- Being an “Internet Pee Holder” has never been more difficult. (You know you do it, too.)
- I want to take eleventy-seven naps a day. Braden is getting sick of the closet.
- The nausea is fading now (Booyah!) and I never threw up. And I want to eat all day long. Bring on the fatness, oh yeah, baby. (I am NOT a skinny pregnant woman.)
- I really, really need to do Kegels. Pee-Pee Leaky No Sexay.
- Everything makes me cry. All shows which involve danger to a baby should be banned or I might die. Dog food commercials and grocery store fliers are even a danger, for crying out loud.
- When you are reeeeee-heeeee-leeeeee tiiiiired, shaving is SO overrated. If you don’t do it for a month, look like a freaking APE, and your husband literally tells you that’s disgusting, you should continue to not do it just out of spite. Even if you were totally about to do it the next day. Asshole.
- It is evil to be pregnant around Halloween. I HATE ALL the trick-or-treaters who DIDN’T come to my house, and left me with all the candy, which, by law, I am forced to consume myself now.
- I don’t drink caffeine during the first trimester. Just my thing. But I WOULD KILL FOR SOME COFFEE, OMG, I MIGHT CRY SOON.
- John looked at me wrong several times this past couple of months. I have devised at least 4 fool-proof ways of killing him such that no one could ever discover his remains. Unfortunately, he does not have a life insurance policy. Tooooootal murder buzz-kill.
- My boobs were one of the first things to “symptom up” with Braden. This time, no soreness… until NOW. Thanks, Braden, for tweaking my nipple and leading me to this tender discovery.
- Oh, and yeah, The Rack Is Expanding. Bow-Chicka.
- Unfortunately, so is my ass. Badonka.
Confessions of a Preggie
Yeah, I know, lists/ugh. I've always been bad at accepting compliments, and this is no different. I was surprised and honored by this - someone thinks I've done a good job. Icky Listness aside, that makes me smile. :-)lotus works
lotus is impressed by her friends
lotus digs
#1 by Keely on November 18, 2008 - 1:43 AM
I can relate to so many of these things. It all seems so funny when someone else is dealing with it and yet so dramatic when I’m dealing with it. Thanks for the laugh.
The Kegels one cracked me up!
Keelys last blog post..Proud Moment
#2 by fred on November 18, 2008 - 2:19 AM
thanks for the morning laugh (7 hour time difference)
#3 by PAPA on November 18, 2008 - 2:48 AM
Sometimes it helps to have a little Kegel Friendly Reminder from the Hubby.
http://www.papatv.com/2008/08/friendly-remind.html
PAPAs last blog post..Yellow Sticky Post it Notes
#4 by natalie on November 18, 2008 - 3:12 AM
um…internet pee holder? is that when you don’t get up to go to the bathroom because you are surfing the internet? i am totally doing that right now! ok…gotta go!
natalies last blog post..Taste Test – Final Turkey Edition
#5 by Lilacspecs on November 18, 2008 - 4:57 AM
Hehe, due to our current bathroom situation we have a chamber pot for pee. You might want to try it….it takes some getting used to but I figure the amount of times we flush has probably decreased to maybe 3 or 4 times a day total because of it. It’s a real flush-saver plus you don’t have to hold it…you just step away for a minute or two, squat and voila, back to the computer.
I’m gross, I know.
Lilacspecss last blog post..Only The Cats Are Privvy to my Wisdom
#6 by Jeanette on November 18, 2008 - 5:11 AM
How cool is that widget?!
Glad the nausea ha sdisappeared.
Jeanettes last blog post..A family photoshoot for Sue
#7 by Taz on November 18, 2008 - 5:38 AM
the common joys of being pregnant..
#8 by Lisa on November 18, 2008 - 7:05 AM
That just brought back too many memories that I never want to relive again
With Matt I could of slept for days. Wait, I take that back, with both of them I could of slept for days. I couldn’t sleep enough. Not crying was the option. I cried at Friends, I cried at Sienfeld (that tells ya’ the first time I was pregnant), anything made me cry. With J, I could of strangled the ex with every last ounce of energy that I had.
I can help you with those plans
Lisas last blog post..Haiku Friday
#9 by kompostela on November 18, 2008 - 7:27 AM
Hm:)) I think you have to add some positive moments to your confession:) I’ sure they are majority
kompostelas last blog post..Weekly Winners, November 9-15
#10 by lceel on November 18, 2008 - 7:44 AM
Okay. We’ve seen the recent expanding tummy pictures. Very cute. That teeny little hint of RACKAGE displayed in the tummy picture was a nice tease, but some of us (me, me, me) want to see MORE!
lceels last blog post..SWMBO’s birthday bash
#11 by Texan Mama on November 18, 2008 - 7:55 AM
Ahh, by the time you get to number 5, everything fades that could even be remotely fun about pregnancy. Except the eating part. I always enjoy that.
Texan Mamas last blog post..Out of the Mouths of Babes
#12 by Kim on November 18, 2008 - 8:52 AM
Boy do I miss my pregnancy rack.. now I have cubbie holes..
Kims last blog post..If your looking for me…
#13 by Miss Britt on November 18, 2008 - 9:09 AM
I didn’t drink caffeine at all during both of my pregnancies OR nursing.
Diet Coke never tasted so good after I was done nursing.
Miss Britts last blog post..Officially the First “I’m So Nervous About BlogHer!” Post of 2009
#14 by Angie H on November 18, 2008 - 9:26 AM
WAIT ONE MINUTE…your nausea is ALREADY going away???? NO FAIR! Every preggy woman should puke the whole 9 months like I did!!!!
#15 by Sarah on November 18, 2008 - 9:33 AM
Yay for the rack!!! Boo for the junk…fun all around
Sarahs last blog post..The Death of Santa
#16 by witchypoo on November 18, 2008 - 9:59 AM
Internet pee-holding? The kegels are useful for that.
witchypoos last blog post..Skinny Bitch Gets Dumped
#17 by Summer on November 18, 2008 - 10:48 AM
LOL I can so relate!
#18 by perpstu on November 18, 2008 - 11:06 AM
I am a total intenet pee holder, but in my defense the bathroom is a whole 20 feet away! I might miss something good while I’m gone!
I was not a skinny pregnant person either. I only gained 25 pounde, but I retained more water than the Hoover Dam and could not wear my wedding ring after my fourth month. After I had LW, people told me they thought I had gained AT LEAST 50 pounds. Fuckers.
perpstus last blog post..Simply Kind Tuesday #2
#19 by Jen on November 18, 2008 - 11:22 AM
I hear ya. My husband actually put the child lock on all those channels that show programs about babies being born inside-out and whatnot. I don’t know the code and he has threatened to take away my boneless buffalo wing privledges if I even try to crack it.
Jens last blog post..Holiday Hoo-Hah.
#20 by dcokequeen on November 18, 2008 - 12:49 PM
Well, I can’t quite completely relate because I haven’t been pregnant yet, but it totally cracked me up!! I’m feeling you on the Halloween candy though. We didn’t have a single trick-or-treater and now we are stuck with this huge bowl of candy that stares me down everyday. I’m trying to be strong and have willpower but it’s wearing me down!!!
dcokequeens last blog post..I’m hot for teacher!
#21 by Tiff@Three Peas on November 18, 2008 - 1:07 PM
I can relate to the hubs saying the wrong thing. I had severe nausea with my second. I was in the hospital every other week to get fluids. One particulary bad day I had been lying in the bathroom floor all day. Hubs came home and nothing had been done. He yelled and told me to get off my butt and do something. LOL So I threw up in his clean clothes. LOL He never said that again. To be fair he was stressed big time. We had just gotten married and Now I was pregnant and he was scared!!
I’m glad you are feeling better! Love the widget!
Tiff@Three Peass last blog post..The Art of being Frugal Part 1
#22 by Raising Chickens on November 18, 2008 - 1:58 PM
I needed a good laugh. Those are funny. I really laughed at the first one. I always hold my pee when I am working on the Internet and then I have to rush down stairs before i pee myself. LMAO
I can’t imagine you trying to do in your condition.
Good luck on the new little one!
Raising Chickenss last blog post..Teresa Ghilarducci: Killing Our 401K?
#23 by Colleen - Mommy Always Wins on November 18, 2008 - 1:58 PM
I’m in a different boat. The “I-want-another-baby-but-no-luck-yet” boat. I’m currently cramming for the finals by watching every show EVAH made of people with lots of kids. Proof that yes, I could do three.
Glad to hear you’re feeling better!
Colleen – Mommy Always Winss last blog post..Stream of (un)consciousness
#24 by Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus on November 18, 2008 - 2:10 PM
Lilacspecs,
LOL Well, with a dog and a toddler running around, keeping open containers of pee sitting around would NOT be a good idea.
But we do go in the toilet multiple times before we flush.
It’s just that we have to walk alll the way theeeerrrreeee….
Lotus:)
#25 by Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus on November 18, 2008 - 2:11 PM
kompostela,
Positive things don’t usually tend to come out as “confessions.”
Lotus:)
#26 by Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus on November 18, 2008 - 2:13 PM
Angie H,
Well, I find it completely unfair that you didn’t get HUGE AND FAT like I did with Braden!
Can’t have it all!
Lotus:)
#27 by Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus on November 18, 2008 - 2:14 PM
perpstu,
I gained 60 with Braden.
Yeah.
Lotus:)
#28 by BeThisWay on November 18, 2008 - 3:01 PM
I don’t comment often, but seriously, you crack me up.
BeThisWays last blog post..Present Non Grata
#29 by Ashley @ mrs007.net on November 18, 2008 - 3:48 PM
Just make sure the closet has oxygen holes and plenty of snacks and sippy cups
He’ll survive
Ashley @ mrs007.nets last blog post..Battlefield Earth
#30 by Allee on November 18, 2008 - 3:57 PM
I never understood why people say it is bad to be an “internet pee holder”. I would think that if you hold it you are stregthening the muscles. Is this wrong :-/ ?
#31 by Veronica on November 18, 2008 - 4:08 PM
Trying to comment, but Amy is sitting on my arm. Really, she’s trying to sit on my lap, but with the laptop and the belly, there’s no room for her.
Oh and shaving? I *think* I know where my razor is… I think.
Veronicas last blog post..30w3d
#32 by Jessica Turner on November 18, 2008 - 4:41 PM
I was totally the same way when I was pregnant. Glad that’s over. At least for a year. Then I will probably be pregnant again.
Jessica Turners last blog post..Happy Birthday to My Favorite Guy
#33 by jill on November 18, 2008 - 5:33 PM
i still have the crying bit going 3 weeks postpartum, cant wait until thats over with.
jills last blog post..Moving with an infant
#34 by Talina on November 18, 2008 - 5:36 PM
Ditto on the boobs, the candy, the eating and everything else… Now I need to nap. Naps rock! They suck when they cause you to neglect the bills and overdraft… Boo…
Talinas last blog post..Preparing for turkey day and such…
#35 by Tatiana on November 18, 2008 - 6:23 PM
I have never felt so damn lazy or tired in my entire life! As soon as i wake up in the morning i am ready for a nap. I was a tad lazy before i got pregnant though….im pretty sure i got pregnant with hairy legs! But i figure since my husband is going to be gone for a whole year and its winter time i dont need to shave any time soon:)
Tatianas last blog post..9th Week
#36 by stephanie on November 18, 2008 - 6:54 PM
Being skinny is so overrated. Coffee, however, is not. I’m proud of you for holding out. Stay strong, girl!
stephanies last blog post..What do you want on your sale?
#37 by Jacque on November 18, 2008 - 7:17 PM
I also avoided caffeine the entire first trimester… but by the 2nd; I couldn’t hold out any longer!!
Jacques last blog post..The Real Green Monster!
#38 by Tanya on November 18, 2008 - 7:57 PM
I’m so excited about my expanding breasts! But not about them aching all the time.
Nathan is good at looking at me the wrong way lately too. I burst into tears while cleaning the shower to which he ran to my aid and asked what was wrong.
‘I-D-DONT-WANT-T-TO-GET-FAAAAAAAAT’ was my reply.
I hear ya!
#39 by missy wiggins on November 18, 2008 - 9:05 PM
Yes, that God awful boob pain was the worst!
Got it less with my girl but damn she paid me back while she breast fed! She almost killed me actually…
Hurray for nausea going away!
I hope you have a really nice pregnancy and no matter what, try not to kill the husband, who’s gonna pay the hospital bill if you do?
#40 by Meredith on November 18, 2008 - 10:49 PM
Just say no to the Oreos…you’re hips and thighs will thank you for it! Speaking from experience, of course.
#41 by seven on November 18, 2008 - 11:24 PM
About the hairy legs… Just use an epilator (a little electric doo-hickey that plucks your leg hairs out… like waxing, only just a little bit at a time and not as messy). It doesn’t get every little hair, but neither do you have a forest, so it works out. Best thing? Lasts for weeks.
#42 by Jessica on November 18, 2008 - 11:32 PM
I feel the same way LOL! Ah the joys of pregnancy!
#43 by Kara on November 19, 2008 - 12:51 AM
This list is the funniest thing I’ve read all day! Glad Perp sent me in your direction:-)
Karas last blog post..Kentucky or Bust Blog Contest!
#44 by Krista on November 19, 2008 - 1:27 AM
You crack me up dude! Seriously! I think you should write a new chapter (book?) about what to expect when you’re expecting…
Kristas last blog post..Blog Party News
#45 by Jen @ candles love soy on November 19, 2008 - 3:55 PM
oh you’re too funny! having gone through four pregnancy’s (yea, I know I’!m a little nuts!) I can so relate to your post! Thanks for sharing, you made my day
Jen @ candles love soys last blog post..Sweet New *Sparkle Candles*
#46 by Undercover Princess on November 19, 2008 - 10:26 PM
Mmm…naps. And I’m not even pregnant.
Undercover Princesss last blog post..Hello Prof. Daniel
#47 by Christina on December 2, 2008 - 12:29 AM
Internet Pee Holder – LMAO – That’s too funny. I just had a baby 2 weeks ago and I was most definitely a pee holder. By the way, that’s seriously a bad idea when you have 3 males in the house, none of which who can pee without leaving traces on the seat (no matter how many times you scream at them that Mommy is tired of peeing in her pants) By the time I got everything wiped up so I could sit down, it was almost too late.