. Officially.

On Sunday, while running errands with The Boy, I purchased him a toy that would make him happy, I thought. The Stride-to-Ride Lion, by Fisher Price (a “walk-behind” toy, for beginners).

After unpacking all the groceries (and just who the hell put that much crap in my cart, anyway?), I sat down on the floor in the living room to put the toy together. I was relieved to discover that, for once, the assembly was to be simple. Really… not just one of those sadistic assembly sheets that says, “Easy Assembly” and then you’re up until 3am, cursing yourself and everyone that came into contact with any of the materials that came together to create this thing, pulling out your hair and begging God to just make it go together, okay, please!?

Ahem.

So, anyway, I put The Lion together for The Boy. I put him behind it, placed his hands on the bar, and let go, waiting for the amazing thing that was about to happen.

He fell down.

Shit.

See, the Stride-to-Ride Lion should really be called, the Run-Like-Hell-to-keep-up-with-me-Lion, because it moves pretty fast for a beginning walker. I guess that was too long for the packaging, though, right?

My heart sank; I felt defeated. Poor kid! Then I thought, “Okay, well, look, I just put this thing together, and I’m waaay too lazy to take it back to the store now, and he’s going to like it, damnit.”

So I put him behind it again, this time holding the lion as he took steps, so that it would move slowly. He LOVED it. We had been doing that for a little while, when I got antsy, or something, and decided to let go. (Maybe I’m the sadist here, and just wanted to see him fall down again? Hm.)

This time he had no problems. How the heck did he gain control of this so fast?? He took off.

Take a look:

Now, Monday. We’re hanging out in the living room. I’m sitting on the couch, eating a bowl of oh-so nutritious apple cinnamon oat cereal. Braden’s standing on the other side of the coffee table from me. He turns, with one hand still on the table, and starts talking to the Baby Einstein DVD playing on TV, gesturing wildly with his arm held out.

After ranting at the TV for some time like this, he decided it was not listening to him from that distance.

And he walked to it.

WHAT THE HELL!?

Okay, look, The Lion was one thing, but just takin’ his ass and walkin’ it on over to something JUST BECAUSE HE FEELS LIKE IT!?

Who does he think he is???

Ah, well. Truth be told, I had the biggest grin on my Oh-So-Surprised face that it’s still lingering.

He’s amazing. I love his lil’ chubby legs, and his precious, walkin’ self.

And, hey… he doesn’t have it completely down yet. But he’s definitely got the rhythm.

I’ll have to hold him tight a lot today… while he’ll still let me.

*******

A year and a half later, I’m still hanging on to him, even with every step he takes away from me. It’s okay, because he’s taking me with him even when I’m not holding on. He just doesn’t know it yet.

And yes, I can figure out how to make anything into a tribute to him. Neener.

Today’s Photohunt Theme is “Four”

A Braden burrito, one hand sticking out
Just four days old… fuzzy head, little pout
Sleeping so soundly, a thief in the night
Stealing our hearts while we put up no fight

After four weeks of learning, he pursed his lips well
And our stolen hearts continued to swell
Just beginning the journey of parenthood
Much already learned, much still not understood

In four short months time it became very clear
Nothing else had ever been so very dear
Or so frustrating right in the very same minute
Your patience is tested and pushed to the limit!

We have not yet gotten to the next four in line
only half-way there, but there’s plenty of time
No need to rush things or hope time would move fast
I’d rather cling and make each moment last

But by now we’ve learned that it never ends
The journey of parents just stretches and bends
Every challenge is met, then a new one appears
Little victories fade, and there will be new tears

But for every moment that passes a new wonder is born
Your spirit is lifted even as it is torn
The child will bring joy, laughter and mirth
To each piece of your life, every day after birth.

For all the fours had so far
And those still to come
I am blessed and happy
That he is my son.

Space: In terms of family, it’s just a myth.

Today’s Photohunt Theme is “Space”

No matter how much space you have between you and the family members you grew up with, they can reach out and slap you as easily as if they were just whispering in your ear a moment ago.

It’s not just the fact that we are so connected nowadays, though that is what enables it.  But the slap is sharp and quick because they hold a part of you.

No matter how far away from you they are, no matter how long it has been since you have spoken or seen one another, they have the ammunition to bring you to your knees.

They know things that no one else knows.  They are always the quickest to offense and the most equipped to pull you down… and why is it that they always seem to opt to exercise that power when you’re finally lifting your head above your own sordid bullshit?

Many of us have stories that fall into this zone, this space of feeling and emotion.

Sometimes, I just want to stop hearing the ones that play over and over in my head. And I’d like to stop adding new ones to the list.

And if you could successfully edit the reel of memories that plays back inside of you from the past… would you even want to?

Can we appreciate the good times if we don’t have the bad times?

This double edged sword of emotions is piercing my heart today.

Trying hard every day to heed my own advice.

Today’s Photohunt Theme is “Thankful”

July, 2008

It’s a word that causes cliche
to flood through my mind and still
those things I cherish and value
can’t be labeled as cliche and tossed aside

I hold him and him dear; they are my world
Things happen in life to make you realize
that every day with the blessing of love
ticks by so fast, if we let it

It is easy to sing a song of pain
and hold on to heartache
It is easy to ignore love as
the way things should be

Let the cliches fill your mind
let yourself get caught up in the meaning
the word evokes in you
Be thankful

And live it.

But a memory, as I wait for the spark of Spring.

Today’s Photohunt Theme is “Warm”

What it has to be for the flames of this sunflower to lick at the summer sky.

It’s what I long for, especially in the dead of winter. I’m not a fan of being cold. In fact, I’d rather live a thousand summers than one winter. I despise the pain of being chilled to the bone.

Any temperature that raises itself above the definition of “cold” is my friend.  Warm is nice, but I’m even okay with hot.  Dry heat, humid heat, whatever. Take me to daytime Mercury for crying out loud. Oxygen is highly overrated. I just don’t want it to be COLD.

Jack Frost tried to woo me this winter with a love letter.

And it worked; oh, did I swoon. He sent a shiver down my spine, and I was head over heels.

But he is a typical player. It was but a one night stand. His icy kiss faded fast, leaving me with nothing but chattering teeth and chapped cheeks.

Now, as I wait for the spark of Spring to revive, I’m trying to recall the buzzing of the bees. Their song tells a much sweeter love story.

I’ll close my eyes for awhile and listen to that memory in my head and smell the sweet smell of summers gone by, like a dream. Wait for the flutter of a butterfly to tickle my face as it hurries by, on its way to the next yellow beauty.

And when I have to open my eyes and the cold, bleak, gray of Winter is still peering at me with its icy, slate eyes, I’ll just shrug deeper into my sweater and try to concentrate on other warm things until time turns the pages of the calender for me, again.