Fecal Matter Frustration and Hereditary Narcissism
We’ve been on the potty-training roller coaster with Braden for some time now, and seriously, this experience has been enough to really not want any more kids. I’ve joked around about that before, but there are times when the whole thing really is just that frustrating. Fecal and Urinary Trickery and Frustration really can make you want to rip your own uterus out of its warm, abdominal resting place and shove it down into the sink garbage disposal.
“Poop!” he yells.
We go to the bathroom, he sits on the potty.
For a long time. And reads a book.
Then he’s “ah-dun!” and gets down.
No poop is in the potty.
But he delights greatly in telling me “Eh-Poop!” later, when it’s in his pants. Then he runs like mad to the bathroom so we can put it in the toilet and flush it, while he says, “Buh-byyyyeee, Puh-POOOOO!!!”
If he weren’t so cute, I’d shove him in with it.
I’ve even tried this great tip (is that not hilarious?) but I don’t think he really cares what the poop wants to do. It’s all about him, don’t you know!? (I have NO idea where he gets that from. *cough*)
He pees on the toilet more reliably, but by NO means all the time. And he has “accidents” on the carpet/floor/step stool in the bathroom which are not really accidents at all, if you ask me. I mean, when someone is just doing his thing, then he stops, take a stance that thrusts his crotch out, and smiles devilishly at you while he starts an incredibly healthy and strong stream of urine all over something you don’t particularly want urine on? IT’S NOT AN ACCIDENT. IT’S AN EVIL DEED.
He has also become incredibly obsessed with running to the bathroom and climbing up on the step-stool I placed in front of the sink to make it possible for him to learn how to wash his hands. Does he want wash his hands very badly? No, he wants to flip the lights on and off (remember how he became obsessed with that a long time ago?) and “perform” in front of the mirror, with much silliness.
I’ve stopped him now by buying a cheapo wall mirror (about $4.75 for those of you taking detailed notice of what I spend around here) and hanging it at his level in the living room.
Now he dances and performs in front of it, or just stands there laughing and talking to himself.
So yes, it is official. Narcissism is quite hereditary.
*turns head, looks upwards, and starts whistling*
*walks away nonchalantly*
_____________________________________________
Don’t forget to leave your daily comment on the giveaway post for $50 at GFTK!
34 comments
Leave a comment
Show Sponsors
The Awesome
Stephanie
I’m convinced that all children that age are very much so evil, at least when it comes to potty training. Well, maybe not evil, but they certainly have a deranged sense of humor.
My son lately has decided to QUIT pooping on the potty. I think he’s almost convinced to go back to it, but it’s really hard to tell. And so frustrating when I want a break from all the potty training/diaper stuff. #3 is coming all too soon. I don’t want to be dealing with that for two kids!
Stephanies last blog post..What Are the Cheap Ways to Earn Money from Home?
Elizabeth
Phew–what a splurge–the mirror may have been $4.75, but the cuteness is absolutely priceless! I just love that he is reading on the toilet–may he never outgrow that!
Elizabeths last blog post..Taking a short break
Lilacspecs
The poop thing is somewhat normal. Poop is al ot harder for many kids to really get a hang of.
The pee thing could very well be intentional. If it’s not upsetting him that he does it or he seems proud of doing it, maybe you could do the “shooting cheerios” in the toilet thing. Make it a game and drop some cheerios in the toilet and he has to shoot them (though he’ll have to stand up, but I’ve seen boys pee standing at that age). then hopefully, when he wants to pee, he’ll come ask to play the game and you’ll get him to the toilet more. The pooping may just take time, although I’ve seen bribing with 1 M&M for every poop IN the potty work very well.
KAT
Hey, at least your kid WANTS to sit on the potty and read a book. Eventually he’ll actually have to poop while he’s on there. Mine runs screaming, most often, when he needs to poop and I try to get him to go on the potty. Count your blessings.
I use the M&M trick. He loves M&M’s. But he seems to love pooping in his diaper MORE than he loves M&M’s. sigh.
Mine totally pees in the wrong place on purpose too. BUT – knowingly peeing, and pushing more pee out on purpose, is a start. Its actually a skill you have to have first. So you’re going in the right direction.
Just seems like mine isn’t quite ready. I’m okay with that. Take your triumphs where you can. I don’t want it to be an upsetting ordeal. I’d rather change poopie diapers.
KATs last blog post..Please Vote on the new poll in my sidebar.
BusyDad
If I was a handsome devil like that, I’d smile at myself in the mirror too. Watch out, he may find it amusing to pee on “himself” via the mirror. Cuz I know I think it would be quite amusing. I’d try it now, but my wife would kick my ass.
river
Hahahahahahahahaha!! Braden’s definitely got you running in circles. He’ll poop in the toilet soon enough, then you can make a huge congratulatory fuss that will encourage him to do it again. Why do you call it a potty when it’s a toilet? I always thought of a potty as the small plastic portable one.
the planet of janet
ok, i admit i clicked the link to temporarily me and am laughing my ass off.
well, no. i should say that my real reaction was “holy shit!”
anyway, that braden. he never takes the easy way, does he? it’s probably because he’s too busy being cute.
the planet of janets last blog post..Crazy is as crazy does. And boy, do we ever …
Twitter: planetofjanet
Veronica
Ah toilet training. I should be doing it (more intensively) but I am being lazy. Eventually she will poop in the potty. One day. She does delight in peeing on the arms of the couch though, sigh.
Braden sounds like he is well on the way though, frustrating toddler behaviour aside. Good luck!
Veronicas last blog post..Ranting
Miss Britt
I can’t help myself – I have to dispense with the assvice.
Have you made him clean up the messes? That cured my son – he was absolutely APPALLED at the idea.
That mirror idea is brilliant.
Miss Britts last blog post..WordPress hates me right now
Tiff@Three Peas in a Pod
That was too funny!! I have to tell you. . .our potty training whoas . My son goes to preschool in pull ups and he will hold it all day. Pee and Poo. All Freakin’ day! when he comes home he let’s it all out. NICE. I have become the Hazmat crew at the front door. LOL.
He was in the hospital a few weeks ago and he would not pee or poop there so the docs sent him home to pee.
Tiff@Three Peas in a Pods last blog post..A Gift for My Niece
Becky
My son went on the potty for the first time before he turned 2. I thought potty training would be a piece of cake. Wrong! Because he started so young, I thought he would one day just decide that he was done with diapers and start using the potty. Wrong again! A couple months before he turned 3 we entered potty training boot camp. We set the timer every 15-20 minutes, and we went and sat on the toilet whether we needed to or not. Although it wasn’t all that much fun, we were peeing on the potty consistently after 1 weekend. However, he still wouldn’t poop on the potty. It became a huge power struggle. To the point that he hadn’t pooped in a week b/c he didn’t want to go on the potty. Since he hadn’t pooped in a week, I had to give him a suppository which didn’t appear to work at first. A couple of hours after the suppository he was in the bath and had the urge to go. He wasn’t going to poop in his bath water, so he high-tailed it out of the tub on to the potty. We had poop down the side of the tub and on the floor, but we also ended up with poop in the potty. He’s pooped on the potty ever since. Who would have thought that giving/receiving a suppository could be a life chaning experience?!
sam {temptingmama}
LMAO! Keep trying, it took a couple attempts but now Carter waves goodbye to the poo.
The mirror? AWESOME! I should so do that.
Athena
Matthew and Nathan loved mirrors too. I had a really huge old one that I had bought at a flea market that I put at ground level for them. Both loved their really handsome playmate on the other side of the glass. Now they have mirrored closet doors in their bedroom. You should see Nathan performing for himself. lol
Don’t worry too much over the potty training. It was much agony with Matthew (he did eventually poop in the pot for m&ms) and a complete breeze with Nathan (he potty trained himself before 2, even at nighttime!). But agony or breeze, he’ll get it eventually. They all do.
xx
~A
Athenas last blog post..No Sharp
Memarie Lane
Not to scare you or anything, but I started PT’ing Max at 18 months, and he didn’t get it down until he turned 4.
Memarie Lanes last blog post..A Smart Ass? Moi?
Smoochiefrog
Be careful. If you try to push him to train now too much it may backfire on you.
Just let him take the lead and encourage him. If he doesn’t get it until he’s 3, so be it.
My oldest was almost 4. Stubborn arse. His younger brother was trained by 2.5.
It will happen, just be patient.
Smoochiefrogs last blog post..Dear Joshua Jackson,
chasingjoy
“Fecal and Urinary Trickery and Frustration really can make you want to rip your own uterus out of its warm, abdominal resting place and shove it down into the sink garbage disposal.”
That very possibly is the most hilarious thing I’ve ever read in my life! Can I just skip potty training? Surely when he’s 10 he’ll just say, “Ok mom, I can take over from here.”
chasingjoys last blog post..Who Needs Discipline, Son or Mom?
Patsy Bain
My husband likes to tell the story of potty training our youngest daughter. She was pretty well trained when he supposedly potty trained her in one day — the story goes like this *She was coming down the hall, stopped pulled her diaper off and squatted right there — now for the record I’m at work, hubby was recovering from surgery and was on child care duty, he was angry at her for doing such a thing and sat her on the pot where she eveidently stayed for the rest of the day. When I got home she was there sound asleep, her little head resting on the sink (very small bathroom). I don’t recommend this method of training, but she never had another *accident.*
Braden will catch on eventually — and no where on any job application does it ask At what age were you complete potty trained? Try not to stress. 
Patsy Bains last blog post..Thursday Thirteen #11 Authors/Books I’ve Read
lynette
Oh he is so VERY CUTE. Good luck with the potty training, mine wasn’t as difficult…but I have a friend going thru potty training hell right now.
lynettes last blog post..Psht…Mahna Mahna
Lou Lohman
That poop was HUGE!! And absolutely disgusting. BuT Braden would never, ever do something like THAT! It reminds me of the Jeff Foxworthy redneck joke – “If your Mama has ever come out of the bathroom and said, ‘Y’all come look at this before I flush it’, you might be a redneck.”
Lou Lohmans last blog post..The Great Bloggy Bling Orgy – Day 3 not Last
Twitter: lceel
MP
I don’t recall the poop stage being that bad. I do recall when I was young annoucing my poop in the potty and having the whole family come look at the shape it made.. I was so proud
MPs last blog post..I only play a doctor on my blog
Jennifer A.
I’ve been writing about this on my blog. I am trying to potty train a 3 1/2 yr old boy with SPD. Loads of fun. Newest bribe? We go to Disney is 6 1/2 months. Trying to convince him to get trained so he can tell Mickey, Little Einsteins, Pooh Bear. So far, charts, stickers and Chuck E Cheese have NOT worked!
Jennifer A.s last blog post..9/11/01 – seven years later
Elaine
Potty training was THE hardest thing I have EVER had to do. EVER. I mean I think I would give birth again if given the choice.
Butt (ha!) they do eventually get it and when they do it’s like the most wonderful thing EVER.
Of course I do get to go through it all again… sh*t.
Elaines last blog post..Your Pre-Emmy Awards Show – Right Here!
blue
mine did the intentional accident thing too…
what worked for us was upping the bribe. one m wasn’t enough. but when i had a basket of snack sized ones, and dollar store toys, and loose cans of cheap playdough… amazing how fast that learning curve was taken. no more issues, and after about a week the basket was picked over enough she stopped asking for her bribe afterwards.
blues last blog post..Judging by covers
Lou Lohman
Aside from the inherited atTITude (a word with my FAVORITE word right smack dab in the middle), there is an instinctual part displayed there, as well. In that first picture … I have three sons – do you have ANY idea how many times I have seen that particular bit of non-verbal communication? That’s the “I’m gonna, I’m gonna, wanna see it?, wanna see it?, I know I’m not s’posed ta, I know I’m not s’posed ta, but I’m gonna do it anyway” look.
Lou Lohmans last blog post..The Great Bloggy Bling Orgy – Day 3 not Last
Twitter: lceel
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
BusyDad,
BUAHAHAHA! Why is it I’m totally not surprised?
Lotus:)
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
Miss Britt,
That is actually a fabulous idea – that’s how we got him to stop throwing his drink cups on the floor – every single time I forced him to pick it back up.
So, you’re going to love this – after I read your comment this morning, I realized what a genius you are and then he peed on the floor in the living room. So I told John, who was in there with him, and John made Braden clean up the pee.
HE LIKED DOING IT.
*screams*
Lotus:)
Twitter: LotusCarroll
sam {temptingmama}
Wait a minute. Did Lou just call me a redneck?
Guess I’m in good company, right along side you Lotus!
Tanya
what a lovely post! I love the pictures…
Stephaine
I know your pain/frustration oh so very well! I went through the same thing with my son!
The only thing that helped me was once he was in daycare he saw all the other kids doing it so he wanted to do it too!
AH HA! That’s IT! Open a daycare!
LOL…
Lisa
*snickers*
First off, I’m glad you put the semi-warning next to the Temporarily Me blog, that was hilarious.
Oh the joys of the things I have to look forward to here shortly. If you try the “friend” thing, please let us know how it works LOL
Lisas last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
rachel
That first picture is adorable beyond reason
Potty training is misery and joy and annoyance all in one fun, stinky, messy bundle.
We have mirrors down in each kid room and the living room, makes for amusing times
LOL.
Good luck and many blessings during this time
rachels last blog post..After the storm: Wordless Wednesday
janelle
what if you put a mirror in the bathroom so he could watch himself poop?
i’ll try anything once….
janelles last blog post..Thursday Thirteen #4
kompostela
I was lucky because I never had such problems with my girl (I think she is the same age with your son). She started to poop on the porty before 12 month and she started to pees on the porty after 18 month without any work from my side.
So understand that porty training ican’t be successful before the child comes to understanding why it’s necessary. It’s frastraring but the hardest thing for me is weaning!
tracey
Hmmm. Maybe hang the mirror in front of the toilet so he can watch himself poop?
traceys last blog post..Fields of Gold