Dating Women
- At February 23, 2009
- By Lotus Carroll
- In Friends, Guest Post, Humor, Parenting, Relationships
29
I am always the new girl. Having moved five times in the past nine years, I’ve regrettably had to embrace the title and challenges that go along with being the new girl. Even right now, guest blogging, I’m the new girl, in an unfamiliar place, trying to impress people I don’t know. Am I being witty enough? Are they just sticking around because they know I’m alone and would feel bad leaving? At least here I can’t read your eyes and see that you’d really rather be hanging out with Lotus.
So right now I’m in the market for a lady friend. I know the hows and wheres to finding new friends. Most of it involves doing things I’m kind of sick of doing like putting myself out there or being a joiner or being friendly. I could join a MOMS Club or MOPS, but that would mean lots of fretting about what to wear and what to say. And there’s the whole “I hate leaving the house with my children” aspect. Then once I’ve gotten the nerve up to actually get out of the car and walk into a place without knowing a soul and making polite, but awkward conversation, well, it really all sounds like too much effort.
It would be nice if I could just sit back and have new friends come to me for once. I KNOW that won’t happen, though. Hello! I’ve lived in Tennessee for three months and the Friend Fairy hasn’t delivered even one friend to my doorstep.
It doesn’t seem like making friends should be so hard. I mean, I should be able to see a nice mom at the food court in the mall, go up, say “hello,” make small talk about our kids’ poop, exchange phone numbers, meet for lunch with the kids later in the week at that McDonald’s with the clean(er) play area, laugh and gossip, have our husbands meet each other at a bar-b-que on Saturday. Voila! Friends!
Or why can’t all of my friends who live in my laptop just magically appear when I need a friend to hang out with on the couch and watch trashy reality TV?
It’s just not that easy when it comes to making friends with women.
Wouldn’t it just be less effort to put an ad in the paper?
33 year old married women with two small children seeks female for friendship ONLY. Must enjoy some shopping, chatting on the phone, long walks in the park. Flexibility a must, as shopping will most likely get canceled because of a sick child, chatting on the phone will include many interruptions from said children, and walks in the park will actually be chasing toddlers around the park screaming at them not to eat the discarded goldfish crackers from someone elses picnic. Picky eaters, close-minded jerks, people I can’t mention my blog to, Cubs fans, Twilight fans who insist I must read the remaining 3 books need not apply.
Hee, hee! JUST KIDDING about the last two. See? Just proves my point that making friends with women is brutal.
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When Jennifer isn’t trolling for hot chicks to date looking for friendly women to pal around with, she’s entertaining all of us virtual friends over at her website, Playgroups Are No Place For Children. I’ve read her posts ever since I started checking out this blogosphere, and she never fails to entertain and inspire me. I’d feel lucky to have the Friend Fairy deliver her to me, any day.
29 comments
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The Awesome
LaskiGal
This is the reason I don’t feel so alone out here. Been there . . . WTH, I AM there. Right now.
Thus the reason I blog . . .
I lived in Podunk-ville for nearly 9 years and I’m just now finding a few suitable pals. But I’m sure they’ll end up being weird (or thinking that I am).
Good luck with your search. Until then . . . there’s always us.
Michelle
Jen, if I lived in Tennessee, I’d come over (unfortunately I live in Victoria…Australia). But I do pop in most days to see how you are and think of you.
A friend fairy would be pretty handy at times.
Shannon
I am feeling the same way. Two big moves in two years and I’m sick of trying to make new friends and wish it would just happen without any effort on my part! If I were in Tennessee, I would be calling you for coffee at McDonalds.
Shannons last blog post..She has a future in the horror movie industry
natalie
yep…been there done that. actually i’m doing it! i am totally not an initiator when it comes to friendships or much else for that matter. after moving every 3 years pretty much my whole life i think i got tired of trying to make friends. i think an ad in the personals is just the thing! i am spontaneous and fun and will usually try anything! just call me.
natalies last blog post..freedom weekend
SECRET AGENT MAMA
Why couldn’t your husband get transferred to Atlanta? I know this really awesome chick in Atlanta. *smirk*giggle*poot*
<3
Ashlie- Mommycosm
Maybe he’ll get transferred to New Hampshire next?
I am currently living near where I grew up, so most of my friends are childhood friends and neighbors. Sometimes I wish my friends from my laptop could just magically appear as well. In some ways, I have far more in common with them.
Hang in there. You’re smart, witty and friendly. It’s just a matter of time before you connect with a really great girlfriend. Probably just in time for you to move again;)
Ashlie- Mommycosms last blog post..Why I’m tired today…
Jill
i came close to making a new friend last year, it was my husband’s new buddy’s fiance/wife, but then we moved. i haven’t had a new friend since college. that would be um…8 years ago. i suck. wait, thats not true, i have friendly people i worked with and that’s a new friend, so maybe that counts… i dont know…i dont have anyone i can go visit or hang out with though, we have moved, twice since then, you see.
Jills last blog post..My valentine…
SusanB
This is right where I am right now…I HATE having to work so hard just to make a couple of friends…I HAD friends, damnit! And I’m so tired of trying to make friends. I was a constant mover as a child, and I just feel like I’ve reached my quota. I shouldn’t have to do that anymore. Yet here I am, four months into a move, and reeeeeeaaaally dragging my feet on that making new friends business.
So thanks for saying exactly what I was thinking. Too bad we can’t pull our bloggy friends out of the computer for a playdate. =)
SusanBs last blog post..Do YOU know what a Nos-tris is?
Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect
Oh, I feel your pain. It is SO stinking hard to make new friends! I don’t know WHY it can’t be as easy as it was back in school, ya know?
Ha! How’s THAT for a whiny comment? Yeesh!
Mary @ Giving Up on Perfects last blog post..Carnival Week: Not Me Monday
perpstu
I feel the same way! I love my internet friends and wish they all lived in my neighborhood too!
Welcome to the crowd…..
Twitter: perpstu
Mama DB
Oh yes, we just moved (somewhat locally at least) with another move on the not too distant horizon. So much effort…be nice if we could just run around the park and have our mothers set up playdates for us.
Mama DBs last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: We done wore her out, finally
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas
I sure wish you were in Nashville. That would make this post completely unnecessary.
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritass last blog post..Blissdom 09: Nashville Shopping
Twitter: amy2boys
Michelle Smiles
I’ve lived in TN for 18 months and this town for 8. I still haven’t found someone who I can just call up and say “hey let’s go grab lunch”. I’m not good at making the leap from acquaintance to friend. And I know lots of lovely ladies in this area but most are a little far for casual, impromptu gatherings and all are busy in their own lives. I joined the moms club…but most of the moms are either 22 (and I am so not) or the overachieving soccer mom type who look on disapprovingly as I allow my child to consume non-organic apples. I miss having 1 or 2 good friends – it sucks being the new girl!
Michelle Smiless last blog post..Holy Consignment Sale Batman!
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
I kept my friends whom I carried over from working. I won’t let them go. It’s way too hard to make mommy friends.
I’ll be your friend. Just move to Orlando, mkay?
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]s last blog post..Rubbin Up on the Famous
Memarie Lane
if ever you move to new mexico. look me up.
nottryingforaboy
I was with you completely until “Cubs fans.” That would definitely be one of my requirements.
nottryingforaboys last blog post..“Answers to my sister’s questions”
Tanya
I am always looking for new friends
Unfortunately am living in Australia so couldnt catch up for coffee or anything! But I like to email…
Tanyas last blog post..Baby Shower and Baby Mural
Secret Mom Thoughts
Totally understand where you are coming from. Wish you lived near me.
Secret Mom Thoughtss last blog post..Not Me Monday
Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com
I have the same problem.
Actually, more specifically, I have the problem where I seem to have out-grown a few of my friendships and now I need replacements. It sounds horrible when I put it like that, but I got married and bought a house and am pregnant. Alot of my friends are still so wrapped up in their careers that they don’t have any plans for a serious relationship, much less a marriage or a home or a pregnancy, on the horizon. That’s fine, but their eyes are really starting to glaze over whenever I talk lol.
Good luck to Jennifer on her woman-hunt!
Sarah @ BecomingSarah.coms last blog post..Birth of a nickname.
Maggie
I am so with you! It’s hard to make friends the older you get. I don’t think I ever felt truly lonely and lost until I moved. I even have my mom close but it is not the same as having a good friend. I am finally making some kinds of inroads, but it is hard and overwhelming – especially when you’re a single mom and where you go the kid must follow.
*hugs*
Good luck and let me know if you ever get lonely in Minnesota! (Or know a single guy for that matter – I’m convinced that only single men know other single men).
Ashley @ mrs007.com
Duuude move a little closer to the Nashville area next time. I promise I won’t even talk about Twilight….but talking about kids poop is inevitable.
Ashley @ mrs007.coms last blog post..Easy to Please
Colleen - Mommy Always Wins
Oh, I *so* know this pain. Would be great to tackle the hell of a Micky D’s playland with another chica and her kids. Instead, *le sigh*, I brave it myself.
Colleen – Mommy Always Winss last blog post..Workin’ too hard can give you a heart attackackack
Twitter: mommy_wins
Sherry
You know, I found this on Lotus’ website…and I couldn’t agree more. I have been in a new city for 14 months now and have ZERO friends. Part of me is lonely, but another part is just kind of glad that I don’t have to deal with all the drama that comes with getting to know a new woman/girlfriend…you know? Because with my luck, I would inevitably end up making friends with the “weird one” who would be always analyzing our relationship and stuff…so I guess I will just sit here on my couch, read other people’s blogs, and y’all can be my friend.
If you want to, that is!
Sammanthia
We’ve lived in Kentucky almost three years and I’ve only made two friends. TWO! It’s hard, and I could relate to every single reason you listed. Every. Single. One.
Sammanthias last blog post..Epic Mommy FAIL
The Glamorous Life
I was reading and thinking ‘i love this girl. i am so going to follow her blog”….and then I got down to the end and realized I ALREADY FOLLOW YOUR BLOG AND ALREADY LOVE YOU.
Arrrggghhh.
I have moved about 4 times cross country in 11 years of marriage. Always the new girl. Always.
I have become comfortable with less friends now. Although I have no trouble making enemies I have noticed (hello? bitchy team moms? grrrr)
But really I have kinda given up. Everyone I meet thru blogging is so friggin perfect for me….that I have kinda given up on real life friends.
I know. I am pathetic.
The Glamorous Lifes last blog post..AdTalk: Women never forget
jennielynn
Yes. Just, holy hell, amen and yes.
jennielynns last blog post..It’s All Rather Galling
Rachael
It’s so true! I always wonder why it becomes so hard when we grow up – when kids meet someone they think is cool on the playground, they go right up and say, hey I like you, want to be friends? Why can’t we just do that as adults without being socially awkward? It’s annoying!
Rachaels last blog post..Smooth Away?
Twitter: rachael1013
Heather, Queen of Shake Shake
It’s because we’re so freaking gorgeous, people don’t want to be our friends. They hate us because we’re beautiful.
Indranila
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