Archive for category Marriage
I would like to take an informal survey.
Posted by Lotus, aka Sarcastic Mom in Husband, Marriage, Miscellaneous Blabbering, Rant on January 5, 2010
Don’t worry, I know your time is valuable, but I assure you, this is a very important matter.
Let’s say HYPOTHETICALLY that I was sitting on the couch watching TV. I’m watching, ohhhh, let’s say Big Bang Theory.
Then, what if John, my husband, came downstairs, grabbed the remote, and started flipping channels. WHILE THE SHOW WAS ON, NOT DURING A COMMERCIAL.
Would you think that it would be overreacting for me to FREAK THE HELL OUT and start snatching at the remote? How about if he gave me a shitty look and then both refused to let me have it back and did NOT return to the channel and show I was enjoying before he entered the room like some kind of Assholian Dictator?
If this kind of a scenario, or you know, something like it, happened, then would it be kind of over the top if I lost my shit and yelled, “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!??” while visualizing myself strangling him until his lips turned blue and fell off? Would that just be too much?
I mean, it is only television after all. What do you think?
You know, I’m just wondering, in case something like that ever actually happens and I had the strong urge to beat my husband about the face relentlessly with the remote once I finally did snatch it back.
This way, I’ll know if it’s justified or not.
Thank you for your time.
Dear Old Fart That I Love,
Yes, you forget things *cough* occasionally. Your knees are bad (snap, crackle, pop!). You tell Braden it’s time for his bath when it’s time for his nap. You tell him it’s time for his nap when it’s time for his bath. (By the way, he doesn’t even notice – I’m the only one who does. And I’m required to make fun of you for it, so just get used to it.)
Don’t even think about sharing that pudding with him – you know it will go right to your old gut.
Your hair might be thinning… don’t worry, you’re going to get more and more of it in your nose and ears to make up for this. Your back hurts, but I’m here to distract you from that by demanding that you rub mine (and don’t forget my feet)! I am just that loving.
And yes, I might feel the need to make endless jokes about you being old just because you turn 40 today.
It’s because I love you. And I’m glad you’ve been around for this long, and I’m hoping to make fun of how freaking old you are for so very much longer.
You are a wonderful (old ass) daddy and fabulous (decrepit, aging) husband. Hey – look at it this way: When men age, society kindly chooses to say that they are developing a bald head and a fat gut character and charm. Women? Get slow, fat and grow a beard. Maybe don’t worry so much about your aging – it’s mine you might want to start being concerned about. *wink*
Be careful on the road and hobble home as soon as you can. I will miss your old ass from afar for now, you wonderful, old fart.
Happy 40th Birthday!
Love,
Your hot, young wife.
























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