Help A Sister Out, Ya’ll

Jesus, this is MY story…

I happened upon your blog, really, I don’t know how. The peanut is sleeping and I’m out surfing along when I SHOULD BE SLEEPING TOO. But, he is in MY bed!

Anyhoo, if you get replies to this, I’d love to hear them. Love to get some sleep too…

I will be no help at all to Miss Yabbo, considering that Neilen STILL sleeps in bed with us, and we like having him there. Hahaha. We just have to find other opportunities to get our alone time, like when he’s at daycare, and I have a few hours before class.

I have been having issues with back pain now that my boy is a kicker. But that’s another topic.

Hmm, I’m no mommy, but I’m just thinking about what I’d try in your situation…

First thing that came to mind was getting one of those sound soother things from either Brookstone or The Sharper Image. You need to get one with the heart beat sound. Now, using my Psychology of Learning class, I’m going to suggest shaping your baby with the machine (I’ve heard this done before with colored lights, but it had to do with soothing, not sleeping, so I’m thinking the heartbeat noise would be better for sleeping because it’s semi familiar to him since he sleeps with you and hears your heart beating next to him).

I think the issue is that he’s become trained to associate you and your husband with sleeping, and without that stimulus (you and your husband), he doesn’t realize it’s time to sleep. Adults associate time and the sun with sleep (it’s 10 pm, time for bed, the sun is down, time to rest). What I’m going to suggest is replacing your presence with the presence of something else. So, start sleeping with that machine on with him. Every time he sleeps, sleep with him with that machine going. For naps and everything. Eventually he will get used to the noise and he’ll begin to associate that noise with sleeping (and sleeping with you). After a certain amount of time (a week, a month, at this point, I’m not sure), start to ween him off of sleeping with you. Begin with naptime: instead of sleeping with him and the machine, try just putting the machine in there without you. Try this every other day, and only do it for short naps. At night, still use the machine and you. Then gradually make it more frequent and make it last longer, slowly taking you out and the machine in.

This may seem crazy, but this actually does work if you’re consistent. I read a lab report on a baby that was burned in a fire (not to scare you), and it was in the hospital for a long time. At first, it wouldn’t stop crying because it was in so much pain, even when it was receiving positive things, like feedings. So, the nurses decided to train the baby with lights and colors. During times of anticipated high stress for the baby (like replacing the dressings of his bandages), all the nurses wore red and lit the room with red light bulbs. However, during the times of soothing actions, such as feedings and sleeping, they used green clothes and green lights.

It’s bizaar, but it just might work. However, it’ll probably take about a month or so, and you have to be consistent.

Lotus may be able to support me on this since she has 2 masters in Psychology (hey lotus, it’s psychology, i’m surprised you didn’t know that. ).

Maybe that’ll help?

As I write this my eyes keep drooping and my head falls to my chest… Even though he is 4 weeks old he has gotten to were he will only go to sleep laying on me. Not next to me… not next to me in his bassinet… litterally on my chest. AND I CANT SLEEP!! It’s horrible! I love him and I love him being close, but I can’t sleep when I am constantly sweating with the AC on 67! So I’m am sorry, but I have little advice… Have you tried the if you sleep in your own bed you will get a suprise? Sorry i’m not much help!!

-Anna & baby William

10 months has a sleep regression I think. Best best best source on the net I’ve found is this:

http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/

search for 10 month sleep regression and that should pop up responses – the commenters are the best too.

Please pass this on to your friend.
John and I co-slept with Krystina and with Emilee. We co-slept with Krystina longer (2.5 years)for a variety of reasons. The least of which was “mommy panic attacks”. I had a terrible fear that SIDS would sneak in if she wasn’t sleeping with us. When I finally got over that fear I was at a loss on how to get her into her own bed. No, she never slept in her crib, it became a very pretty bedroom decoration. We happened upon the right way to get her into her own bed tho’. It was a little annoying but what we did was take our mattress and put it on the floor (minus bedsprings) and then we put her crib mattress right beside it. We started off letting her go to sleep in our bed then we would transfer her to her bed a few hours later. Over the course of a week (maybe two) we were able to decrease the amount of time she was in our bed. By the end of the second week all we were doing in our bed with her was reading her stories and singing songs to her then she was put on “her side” and she went to sleep. From there we were able to get her mattress off the floor and get her into her big girl bed. It was different with Emilee. I didn’t have the “Fear” so she was only in our bed for maybe a month. Also, she didn’t need or want us with her when she went to sleep. So after the first month we were able to get her to sleep then put her in her bassinet. When she got too big for that it was a natural transition to her crib.
I know how difficult and daunting it can seem to get the baby out of your bed and into their own. If Yaboo wants to talk some more send her my way and I’ll be happy to help as much as I can.

Thank you SO much to everyone that has commented so far. You have thought of things I did not, and offered great advice, info, and support!

YOU GUYS ROCK!

Please, everyone, keep adding more to this!

it is a little early for us and darcy, but i have a friend at work who ended up with his son, sleeping in their bed, and swears that taking his son out in the car always works, i know this can be a little impractical for some people, but it worked for him

Jayne, using Gareths sign in..
Our baby never used to sleep at night at all- Gareth and i used to take it in turns every 2 hours to stay up with her! My friend used a really good method called the “Controlled crying method” which is by “Jo Frost” (Supernanny). That is to go in to comfort your little one until sleepy,then next time they cry leave it double the lengh of time to go into them than last time. So if you went in after 2 minutes of crying the first time, leave it 4 minutes the next time. My friend said that it is hard, but she continued with it for about 2 weeks and it worked. Hope this is ok and helpful.

**Hugs, hugs, hugs** to you. I can completely relate! For a variety of reasons, my oldest slept in our bed until she was a year old and in our room until she was 18 months old. We really didn’t have much choice in our living circumstance at the time but she was more than okay with it (even now at almost 8 years old, she comes in our bed at 3am at least once a week). Even putting bedtime aside, she was always a terrible napper- I had to hold her or sleep with her the entire time and any time she fell asleep in the car, she’d immediately wake when I took her out. A couple things that have made a big difference in our home:
1. White noise fans- this is definitely not the best time of year to look for one since summer is over, but you may still have a bit of luck. We have one in every bedroom. They are $10 Honeywell table top fans. We never point them so that they blow on anyone (heaven knows, I’d have sinus issues in just one night)- they are there, on the lowest setting, purely for the noise. I’m telling you, I’m like Pavlov’s drooling dog when I hear the fan- I immediately get drowsy! They drown out noise for light sleepers, and then after awhile you become conditioned (like us!).
2. Get him really, really tired. Don’t keep him up so late that he’s delirious, but physically wear him out during his normal waking hours so that he has a harder time fighting sleep.
3. Give him some positive crib associations. With you right there beside him, let him play in his crib with some of his favorite toys for a few minutes each day.
4. Crying it out takes patience. If you go this way, you should know it can be tough. My youngest son is an great sleeper, but he still had a hard time making the change from me bringing him into our bed in the middle of the night when he woke to sleeping through the night in his crib. He was about a year old. It took a week for him to make the transition, and it was such a hard week. In the end it was definitely worth it.

Best of luck to you!

Tylenol PM (for the mom)!! Heh.

10mths. 10mths is a hell of a time. At 10mths I was letting Amy fall asleep on my lap, in front of the TV.

I have only recently gotten Amy out of my bed and it was good. I did wait until I felt it was time, but if you are sick of co-cleeping (I was) then it is time.

When you start putting in his bed for the night, use the same routine as you use for getting him to sleep normally. Maybe wait until he is a little more tired than normal (but not THE WORLD IS ENDING tired).

The first night is the worst. Prepare yourself mentally for a bad night. Hopefully after night 1 it should start getting better.

Amy has been in her own room for a fortnight I think and we are still waking up lots overnight (every 40mins last night).

If getting him to sleep without you being there is a problem you could try a pram (I spent a month where the only way to get Amy to sleep was rocking her in her pram and then transferring her, asleep, to bed) or a car trip. The only problem with car trips is getting them out of the car, whereas with a pram, he can sleep in it, if you feel comfortable doing that.

I know where you are at, it is awful! I am hoping that one day Amy will sleep through the night, but something tells me it won’t be anytine soon.

Good luck (((hugs)))

every child is different. our first had little difficulty sleeping. she slept through the night the day she came home, and has almost every night since, unless she is sick. our youngest goes through spells where she sleeps all night without waking up, and other nights when nothing helps her get to sleep. those are my nights with her because i usually don’t get off work until 11:30-12:00 AM anyway, so i just stay up with her. good luck to her and anyone else “not sleeping well”

Patience and prayer the power of the p’s will get you some zzzz. Lay the baby in the crib for a brief while and let him cry no more than 5 minutes and then go and console him. Repeat this pattern for a while and then slowly increase the time before you go in to console him. The idea is that he will learn to soothe himself.

Also try a routine that he gets used to. Bathtime, storytime, singing, and them prayer time.

I am now sitting in my car reading blogs b/c the baby fell asleep 2.5 seconds into the car ride home and there’s no way in heck I’m taking him out – he’ll wake up and it’s totally not worth it. TGFW (for wireless)

a couple months ago I was on the ball and when baby started acting tired I would go put him in his crib, then when he fussed too much I’d take him out and rock him/bottle him/ put him by me in bed like always. He actually fell asleep 2 days in a row like that (big deal here). Then we hit a weekend and hubby home, and then an out of town trip and here we are 6 weeks later and yesterday he took every. single. nap. on me.

Yeah, so we’ve rolled backwards.

I too have the mommy panics that the SIDS monster is going to eat him if he sleeps alone at night. Till that goes away he’ll be sleeping in our bed. Oh well.

This comment went on another blog (by mistake, I think)… so I’m posting it here

Name: Coll

Hi there,
So I had the same problem with my little girl and we established a strict bedtime routine with a bath, massage, nurse, books, and then bed. I would sit by the crib and let her cry but would sing and pat her. If she got way out of control, I would pick her up let her fall asleep next to me and then put her in her crib. It took a long time and a TON of patience. She now falls asleep relatively easily and sleeps through the night 50% of the time in her own crib. The other 50% she sleeps until 3 or 4 in her own crib and then joins us in bed. It’s so hard and I thought I’d never see the day but she is always in bed by 7:30 with barely a fuss.
Good luck

Everyone who has commented here:

You have made a Mommy’s heart glad. Thank you so much for sharing, and for taking the time to help a fellow human.

This is what helps make the world a better place.

Again, Thank You!!!

My sister sent me to your blog post here, because she knows we went thru this with our first son. We did the attachment parenting thing, and it was a great compliment to breastfeeding. I tried to get Charlie out of our bed at 6 months to no avail. After 4 nights of no sleep from him screaming every hour in his crib, I’d happen to wake up with him in bed with me. I decided to wait til we weaned at 12 months. But even then it didn’t seem like he would go for it, even though he is the most rowdy, restless sleeper I know. At 15 months I enlisted my husband’s help, and we would go thru a routine for bedtime (and wear him out!), then we’d put him in a big bed (he could escape from the crib). At first we would lay with him til he fell asleep, then leave. Soon I’d sit on the floor near him til he fell asleep, and gradually moved closer and closer to the door. We still had lots of nights where he’d wake in the middle of the night and we’d have to do it again. It took about 6 months but he finally got it figured out.

Our second son I transitioned out of the bed at 2 months, which was great but he didn’t sleep thru the night til 12 months old! I was a zombie.

So which way is best? I don’t know. For my third son I’m going to give him 2-3 months of sleeping separately, then if he’s still not sleeping thru the night I’ll start co sleeping and just be ok with it til he’s a year or two…

But no matter what, my doctor says, they’ll transition to their own bed pretty easily by the time they’re 4 or 5 years old…

Hi there, I have three daughters 7, 4 and 2.

I did that co-sleeping gig with all three for as long as I could handle it (about six months the first time, five months the second time and four months the third time).

I am an advocate of letting them cry it out. It is a bitch, I’m not going to lie. Just make sure the baby has a clean diaper, a full tummy and has been burped.

Then I suggest a very small routine before you set him in the crib. I used to stand in the dark and cradled the baby so I could kiss her cheeks and her neck. I did that for a couple of minutes and then I would say out loud, “I love you. Time for night-night.”

Then I laid her in the crib, walked out and shut the door. The first night was HELLISH. I believe the baby cried for a good hour to an hour and a half. It was hell.

The second night she cried about 20 minutes.

The third night she cried for about two minutes.

And the fourth night she went right down. That’s when the routine was born and she knew after I cradled her, kissed her and said, “I love you. Time for night-night” that it was really time to roll over and go to sleep.

And that is what my 2 year old does at nap time and at bed time. It’s as if she is relieved to roll over into her own bed and go to sleep.

But as I said repeatedly, it was HELL making it through the first couple of nights. But it was well worth it.

Good luck!

cardiogirl

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