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36 comments


  • Deep breath.

    What does one say? How does one say it?

    Just . . . one day (a long time from now) you’ll be there. Arms wide open.

    Until then, they are angels looking down. Smiling at all that you are.

    January 19, 2009
  • WOW! This is beautifully written Lotus. Your babies knew how much you loved them~they could feel it in every sense of their beings & they know it now as they look down & protect you. Great post.

    BTW, did you get the email I sent you?

    connies last blog post..Weekly Winners=January 11-17 2009

    January 19, 2009
  • river

    I love that feeling when I’ve been lying in bed awhile, I’m all cosy and comfy, feeling like I’m surrounded by the softest black velvet, then I fall asleep fully and know nothing more until I wake up. I sometimes imagine it’s like that for unborn babies, but then I read articles where “they” say that light penetrates the womb, so I guess there’s sunlight as well.

    January 19, 2009
  • very true. I hope you can find some closure.

    Lay in the bath, close your eyes and put your ears underwater and relax while you listen to noises outside. This is what I imagine it is like inside a womb.

    A very peaceful place to be and a peaceful thing to do if you have time to do it.

    Tanyas last blog post..Nesting

    January 19, 2009
  • As others have said, this is simply beautiful. I love your creative/poetic voice, and I’m grateful for your willingness to share it with us! I’m still trying to wrap my head around all of the stuff I’ve been reading here, from the great stories of raising Braden to the heart-wrenching emotional journey through two miscarriages… And as an unmarried woman who has yet to have kids, it’s been surprisingly painful for me just as a READER to take it all in (though it may be intensified since I’ve kinda read up on a whole year in just a few days), and I just can’t begin to imagine how I would personally react or cope with such a difficult thing. All this to say, I have no run-of-the-mill “you’ll make it through this” or “I know the feeling” sentiments. Just, thank you for so openly sharing, and I guess to put it bluntly — man, that sucks. But I get the feeling you are the kind of person who is well equipped and supported to overcome even the darkest of times, and it’s an encouragement to me as a prospective wife and mother to be able to journey with you during all of the ups and downs.

    And I swear I’m not creepy or anything, even though I totally AM e-stalking you. :-)

    -Tabitha

    Tabithas last blog post..I’m a fickle blogger…don’t hate.

    January 19, 2009
  • Beautiful. Just beautiful.

    topsurfs last blog post..Influence Change

    January 19, 2009
  • This is beautiful. I hope it’s as therapeutic for you as it seems.

    Lilacspecss last blog post..I Am Who I Am, Who I Was and Who I Will Be

    January 19, 2009
  • Rachel

    They are. I’m sure of it.

    January 19, 2009
  • <3

    lceels last blog post..

    January 19, 2009
  • Amazing and beautiful.

    I hope so too….

    AnnDs last blog post..Failblog videos.

    January 19, 2009
  • Amazing!

    kompostelas last blog post..Weekly Winners January 4-10

    January 19, 2009
  • They are there. Right now. Always.

    January 19, 2009
  • So beautiful. I believe. That bond is eternal.

    Marias last blog post..wordless – daddy and cow

    January 19, 2009
  • Sad but beautiful. Mine is somehow in my mother’s arms. Safe. Loved.

    Maggie’s Minds last blog post..Not My Valentine

    January 19, 2009
  • They’re always with you – in the dark and in the light.

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]s last blog post..Weekly Winners 1.11 – 1.17: WiiFit Talkin Smack Edition

    January 19, 2009
  • Kelly

    Beautiful Lotus.

    January 19, 2009
  • Beautiful and sad…

    ewe_are_heres last blog post..Conversation from the Ikea Footstools

    January 19, 2009
  • Beautifully haunting…I used to fear the darkness when I closed my eyes. My deafness gave it weight, the silence buried me. This however is another beautiful clarity of what it could be. Thank you for that!

    I do believe on some level the spirit of those who have made the journey before you, watch out for us. (Hugs)Indigo

    Indigos last blog post..Do I Get A Disclaimer?

    January 19, 2009
  • A beautiful post indeed, my love!

    January 19, 2009
  • They are. They are running and laughing and doing all of the things that perfect, healthy, happy children do and they are waiting until you can see them too. (((HUGS)))

    perpstus last blog post..The A to Z of Me me me

    January 19, 2009
  • It’s too bad they don’t have the perfect post awards anymore. Everything about this post, including the image, qualifies for it.

    witchypoos last blog post..Interview with a home canner

    January 19, 2009
  • You’re beauty and hope lightens.

    Cassandra {Simply Fearless}s last blog post..A Message for You from the Universe

    January 19, 2009
  • This is just so incredibly raw and powerful – instant tears for me. I had to read it twice and the second time it ripped open my chest and made me *feel* something so amazingly sharp and painful. Lotus, I am so very sorry for your losses.

    Still praying for and thinking of you,
    D

    Dawns last blog post..Furious Rose

    January 19, 2009
  • I stumbled you.

    This is sad and hopeful.

    I can feel your recovery progress. And I still hurt for you.

    The Glamorous Lifes last blog post..Family Field Trip: Mission San Juan Capistrano

    January 19, 2009
  • Beautiful post, beautiful picture, beautifully hopeful.

    Jeremys last blog post..Barack Obama is Not Your Messiah

    January 19, 2009
  • I love the way you wrote this, very deep and difficult to explain I am sure but you put is so beautifully. This is a great post for the scrapbook or box that you have all their memories in, wow.

    Talinas last blog post..Weekly Winners January 12th- 18th

    January 19, 2009
  • Allie

    Love to love you, Lotus.
    Lots of puppies up there, I’ll bet. Puppies, warmth, light, and everyone is well. And all they know is being well and warm and laughing at puppies.

    January 19, 2009
  • there is nothing else to add that hasn’t already been said, but I’m sure they are being well taken care of and are just waiting for you. But don’t feel like you need to rush to them, their eternity is but a day.

    Karas last blog post..moving again

    January 19, 2009
  • Jessica

    Very beautiful!
    Hugs!

    January 19, 2009
  • As I read this my heart aches for you. You write beautifully and I very much enjoy reading this blog. Hugs mama.

    Jessies last blog post..The Girl’s Room – Night 2

    January 19, 2009
  • ((hugs))

    Ashlie- Mommycosms last blog post..Prologue

    January 19, 2009
  • wow…just…wow. you. are an incredible writer. i haven’t been to your blog…in a long time. but…WOW!

    January 19, 2009
  • Sweet, very sweet.

    Joans last blog post..Inauguration, Shrek style (or, Something Sunk In)

    January 20, 2009
  • Tranny Head

    *big hugs, Lotus*

    Hang in there.

    Tranny Heads last blog post..Totally Incensed Tuesday #32: New Hampshire

    January 20, 2009
  • To me, today, this is the most beautiful thing you’ve written. It touches my heart. And I really like the photo too.

    xxxxxxoooooo
    ~A

    Athenas last blog post..Fallen

    January 21, 2009
  • *HUGS*

    You are in my thoughts.

    January 21, 2009

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