Is My Baby Gay? WHAT?!

So… I’ve been noticing the Google ads on my myspace page more lately. Is it just me, or is there some FREAKY crap advertised on this site?

Have you guys paid any attention to this stuff? An especially disturbing link caught my eye yesterday, so I typed the URL into another browser window, and then I just stared at the screen with my mouth hanging open.

What was the URL?

http://www.ismybabygay.com/

Can I get a “WTH?”

This is what I saw:

Fine print reads:

[Results of your baby's sexual preference will be mailed to you within two weeks of receiving the printed saliva sample. All results are backed by IsMyBabyGay's money-back gaurantee. If the sexual preference of your bay is incorrect, we will refund 150% of your purchase price. Results are intended for entertainment purposes only. All results are final. Not available outside of the United States.]This is wrong on SO many levels. I don’t even know where to begin! I can’t believe this exists!

Okay, as screwed up as the world is, I guess I can believe it, but that doesn’t mean I’m not disgusted by it.

See, first of all, this crap shouldn’t even be an issue. We should not be even remotely concerned with this about our babies. Then there’s the wording down at the bottom, which is just utterly confusing and ridiculous. Money-back guarantee? They will refund 150% of purchase price if they are incorrect? JUST HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT OUT?? Also, it’s for “entertainment purposes only.” So then, how can it be wrong or right anyway!? Notice that, in addition, “all results are final.” THEN HOW CAN IT BE RIGHT OR WRONG!?

Clicking takes you to this:

Fine print reads:
[The cost for this service is $19.99. You will be able to pay for it after you print and have the baby lick the sample paper.]

“Hey, Braden, would you mind licking this piece of paper so I can find out of you like doing guys?”

I am utterly weirdified.

Continuing:

Fine print reads:
[Note: Please use standard white paper to assure a proper sample. This patent-pending process will allow us to perform standard tests on the paper.]

I feel disgusted having clicked this far, even for the sake of curiosity.

Patent-pending process?!?

Are you with me on how NUTS this is???

Here’s the “test sheet”:

The Directions:

Fine print reads:
[Note: It is important to moisten the paper for 15 seconds. If the baby's mouth is dry, please have them drink water and then moisten the sample after 5 minutes.]

This is hilarious. Let’s just put aside the fact that the test is BONKERS. Look at this, they want you to hold a piece of paper to a baby’s tongue for 15 seconds. “It is important.” Dude, my kid’s not letting me hold anything to his tongue for 15 seconds!

Also, “If the baby’s mouth is dry, please have them drink water and then moisten the sample after 5 minutes.”

“Braden, what the hell is wrong with your mouth? It’s too dry. Here, drink this water so I can hold this paper to your tongue for 15 seconds. You better sit still for it too, or I’m putting you in the closet again.”

*shakes head*

Almost done!

Fine print reads:
[Note: Please mail the sample using standard USPS first class mail. You will receive our IMBG Testing Center's mailing address after you pay for the service.]

Payment screen:

Note the “happy family” pictured. Notice how the parents are all smiles and the kid looks bummed. This whole thing is really wacky.

I wonder if there’s someone out there who is willing to test my kid’s saliva to find out what his favorite color is… or what his favorite food is…. I’m curious, cause he can’t talk yet, and I’d like to know. Or maybe someone can test my child’s SPIT and tell me what profession he will choose one day or WHO HE WILL MARRY AND HOW MANY KIDS HE WILL HAVE!?

*sigh*

If these people get rich I hope the world just blows up.