Unfortunately, it was not in the cards.

But the same cannot be said for My BEWBS.

Redneck Mommy assured me that The Rack had a fabulous time!
Witness the photographic evidence of BoobHer ’08…

BEWBS were honored to be lovingly held by Ninjas One and Two:

Thusly dubbed, because they were very sneaky and did not identify themselves. Lovely ladies who held my boobs and allowed it to be photographed! Please come forward and name thyselves!

(Update! Secret Identity of Ninja Two is Carissa of and so she blogs. Woot!)

Of course, the excitement did not end with meeting fabulous ninjas… It had just begun!

BEWBS were actually tried on!

Mamma Loves demonstrates proper placement:

MotherGooseMouse concurs with Mamma Loves’s form:

Assertagirl insists it is also important to hold them close for proper fit:

Kyla of The Journey thinks they need a twist:

Desperately Seeking Sanity‘s Heather agrees quite a lot:

Note: The Rack does NOT cause gas. Just a disclaimer.

MotherBumper was feeling lonely, and decided to try the “Twist Placement”

See, The Rack instantly attracts beautiful women like
Mimi on the Breach! (and double fisting of beer!)

Velma, from A Smeddling Kiss, was thinking of trying on The Rack, but
she couldn’t stop giggling. What was she thinking about?

I think she told Slouching Mom her dirty thoughts:

This Random Airport Perv even
tried to get in on the BEWB action!

Back away from The Rack, Random Airport Perv!
The BEWBS are only for my BlogHer Hos!

Thankfully, Jess of Oh The Joys saved The BEWBS.
And compared them to her head.

Backpacking Dad is totally sniffing the left BEWB.
Dude, Boob Smelling?

Oh, wait… was he trying to kiss them?

Angella, of Dutch Blitz, shows him how it’s done!

That’s when things got really out of hand.

And the LICKING began.

MotherGooseMouse was not satisfied with her earlier pose.

Way to go, MGM!

Y, of Joy Unexpected was not to be outdone.

Lindsay, of Suburban Turmoil seemed to approve.

Of course, Queen of All Licks, Mrs. Flinger honored
The BEWBS with her illustrious tongue.

With that one lick, all degrees of separation between
BEWBS and all bloggers licked by Mrs. Flinger were
undone in one fell swoop.

SCORE!

Things were getting a bit hectic, so Redneck Mommy, Jen of One Plus Two,
and Jess rescued BEWBs and took them to a place where
they would feel right at home. Oh, yeah, baby.
A Naked Bath House.

Seriously.
Read Their Posts.

Whew!

After such an exciting time, there’s really no better way
to wind down than to hop into bed with the absolutely
adorable Casey, of Moosh In Indy.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwww.

Yes, folks, BEWBS had a FANTASTIT time in San Fransisco!

Only one problem. Now that The Rack is back home, it’s spending all its time hanging out with its new BoobHer Friends. Waaahhhhhh….

First giveaway is up, so go check it out!  Make me feel like it’s worth it by subscribing to the feed while you’re there, okay?

Who Doesn’t Like Free?

I left him watching a video.  Was gone all of about 5 minutes.  Another lesson in “Never turn your back on the toddler, you freaking moron.”

Little bugger climbed up and pulled the blinds shut after he locked the door.

Just what the hell do you think he was up to?

He had the “innocent puppy-dog” look on his face when I returned.

But that doesn’t much help when you’re sitting on the coffee table with your diaper off.

Toddlers.  It’s like their brains are half “Evil Genius,” half “Drooling Moron.”

Then again, the Drooling Moron Act is probably just part of his Evil Genius.

I can’t decide if I should just always take my keys with me when I feed the dog or water the plants now, or if I should just put duct tape around Braden’s fingers.  What do you think?

The ones who are going will probably be busy travelling to San Fransisco and settling in for the start of the conference on the 18th.

And some of us are jealous, and some of us don’t give a flying fart… some of us are crying into our keyboards, others are claiming sour grapes… some of us are blatantly pissed off, others of us are like, “eh? BlogWho?”  You get the idea.

I basically feel like this:  There are a ton of people all in one place right now who, for some reason or other, do this same thing I enjoy doing.  “Blog.”  Many of them do it for the exact same reasons I do, many have entirely different reasons.  A good handful of them are people I admire, adore even.  And lots of them are intriguing and interesting people I have never even been exposed to, but could meet if I were there.  I would like the opportunity to meet the people I adore, and those I could potentially adore.

I’m settling for pictures of them with a picture of my boobies.  What can I say.  I’m easily amused.

Money is the main reason I’m not there right now.  Ladies and Gents, that shit is expensive.  And, that is not to say that we don’t have enough in savings, finally.  Because we do, after kicking ourselves in our collective ass around here this past several months and scraping every extra penny into a savings account.

(Oh, hello, we can actually be responsible adults with a savings account?  Who knew?  Wow, John and Lotus are growing up! Congrats to them!)

BUT, and here’s where I might sound bitchy, I have to force myself to have some perspective right now.  To have some more sharply focused priorities than spending money to hang wif mah homies.  (This is in NO way a judgement of anyone else’s priorities – it’s about our specific situation - read on!)

I probably could have talked John into letting me spend the money in our savings on the BlogHer trip.  Not necessarily because I’m that persuasive and manipulative (*cough*) but because he loves me dearly and, to a fault, he tries to make me happy.  (The man changed out of his PJ’s the other night to go buy me ice cream, did you read about that on Twitter?  Clearly, a saint among mortals.)

But we have some lofty goals, like paying off my student loan (which I got so I could get that M.A. that I am so obviously using the hell out of right now, see? ugh.), creating a medical fund (hai, we have no health insurance, kthxbai), buying a larger family vehicle (Honda Civic not going to cut it if we ever actually succeed at having a second child), and actually having enough of a downpayment saved to buy a house again.  Because, I’m sorry, but renting sucks donkeys.

Those are big, bad, crazy dreams, my friends.  And we’d like to attain them in no more than the next 2-4 years.  Which, when starting with no savings, is pretty damn adventurous and hopeful.  But certainly not Un-Doable.

Not Un-Doable at all… With a lot of sacrifice of things not absolutely necessary, and a lot of forced prioritizing.

Which means no hanging wif mah homies that costs $1000+, no new camera, no lots of stuff I would really reee-heee-heeeeeaaaally like.

And?  It’s totally going to be worth it.  So, while I’m a bit jealous, that’s it.  I’m not uber upset.

(But once we have our house and ect., I am GOING to BlogHer, and I’m rooming with her and I’m absolutely licking her.)

I wrote this post because several people have been surprised that I’m not going to BlogHer Con, and asked me why.  Now ya know!

Yes? 

First, I hate you you’re a poopie-head I’m really jealous of you. 
But also very happy for you.  (Seriously!) 

Second, you must look for this fabulous woman I love:

She’s going to have something of mine with her:

And she’s happy about it!

Remember, look for Redneck Mommy, holding The Rack.

You MUST NOT miss a Photo Opp with MAH BEWBS AT BLOGHER.

(Not going to Blogher?  Let’s sit online together for 3 days and whine jealously. Deal?)

All photos of the Hot Canadian courtesy of said Hot Canadian. Rawr!