Dear Hasbro, Disney, Mattell, et. al
- At January 9, 2009
- By Lotus, aka Sarcastic Mom
- In Guest Post, Humor, Parenting, Rant
18
In the spirit of calling Lotus’ missing mojo back from it’s prolonged vacation, here’s a rant I’ve been brewing since Christmas day. This may not actually call that spoiled mojoho back all on it’s own–it’s hard to top foot rubs and chocolates, but I’ll do my best to contribute to the siren song.
*Ahem*
Dear Revered Big-Brand Toymakers,
Beloved gods of toys, who bring joy to millions of children, I am but a humble mother of one who extends these unworthy suggestions for your gracious and almighty reflection:
- If you are going to rate something 3+, then please make the fracking little pulls and knobs actually operable by 3 year-old fingers. If my kid can’t open Wall-E’s trash compartment and shove the little plastic pieces of trash in there on his own, then take that mofo off the shelf and back to the drawing board. “Maaaaaaaama! Waaaaaaalllllleeeeeee!” has been the theme song of my day, and I’m beginning to fantasize about telling my kid that his Wall-E died and throwing it in the trash. Any future therapy bills will be sent your way.
- Make your trains so that my 3 year-old can put them back on the tracks all by himself. Believe it or not, I don’t want to stop what I’m doing every 90 seconds all day long, to keep a train going ’round and ’round on a little plastic track. Hard to believe, I know.
- Make knobs for twisting easily twist-able. My kid did not train for Christmas with a Grip Master. He does not have miniature He-man fingers. I do not want to wind up that stupid toy even one more time, as long as I live.
- Make on/off switches larger than the head of a pin. And while you’re at it, don’t hide them underneath fur and up the ass of the toy! Okay? Really. Why is that necessary?
All I ask is that you make some small modifications to these toys so that your intended customer can use the damned things without constant parental assistance. I like playing with my kid, I really do. But I don’t live in your fantasy world, where I hover in the background wearing an excited smile, just waiting to be needed while made-in-China character toys break down.
Thank you for your prompt consideration.
Sincerely,
Kat
A Loyal Customer
___________________________________________________________________________
When she’s not busy ripping the toy industry a new one or dying her hair pink, Kat blogs at Just Kat Stuff about a little of everything. She claims to defy description. Go over and see if you can sum her up.
18 comments
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kristin
If only right!
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Leanne
While we’re building a wish list would there be any chance the carry handle on the top of toys could, maybe, if you have the time be checked to see if they’re able to take the weight of the toy.
If my kid picks up that stupid boot shaped playset only for the handle to come off in her hand and the whole contraption fall on her little foot one more time.
Leannes last blog post..WFMW – Getting kids interested in school
kompostela
Let God have ears and listen to your wisdom!
kompostelas last blog post..My Toddler Is Playing Theatre Again
Spoiled Mommy
So very true!!
Amen-I loved this post!
Spoiled Mommys last blog post..Lil Princess bakes!
Ed (zoesdad)
How the hell did you get all of those toys out of the box? I’m still trying to untwist wires and packing material!
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Sarah @ TM2TS
Oh god, I so agree with this.
Especially the trains. My son is almost FOUR and still has problems getting his GeoTrax trains back on the tracks. Hell, as a 27-year-old, I sometimes have problems aligning it right. It’s insane!!
And the hidden buttons up the butt. I hate that. I like hidden buttons because you can turn it off without having to worry about the little one finding it to turn it on, but damn it, I want to find it myself to turn it off and/or on.
awholelotofnothing
Those damned on/off switches will be the bain of my existence.
awholelotofnothings last blog post..Wordless 1.7.9: Three Candles
Michelle
My other complaint? I don’t understand why there has to be a low and high volume setting. High volume is never necessary. My kid is only 2 and knows about the volume switch and will locate it and turn it to high volume.
Michelles last blog post..Bilibo
SECRET AGENT MAMA
They are just out to drive us nut-so! I say down with toys. Up with boxes, tubes, and bubble wrap!
Kat
Leanne – That would drive me insane! I broke out the superglue and made some permanent modifications to moving parts.
Ed – *gasp* I can’t believe I left out the complaints about the packaging. I’m still nursing would from hard plastic shell casing that would survive a nuclear holocaust.
Michelle – Another one I missed! Nobody needs high volume on annoying high-pitched toy music. Ever!
Secret Agent Mama – Amen, sister.
Kats last blog post..Guest Post
stephanie
It’d be nice if they let actual kids (instead of execs who act like kids) play with the toys before putting them out on the market, huh?!
Indigo
I know it’s been a few years since my daughter was that little (17 years ago) but I’m afraid to tell you it doesn’t sound like they’ve changed one iotia. Now that is scary. (Hugs)Indigo
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Internet Strategist
LOL @ Stephanie’s comment. That probably IS the reason. Do they still make Hot Wheels – they’re easier to get back on the tracks. I still remember the toys I liked best (some for older kids than your post mentions):
Plastic horses in different colors. Those who have more money than we had when I was little could give them a barn with all the animals to go in it. I tried to get the manufacturer to see the wisdom of offering them online.
Tinker toys, Legos and other things to make things.
An architecture kit to build skyscrapers out of plastic. Something like an advanced Lego set.
And crayons of course. Every kid should have the largest box of crayons suitable for their age. I love crayons!
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Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas
I’ve come to realize that the age rating on toys doesn’t apply to developmental stages AT ALL! It only means that if thy’re the age on the box, they should be able to play with it without killing themselves. I hate Mattel. Their stuff breaks just by looking at it.
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jeanie
Oh – and the sound should be able to be muted – by an adult – by remote control.
And make the picture on the cover of the box one that can be achieved by the contents.
jeanies last blog post..Movie Warnings
rachael
HA ha, brilliant guest post Kat, I have felt that way a hundred times before.
Hot wheels are easy to put on the track, yes,but it takes a parents help to put it together.
Nice to be here, I will browse around for a while!
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Domestic Extraordinaire
They need to also stop screwing the toys into packages. Or at least provide a instruction manual to get this crap out of the box. We once decapitated a Barbie due to unknown restraints keeping her head in the box while the rest of her wasn’t. Giggles was never the same.
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Tara
SERIOUSLY! My daughter got a azz-load of Polly-Pockets and Littlest Petshop crap. First off, who decided that it was appropriate for a THREE year old to have microscopic toys? Why are their clothes rubber? Half of their shirts have already had their sleeves ripped off with her just trying to get them on over the dolls’ heads. The shoes are instantly gone, as soon as the packages (don’t even get me started on the packaging) is opened, they disappear immediately. They may accidentally go to Goodwill.
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