Darkness Approaches

it is early evening and
a drink has found its way
into her hand while a
heaviness settles
inside her heart

her feet hit the hot concrete
of a texas back patio
warmly, they wander across
lightly, they fall in a pattern
leading to an edge

she settles herself there and
the moon looks down
upon her quietly
showing her
only half of himself

she ponders the idea
of seeing only part
of someone
and wondering what else
might be there

the day has slipped away
as quickly and blindly
as usual, leaving behind
only the memory
of how hot it was

the sky tells her to look
it wants to remind her
that the day was bright and strong
by painting the edges
of her world

the streaks of a sunset
almost gone and forgotten
linger on the horizon
in blue, orange, purple
and gold

she wants to soak those in
remember them, cherish them
she wants to capture them
and carry them with her for
later

she knows that darkness approaches.

so much to look forward to

those grey skies just can’t have me anymore
it’s been so long since I
ran in the sun -
thinking I was trapped in the storm,
no chance to be warm.

but suddenly I’ve realized
there’s nothing holding me there
no chains, no ropes, no cage I’m in -
the door wide, I’ll cross the threshold,
out of the cold.

those grey skies just can’t have me anymore
for years they’ve tortured me -
held me close, whispered dark lies,
covered my eyes.

now they’re open and I see
a sun shining just for me -
no thunder here, no whipping rain
just warmth for miles,
waiting smiles.

warmth for miles

it’s for the taking
and I’m game.

I’m game.

#reverb10 Days 22-28

.

Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. Use the end of your year as an opportunity to reflect on what’s happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead.

.

Day 22 – Travel

How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year? (Author: Tara Hunt)

Day 23 – New Name

Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why? (Author: Becca Wilcott)

Day 24 – Everything’s OK

What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead? (Author: Kate Inglis)

when i needed it the most, a mooshy person in indy sent me a fabulous reminder.
thanks, babe. xoxo

Day 25 – Photo

Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you. (Author: Tracey Clark)

Mishelle is one of the best friends I have. She sees me for exactly who I am, and is pretty much the perfect person to have captured me doing Comic Pilates in Central Park, NYC this past August. ( That is totally normal, right?)

Day 26 – Soul Food

What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul? (Author: Elise Marie Collins)

The chocolate tower made my mouth happy; the date night acquaintance made my heart full.

Day 27 – Ordinary Joy

Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year? (Author: Brené Brown)

Day 28 -Achieve

What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? (Author: Tara Sophia Mohr)

• Complete, consistent physical fitness without downtime created by lazy slouches/injuries.
• Professional photography gear acquired.
• Portfolio established.
• So many smiles my face breaks.

Future Self. #reverb10

Day 21 – Future Self.

Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead?
Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?
(Prompt Author: Jenny Blake)

~~~

Dear Year 2011 Lotus:

I have this writing prompt, and I’m supposed to write you a letter from the past giving you advice, after I think about us five yeas from now. This is all kind of weird, because I have no idea what we will be like in five years.

I kind of don’t want to know… isn’t the fun in the journey? And what good does it do to know the end before the actions? It seems more important to take action without knowing the exact outcome; let’s just travel the path, you know?

Maybe this is part of my problem, though. I think this might be an insight into my poor planning and life goal issues. You think? Nah, me either.

Anyway, you are only about 11 days away from already BEING. Writing you a letter with advice is WEIRD.

But I’m a good sport, you know? (You totally know.) So I sat here and daydreamed for a little while about our flying car and the robot who will obviously be cleaning our house. (Isn’t that what happens in the future?) Basically, I just had my head in the clouds about us having our head in the clouds.

So I guess what I want to tell you is that you probably only have, like, 4 more yeas of boring road driving left before you take to the air in 2015.

Wait. Technically you are in the future, too, aren’t you? Whoa. Wait, WAIT. That means in 11 days (when you will be born) FLYING CARS WILL BE AVAILABLE.

I am so excited I could shit.

See you soon! I hope you know how to fly a car.

Love,
Lotus 2010 (squee! omg so excited!)

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Year 2011 Lotus,

Crap. I just re-read the prompt and it totally didn’t tell me to write you a letter at all. It told me to give MY CURRENT SELF advice about the year ahead.

Please burn the previous letter I sent you. And have fun in your flying car without me.

Asshole.

(You could have written me a letter to the past and invited me for a ride in your damn fancy flying car. Don’t worry, I know why you didn’t. It still hurts.)

Love,
Highly Disappointed Year 2010 Lotus

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Year 2000 Lotus:

I just got this writing assignment where I’m supposed to draft a letter to you. (Yes, writing assignments. Still.) But I know better. I’ve seen too many movies and shows that outilne, detail, and show explicit examples of the folly of talking to anyone from the past, especially oneself! I am thinking, perhaps, that the author of this prompt is unaware of the DANGER that lies in constructing notes to the past, or having any contact with it at all, and that makes me sad.

Somebody hasn’t seen Back to the Future.

For shame.

So, basically, I refuse to tell you anything, but don’t worry. Everything will turn out the way it’s supposed to. And you will become the you that is me now. (Duh.) Which really isn’t so bad, anyway.

There are hurts to come, sure. But isn’t that, well, life? And all the good and the bad have had equal hand in making you the you that is me, and the one that will be us later, too.

I’m going with the idea that it’s going to be okay in the end. Remember all the pretty and ugly things come together to make the what is, and we can’t do much better than just appreciating that fabulous dichotomy.

PS: It’s better to look to the future anyway. I hear cars will fly there. (Shit, forget I said that!)

Love,
Lotus 2010

~~~~~~~~~~

Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to
reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.
Use the end of your year as an opportunity to
reflect on what’s happened, and to send out
reverberations for the year ahead.

~~~

At least a thousand words for each missed prompt. #reverb10

Sometimes you just have to get busy living, and the various other assignments you’ve given yourself just kind of fall to the wayside.  I’ve been doing that, and Reverb 10 went on the backburner.  I don’t feel any guilt about that, but for fun, here are the prompts I missed. I’ve assigned each one a photographic answer(s).

Day 12 – Body Integration

This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? (Author: Patrick Reynolds)

Day 13 – Action

When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step? (Author: Scott Belsky)

Day 14 – Appreciate

What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it? (Author: Victoria Klein)

Day 15 – 5 Minutes

Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010. (Author: Patti Digh)

Day 16 – Friendship

How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst? (Author: Martha Mihalick)

Day 17 – Lesson Learned

What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (Author: Tara Weaver)

Day 18 – Try

What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it? (Author: Kaileen Elise)

Day 19 – Healing.

What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)

Day 20 – Beyond Avoidance.

What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell)

Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. Use the end of your year as an opportunity to reflect on what’s happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead.

Party. Wisdom. Things. #reverb10

Day 9 Prompt – Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Prompt Author: Shauna Reid)

Definitely Blogher10, from the chance to see friends I love dearly, to the opportunity to speak on a photography panel, to the actual slammin’ parties.  See my posts about it: Photography Panel, Blogher Memories Parts One, Two, Three, & Four.  View the video below for scenes from the last night’s parties.

Day 10 Prompt – Wisdom Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Prompt Author: Susannah Conway)

Clearing the brush and dismantling the cage.

Day 11 Prompt – 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Prompt Author: Sam Davidson)

1. Regret – this means making better choices, but also forgiving myself the bad ones.
2. Disappointment
3. Anger – I’m focusing on positives and my mantra is “relax, guy.”
4. Fear – this sucker pairs up with #5 and stops me when I should be full steam ahead.
5. Insecurity
6. Apathy – the lazy douche in me causes bouts of numbers 6-8. I need a kick in the ass.
7. Sloth
8. Procrastination
9. Anxiety – I’m not sure how to overcome this one, but it feeds #2, and I have to manage it.
10. Impatience – okay, I’m honestly not sure I can conquer this one, so deeply embedded it is.
11. Ungratefulness – for the chances I’m given for free every day just by being alive again when I open my eyes.

Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. Use the end of your year as an opportunity to reflect on what’s happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead.

Community. Beautiful. #reverb10

Two prompts rolled into one post today. It’s like the Reeses Cup of Reverb Posts. How can you resist?

Day 7 Prompt – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Prompt Author: Cali Harris)

Day 8 Prompt – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Prompt Author: Karen Walrond)

Community.

I’ve found it in my neighborhood – for the first time in my life I have neighbors who I’d also call best friends.  They have enhanced my sanity in countless ways over the past many months, and, man, am I grateful for them. (They also ply me with wine, and man, do I love them for that.)

photo courtesy of Kristi Pryor

I’ve found it in my town.  Friends who see your flaws and issues and don’t care, but go the extra mile to help you get around them are pretty damn priceless. (Especially the ones who make thinly veiled crotch jokes with you.)

And I’ve found it where I’ve found it for the last several years: online. On blog, Twitter, and Facebook, and with Skype, I have found, forged, and maintained friendships that will last a lifetime. Many of these are with people I’d never have met, much less had lengthy emotional conversations and in-depth philosophical discussions with, if it hadn’t been for this Information Super Highway.

The Internet saves my life a little bit every day (laugh if you will, I am not joking even a little) by connecting me with people who form a support network that gives me advice, makes me laugh, sometimes makes me cry (jerks) and lifts me up when it seems impossible to be anywhere but down.

Different?

I’ve spent my whole life focusing on the ways I’m different. My parents taught me that it was okay to be different. The world argued.

As an adult I know the truth: we’re all different from someone (which is okay, fabulous even), but nobody is different from everyone. And that is one of the very reasons we can find community here.

Because the things that make us different and the things that make us the same are all beautiful, in their place. They keep us connected while at the same time interesting and valuable to one another. We are able to share different perspectives, experiences, and strengths, while simultaneously finding kindred souls who share our heartsong.

One of the greatest lessons of my life has been this: the most beauty blooms when we don’t focus on either the similarities or the differences, but on being there for one another, supporting, building and growing together. Dare I say it, Loving together. Then we truly thrive.

Community. Beautiful.

Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. Use the end of your year as an opportunity to reflect on what’s happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead.

How to make bokeh shapes.

It’s no secret that I love bokeh play. No, this isn’t some kind of freaky sex fetish.  It’s a Photogranerd thing!

Bokeh – Most photographers know this term, but if you don’t, bokeh basically refers to the shape (and oft admired beauty) of the out-of-focus areas of a photograph. This isn’t in reference to camera shake or motion blur, but rather the OOF areas that occur due to depth of focus determined by settings on your camera.  In a nutshell, you want a very wide aperture (small f-stop number – f/1.4 or f/1.8 are the most dreamy) to achieve the most lovely bokeh. Then adjust focus so that the lights are out of focus.

One of the most fun (to me) types of bokeh, and the most often referred to, are those you can create by manipulating points of light.

With a DSLR, just go into manual mode (or aperture priority) and make sure you have the lowest f-stop # aperture setting your lens will allow, and adjust focus to create the bokeh.  I used a Canon Digital Rebel XT with 50mm 1.8 lens for this lovely shot.

On a point-and-shoot, use your manual settings to do the same, or you can put your camera in portrait mode (profile shaped icon) to approximate this, if you can’t adjust settings manually. This is because portrait mode generally uses a shallow depth of field/low number f-stop to make the subject “pop” with the background out-of-focus. Remember, the lights have to be out of focus to achieve bokeh.

I’ve also cheated like this with my point-and-shoot:

Remember, practicing (a lot) with your camera of choice is the key to good results. Never. Give. Up.

I captured this shot with my Canon Powershot G9, using maximum aperture (lowest number, widest opening), and focused on the ornament up close, throwing the lights in the background into lovely bokeh shapes.

Once you’ve played with light bokeh, an even more fun thing to do is to force them into specific shapes!

If you’d like to do the same, you’ll need:

CAREFULLY trace a circle around your lens on your black paper.  Cut out your circle.

Next, you want to draw and then cut a small shape (about 1/2 inch, or 15-20mm) from the middle of your circle. If your shape is too big, you get poor results. Popular shapes include hearts, stars, and crosses. You can get creative here, and that is part of the fun.

Be very careful with your shape – clean lines, no tears, clearly shaped and cut.  This is easier to do with x-acto knives or shape punchers than with scissors.

Cut a strip of black paper to wrap around the lens, about 1 inch wide, like a cuff. Tape that shut on the lens, and tape your circle carefully to that, so it sits in front of your lens. This must be flush, no light leaks!

Another method is putting your paper circle inside a lens filter ring. This eliminates need for tape. Experiment to see what works best for you!

PLAY WITH THE LOVELY BOKEH. SMILE. REPEAT.