Braden was unhappy with the current paint job.

His handywork.

His “paintbrush.”

What I’m doing right now instead of writing posts…

What I’ll be doing after that…

I can’t wait until everything is all sorted, and I can take you guys on a tour of the new house!

Freak-Me-Out-Elmo

My sweet, fun-loving brother and lovely sister-in-law have purchased for Braden some of his favorite toys.

From his baby registry, they got him the BE Musical Turtle Crib Toy, which he LOVES.

When we visited this past summer, they gave him this little guy:

Its sings the ABCs, which is one of Braden’s favorite songs.

And for Christmas, they got him the Stretch & Fun Elmo.  Which he is really amused by (he loves that red freak).

This toy version of Elmo has arms and legs you can pull, and when you do he says silly things, like, “Elmo needs a good stretch!” and “Whoooooaaa!” and “Teeeheeeheee!!!”

You really have to give those arms and legs a gooood tug to get him to say anything, though.  At first, Braden couldn’t do it by himself.  Lately, he is good at it, and so he likes the toy even more.

Braden plays with it, pulls the legs, laughs, and then deposits it somewhere.  This is pretty much his M.O. with all toys, no big deal. 

A couple of weeks ago, he had left it sitting on its face in his room.  It stayed there for a couple days like that.

I think Elmo got tired of sitting on his face.

Because we were sitting in the living room watching a DVD together, and from Braden’s Room I heard,

“ELMO NEEDS A GOOD STRETCH!”

And really, I don’t think I was imagining the annoyed tone that is usually not there when he says that.

I may have nightmares.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m MORE than happy to be unpacking.

Been scheduling posts
all week amidst the moving
chaos we are in.

So many of you
have already helped us with
gifts, words, and support.

We thank you from the
bottom of our collective hearts.
It means so much.

New internet should
be hooked up sometime today.
I won’t hold my breath.

What will I be doing?
Taking a bath in front of
a window, for fun?

At some point, I guess.
But until that time comes,
we’ll be unpacking.

Unpacking, you know,
is another way to say,
“wishing I was dead.”

Facehole Cramming Stuff

Once again:

Today, I’ll also answer all of the food related questions that you guys asked me on my Questions Post!
(You can still leave me questions on that post. I’m going to answer them slowly in a series of posts, so you still have time.)

• Secret Agent Mama asked me, “What would you cook for me if I came to dinner?“

Mishi, you seem like a girl that would love to sit down and eat good lasagna with a friend, and honey, I make a killer one. It’s a big favorite for John and me.

Beloved Lasagna Recipe

Note: we LOVE garlic.  Anyone who doesn’t will need to cut down on it when you use the recipe. But for the record, if you do that, I so do not get you. Hehe.

SAM also asked me, “How do you take your coffee?”

I used to drink it with creamer only.  Nowadays I actually like it with a little Splenda, a load of creamer, and a dash of skim milk or half ‘n half.  Yes.  I’m weird.

And finally, from Secret Agent Mama, “What’s your favorite nut?”

This is tough, because I love nuts.  The kinds I buy most often, though, are Almonds and Walnuts, because they are better for you than others.  And between those two, the Almonds are the favorite.  And you, of course, Mishi.  You’re definitely a favorite nut of mine.

• Dawn asked me, “If you had to choose only one cheese to eat for a whole year, what would it be?” 

OH CRAP. That’s a really hard question for me, because I LOVE cheese! Ok. My two very favorites would have to be Brie and Havarti. Mmmm, creamy.  *cheese daydreaming*  I feel all warm and happy when I think of cheese.  We don’t get either of them very often because they are a bit more expensive than your run-of-the-mill cheeses.  I think I’d choose the Havarti.  No, no… the Brie! Wait… ARGH.  *brain melting down*

• Kat asked me, “What’s your favorite popsicle flavor?”

Dryers makes these popsicles called Fruit Bars.  I have never had one of them that I didn’t like (try them, man), but my favorite (and favorite popsicle) is Grape.

I know, Grape, it sounds so boring.  But Holy Shiznit-O-Bitty-Bang, people.  These things are GOOD.

• Kerrianne asked me, “Fried or poached?”

I’m not really sure why, but poached eggs = yuck.  So, mostly definitely, fried.  And you know, I don’t have them very often, but I actually really love soft-boiled eggs. 

But you know what the best thing about eating eggs is?  Stinky farts.

• Katie Anne asked, “What is your favorite meal to cook?”

While the lasagna above is my favorite meal that I make to eat, my favorite meal to cook is my very own chili.  Why?  Because it’s all in my head.  No recipe to follow.  I just throw all the stuff in as I go.  Maybe one of these days I’ll attempt to figure it out and write it down so I can pass it on to my kids.  Or just so I can force them to make it for me while I sit on my rump and make John rub my crusty feet.  Yeah, that sounds like the ticket.

• Marye~ asked me, “What’s your favorite food?”

This is another really tough question for me, as I am an avid facehole-filler.  I love food!  There is actually not very much I don’t enjoy eating.  How about…

13 Foods I Love In No Particular Order?

1. CHEESE
2. Strawberries
3. Tacos (Any Authentic Tex-Mex)
4. Chocolate
5. Lasagna
6. Meatloaf
7. Steak (And Steak Salad, Mmmm)
8. Kiwi Fruit
9. Shrimp Cocktail
10. Granola w/Yogurt
11. Sweet Potatoes
12. Chocolate Cake
13. Thanksgiving Dinner (All of it!)

• River asked, “When you eat a box of chocolates do you eat your favourite flavours first so that someone else doesn’t get the strawberry cream you were saving? what is your favourite flavour?”

I actually tend to save my favorites for last if I’m eating a box of varied types of chocolates.  See, no one is stupid enough to eat MY CANDY.  It’s like, death by cop.  Only the suicidal would do that.  As for favorites, in a variety box, I absolutely love the toffee and the coconut filled chocolates.  But my latest chocolate obsession is this.  *drool*

• ImpostorMom asked me, “What is your favorite meal right now?”

Right now, I’ve fallen in love with my own personal twist on the Green Bean Casserole recipe that’s on the side of the French’s Fried Onions can.  Everyone knows about the Green Been Casserole, right?  Okay, I make a huge version in a great, big casserole dish, but add more milk than usual.  Then Nuke some chicken breasts until they’re partway cooked, and cut up into bite size cubes.  Boil potatoes until they are a bit soft, but NOT MUSHY OR VERY SOFT.  Add chicken and potatoes to the rest of the goop in the casserole dish and bake for like, 45 minutes at 350.  At the end, instead of being a wuss and just adding a little bit more onions to the top, add a whole nother can.  What?  It’s good.  Bake for 5 more minutes.  Voila.  It’s easy, and all 3 Carrolls think it’s yum.

• GHD asked, “What’s your favorite Easter candy?”

Ohhhhhhhhh, baby.  Hands down, it’s the Reeses Peanut Butter Eggs.  I buy a bag every year, and John and I delight in devouring them together.  Mmmm.

• MommyTime asked me, “How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop?”

Dude, I have NO freakin’ idea.  Just like the owl, I chew the shit outta that mofo’er.

She also asked, “Also, what is the food you just can’t stop eating, even when you’re not hungry any more, as long as there’s more in the pot or on your plate or in the carton or whatever?”

This may seem like a lazy answer, but:  All.  It’s just the truth.  I’m a freakin’ glutton to the MAX.  Have you SEEN my ass lately?  Yeah, it’s that huge thing blocking your view.

Wow, that is all of the food questions.  That was fun!

Now I need to go eat some chocolate.

That’s what I get for letting him watch tv before age 3.

If you have a young child, you have no doubt put some thought into the example you set on a daily basis.  You have probably considered that maybe there are certain words in your vocabulary (shitpissdamnhell… and, um. Etc.) that you don’t want to hear repeated in a cute toddler voice.  Probably 60 – 100 times a day. 

I mean, secretly, you would probably laugh and laugh and laugh.  But, *ahem*  you still likely have this rational part of your brain (however small it may be in some of you. and me.) that tells you, “Uh.  Yeah.  That’s not good, dude.”

So maybe you try to “watch your language.”

Yeah.  That’s what we do.  We TRY to “watch our language.”  Some of us are better at this than others.

So, anyway.  Some of you might remember this…
(make sure the sound’s up and listen for it right before the bottle goes in)

And like I said way back when I posted that video before, when Braden was about 12.5 months old, I was really upset about him saying that.  Because I had CLEARLY asked him to called me, “whore,” not “bitch.”  Some kids never listen.

Anyway, it wasn’t really what he was trying to say, anyway.  It was more like he was trying to say “milk” and “bottle” at the same time.  And before you argue with me on that one, I just wanted to say something.  “Shut up.”

About a month and a half ago or so, he was CONSTANTLY saying something or other… Okay.  He was totally saying SOMETHING that sounded a hell of a lot like, “Oh, shit!”  So, of course, I immediately decided that he was trying to copy the way I was always telling The Mexican, “No! Sit!”

And no, the fact that I rather frequently say, “Oh, shit!” when things are not going ‘Oh So Smoothly’ did not even cross my mind.  Why would it, you crazy person?  In fact, if it did, it certainly didn’t apply to the situation in any logical fashion.  And if you even try to suggest any connection, I will just give you The Look.  Or maybe I’ll just put my hand over your mouth and say, “Shhhhhh, there, there now,” with my finger to my lips.  Right before I put the sleeper hold on you.

I’m sure they will find your body someday.

But I digress.

The whole “dog commands” explanation really wasn’t cutting it.  So, I did what any normal mother would do.  I decided to blame Baby Einstein DVDs. (And, hey, I’m not the only one who thinks Baby E-stein is corrupting the kids.)

I can practically see the look on your face.  You’re thinking this is just like all the other excuses, aren’t you?  Well.  You’re wrong.

Oh, yeah?  Well.  You tell me what YOU think this cute, sweet little girl is saying.

When you hear that from another room (if you’re me) you only hear one thing.  That’s all I’m sayin.  And he IS my kid.

And he DOES do things like this.

Yup.  That’s The Bird.  And NOT the one born in French Lick, Indiana.

[And if you think that was an isolated incident, check the pictures in this post. And no, he has no idea he's doing it.]

But we are past all of that now.  In the past month, I have taken great care in making sure that Braden’s innocence is retained.  And I’m really working on teaching him only good, wholesome things.  We read books and I engage him in educational games.  As you can see, it is really working out well for us.

Oh, shit!

17 Months

Dear Braden,

Yesterday you turned 17 months old.  This past month was a rough month, my son.  It was the month of 2 bad colds, and the suspicion that the mold in our home was either causing your illness directly, or lowering your immunity so that you were more susceptible to the ickies.  But we’ll worry about that no more (for now) because during the first week of your 18th month, we’ll be moving into a new rental home. 

I’d like to go ahead and ask you now (pretty please with sugar on top, and lots of cookies, Elmo and all the Baby Einstein and Doggie and Outside that you want?) to C-O-O-P-E-R-A-T-E with Mommy and Daddy while we try to move.

Or, you know… I could just lock you in the closet again while we get it all done.  Your choice, really, my man.

I have continued to delight in watching you grow, change, and learn this past month, Braden.  You are feisty, to say the least, and you show it more and more as your ability to express yourself verbally strengthens.  Why, just the other day, I was standing in front of YOUR kitchen cabinet just at the moment you wanted to open it.  So you opened it, and while using it to shove me out of the way, you looked up at me and said, “Scoose ooh!” 

“Excuse you,” indeed.  I cannot imagine WHERE you got that expression. *cough*

You’re still screaming at every.little.thing that doesn’t float your proverbial boat, but it doesn’t seem as bad anymore.  But maybe that’s because I’ve lost 73% of my hearing since you started in with The Shriekover two months ago.  I suppose eventually I’ll be one of those parents at the restaurant that everybody hates.  You know, the one who just completely zones out the insanely wild screaming of her offspring, while dreaming she’s on a remote island, millions of miles from a poopie diaper?

The latest thing that causes a meltdown with you is Brushing Teeth.  The ritual entails that we do this during bathtime. Quiet frankly, you happily request “Shh ttthhhththththththttthhhh!”

In fact, if I reject your request, you get quite annoyed.

You used to chew on the brush a lot and rub it all around your mouth, which was cool. Now you just kinda suck the toothpaste off and then sit down with the brush under the water, staring off into nowhereland. You are probably pondering the great mysteries of the world. Such as where, exactly, the PeePee goes when it “Goes Bye-Bye!” down the toilet when we flush and wave at it.

And, well, I really have no desire for you to get Gingivitis or have rotten teeth. If you were older, I could scare you with pictures like this:

But for now, I just brush your teeth for you. While you scream and thrash, and HOOOOWWWWL to the world about the injustices of Forced Tooth Brushing. It’s over in a few seconds, and then a few minutes after that, we both start liking each other again.

Besides, after having your first lolly ever, that Kat sent you, I have a feeling there’s no turning back.

So we better get used to this teeth-brushing thing, kid.

Speaking of hygienic matters, I have to mention that we started treating your famous bum much more kindly this month.

Yes, son, this was the month where we stopped putting sacks of jelly which contain chemicals that were banned from tampons for causing Toxic Shock Syndrome on your rump. Because, really, it was just gross, expensive, and wasteful. And you have already sent enough lovely wrapped packages of your fecal waste to sit on the earth for 500 years up to this point, so we decided it was high time to swaddle your sweet hind in cute colors and fabrics. So there.

The thing I think about most when I think about this past month is just being with you, and playing. We still read so much… you love your books. You have your favorites, and they are well-worn – these are the ones you bring to me and your Daddy over and over again. They are the ones you have in your little hands when you nuzzle your butt into my lap for a good read. Sometimes I complain that I haven’t read an adult book in ages… but I’d read “Clifford, the Big Red Dog!” for the rest of my life just to have your little butt in my lap and your warm back up against me, as I smell your sweet hair.

Of course, sometimes you want to do other things, like color.

Your teeth.

And if you’re not going to brush them properly, we’re totally not stickin’ crayons in there, yo.

You still require large doses of “Oww-siiigh!”

And you have realized that the key to going outside is putting on “Shoe?” So you bring me shoes a lot. All different kinds. Hoping it will throw the magic switch to open the door to The Outside.

Because it’s one of the things that makes you incredibly happy.

Except for when the YUCKY WHITE STUFF is all over your Outside.

Then you get mad.

But don’t worry, honey. That doesn’t happen very often here. Besides, we can always just go inside where it’s warm and play Peekaboo with the blankie.

And, really, there’s nothing I’d rather do than play games with you all day long, because you are pretty much my best friend. And I know that I am yours (for now) and I’m going to relish that, for it will not last long, in the grand scheme of things.

Okay, okay. Maybe there’s one thing other than playing with you that I really like a lot. Watching you sleep. There’s something pretty enchanting about this:

I guess you’ll understand one day when you have your own kids.

I feel like there’s so much more to tell you… but for now I think that’s it.

No, wait… actually, I was just remembering how, before you could walk, you loved to climb.

Interestingly, once you started walking, you lost interest in climbing. You just wanted to go,run,do…BE!!!

Lately, you have re-discovered your Love For Dangerous Climbing.

And I want you to know that even when it makes me a bit nervous, it’s okay.

You keep exploring this world, my love.

Because I will always be here to catch you if you fall.

Love,
Momma

That thing that sometimes eludes us: Happiness. (Now with FEWER spelling errors!)

Okay.  This post was up all day with “alludes” instead of “eludes” in the title. 

WHY DIDN’T ANYONE CRY, “IDIOT!?”

*ashamed*

************************ 

Since I really haven’t been doing enough complaining lately (refer to the first part of my site name), I thought I’d mention something to you guys today.

Braden is sick AGAIN.

Yup.

It’s the third time in a month and a half.  Previously?  He had only ever been sick twice.  That’s 15.5 full months of life with only 2 sickies.  Then one and a half months with 3 sickies in it. 

We Ah Soooo Redeh 2 Git Dah Hellz Outta Heah!

In brighter news, whenever I’m all “WOE IS US!” Braden has a way of showing me things like:

A) The only thing you ever REALLY need in order to feel happy is a naked butt (wearing shoes while having a naked butt really just enhances the experience) and a bag of some sort of chip things.

B) Playing Peekaboo cures what ails ya. 

C) If those fail?  Playing with the blinds is more than sufficient.

Even when sick… the kid trumps me on seeing the simple things in life.  It’s not really that hard to find a little happy every day.  As adults, we’ve just forgotten how sometimes.