I went to Walmart on Wednesday night to pick up some grocery items and decided to browse through the toy area to see if there were any inexpensive, small fun-toys that caught my eye for Braden’s Christmas Stocking. You know, ahem, to tell Santa about.
I saw a toddler cleaning set in a box - toy mop, broom/dustpan, vacuum cleaner. And I thought about how Braden always wants to play with my vacuum cleaner and broom when I’m using them. A few steps away, there were similar items sold singly. So I was standing there looking at a small single broom, just checking it out up close and thinking about if it was worth the purchase, when a mother browsing with her toddler walked by and said, “Why would you buy that when there’s a whole set right over here for only $20!?”
I ignored the first response that nagged to be vocalized, which would have been, “Why the hell are you worried about why I would buy anything vs. anything else, since I don’t know you, crazy Toy Bargain Lady?”
And then I skipped over the other immediate response my warped mind wanted to torture her with, “Those are cheap plastic and would surely not stand up to the many beatings I’m planning on doling out with this here baby.” (brandishing the superior toy broom with gleam in eye)
Instead, I laughed, walked over to the box, picked it up and told her, “See, the major flaw here is that the vacuum cleaner doesn’t actually work. And I’m not interested in just training my kid - I want to put him to work. He’s been free-loading for far too long now, know what I mean?”
I looked up with a wild smile on my face, giggling. Totally expecting her to LAUGH.
And she looked back at me with the most concerned, “WTF?” look on her face, did that fake, “heh-heh-heh” laugh and said, “Ohhhkay.”
And this, my dear friends, is why I write here.
So that I can FIND PEOPLE WHO GET MY JOKES, DAMNIT.
93 Comments until now
I SO get you! And I laughed out loud. That woman probably needs a good …. um…. blogging.
Fes last blog post..Betrayal…..
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Uh, your WalMart people are lame like mine. We should totally shop at the same store and wow each other with our fabulous comments!
kateanons last blog post..Purging
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I thought it was funny! Of course my kids play vacuum was a dirt devil broom vac, the real thing, I had hard wood floors and it worked like a charm. They were happy playing with the vacuum and the floor was clean, at least in patches.
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I feel your pain. I really, really REALLY DO.
(I even feel it in the blog world though. The last thing I posted confused the hell out of some people. Fortunately, most got it and laughed, but still…being misunderstood is a burden of the funny, I suppose.)
Loralees last blog post..Satan sucks. Tell everyone.
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My kids “play” with a Shark cordless sweeper regularly. They love it! I love that it cleans the floor not quite as well as a vacuum, but also shuts down at the drop of a hat if anything gets stuck. It’s nice when they really can help out!
Stephanies last blog post..Holiday Family Time Vs. Working at Home
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I laughed so loud I woke up the dog and she sleeps well like a dog.
btw I really want to chew on yours sons thighs.
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Oh I totally would have gotten your ‘beatings’ one, and probably snorted out my nose. Pity I don’t live closer, or say, at least on the same side of the planet as you
Boo.
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I forgot to mention that my eldest’s favourite toy is a toy vacuum (it’s really funny he pronounces it FACKOOM), which REALLY SUCKS. I mean works. Just well enough to pick up some dog hair etc - it rocks! It came as a free gift with our new ‘real’ FACKOOM. Best 2 for one deal ever!
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Oh dear. I think it might be a safe bet to assume that nobody in a Walmart has any semblance of a sense of humor. It had been true in my own personal experience.
Kats last blog post..Motherhood Moments #5
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lotus, i get you…everyone KNOWS i had all these children just so i would never have to do dishes and dust ever again. just ask my kids. they all will tell you that it’s true!
if we lived closer we would so totally hang out and watch our kids do the housework for us.
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I would of laughed my ass off and then went on to discuss what else we could come up with to make those little bums could do.
Special Ks last blog post..Priceless
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Why should children have FUN??!!
Of course we had kids to do the housework, otherwise we’d have to and that would suck.
(My kids really do have fun, they’re just at the age where they know that to ‘help’ Mum is really ‘work’, and expect me to pay them for the privilege.)
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could do? I definitely need to go to bed, or to Walmart to stir up some toy bargain consultant!
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Um. I think that woman was either sans children or mad brain damage. Why else would ANYONE have children other than housekeeping services?
Zoeyjanes last blog post..Enough
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I always wonder how people like that get through life with NO sense of humor.
I have to tell you, I did a google image search tonight for ‘tired mom’ for my last post, and I saw a picture of Braden from your ‘braden a day’ blog! The pic was labeled ‘tired’ and then it connected to the ‘mom’ in your name. What a surprise! =)
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If someone said something like that to me in a shop, I would he hard pressed not to HUG them.
Veronicas last blog post..30w3d
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I never get the chance to use this word, and so I always relish the opportunity to do so: That woman is a FUCKTARD. That joke was funny! What, did she think you were serious??? I mean, yeah, you really keep Braden around as a slave.
**facepalm**
Lotus, you are funny, and this woman was dumb. Nay, a FUCKTARD.
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I thought that was hilarious. I have to say if that woman had been me or either of my daughters the ensuing conversation would have probably led to the other toys, then a coffee in a cafe and a playdate for the kids. We are all SO like that. Kids need to EARN their treats (i.e. food) as soon as possible. I see by the picture Braden’s done a good job of sweeping the carpet, next job-teach him how to dry his dishes. They’re plastic so he can’t break any while he’s learning……..
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Story of my life!
topsurfs last blog post..TT #2 ~ 13 Of My Favorite Quotes
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hehe
Tazs last blog post..56 Weeks Old
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resist the urge to call her names. resist the urge to call her names. resist
- yup, she is a douche.
resist: FAIL
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Wait?! Isn’t that why we all had kids? To train them for the housework? If it isn’t, then can someone please tell me so I can exchange these heathens! I’m totally in this for the wrong reasons.
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She’s lucky. She doesn’t need to buy any of it, because she has a giant broom[stick] up her ass.
I feel sorry for her kid.
sherendipitys last blog post..Uber rhymes with Goober. Kinda. Not that I think you’re goobers.
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It’s a stunted sense of humour that wouldn’t “get” that kind of joke, isn’t it? I would totally have laughed if someone said that to me. In fact, I’m likely to have said something like that myself! That’s one of the many reasons I love coming here.
Because you’re NORMAL.
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She must have a maid or something to not appreciate the certain need for a ban on child labor laws—at least in the home!!! Wait until he can reach the washer and dryer!!! bwahahahaaaa!!!
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I would have laughed. Next time do wally world in Chattanooga and I will be entertained at all the appropriate times, and some inappropriate times…
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Come on, we know you really mean to train your minions properly.
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Braden would have been invaluable during floor sets. He could’ve gotten waaaaaayyyyy back in the small recesses of the rotundas for cleaning. Oh well……
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Oh such people live everywhere:)) Even here:)) in Ukraine (it’s almost the end of the earth - check on the map)
kompostelas last blog post..Weekly Winners, November 9-15
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Oh my gosh, that’s hilarious!!!!
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K - I feel compelled to say that I WISH I would run into someone like you at the store like that. I would have laughed like CRAZY at your snark and then probably would have begged you to go have coffee with me somewhere so I can get some FUN in my life!!!
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The woman was obviously channeling Amy Pohler. And as for putting children to work? Many times (And dammit, I mean MANY times) I have repeated to my sons, when they question why they have to do This, That or the Other Thing around the house, my favorite line from “On Golden Pond”, where the character portrayed by Henry Fonda says to his grandson, also questioning why he has to do shit around the house, “What’s the use in having dwarfs if they don’t do chores?”
(Little People everywhere just went into a frenzy)
lceels last blog post..An Irish Tale
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The same thing happens to me quite often. Presently, I’m working on building a cave to live in.
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Most folks here don’t get sarcasm, certainly not the ones in Walmart.
I get it, though and I can relate. Bring it on!
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You’d think more parents would understand the real reason behind having kids. It’s totally about the cheap slave labor!
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Must suck to be that lady with no sense of humor! I thought it was hilarious.
Kumikos last blog post..Hmph… Pick another please.
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LOL I get that response from people too. THEY must be a bunch or weirdo’s because I am obviously a riot!
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Your comment to her was hilarious! LOL It’s something I would say. LOL And that picture of Braden is adorable. Makes you just want to eat those sweet legs all up. He reminds me of my oldest who is 21. I miss the baby days.
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My comment should say that Braden reminds me of my 21yo when he was a baby. He doesn’t remind me of my 21yo right now. lol That would just be odd. lol
Jeans last blog post..Glamour Magazine’s Woman Of The Year 2008 - Ten Year Old Nujood Mohammed Ali
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LMAO! If you said that me in a store, I would immediately want to be your BFF because I swear no one gets my sense of humor either.
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I get you honey, and I exist in your RL.
I even get the cleaning toddler thing - Bear LOVES to use the broom, push buttons on the Dyson (though he runs screaming if he accidentally turns it on), and help me dust.
OK, I never really dust. But he’d love it if I did.
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We would have laughed. In fact, my husband would have said the same thing, LOL.
Sorry she didn’t understand.
What she also didn’t understand is that some kids like to help. If it actually works and picks up things, those kids feel accomplished. Heck, even if they don’t want to help, they still feel accomplished.
Eh, stupid people.
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Sassy found a vacuum that cleans for kids! Now, I just have to find that damn link….
If you move here to Orlando, I’d happily walk hand-in-hand with you around Target.
(I don’t do WalMart b/c I don’t speak Spanish. It’s a requirement here.)
Angie [Good for the Kids]s last blog post..Sicky McCoughsalot
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Oh man, I would have been rolling in the aisle!
Angelas last blog post..I knew he’d be unique…
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Oh. My. GAWD! What a freaking twit!
I’d like to think that I’d have been quick-thinking enough to say something similar to her.. and, well… that response, totally blog-worthy!
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She’s plenty busy telling you what to do but can’t take a joke? Seriously.
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Uh, that’s why my son is getting one of those little dirt devil vacuums that really work from Santa, cause he knows mama needs a helper that actually pulls his weight!
Some people are so over serious about their kids!
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I know the feeling…
I’ll have to go check out Wal-Mart for that broom!
Colleen - Mommy Always Winss last blog post..New definition of "suckitude"
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OMG…I SOOO would have laughed at that!! Or said it myself. Drive a few hours to the Indiana Wal-Mart…you’ll find me in the toy section, too LD
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See..I would have laughed.. esp because I try to convince my kids that folding laundry is a game.. lol
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BWAHAHAHA! That is a move I would totally pull. Very few people IRL get me either. That’s why I prefer life on the interwebs….
I see my girl Topsurf up there in the comments…kiss kiss chickie!
perpstus last blog post..TT #5 - Holiday Prep Edition!
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Nice…she was probably dialing the local child protective services on your ass as soon as you walked away.
roflmao.
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LOL I think that is a hilarious response! Poor old biddy just didn’t have a sense of humor.
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shoot, i’ve had to tell brad many times not to say stuff like that because you never know what freak might take you literally and call the police on you.
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I totally know what you mean!
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Back in the day I used to smoke. This one time I went into a gas station and bought a pack. It rang up $2.83. My smart-ass remark, “I always said when cigarettes hit $2.83 I was gonna quit.”
Nothing, not a smirk, giggle….nothing. People have no sense of humor.
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LOL!!! That’s funny. I would love to have some kids just so I can take a break from the housework.
I agree, teach them that when they run the vaccuum over something, it’s supposed to pick it up, not just leave it lying on the floor for YOU to pick up! 
dcokequeens last blog post..I’m hot for teacher!
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Oh, come on over one morning! I get your jokes.
And that’s exactly why we cut down adult shrub rakes for our kids instead of buying fake plastic versions.
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LOL I so get you. And this is exactly why we need to blog, because no one IRL gets me either. But I can, at the very least, pretend that someone in the vast expanse of the blogiverse even multiple someones, really get my brand of humor.
SuburbanGypsys last blog post..Thursday Thirteen: In Bed
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yep. this is the reason i blog.
and read others.
especially yours.
we’d make awesome bff’s.
the planet of janets last blog post..Birthday dinner: more fun than a barrel of monkeys
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You can’t possibly know how many times my husband and I have made that EXACT joke–why the hell don’t these freaking kids’ cleaning toys WORK because they need to chip in and pull their own weight, etc–so you’ll just have to take my word for it when I say I sooooooo get you.
My husband also likes to say, when discussing how we’d really like to have a dishwasher but don’t, that well, we DO, he’s just not old enough yet to do a very good job.
SusanBs last blog post..Oklahoma driving
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So nice to hear I’m not the only one who gets that look in public. SO NICE.
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I would have laughed. Also, you should have known she wouldn’t get you by the way she started the conversation anyway.
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When would you like to come over? My kids have ‘their’ vacuum and I have mine. They each also have their own snow shovel, as the tended to fight when there was only one. It’s not slave labor, they’re free to leave when they’re 18, in fact - I insist on it. Heh.
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She was probably overtaxed by the fact that you stated it was for your SON. I mean, the cleaning toys are only for the girls, right? That and she, as previously stated, is kind of an asshat.
My older kids (6 & 8), when asked/told to do little chores groan and complain about how we treat them like the maids. My husband and I just look at them and say “Why else do you think we had kids? WE didn’t want to do any of the work any more!” That gets us a little bit of a stare as they’re processing…
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That lady clearly has no sense of humor!
I would have giggles if you had said that!
Well, I did when I read it
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hilarious-wish i could be so funny but my newborns cries mean another dirty diaper–alas nothing fun in that…
jills last blog post..Re: the blue jeans post…
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I would have been laughing my ass off. But I wouldn’t have said the first thing too you either.
There is a working vacuum. Hoover makes a working kid vacuum, no joke. Because when my kid said she wanted a toy one, the first thing I though was something along the lines of what you wrote, so I went on a mission to find one that actually worked.
Issas last blog post..Thanksgiving food post…..take one
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How could she not laugh at that? I did!
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I so get you. When my 7 year old showed an interest in a vacuum, I found him one that was small enough for him to handle that worked. Why waste the effort?!?
Trinas last blog post..One of Our Holiday Favorites: Broccoli Salad
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Yeah, you think that’s bad? Tell a joke in Dutch, cause I sure as hell can’t.
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$20? Are you kidding me? For a fake broom? You could get the real deal for half that and just cut the stick down to ‘little slave’ size. Now THAT would be a bargain.
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What a lame-o!!
I would have laughed! Totally. My husband and I are always talking about how it is HIGH time that Duke, the three legged dog, at least start collecting disability. Gah..what good is it to have a disabled dog if we can’t even get any money for it?
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Haha, that’s hilarious! I get you, and so do all the other bloggers. Her panties must have been in a wad!!
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I heart your jokes!
Simply Fearlesss last blog post..Grandma’s Story {part 2}
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LOL!!!! You just made me cry
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We would so be friends IRL. I very often get the WTF look from other people. Unfortunately, my children seem to be picking up on my sarcastic side. It isn’t quite as funny coming out of a five year olds mouth.
michelles last blog post..Passing around the Puke disease
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I would have been giggling right there with you. Sorry she didn’t get you. bummer.
dude it’ll be on if we ever meet. promise.
Rachels last blog post..Can You Keep A Secret?
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oh and there would so have been an extensive convrsation about the merits of plastic vs. wood, real vs. fake.. and what really defines child labor
30 minutes vs 1 hr of housework.. y’know 
microwave cooking vs toaster s:-)
Rachels last blog post..Can You Keep A Secret?
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I’ve missed so much… yay for your belly and you’re right- it’s totally a “she” and I’m the same way with people IRL- I think blogging has made me lose any social skills that I may have ever had. I have convinced myself that RL people just don’t have senses of humor- if they did they would be blogging, right?
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I thought it was funny. Two years ago we got the Little Prince a real ’shark’ vacuum. He ASKED for one for Christmas and he got one. He still uses it and LOVES to help me clean
Jessis last blog post..Chickens don’t bounce
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I would have laughed…because that’s exactly why I want to get my boys household items LOL I wish I could think up comments that fast!
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That is freaking hilarious! If I had been there we could have LOL together.
Jennifers last blog post..Just for fun
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humor! live near cape cod?? we can tag team us some walmart goers!
britts last blog post..an open letter in poetry form this time
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BWAHAHAHA!
It sounds like the old granny who takes her granddaughter to Mommy & Me on Fridays (the class where my son is also enrolled). My son? Apparently into kissing girls (he’s 15 months). Every other adult there laughs and is all “how cute” and she’s all horrified and grabs her kid and physically removes her from my kid’s reach. WIth enrages me.
Or it did until my kid grabbed a heavy, plastic toy and started bludgeoning Granny over the head with it. He’s my hero, damnit.
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Seriously! Why would she care?
I think you are hilarious, and that is really ALL that matters.
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I would have totally laughed. I think that lady was just a fuddy duddy.
Rachaels last blog post..Oh, hai, ku you want to know what’s up here?
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Ummmm, it’s a compliment when people do not “get you” at Wal-Mart. I would be more worried if the general consumer there was your target audience! Yes, yes, I know there are exceptions, but lord they are few and far between. I almost always get in a fight with some nasty old lady at discount stores…. I think most were probably in their 40s but looked about 60 or 70 due to the extra special care of themselves they took with the meth and what not.
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[...] Look kids! I’m not the only one who had children to get out of doing housework. [...]
Too funny. I bought my son a toy vacuum at a yard sale once and said to the lady “too bad it doesn’t work.” tp which she replied “Oh it lights up and makes noise!”. I said, “No, I mean too bad it doesn’t vacuum, might as well have him do some work for me while he plays.” She looked at me like I was nuts!
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I totally agree with you. Get that boy a Dustbuster and a personal sweeper (one of those tiny brushes and dustpan combos …Target has them).
Have you seen the Walmart Bingo card….Google it, you will crack up laughing every time you go shopping!
Had to come out of lurkdom to comment! Happy weekend!
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[...] Thank goodness for the internet where we can find like people who get our jokes. [...]
[...] Mom Filed in Funny on Dec.01, 2008 Original Post - I need more IRL peeps who get me, Stat! I went to Walmart on Wednesday night to pick up some grocery items and decided to browse through [...]
Talk to me, beesh.