it’s time for BEWB FEST!

We get to enjoy nature’s bountiful chest selection… and raise money to fight breast cancer in the process. A big thanks to @shutterblog for putting a bug in my brain last year about donating ad revenue for good. *ALL* my BH Ad Revenue for July is going to go to Susan G. Komen for the Cure®. This will become an annual tradition for the month that Bewb Fest runs.

Bring page loads to this site this month if you want to drive that number up. And please consider donating directly to Susan G. Komen – many people only think about this in October, but we need to give cancer the finger all year long.

Remember to see the scoop on prizes and check out BF10 Sponsors, button up, and then make your vote count here (below) for your favorite BEWBs/MEWBs of your fellow internet denizens.

Without further ado, I present the BEWBS and then the MEWBs…

Thanks so much to the following BEWB Contestants:

@TalinaN of Harvest of Daily Life
Agentninety9 of Worn Off Novelties
Amber of A Drifting Mind
Angelia of Mommy Needs Meds
Angie of A Whole Lot of Nothing
Beej of The Bean
Bryn of The Unbearable Bearableness
Califmom of Califmom
Chantel of Chantelligence
Chantelle (photo mommy) of photo mommy
Carol / @Cheeky_Geek
Casey of moosh in indy.
Dawn of Kaiser Mommy
Dawn / @pgoodness of Pgoodness
Denise of Musician’s Widow
Diane Bramos / @pilateschik
Elissa of Punk Rock Parents
Habbala of Habbala
Janet Isserlis of there might be cake
Jen of Tropical Fruit
Jenny of Miss Grace’s Disgrace
Karianna of The Karianna Spectrum
Lady Red
Lauren / @laurencarlton of Mommy is Rock ‘n Roll
Lcool
Lyssa / @sixesandseven of Catastrophically Lyssa
Maria Myrback of Boobcast
Malia of Just Malia
Mandi Bone / @princessmama of Mandibone’s Blog
Maria Melee of Mommy Melee
Megan of Kitsch in the Kitchen
Meg @sleepynewmommy of Sleepy New Mommy
MommyNamedApril of April’s Little Family
Mr. Goodwrench’s Lady
Padme
Piper of Piper of Love
SadieCass of Redefining Perfect
Terra of Raising Zoeyjane
Texan Mama of Who Put Me In Charge Of These People???
Tina of Send Chocolate Now
Usedtobeme of Why are you Stalking Me?
Veronica of Veronica Foale
Vicky of Secret Mom Thoughts
Vixen of Vixen’s Den

(list in alphabetical order – does NOT match the order of BEWB photos)

Voting Poll follows these BEWBalicious photos… You can pick up to THREE Pair of BEWBS each time, and you can vote as often as you like* through July 21st.  Come back often, and tell your friends!

Thanks so much to the following MEWB Contestants:

Adam Avitable of Avitable
bender69
CoderBlues
Josh of Raging Dad
Tim of The Inflatable Soapbox

(list is in alphabetical order – does NOT match the order of MEWB photos)

Voting Poll follows the MEWBtastic Chestiness… Pick your favorite MEWBS and you can vote as often as you like* through July 21st.  Come back often, and tell your friends!

Don’t forget to display a button to support BEWB Fest ’10 and help increase the amount to be donated to Susan G. Komen for the Cure®.

Please share via your blog, email, Twitter, Facebook and yelling madly on street corners.  If you have a bus, consider shrinkwrapping it with the URL of this post.  No, really.  Come on. Please?

Bottom line:  The more traffic you drive to the site this month, the higher the amount I can donate.

Please note that this now annual Bewb Fest developed independently and with no prior knowledge of Boobiethon, and is not meant to copy, diminish, or devalue the work that is being done there.

*I have placed no restriction on the number of times you can vote. There is a blurb on the Polldaddy website that mentions that you may get a message indicating you are blocked for a time period >> “This is because we have received too many votes from your I.P. address. You will be unblocked again in about 4 hours.” No verbage on how many is too many. So just roll with it, and please don’t complain to me if you hit the wall.

It’s the moment you’ve been awaiting all year, I just know it.  It’s TIME to vote for the BEST BEWBS/MEWBS of 2009!

Remember to see the scoop on prizes and check out BF09 Sponsors, button up, and then make your vote count here for the best BEWBs/MEWBs of your fellow internet denizens.

Thanks so much to the following BEWB Contestants:

Alison of RN-Mom
Amy@TasteLikeCrazy of Taste Like Crazy
Anissa of Hope4Peyton
Barefoot Foodie of The Barefoot Foodie
Betsey Booms of Betsey Booms
Carie of Our Crooked Tree
Catherine of Her Bad Mother
Dawn of Kaiser Mommy
Deb of DowneastSmurfette
Earth Mommy of Behind the Stall Door
Elissa of Punk Rock Parents
Gina of My Very Last Nerve
Haley-O of Cheaty Monkey
Jenny on the Spot of Jenny on the Spot
Jill’s Charming Two of Charming & Delightful
Just Jinny of A Girl in the Real World
Karen Sugarpants of Karen Sugarpants
Kim of Frog Ponds Rock
Laura of Adventures in Juggling
Linda of Short Pump Preppy
madnessisay of Madness, Madness I Say!
Malia of live .laugh. love.
Maria of Immoral Matriarch
Maria of Mommy Melee
Megan of Undomestic Diva
Mishi of Secret Agent Mama
Miss of Just Miss
Miss Grace of Miss Grace’s Disgrace
Mrs. C-to-Be of Headed in the Right Direction
Mrs. Flinger of Mrs. Flinger, Little Black Dress Edition
Padme
*pixie* of Artist Mother Teacher
Sam (temptingmama) of Temporarily Me Dot Com
Sarahviz of In The Trenches of Mommyhood
SarahInMI of This Mom’s Wired
@sendchocolate of Send Chocolate
Shaboom
@Shash of Diary of a Crazed Mommy
Summer of Wired for Noise
Tena of My Therapy
The Hotfessional of My Life as a Hotfessional
VDog of Room 704
Veronica of Sleepless Nights
Zoeyjane of Mommy is Moody

(list in alphabetical order – does NOT match the order of BEWB photos)

Voting Poll follows these BEWBalicious photos… You can pick up to THREE Pair of BEWBS each time, and you can vote every day through June 30th.

18 is a placeholder, ignore #18. What, you thought I could count properly while looking at all these BEWBS? Please.

[poll id="5"]

Sarcastic Mom sho ’nuff do love the menfolks, so we have MEWBs as well!

A great big, over-enthusiastic THANK YOU to the following MEWB Contestants:

Artist formerly known as “Make It A Double”
Busy Dad of Busy Dad Blog
Chris Mann of Chris Mann Music
“CrackahMoto”
Josh of Raging Dad

(list is in alphabetical order – does NOT match the order of MEWB photos)

Voting Poll follows the MEWBtastic Chestiness… Pick your favorite MEWBS and vote every day through June 30th!

[poll id="6"]

Don’t forget to display a button to support BEWB Fest 09 – and remember, you can vote every day!



Please note that this now annual Bewb Fest developed independently and with no prior knowledge of Boobiethon, and is not meant to copy, diminish, or devalue the work that is being done there. Bewb Fest is for fun because I love women and I love bewbies. Note the Boobiethon button on the sidebar and visit them to see what they are about. It’s a great cause. Helping save women’s lives is never a bad idea.

*waving you in this direction*

Come closer. I’ll tell you.

No, closer. I’m going to whisper, and you need to be really close to hear.

Okay, ready?

I scrubbed my shower yesterday.

*looking around and over shoulder*

It was time.

*biting lip*

You know, *cough* Spring cleaning and all.

I mean… uh, not that I don’t regularly clean my shower. Heh. Yeah, not like that’s the case.

*fidgeting*

So, uh, you know… I clean my shower, you know… as often as you clean yours.

*leaning in*

*expectant*

How often would you say that you do that, anyway?

Not that I’m gauging my own level of disgusting neglect by what YOU do or anything.

Nope, not at all.

*whistling*

*still eyeballing you; waiting*

Something I may not have shared before is that I’ve always been kind of a crafty dork. It’s just been a really long time since I’ve allowed myself the time to let my Inner Crafting Dork free.

I’ve done a bit of everything. *eyebrow wiggle*  Drawing, painting, sculpture, random bead madness, hemp braiding silliness, all kinds of glue gun insanity, etc and etc.  But college, grad-school, real-job, spawning a human being… so many things replaced my crafting time.

But.

I found this awesome tutorial online recently. And within a day, I was making paper.

I.have.been.making.freakin.paper.

And oddly, this makes me feel… powerful. Bills and junk mail cannot defeat me! I churn them and add flower petals and onion skins! And out comes pretty, crinkly paper.

MUAHAHAHAHA.

It’s also been calming. And somehow therapeutic. Something about the process and the outcome makes me feel happy and peaceful.

And usually, I only feel that way after mocking someone or making a crass remark.  So this is landmark.

Before long, it occurred to me that I might be able to sell the product of my creative therapy.  Then those nagging bitches, Doubt and Insecurity, ganged up with the insufferable hag called Self Deprecation and threw a party in my head. (With Tequila.  Those bitches don’t play, yo.)  Suddenly, I’m wondering if anyone would actually buy my paper. I’m wondering if my paper is actually ugly to everyone but me.

The banner at the party in my head says, “You think your paper is so great, but PS: YOU SUCK and so does your paper, ya dumb beesh.”  (It’s a long banner.  I have a big forehead.)

I think the paper I’ve made is pretty… but would anyone really buy it?  This is where I turn to you guys, in all your wisdom and awesomeness. I need your vote below!

All Hail The Reader Opinion!

The paper is handmade from recycled (technically, upcycled) product (old papers, bills, envelopes, etc) and natural plant fibers (blossoms, petals, onion & garlic skins, etc).  The paper edges are “deckled” or unfinished – I could cut them straight, but I feel they’re so much prettier this way.

Here are some photos of the papers I’ve made so far. (I’m planning on making more colors as I go along.)

Poll time:  Will you please vote on whether I should try to sell my handmade paper?

(And don’t worry, you can be totally honest.  I have no way to know who you are when you vote – you have to pay for that feature, and I’m one cheap ass bitch. Seriously, who pays for that crap?)

Just vote on the little thingie below. I don’t know if it will show up in your feed reader, or email subscriber posts, so if you use those services, would you mind clicking over to vote?

Then I’ll know if I can give Doubt, Insecurity, and Self Deprecation the finger and send them packing or if I should just bend over and let them shove that banner up my butt and get it over with.

If you are a highly visual person?  So, so sorry about that. (But not really.)

_______________________________________________________

EDITED TO ADD:

I had some concern about bleeding of inks on the pages, and some of you guys mentioned it, so I figured there was no time like the present to go ahead and test some sheets.  It was just a small test, but I used a Blue Pentel Rolling Ball Pen and a Black Sharpie on each of 3 pages so far, and was astounded (happily!) that neither bled.  BOOYAH!  There seems to be a good amount of the sizing (added to paper to stop ink bleed when it is manufactured) from the original paper products (bills, flyers, etc) remaining in the end product I’m creating to hinder bleed.  So far, anyway.  Yay!

And I answered all the ones that pertained to food or eating (because clearly, that is what I find most important) in due time. But then I kind of… you know… didn’t answer the rest of them.

And “Dana” called me out as a “lazy douche” because I wasn’t answering the questions – you know – on her time schedule. (Of course, I have no link or email address for her, but if you want, you can view her shenanigans for some good ole’ Troll Fun in the comments here.)

Now, while she was rather a bitch about it, I do need to get around to answering your questions, and so I am finally De-Douching for a few moments to bring you my answers.

I’m going to have to do this in parts, of course, because it’s impossible to get rid of all the lazy at one time. Especially when I’m pregnant. (8 Weeks now! Woo!)

Maria asked me, “I want to know – what do you do when you have an itch that you can’t reach and there’s no one else around to assist you in scratching it?”

Honestly?  I go into the kitchen and get the wooden fork and scratch the hell out of my back with it.  Then I put it back without washing it.  So you wanna come eat at my house?  You just might get some dry skin flakes in your pasta!

Ok, totally just kidding.  I wash it.  But I’m sure you’ll still think I’m gross.  I do lots of gross things.  We’re just scratching the surface here.  Pun intended!  I.AM.SO.FUNNY.

Dawn asked me, “Why did you decide to be a psychology major?”

Ok, there are a few things at play here. First of all, I had to choose electives when I was in high school, and one of the very few things that appealed to me at all out of the choices was Psychology.  It seemed like it would be interesting.  And I LOVED it.

I’m well suited for liking Psych because I am sincerely interested in why people behave the way they do, in the ways they feel, and why, and how those things can be modified.  I like human beings and I want the best for them.  Even if they often make me want to strangle and murder at will.

When it came time for me to choose “what I was going to do in college” there was just nothing else, other than writing, that I even gave a shit about.  I didn’t care about anything else.  And writing seemed like something I’d fail at – I enjoyed it but I was never confident enough about my ability.  My sophmore and senior english teachers might bitch slap me for that, but it’s true.

Lastly, my dad is a psychologist, and this little girl has some daddy issues.  It was a way for me to understand my father better, you dig?  And for me to get closer to him, because I could understand the things he was interested in and talk to him about them.

Also, I want to screw with your head.  Skillz.

Kat asked me, “If you weren’t a SAHM, what would you be doing with your time?”

This is SUCH a big “I Don’t Know!” question for me… but I’d say I’d either be teaching Psych somewhere, taking professional photographs, or writing poetry in a dark room while drinking wine and listening to creepy music.

And trying really hard not to seem pervy and threatening while staring at everyone else’s children longingly.  Because, come on, I would really want a baby if I didn’t already have one!

Kerrianne asked me, “Stewart or Colbert?”

While they are both very funny, and I dig funny in a big way, I have to go with Stewart.  He had my heart long ago and, frankly, he has the Hot Ass Factor.  Excuse me for saying so, but Damn, okay?

Janet asked me, “how do you shoot photos of yourself? do you use a tripod? or is it really braden behind the lens?”

It depends on the photo.  Sometimes I just hold the camera out in front of myself at an angle I feel is appropriate and snap.  If it’s off, I try again.  After a while, you get a feel for how to hold it to get what you want.

If I need a good face shot with no trial and error, I stand in front of a mirror, but I do not shoot into the mirror.  Rather, I use the mirror to show me what the viewfinder sees, and I shoot straight at myself.  I do NOT use a flash, to avoid blow-out at close range.

If I want both my hands in the photo, but just my face, I look for good light, put the camera down on something, and use the self-timer.

If I need full body, I use the tripod with the self timer.

And when Braden takes photos of me, they look like this:

Katie Ann asked me, “Do you have a girl’s name picked out when/if you ever have one?”

Yes!  In fact I’ve had a list of girls and boys names since I was pregnant with Braden which I compiled before we knew his gender.  I liked fewer boy’s than girl’s names, so there is a longer Girlie List.  The thing is that I like “weird” names, and John will more than likely Veto at least 75% of the Girl Names.  For example, I’m almost positive that he will never allow me to have a girl named “Ahava.” I have actually thought of slipping in some REALLY awful ones that I don’t really want, just to make the other ones seem pretty good.

Oh, and then there was the stupid moment when I put the names “Coral” and “Kara” on the list. Coral or Kara Carroll?  YEAH, RIGHT.

By the way, I never knew how serious people take baby names.  I’ve seen some really rude comments made about how much people hate certain names, and I’ll tell you right now, that’s dumber than a pile of shit on rocks.  Hate a name?  Insult someone else’s choice for naming their child?  And I’m not talking about crazy names like Shittake or Lemonjello or whatever.  If you have time to get really worked up over a NAME you have issues, man.  Get over yourself.  That’s all I’m going to say about that.  I think.  For now. Way to go off on a Ranting Tangent, eh?

Whew!  I’m spent.  How about you?

You’ll have to wait for another post to see more.  Because I know you’re DYING to hear all my answers.

*snort*