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Crazy crap a mother says out loud.
Just a sampling…
I have an almost 3 year old son. I literally said every. one. of. these damn things out loud in the span of 3 days last week.
Not necessarily in this order.
- Do NOT put that in your mouth.
- Don’t sit on the table.
- Stop yelling.
- Pee goes in the toilet.
- That’s not nice.
- The dog doesn’t like to be kicked.
- No matter how many times you scream, you’ll still have to take a nap.
- But that’s what you just asked me for.
- You pooped in your pants?
- Why did you put that in there?
- No, I won’t kiss your poo poo bum. (????)
- Hahaha. Ok, really, don’t honk Mommy’s boobies. Hahahahahaha.
- Seriously, you really did just ask me for this exact thing, why are screaming no when I give you what you wanted?
- That is NOT edible.
- You can’t fly!!!
- I have no idea what you’re talking about. Repeating doesn’t help.
- If you stand on that again I will take it away from you.
- No, we are not going in the car. We just got out of it.
- No, Daddy doesn’t drive a bus. He RIDES on it.
- You are being too loud.
- You need to go make a pee pee. Yes, you do! Then why are you dancing and holding your crotch?
- Get your fingers out of your mouth.
- Why did you spit on that?
- No, you may not spank my bum.
- You already flushed 3 times.
- Yes, you have to wash your hands.
- Please do not lick your hands.
- It’s ok to use the toilet in public, it won’t hurt you.
- No, that is a tampon. Give it back to Mommy, please.
- Do not fill up your mouth with milk and then let it drool out onto the floor on purpose.
- That is not dry.
- Don’t hit people with your head!
- What is that smell?
- I have no idea what you’re trying to say. I’m as frustrated as you are, REALLY.
- The dog also cannot fly. Really.
- It’s “WaNt the foRk,” dear. The N and the R really need to be pronounced.
- Some people don’t like it when you yell at them about their boobies.
- Say you’re sorry. You need to say, “Sorry for locking you out, Mommy.”
- That is NOT where you use your crayons.
- You are not supposed to ride on that.
- It’s not nice to smear your poop on the mirror.
- The ball will not come out from under the table no matter how loudly you scream at it.
- I will not respond to you if you don’t stop growling and screaming.
- Time out for 2 minutes for *insert an endless list of reasons*
- If you keep screaming, you’ll get another 2 minutes.
- I think you just said NO for the 239,785,349,823rd time. Stop it.
- Do NOT tell ME to stop it.
- Mommy needs a time out now.
- It is going to last MUCH LONGER THAN 2 MINUTES.
- And I am totally going to scream so I’ll get more time.