It’s Halloween and what am I going as?
Nothing. Big.Fat.Nothing.
Which, incidentally, is also exactly what I’ve felt like doing lately. I’m completely tired, nauseated, and unmotivated to do much of anything other than exist and maybe eat some Tums so I don’t yack.
I used to actually dress up. I even made John do it! Proof:
Also? Braden is going as nothing this year, too. Yes, I suck. Last year, he was a totally cute Bee – and we stayed at home to hand out candy.
We’re staying at home to hand out candy again, but I decided not to subject him to the torture of wearing one of the many costumes I thought would be really adorable on him – but had a part that has to go on the child’s head.
Because, do you know what would happen if something had to go on Braden’s head?
THE WORLD WOULD EXPLODE.
I mean, you should thank him for immediately RIPPING off anything I try to put on his head, while wailing and gnashing his teeth, giving me looks that technically should cause my face to melt right off and drip on the floor. Because clearly, he is SAVING YOU ALL FROM SUDDEN DEATH. He makes it quite clear (?) that if he left that crap on his head, either the earth would explode or we’d all be raped and mutilated by rabid zombie elfs. (Edit: That’s right. I can’t spell. Elfs. Good grief.)
Either way, WE OWE HIM BIG.
To thank him, I am going to let him ingest unhealthy amounts of sugary candy treats and laugh at the kids that come to our door as he twhirls around and around while consumed by an (almost) never-ending sugar high madness.
I am such a great mother. You are jealous. You may never attain this level of wholesome nurturing and gentle parenting with your own children. It’s okay.
We may also stab, gut, and mutilate a pumpkin in the name of “ornamental lighting.”
Have fun, peeps. There is surely nothing you will be doing that can top our plans, but you know, don’t give up hope.
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river
We don’t celebrate Halloween downunder, but in case some random kids come around knocking on the door (unlikely) we’re going to turn off the lights, lock the doors and pretend to not be home. There will however be a small light left on in the carport so that as kids leave they’ll see the giant fuzzy fake spider hanging on the beam just above their heads. I don’t know where hubby found it but it’s easily two feet across and in the dark looks VERY REAL. We’re surrounding it with fake cobweb.
Kat
Funny. My kid wants to be a “doggie” but there’s no such thing as a doggie costume without headgear. Which he will never wear. So I got him a spiderman suit, which he probably won’t wear either, so its a good thing it was on sale.
I did make him a t shirt that says, “THIS IS MY COSTUME” so, you know, he can still get candy. Which we will steal and eat before he can.
A good time, all in all.
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Veronica
I should thank Braden, cos I’m not really a fan of rabid zombie elves.
I’m curious though, are those the elves that go bad at the North Pole?
Veronicas last blog post..Pleading Insanity
Jientje
Happy Halloween Lotus!
I loved the bee costume though!
Jientjes last blog post..Photo Story Friday, the Halloween Edition
Zoeyjane
Seriously? We’re allowed to do that? Eff the tutu and dragging her all over, paranoid about having non-diapered accidents and her being too cold, for candy I’m not willing to feed her and which would subsequently land directly on my waist to butt area (yes, it’s ONE area). We’re renting a movie. You’re a golden goddess.
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Leanne
Toots is at a Halloween party today in daycare. I love it when the paid help step in and deal with all this faff for me.
Nothing like throwing a bit of money at a problem. And I can always buy my own sweeties.
And say “Ta” to the wee man for me. I’m not mad on the zombie elves either.
Leannes last blog post..The Market’s in Town…..Well, Nearly
wright
I’m not going as anything either, but I am not so kind to my little one. She’ has a costume – nothing to itchy or crazy, but nonetheless I will wrangle her into it tonight!
Check out my site for a super giveaway. (That would be a shameless plug.)
lceel
My kids are too old. I am too old. I’m going to stay home and throw candy at people I don’t know out of fear of the ‘trick’ part. I remember what I did, as a kid, if there was no ‘treat’ forthcoming at a particular residence. And yes, I even did the ‘bag of burning poop’ thing, too. Of course, when I was a kid, that trick was still new. And really funny.
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sherendipity
Can I come over? ’cause that sounds perfect to me.
kompostela
Love Halloween photos though we don’t celebrate it in Ukraine.
If you are interested in my modest thanks from me check my today’s post:)) Maybe it’s too modest but I’m learning:) Next time ti will be better:)
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Ashlie- Mommycosm
I’m jealous. Each of my kids had 2 costumes this year. They old enough now that I can’t poo poo Halloween. Schools start hyping the last week of September. Tons of peer pressure.
I took them to our friend’s neighborhood last night. The dads took the kids around. The moms sat and drink wine outside while passing out candy. It was kind of fun.
Susan
I was just saying to my husband, “what’s the odds that the monkey hat will stay on our daughter’s head tonight???” . They’re just hat-haters, all of them.
connie
Aww, you guys look so cute all decked out in your costumes! I totally don’t blame you for taking a break from Halloween this year! Just think, next year, you’ll have Braden & a new addition to dress up adorably
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Hockeyman
You should totally go as a Dyson!
Anu
If you’re really lucky, no one will come to your house for candy and you’ll get to keep it all!
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Jennifer A.
Im not dressing up either, all the plus size costumes depressed me. My kids are Jack Sparrow and MInnie Mouse, their choice. No longer can I force my kids to dress up as what I wanted.
Jennifer A.s last blog post..For once, I agree with Michelle Dugger
Ashley @ mrs007.net
Hey I was going to go as nothing! Oh well I guess we can both do it. I hope you guys have a fun relaxing night while we walk around with a 7 year old high on sugar and a 12 month old past her bedtime and I might just kill myself now!
btw …you said rabid zombie elves…I am so using that
Ashley @ mrs007.nets last blog post..Hallelujah Harvest Hoedown
Karen
You are one brave lady to give unlimited sugar to that kid! It should be fun to watch, though. and he was so cute as a bee!
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tena
I insist my kids dress up and trick or treat- how else will I get free candy?
Sammanthia
I’m contemplating bribing my kids with bags of candy I buy rather than spend 3 hours trick-or-treating for DumDum suckers and Tootsie Rolls. I’ll even buy ‘em the good stuff. I don’t care for Halloween… I’m holding out for Christmas.
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Jacque
I don’t know that I’ll EVER be able to dress up my little one! She’s only 4 months old and we had to FIGHT to keep the head piece on for two pictures,,, I have no faith for the future.
Jacques last blog post..Happy Halloween!!
Tracy D
Headgear causes riots here as well. I am hoping they will wear their hats this year since they are just like daddys…. wish us luck! Happy Hween!
Tracy Ds last blog post..Two Years Ago Today…….
*pixie*
We didn’t do pumpkins until last night. We got a costume for G-tot last week and only because we had an event last Friday to go to. I’m right there with you on the laziness—but I’m not pregnant, just lazy.
*pixie*s last blog post..making a mess can be so fun
orlund
I’m not going as anything either. Never have, never will. Why buy costumes, walk around begging for candy and end up with stuff you don’t like and will rot your teeth? Instead on November 1 I am going to the store and spending my money on the good stuff that is half the price because the store ripped off all the people who dress up in costumes.
I like to think that I think out of the box, different from the crowd.
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Barbara
We’ve turned off our doorbell. Yah boo sucks to halloween! Ok, I don’t actually hate halloween but this is wine time and I don’t want my children woken up by perpetual doorbell ringing.
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Patsy Bain
Your right, I have nothing. Just going to go hand out drinks at the big carnival and go ooooh and ahhhh over all the little ones in costumes and then come home and keep the porch light off so no non-costumed teengers will knock on my door.
Patsy Bains last blog post..Haiku Friday — Ode to Trick or Treaters Past
SingleParentDad
Loving your blog, and your idea.
We’ve done the same, and I just have a pumpkin mask for Junior to scare people as we answer the door, and as luck would have it, we have a chocolate surplus, well, we did have!
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stephanie
Um, I’m pretty sure that “not dressing up your kid for Halloween” is NOT an item on the list that makes you a bad parent.
I kind of feel like staying home and handing out candy, but we told our friends we’d go to their party so we’re going. Totally lazy costumes, though!
stephanies last blog post..Kids, costumes and craziness
Elizabeth
Is it weird that I think you look kinda hot with vampire fangs? No? good
Braden was a totally adorable little Bee! But why force him into a costume if he doesn’t want to wear one? Whatever works for you! Happy halloween, Lotus!
Tranny Head
My kid has that same visceral reaction to head pieces. So this year? He went as a doctor. With scrubs. Which were comfortable, easy, and didn’t go on his head.
Cop out? Maybe. But every piece of the costume that left the house returned, damnit. And nobody was bleeding.
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imaginary binky
This was a wise decision on your part. Amos had a great time trick o’ treating until we reached his girlfriend’s house. She proceeded to beat the hell out of him while stealing his candy. She even bit his pumpkin stem and ripped his headpiece off.
That’s hardcore, man.
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Krista
The little bee is adorable! We had a little pony last year and this year an authentic Yemeni boy costume (sent to me by a friend) but since we went to a church event everyone simply thought he was supposed to be a Bible character. Bummer.
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Trina
You are hilarious. I woke my husband up as I giggled through your post! My kids were a princess, a chicken and a ghost. No, they did not choose to be these…I bought the costumes after Halloween last year (90% off) for this year. I just told them that these costumes where what they said they wanted and they were fine! Bad mom…
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Raging Dad
My twins are four, and this is the first year that I thought it was worthwhile to go out trick-or-treating. They had the stamina to do it for a while. I bet Braden will be more into it next year (and you’ll have a new varmint to lug around in something cute, too!).
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dysfunctional mom
I thought I had the only weirdo kids who wouldn’t wear anything on their heads. I begged and pleaded, but it just wouldn’t happen.
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