Being sick in Spring is not fun, wonderful, or delightful.
Being sick in Spring while your toddler is also ragingly sick? Well, that’s about as fun as being a balloon animal at a drunk porcupine convention.
And let me add, you have really not LIVED until you have been force-fed a handful of Honey Nut Scooters (generic brand of Cheerios, for you rich assholes) coated in toddler snot. Until you experience this, your soul just has.not.awakened.
I could be wrong though, since my brain is stuck in this mucky haze which is part “I WANT TO KILL YOU ALL RIGHT NOW WITH MY BARE HANDS” (menstrual hag) and part “OMG I AM DYING, I KNOW IT” (pathetic, whiny, sick douche).
I just… well… he has been SO miserable and sad lately. And his nose has been steadily and continuously leaking sick toddler snot in copious amounts. I try to keep up with it, but most of the time he beats me to it. That little hand just darts up and swipes it away.
And while, yes, this is gross, it’s not nearly as disgusting as that tendency some kids have to try mimicking a cow by sticking their tongues on up into the Snot Fest. So, I’m thanking my stars, here, that my kid hasn’t thought of that yet. (We’ll talk about how he licked snot off his fingers another day, okay?)
Anyway, today, he ran into the living room from the kitchen with a handful of his cereal. He made a bee-line for me on the couch, and since I was kind of slumped over towards the floor (yeah, I’m that pathetic) he had full access to my face. Which delighted him, and he just started shoving the cereal into my face.
He had this sparkle in his eyes as he crammed every last piece in my mouth. Delight was painted across every inch of his face. There was absolutely no way in the world I could bring myself to stop him.
His little fingers kept going in with the cereal. I could detect the flavor of sweet, delicious cereal.
As well as the lovely sensation of cold, sticky, wet sick toddler snot.
And I just kept repeating in my head, “It’s okay, you’re going to be okay, just don’t think about it, don’t think about it, it’s going to be okay….”
I ate snot for my kid today. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR KID?
#1 by Karen Sugarpants on April 7, 2009 - 12:35 AM
yep, you win.
Karen Sugarpantss last blog post..The Things I Wish I Could Say To You
#2 by Krista on April 7, 2009 - 12:39 AM
you’re making me want to hurl right now…
#3 by Jessica on April 7, 2009 - 12:49 AM
you get mom of the year award. I have no qualms shoving it back saying “your turn”! snot makes me queasy.
Jessicas last blog post..men never grow up
#4 by Me on April 7, 2009 - 1:59 AM
Lucky you! Sadly I know exactly how that tastes.
Mes last blog post..
#5 by 'cuz I'm the mommy, that's why on April 7, 2009 - 3:03 AM
Give him a dry washcloth for his nose (think old-timey handkerchief but with Elmo on it). Think of the snot as the organic version of the crappy marshmallows in the Malt-O-Meal cereal when they get soggy from the milk. Tell me the consistency is different. Go on. I dare you.
‘cuz I’m the mommy, that’s whys last blog post..I Miss My Boy
#6 by Veronica on April 7, 2009 - 3:46 AM
Isaac vomited in my mouth. Surely I get something for that?
Veronicas last blog post..Buttons
#7 by shannon on April 7, 2009 - 4:26 AM
You win! Now excuse me I need to hurl!
shannons last blog post..Hey Mikey He Likes It
#8 by Kelley on April 7, 2009 - 5:04 AM
I woke up.
What more do these blood sucking leeches WANT FROM ME??!?!?!?!?!?
Kelleys last blog post..Coming clean. With animals that should totally be in the circus. That is if circuses weren’t like, wrong and stuff.
#9 by witchypoo on April 7, 2009 - 5:28 AM
I once caught a foot long turd (with my bare hand) that was emerging from my toddler’s undiapered arse toward the persian rug. But I got to wash my hands. Plus I totally freaked out about it. You do win.
witchypoos last blog post..Eighty Clicks Around the World
#10 by Tara R. on April 7, 2009 - 6:54 AM
You are a much better mommy than I am. You definitely win.
Tara R.s last blog post..Can’t keep a good girl down
#11 by lceel on April 7, 2009 - 7:21 AM
I read the title to this post, in the feed, just as I was spooning my first taste of the morning’s oatmeal into my mouth.
Then, of course, I read the post, glutton for punishment that I am.
Okay. First. Let him wear long sleeved shirts. He’ll figure that out in a hurry.
Second. That’s why God gave him a tongue.
Third. Wait until they start to dry up and get hard inside his nose – and he becomes a miner. And a taster.
Sister – the fun hasn’t even started yet.
But I’m sorry you’re not feeling well.
Cheer up. You’ll get better.
lceels last blog post..What to do, 2?
#12 by Avitable on April 7, 2009 - 7:53 AM
I’ll add this to my list of reasons not to have kids!
Avitables last blog post..Breastfeeding is creepy
#13 by Domestic Extraordinaire on April 7, 2009 - 8:16 AM
um, yea, I will do a lot of things for my girlies, but eating snot isn’t one of them. Altho they are 11 & 14 and if they were trying to feed me snot covered cheerios it wouldn’t be because they were trying to help me out. No the reasons would be very evil indeed.
So sorry you are feeling sick-something nasty is going around. I have been hacking since Saturday night and The Chicken woke up with a 101.5 fever. I almost feel bad for thinking she was faking illness. Almost. Cuz that girl fakes. A lot.
Domestic Extraordinaires last blog post..Helping bearded ladies one post at a time…
#14 by Kim on April 7, 2009 - 8:16 AM
I chuckled at Lou’s comment because I too am eating a bowl of oatmeal..
What won’t we do for our kids?
Kims last blog post..Yet another reason I love photography
#15 by Sarah @ TM2TS on April 7, 2009 - 8:53 AM
That’s just icky! I’ve been spared that sort of stuff, but not my husband. Both kids, by the time they were 6 weeks old, had up-chucked on Daddy while his mouth was open. *gag*
Sarah @ TM2TSs last blog post..Work-Outs completed
#16 by Children's Bedroom Furniture on April 7, 2009 - 9:09 AM
Ah yes, the ooh & goo of parenthood… Isn’t it great? I love my little munchkin to death, but when she get’s sick….boy it’s tough.
It’s a labor of yuck & love!
#17 by jennielynn on April 7, 2009 - 11:20 AM
Nothing as self-sacrificing as you have, that’s for sure.
jennielynns last blog post..T-Minus
#18 by dadshouse on April 7, 2009 - 11:35 AM
The title of this post is hilarious. Sorry to hear you and your little one are both sick! I have two home remedies – grapefruit tea (it works miracles), or a shot of tequila (Chichi Rodriguez swears by that). Recipes here: http://dadshouseblog.com/2008/12/11/old-home-remedies/
Be well!
dadshouses last blog post..Pet Owner in Training
#19 by jill on April 7, 2009 - 11:49 AM
breastfeeding, when one nipple feels like razor blades are slicing it instead of her tongue gently pushing on it. Called the doctor because it looks like she may have blood in her pee only to be ’slammed’ by the nurse when she asked if I wanted a call back from the doctor or to come in (what, doctors call you back, WTF? I had never heard of that) and didnt immediately have an answer. washed diapers one more time. did all the chores while she was sleeping so i could devote her waking hours to paying attention to her..i dont know. maybe its not as good as snot, but i’m trying..
jills last blog post..Honorable Mention
#20 by Gabriel on April 7, 2009 - 12:07 PM
That was great, Lotus… I can’t think of anything this disgusting I could have done for my kids, but give me some time…
(Sorry I don’t visit often, and have even missed some Weekly Winners posts, but I’m travelling a lot these days (in Wichita, KS, this week)
Gabriels last blog post..Silly Monkey Stories #41 – Fat eggs
#21 by Kate @bunchablueeyedmonkeys on April 7, 2009 - 12:56 PM
Funny, but EWWWWWWWW!
Kate @bunchablueeyedmonkeyss last blog post..I’m not all American Idol all.the.time…
#22 by AnnD on April 7, 2009 - 2:36 PM
I drove her 50 miles to Riley Children’s Hospital to have her blood draw to check her neutrophil count despite the fact that I am very nauseated.
But, you still win.
AnnDs last blog post..
#23 by Cameron on April 7, 2009 - 3:21 PM
You got me beat. I just threw a couple donuts in the general direction of my kids as I left for work this morning.
Camerons last blog post..It Ain’t Monday – Random Tuesday Thoughts
#24 by Callie @ beautiful DISASTER on April 7, 2009 - 3:23 PM
OMG! I know exactly how you feel. When that happened to me with my oldest child I honestly thought I was the only one who had cereal covered in snot shoved directly into my mouth. Then I realized.. with all the children in this world.. I’m sure I’m not the only one who was trying to think of other things while this was happening to prevent myself from hurling. Ah – the sickening things we do for our children! BTW – I love unsnotted Honey Nut Scooters much better than I do regular cheerios! =]
Callie @ beautiful DISASTERs last blog post..Don’t copy Mommy!
#25 by Miss on April 7, 2009 - 4:09 PM
My son is 8. And this post makes me feel inadequite as a mother.
You DO win Lotus. Hands down.
Misss last blog post..The tale of the bloody metal door thingy
#26 by Al_Pal on April 7, 2009 - 5:10 PM
as fun as being a balloon animal at a drunk porcupine convention.
SUCH an awesome quote. You totally win.
& as my mom used to say, “it’s just baby spit”. (snot, in this case, but still).
Al_Pals last blog post..My new creative outlet: Bread Puddings!
#27 by LiLu on April 7, 2009 - 6:12 PM
Best. Mom. EVER.
I picked quite the day to stumble over here for the first time…
LiLus last blog post..B *Voluntarily* Embarrasses Himself For a Change
#28 by Jessica on April 7, 2009 - 7:14 PM
Generic brands have the best names, don’t they?!? (We always buy generic…..most people don’t realize it’s usually one factory making all the stuff!!) Our generic Cheerios are “Happy-os”. My husband and I always get a good laugh at the titles they come up with for generic cereal…”Pranx” instead of “Trix”….lol Told you, it’s funny stuff.
#29 by Kimberly on April 7, 2009 - 7:57 PM
I fed, clothed, bathed and entertained them.
You DEFINITELY win.
Kimberlys last blog post..Future vegetarians of America, meet your new leader. Maybe.
#30 by Jen on April 7, 2009 - 8:29 PM
hm, I cleaned up poop from my living room floor today, but still, I think you win
Congrats? LOL
Jens last blog post..one step forward, two steps back
#31 by natalie on April 7, 2009 - 11:44 PM
my 10 month old nephew wiped snot all over my black hoodie today while i was babysitting. he also tried to pick my nose on numerous occasions. i did not share the same fondness for his nose though. i did wipe it several times, but that is as far as i would go!
natalies last blog post..A whim
#32 by the planet of janet on April 8, 2009 - 2:00 AM
yeah, you totally win.
i wouldn’t even attempt to top that.
the planet of janets last blog post..How I turned sloth into a parenting success
#33 by Kathy McBain on April 13, 2009 - 10:22 PM
I was really well when I woke up this morning and now I’m starting to feel a little ill myself. You should be nominated as mom of the year. Cute or not, if I taste snot in my mouth, my kid is going down (not in the literal sense, of course!).
Sometimes, when my four year old climbs into my bed in the middle of the night, I let her stay. If we forget the fact that I only allow her to stay because I’m too lazy and tired to drag her back across the house to her own room, that makes me a pretty good mom. Doesn’t it?
Kathy McBains last blog post..Baby Building Blocks with A Kick