Totally triumphant. Or something.

You know what you should do if you’re trying really hard to lose weight?

You should work out regularly.  You should drink lots of water.  You should sleep at least 7 hours a night. (Don’t laugh, damnit, that’s the guideline!) *ahem*  You should eat meals that are balanced, high in lean protein and fiber.  You should eat several small meals a day rather than a few large ones.  Snacks are good.  Try to balance good carbs with protein for better digestion and fat burning!  Make sure you take a multi-vitamin, calcium and vitamin D.  Make sure you get enough Omega-3 and Omega-6 Fatty Acids in your diet.  You may even want to take a supplement.  You should not eat after the evening has worn on into the night.  No late eating!  This is a big one!  Seriously! Don’t eat late!  Go to sleep and get up and have breakfast.

And totally, if you have a hard time with this, just drink water when you want to eat.  Keep reminding yourself mentally why you are doing this! Say it out loud if you have to!  It will make you feel better, look better, and be more healthy!  It will make your body work better, and last longer!  You CAN be successful and if you just kick your will power into high gear you CAN make it all the way through a very long night when you really really really really really really want to eat something late by keeping on telling yourself, “NO, NO, YOU CAN DO THIS! DON’T EAT ANYTHING!”

And when 1am hits and you have been successful at not eating anything all night long you can feel totally triumphant and know that you are doing something great for your mind and body!

So great, in fact, that you should celebrate by eating some ice cream.

BECAUSE YOU’RE A TOTAL TURDBAG.  GAH!!!

07.27.08 doh!

PS: It was only a few spoons, at least.

PPS: But it was so damn good, dude.  Mmmm.

PPPS: And I had no right being awake at 1am, either, by the way.

59 comments


  • Dude, this is the SOLE FRIGGIN’ reason I am still 200 pounds.

    It’s especially bad if I’ve had a couple of already accounted for in the daily caloric intake, alcoholic beverages. You know, the munchies and all. Gah!

    Natalies last blog post..A Tale of Baseball, Elvis and Glow Sticks

    July 28, 2008
  • And yes, I know this means I shouldn’t imbibe, blah blah blah. Fuddy-duds.

    Natalies last blog post..A Tale of Baseball, Elvis and Glow Sticks

    July 28, 2008
  • Yeah, self-control. Keep telling yourself that water makes you not hungry… and that’s why I’m joining the tweightloss challenge. Even went out and bought myself a scale so I can quit being delusional that I’m not fat… :)
    Joy.

    Kristas last blog post..Creation X2

    July 28, 2008
  • Hmmm, now why does this sound so painfully familiar?!?

    Oh, right, because I do it every.damn.night.

    Don’t you just love hate self-sabotage? Why do we do it?

    I wish I knew. Well, you’re not alone. Unfortunately.

    July 28, 2008
  • Kateanon

    You have more self control than most. I would have taken the ice cream into bed with me…

    Kateanons last blog post..Home is where your heart is… unhappy?

    July 28, 2008
  • You are NOT a total turdbag. You are trying to do the nearly impossible using out-moded tools and advice. I suggest you look seriously into lo-carb dieting. Check out Protein Power, Atkins, and some of the others. PLEASE don’t rely on critical sources for your information about these great weight-loss options. If, for instance, you read what someone else has to say about Atkins you will never get past the first 2 weeks of his plan – the really boring, quick jumpstart, “induction” phase of the diet. A good resource book to start with is Living the Low Carb Life by Jonny Bowden, M.M., C.N.S. It gives you an overview of about 14 different diets. Check it out – it may be the answer you are looking for.

    Eves last blog post..300 And Still Counting

    July 28, 2008
  • Sarah

    I did that this weekend, too … with beer instead of ice cream!

    Sarahs last blog post..7/27 Low/High

    July 28, 2008
  • Just taking the steps that you are taking is a huge step in the right direction, and there is no reason that one little “oops” has to mean anything at all in the grand scheme of things. Seriously.

    I have been losing weight since March and have a set free day plus some days where I color outside the lines just a bit. And otherwise it’s a lifestyle thing that I get right back to, best I can, which is often better than I’d feared because I WANT THIS. And today I had to buy smaller jeans, and I’ll celebrate that fact with a little something decadent on my free day, if not sooner.

    I know my way doesn’t work for everyone, but you will find what works for you, and I still think you are on the right track having such a successful day overall. One day at a time. Tomorrow you can give it another go.

    Maggie’s Minds last blog post..Weekly Winners Sunday 7/27/08

    July 28, 2008
  • Raging Dad

    Oh man. My wife and I do this all the time. Work hard all day to eat well, and blow it in one sitting. Like young pro-athletes with hookers and blow. That’s what they do, right?

    Raging Dads last blog post..“Is Mommy a woman? Does she fight bad guys?”

    July 28, 2008
  • Eve,

    I’ve actually cut out all the crap carbs already. And John is a good resource for information on Atkins. He did it full on years ago, very successfully, and for quite some time. Just not what we’re interested in going for. We do quite well with a very low carb routine though, as we’ve done in the past. We just got lazy and started stuffing the faceholes with lots of icky things all the time. ;-)
    Twitter:

    July 28, 2008
  • Maggie,

    I have to tell you that the free day thing is actually EXACTLY what John and I do when we’re on our regular healthy lifestyle plan. We did that for years! Every Sunday was our “cheat” day and we got to have something “yucky.” Then we ate right and exercised all week.

    Parenthood has a way of making it easy to become lazy and gluttonous. Or just so tired you make the wrong choices repeatedly. We’re trying to get back to the way we used to live, and so far, it’s working!

    (I’ve lost 6 lbs already.)

    This post’s sentiment at the end? Really just a sarcastic joke. ;-)
    Twitter:

    July 28, 2008
  • I’m pretty sure 1am counts as a new day, Lotus.

    Zoeyjanes last blog post..The heat is on

    July 28, 2008
  • Turdbags UNITE!

    mommypies last blog post..Stupid choices and dumb luck.

    July 28, 2008
  • I agree that it is extremely hard to exercise self-control with all those yummy and sinful foods around. Must really “TRY”- speaking about myself.

    July 28, 2008
  • So funny – could have been me, but I have no icecream in the house. I do however have freshly bakes brownies. :)

    I don’t want any of the gimmicky diets, just moderation and variety. That’s what works best for me.

    Now pass that ice cream. It would be fab with my brownies.

    xxoo
    ~A

    Athenas last blog post..Look Back

    July 28, 2008
  • When I’m actually doing well and paying attnetion to my diet (sooo not happening the past 3 months or so) I do end up going to bed earlier in order to avoid late night eating. It doesn’t help that my boyfriend is the king of late night munching. I banned him from eating in bed though, so that helped my resolve, if not his.

    July 28, 2008
  • hi there ~ good luck. hope you get that which you seek hard for. kathleen :)

    July 28, 2008
  • river

    Great pep talk (she mumbled through a mouthful of custard tart)

    July 28, 2008
  • you need a shirt which matches mine:

    POWERED BY BEN & JERRYS

    MizFits last blog post..Monday Facetime. Blooper Reel.

    July 28, 2008
  • Wait a minute…you can’t tell us this without telling us WHAT KIND OF ICE CREAM WAS IT?

    Can we guess? Like a contest? Please?

    hehe

    Debs last blog post..Sunday…Sunday…Sunday!!!!

    July 28, 2008
  • Ah. I have trouble avoiding the evening cheating eating, too. I’m always able to find some totally awesome reason for stuffing my face at 9 at night (Last night: “I NEED IT TO HELP MY MEDICINE SETTLE!” Mmm hmm?)

    Becks last blog post..Orange You Glad I Didn’t Say Banana?

    July 28, 2008
  • Lotus, We love every snarky ounce of you. If you shed a few, we will love you because you are healthier and will be around longer for us to love even more. Should you, however, add a few, we will love you for being human like the rest of us and for providing even more Loutus for us to love, albeit for a shorter period of time.

    Six of one, half dozen of the other.

    lceels last blog post..Old and slow vs young and quick
    Twitter:

    July 28, 2008
  • Mmmm, ice cream at 1 AM. Sounds like a great snack to me. :)

    Summers last blog post..Bloggy Giveaways and Breastfeeding Week

    July 28, 2008
  • Is ice cream not good for you??

    Shit.

    Miss Britts last blog post..Saying Goodbye

    July 28, 2008
  • You can do this. It’s hard, but it really is do-able. I know you’re strong enough.

    July 28, 2008
  • Kay

    Actually, the no-eating late thing is kind of a myth. I’ve done some research into it after abiding by not eating after 8pm for almost a year. I’d be so ravenous around 11pm and by early morning, that I wasn’t sleeping well. It really all depends on your metabolism. If you are a night person, as I expect you are, and not a morning person, it means your tempurature is higher in the late afternoon and evening. This means you have more energy then (also when you should work out optimally, I’d say around 3 or 4pm, if you’re like me) and you’re burning more calories after noon than morning people. That being said, it depends on what you eat primarily, and not when. Just a little food *ahem* for thought. Try it out, what do you have to lose? (hint hint weight). Also, if you’re awake at 1am, you’re not getting those 7 hours anyway!

    July 28, 2008
  • Dieting is a Beeotch! No doubt!!!!

    When I was a skinny mini lunatic in my late teens/early twenties I exercised like 5 times a day and every time hunger kicked up I’d eat two tums. I carried a roll around in my pocket. It settles the stomach acids and makes you not realize you’re starving for a little while. I don’t remember eating for like 4 years. Crazy days!

    I may be well over 200 now, but dammit, I’m happier!

    Good luck!!!

    chasingjoys last blog post..Movie Review – Because I Said So

    July 28, 2008
  • Ice cream has calcium.

    Calcium is good for women.

    And Lotus is good for women.

    A Whole Lot of Nothings last blog post..It’s Time for BLOGGY GIVEAWAYS!

    July 28, 2008
  • KD (A Bit Squirrelly)

    I was starving yeasterday afternoon and had only had coffe by 1pm so I grabbed some frozen Otis Spumkmeyer cookies from the freezer and ate them, because you know a banana could have been way to easy.

    KD (A Bit Squirrelly)s last blog post..But You Can Lick My Floors DAMMIT!

    July 28, 2008
  • Oh shut up, you’re a hot piece and you know it.
    And with that I am going to take some Excedrin because I find that peptic ulcers keep me nice and trim… :)

    Allies last blog post..I Used To Sing In The Shower

    July 28, 2008
  • And yet, you’re such a cute little turdbag. ;-)

    By the way, Kay is right. I’ve done the research too. The only reason they say not to eat late at night is because people tend to go to sleep after having done nothing all day. I eat more in the morning and at lunch because I’m most active at 7-freaking-30, so my metabolism is still raging at that time.

    Of course, it would help soooo much if I’d stop with the vodka, but…we all know that’s not going to happen.

    Rees last blog post..Track Meet(ing)

    July 28, 2008
  • I was hoping to lose weight, too. I had 12 slim fast shakes in one day and nothing happened. (I don’t think those things work, by the way)

    Bee Repartees last blog post..Bee Is Not Shticky Or Boring

    July 28, 2008
  • Deb,

    Dryers Vanilla Bean…. oops, I didn’t let you guess! ;-)
    Twitter:

    July 28, 2008
  • Beck,

    Years ago, I hurt my foot REALLY BAD while I was in the backseat of a car very late at night – John was driving. I slammed it into a metal thingy on the back of the front passenger thingy, with all my weight behind it. (I was also very drunk, by the way.)

    I cried profusely over the pain, for quite some time. John was frantically asking me the whole time what he should do, what did I need?!?!?

    When I was a bit calmer… I told him I really, really, really needed french fies.

    For my foot.

    That’s what I tell him now whenever I want something awful. “I neeeed it… for my foot!” :-)

    I should really just post this as a blog entry. Hah!
    Twitter:

    July 28, 2008
  • Kay,

    But I lose weight when I cut out eating at night… it also makes me feel like crap when I wake up if I eat late. Even if it’s just a bowl of popcorn!

    re: the 1am thing – I know! That’s what the last line of the post was about. :-)
    Twitter:

    July 28, 2008
  • Seriously? Chunk all diet books. Have you noticed how they all contradict each other? As Americans, we play one whacked out game with food.

    The best books I’ve ever read about food is the French Women Don’t Get Fat books. Seriously the most healthy attitude towards food I’ve ever seen. Mirielle would tell you a couple of spoonfuls of that ice cream is just fine. She doesn’t believe in depriving yourself the pleasure of food.

    I think she’s onto something.

    Queen of Shake Shakes last blog post..Dogs – The Next Great Marital Debate. This One Could Be The Death of Us

    July 28, 2008
  • I am against doing anything that utilizes the word “Die” in it. I take far too much pleasure in eating to wreck it with health food.

    Jacks last blog post..Cuil Takes On Google

    July 28, 2008
  • Yip. Late night ice cream. Sounds about right when maintaining a good daytime diet. By the time night rolls around, you need to be compensated for all your hard work! Goes good with guilt too!

    After Hourss last blog post..Manic Monday

    July 28, 2008
  • OK, so…
    I should put down the peanut m&m’s that I’m scoffing down as I read this post?!?

    MommyCosms last blog post..I’m moving…

    July 28, 2008
  • Um, but that is when it tastes best! Besides food after midnight really shouldn’t have any calories ;)

    July 28, 2008
  • Eating at night is my total issue. At least you made it until 1 am. I would have waited until 12:01 am and told myself that it was no longer night but morning.

    Mrs. Schmittys last blog post..Bloggy Giveaways Carnival!

    July 28, 2008
  • Just a few spoons? You’re fine! Baby steps!

    July 28, 2008
  • Yeah – could *never* give up the ice cream…everything in moderation, right? Aren’t there like, some healthy fats in it or something?
    Twitter:

    July 28, 2008
  • I totally understand the frustration but a couple of spoonfuls isn’t that bad. Moderation is the key. Weight watchers sells some great ice cream that isn’t that bad for you. That’s what I’m eating lately. I can’t not eat ice cream especially during the summer.

    Vicky from Secret Mom Thoughtss last blog post..Weekly Winners

    July 28, 2008
  • Kumiko

    Ok… I don’t know you but I totally, I mean totally ? you!

    You are frickin awesome!

    Kumikos last blog post..Updates and Things

    July 28, 2008
  • Kumiko

    Ok… that last comment didn’t quite do right… I don’t ? you… I <3 (heart) you!!!

    Kumikos last blog post..Updates and Things

    July 28, 2008
  • My bite (ahem) of 1 a.m. ice cream was especially kick ass with the small (a.k.a. “big”) slice of brownie I partnered it with!

    foradifferentkindofgirl (FADKOG)s last blog post..i promise to stop before this becomes a nickelback song

    July 28, 2008
  • Oh, man, for a moment I thought you had turned into a preaching, patronizing ass. But then I realized you were being sarcastic. Oh, wow, is that why you called the blog like that? hi hi (stupid laugh) DUH!

    No but seriously, I know all that stuff. It’s doing it all with a toddler at home that’s the challenge.

    Elisas last blog post..Stella’s productive week (from the "Stella the Charming Terror" series)

    July 28, 2008
  • But I totally love you :-) Does that count?
    I just now have started the ‘weight loss’ exercise thing. I need to get rid of my ‘friends’.
    I went to an exercise class today and it killed me. I will be going back on Wednesday because I’m a masochist like that.
    Ice cream by the spoonful is not bad, by the tubful.. not so good.

    rachels last blog post..Mouthwatering Monday: Wamsutta

    July 28, 2008
  • You’ve got the right idea. Right up until that last part. That’s the trap we fall into–celebrating with food. We have to find other ways. Next time, just get yourself to bed, woman!

    July 28, 2008
  • Jessica

    I’m so glad some one eles has this problem :)

    July 28, 2008
  • Ha!

    That was fantastic!

    July 28, 2008
  • I could think up a million pithy things to say right now but I’m laughing too damn hard.

    Loralees last blog post..Things Loralee needs to have tattooed on her forehead

    July 28, 2008
  • One I at a couple things of ice cream at 1am. That’s a couple of pints. Amazingly, I didn’t puke.

    People may snark at me, but I’ve been doing Weight Watchers. I like it because it actually lets me work the ice cream in. Because if I can’t have it, I become the queen bitch of all bitches.

    I’d take Queen of Shake Shake’s advice and ditch the diet books. I think most of them are a bunch of crap anyway, and serve to confuse the hell out of you.

    Annies last blog post..Countdown Initiated

    July 28, 2008
  • For me, it was these ENORMOUS Snickerdoodles Mr.4444 made last night (yes, he makes cookies once a year or so, when everyone else says, “NO.” Nice that he shared, huh?

    Half-Past Kissin’ Times last blog post..Our Weekend

    July 28, 2008
  • beautifulmess

    psst…bryer’s has fat free ice cream…and it’s MMMMMMMM…. ;)

    July 28, 2008
  • Oh my God, what else would you reward yourself with for this excellent behavior BUT ice cream?

    I did in fact eat ice cream around 1am last night.

    I’d like to say I made up for it by riding my bike to work today, or even better, by going for a long ride BEFORE work today. But um, no. And it has a flat tire. SIGH.

    Jenns last blog post..Ya turkey!

    July 29, 2008
  • I am with ZoeyJane..1 am is def a new day!! :)

    Kims last blog post..Leo-Licious Randomness

    July 29, 2008
  • I can so attest to this.. Yesterday was a horrible day with the traveling (BTW: we didn’t pass though your neck and when I do, you will know, and you will be hugged). I ate junk food all day long….and I’m bloated today, because of it!

    Let’s keep on keepin’ on, L…we’re gonna win this battle! I know it!

    Secret Agent Mamas last blog post..Project 365 (340 & 341)

    July 29, 2008

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