Yes, I am a dumbass. Now let’s pretend this isn’t over a month old.
Here’s a story I never shared with you… b/c I forgot to post it. Wow, can anyone say, “dumbass?” Well, would you still like to read it? Hope so!
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In the spirit of reveling in the good, the night I was writing this post, I decided to take Braden to the park the next day, watch him run around, and just generally enjoy being outside.
Does it sometimes seem like just when you’re trying to turn the corner on depression, the shit rains down on you?
Braden had a horrible night sleeping that night. I was just saying to John last Tuesday night that Braden has been sleeping so well for some time now, and even though his sleep habits used to be awful with crying and carrying on all night, now he does wonderfully!
News flash: JUST DON’T EVER SAY THINGS LIKE THAT OUT LOUD!
The very next night (the night I decided to be all happy and travel to the park the next day) he took hours to go to sleep. I had to hold him 3 times and spend over an hour in his room after his original bedtime, to help him go down. Then he got up at 2:30 and decided it must be morning.
WHAT THE HELL? He never does that!
Oh, hai, did I mention that I had not gone to bed yet at that point (yes I’m an idiot)?
I tried taking him to my bed when he wouldn’t go back to sleep in his. For an hour and a half we played the, “Sleep For 10 Minutes, Then Play for 15 Minutes” game over and over again. As cute as it was, by 4am, NO ONE IS CUTE TO ME IF I’M STILL AWAKE AGAINST MY WILL. So I took him back to his crib.
Luckily, he only screamed for a little while.
The next morning, I was shitasstired.
I reminded myself to be grateful and to go enjoy the day anyway. So we did breakfast, and I packed up things we would need at the park. My face only dragged on the floor 93% of the time while I was rounding things up.
Coffee is good, but it does not work miracles. Drugs are bad, but I would have snorted cocaine that day.
It seemed like everything was going very well. Braden was fed and dressed, I was fed and dressed. The bag was packed. Suddenly, I realized it was hot out and I needed to pack water for the boy.
I put the diaper bag in the car, and came back to get water. Braden rounded the corner into the kitchen and saw the door to the garage open. I closed it. HE DIED A SLOW AND HORRIBLE DEATH.
It was LOUD.
Time-Out was had.
During time out it was LOUD. I stood in the kitchen and tried to remember not to curse hatefully.
I also tried to remember not to wish I was dead. Or deaf. One letter, either way, it would be quiet.
Once that episode was over, I took the water and the child and we got all situated, snapped, and buckled into the car. While I was buckling Braden into his seat, he pointed to the dome light and gleefully exclaimed, “Iiiiiiigggghhhhttt!!!” Aww. How cute!
I hopped into the front seat and strapped myself in, slamming the door shut.
Key in ignition. Turn.
Nothing.
Blank stare.
Key turn.
Nothing.
Extreme restraint of desire to say pissfuckshitdamnhellmotherfuckercuntlickercocksuckerWHORE!
(And, while I have potty mouth, it’s really not usually that bad.)
From the back seat, “Iiiiiiiiiiggggggtttt!!!” (gleefully)
I looked at the dome light. All the doors were closed. It was still on, dimly. Guess who had GLEEFULLY exclaimed about the light the other day when we were getting OUT of the car, slapping at it and messing with it? Oh, hai, that would be my child, who must have switched it to the CONSTANT ON POSITION right before we got out of the car, unbeknown to me.
Hahaha. I can has dead battery? YUP.
So, jumping way ahead (past me whining on the phone to John) and the AAA guy shows up. He was there in no time, he was polite, he juiced my battery in no time. (John, don’t read the next part.) It did not damage my day that he was a really super-hot hispanic guy with a dazzling smile.
(I might kill the car battery on purpose next time? KIDDING! KIDDING!)
The rest of the day was lovely. The park outing was beautiful… even though I forgot everything but the water the second time we loaded up. It didn’t matter. We didn’t need any of it.
We ran and played in the grass. The sun shone down on us.
The world did not end. It went on, and it was even fabulous.
Even though I’ve felt the need to vomit out all that crap up there on you? (Thanks for letting me do that!) I’m choosing to focus on the good stuff, this time.
More baby steps.
25 comments
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Veronica
Sometimes our kids are lucky we love them. Or we would kill them.
Veronicas last blog post..I Don’t Look Sick
lceel
Braden is SO lucky he has that serious case of the ‘cutes’. There ARE children who might have trouble surviving such an episode.
So. Lotus. I haven’t asked, in a while. How’s the RACK?
lceels last blog post..100 Word Challenge – Yearning
Twitter: lceel
Patsy Bain
Yep, that’s the way it goes. But you handled this day and you’ll handle many more. I hear stories from #3 daughter and I think it is a miricle that I still have a grandson who is about a year older the Braden. Thank goodness those little boys who are soooo cute grow up.
Patsy Bains last blog post..100 Word Challenge — Yearning
Leanne
Helluvaday. I’ve had those, and I did swear. You should check mine out pitching a fit in the back seat of the car.
Leannes last blog post..Duck and Cover – Toddler Explosion
Angie @ Keep Believing
Yup. I have handsy kids when it comes to car buttons, too. I have entered a dead car on many occassions. Naturally, it is on days when I am running late and I have a million things to do.
KEEP BELIEVING
Angie @ Keep Believings last blog post..Gavin is SEVEN today
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas
Trying to focus on the good stuff…me too.
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritass last blog post..Depression Is An Asshole
Twitter: amy2boys
Tranny Head
*snort*
I was once an idiot and BRAGGED to my son’s pediatrician that he slept through the night in his own crib from about six weeks old!
BWAHAHAHA
Guess who now sleeps in bed with Mommy and screams like a banchee when he approaches the crib now?
I’m an idiot.
Tranny Heads last blog post..If It’s Not Scottish, It’s CRAP!
Debs Buzz
Parenthood is so fun. It is always better to focus on the good.
Debs Buzzs last blog post..FUN MONDAY
Junebug
I have a question. Why did closing the garage door upset Braden? Was the car still in the garage?
Junebugs last blog post..Ziggy
Barbara
I always want to comment and I can so rarely think of anything meaningful to say but thank you. Thank you for sharing so much – it makes me feel like I’m not on my own when bad things are happening in my head. Well done for pulling it out of the bag that day.
Barbaras last blog post..266/366 – Mother’s Little Helper
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
Junebug,
It was actually the door that leads from the house to the garage. He saw it standing open and got excited that we were going to the car. I closed it b/c I didn’t want him to go into the garage by himself (there are dangerous things stored in there, gas for lawnmower, etc, that I don’t want him messing with). When I closed the door leading to the garage, he got very, very upset.
But, you know, you can breathe wrong around him lately and he gets very, very upset.
Lotus:)
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
Barbara,
I think that’s been one of the greatest things for me about sharing myself publicly. The response I get from others reminds me that I’m not alone!
Thanks for reading and sharing the good and bad times with me.
Lotus:)
Twitter: LotusCarroll
chasingjoy
I LUV that you went to the park anyway! Good for you mom!
chasingjoys last blog post..Who Needs Discipline, Son or Mom?
peppylady
I won’t give you any words of wisdom
But it shall pass and you will have anther set of problems
Coffee is on.
peppyladys last blog post..Time Off
Holly Jahangiri
Oh, yes…had a few of those, myself, way back when. (I actually backed into the garage door, once, when it wouldn’t open fast enough.)
Alicia
Hilarious! Thanks for sharing your bad day. And kudos on keeping the bad words to yourself–that took strength. By the time my oldest was Braden’s age, he said “huck!” all the time. And I swear, I’m not that much of a potty mouth at all…only sometimes…the wrong times…You will survive, I promise!
Alicias last blog post..What do I Think?
AJ
I can’t even remember how I found your blog but just had to say thanks for the laugh:) Love your sense of humor and your little boy is just too cute:)
AJs last blog post..7 Things
Musings of a Housewife
Okay yeah. I could have written that story. That crap happens to me ALL. THE. TIME. Glad you could look on the bright side.
Musings of a Housewifes last blog post..Your Homework Assignment
Tanya
ha ha this is fantastic. glad you live a normal existence too.
Amber Schmidt
You are my soul sister… I thought there is no one else in the world who could possibly combine as many curse words as you did in this post!! Thank god I am not the only mom in the world who does not “shelter” the little ears. I guess that may also be the reason why my 2 year old will run into the room and say B!t@H and die laughing. Oh well there are worse things to worry about in life!
KAT
Bragging is bad. Oh my god. I knew that. What have I done?!
You said, “he juiced my battery”. Snort. Giggle. Guffaw.
Sounds like it turned out to be a lovely day…
KATs last blog post..Boomalicious Aprons
Rodeo Princess
I am still waiting for my son to sleep through the night. He is 34.
Rodeo Princesss last blog post..Nellie’s Preggers!
Tonya
What a day.
Good job holding back the obsenities. You are better than me. I had to learn the hard way … 2 year old saying f*ck for 10 minutes in the car after I crashed the bike on top of the car into the garage roof was not a proud mommy moment.
Tonyas last blog post..FAVORITE THINGS SWAP
Marcy Writes-The Glamorous Life!
this is totally a glamorous story for my GIRL party today! Link it up!!!!
dysfunctional mom
AAA guys rock. They have saved my ass many a time. Buy that kid a flashlight so he leaves the dome light alone! I’m glad you had a good day after all the *fun*.
dysfunctional moms last blog post..If this is a dream, do NOT wake me up!