Just for the record…
…going into my child’s room at night in response to Mega-Screaming, to change a diaper full of diarrhea and clean the shit off of his face and hands is NOT the definition of My Ultimate Fantasy. (I swear, he got some in his mouth. *gag*)
I mean, there was no Kiefer Sutherland, anti-gravity underwear, perfect boobs for life, endless supply of calorie-free chocolate, or no-cost, worry-free daily babysitting offer in there ANYWHERE.
And wait… wait… let me check… no. I did not have the world’s largest, multiple orgasm at any time before, during, or after the event. (by the way, if I had? I’d be seeking therapy RIGHT NOW.)
And nobody has come to my door to offer doing my dishes, laundry, and to vacuum my carpets for the rest of my natural life.
Additionally, in case you were wondering, I have not found the deed to my private island lying around anywhere.
Also, there is still cellulite on my ass cheeks.
So, confirmation: it had NOTHING to do with any ultimate fantasy of mine.
It was just runny excrement. YAY!
(Why, oh why, do they have to get curious and stick their hands in there?)
PS: Don’t worry, I’m no Poop Newbie. This is the home of Scatastrophe.
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Suzanne
The worst part is figuring out where to put the cleaned up kid while you remove the offending bedding. I’ve been there with the craptastic and vomit bedding. Yuck
Suzannes last blog post..Yet Another Reason I Can’t Wait for 2008 to Be OVER
dysfunctional mom
But don’t you wish it was only a dream?
I’d say I’m glad those days are over, but we still have dogs. And foster dogs. Foster dogs often have issues. Those issues often relate to poop.
Yay!
dysfunctional moms last blog post..And the Buses Roll Again……..
Tara R
oh yes… the joy of the poop explosion. Ain’t life grand?
Tara Rs last blog post..The Joy of a job well done.
Ashley @ mrs007.net
I am laughing so hard there are tears
I have soooo been there too. You are HIL. AR. I. OUS ! And the BEST part? Your face…I am sorry you had to clean the poop. But as you say…you are no poop newbie, so you’ll be ok….heehee
I guess I am just glad it’s not me….tonight.
Ashley @ mrs007.nets last blog post..We are Kindred
Lilacspecs
Poop like that was actually how I quit biting my nails. My hand slid into some at the daycare and every time I lifted my hand to bite my nails after that I thought about it and gagged. Great remedy for nail biting, diarrhea.
Lilacspecss last blog post..Weekly Winners – August 10-16
missy wiggins
Last December was “Crap month” for me. I was doing laundry like it was nobody’s business. I feel for you…
missy wigginss last blog post..Hello School Bell!
Twitter: molassa
Amy
Ah, Poop Explosions!!! Life doesn’t get much better than that!!! YEAH RIGHT!! Sorry you had a poopy night!!
Amys last blog post..The Joy of Turning 4!!!
Deb
Your hair looks great, if that is any consolation! I don’t see any crap in it!
Debs last blog post..Trading one for the other can make you a flake (literally)
AnnD
Emma has yet to even touch her genitals, let alone stick her hands in her diaper. I’m beginning to think something is wrong with her!! But, I have walked in there in the middle of the night, half asleep and was met the second I opened the door with the fresh and overpowering smell of vomit. It went on the next 6 hours…..we slept on the floor because she vomited all over our bed too after that. Not fun. The child isn’t leaving the house during cold and flu season this year! I’m NOT doing that again!
AnnDs last blog post..Say Cheese! PLEASE!
Elisa
Oh boy. Somehow, no matter how many poppy diapers I change, I can’t get entirely used to it. But it would be bad to get used to something disgusting, right?
Elisas last blog post..SELF is neurotic too
Lou Lohman
“Oh, what did I just do?”
“I better check this out.”
“Let’s see … it’s warm, kinda gooey, it kinda feels like wet Playdough.”
“Let’s see if it TASTES like Playdough.”
“No .. no .. no it doesn’t … wait a minute .. what IS that smell??”
“MOOOOOOOOOOOOM, it smells GROSS in here!!!” (Which, in baby/toddler is pronounced “EEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”.)
Lou Lohmans last blog post..Christy’s Meme
Twitter: lceel
Ree
um, yummy??
Rees last blog post..Wedding – Past in Polaroids 2
Sammanthia
I remember when Ryerson learned to take his diaper off- I found him in the kitchen one day “fingerpainting”. My stomach still churns when I think of it!
Sammanthias last blog post..Anything You Need To Know In The 4th Grade Can Be Found On The Internet
MommyCosm
*gag* indeed!
I think I’ll wait until after breakfast to read your blog…it was hard to choke down my english muffin while reading this. Would be so bad if I couldn’t relate. Been there with 2 kids. NOT FUN.
MommyCosms last blog post..Pull ups at bed time
DeuceMom
I used “scatastophe” in conversation last week – greatest phrase ever.
DeuceMoms last blog post..Gratuitous Toddler Photos
proud theatre mom
It has been years but I have been there. So gross. Think of the embarassing story you can tell any girl who thinks she is going to go out with him? They should be calling in a few years. Good luck.
proud theatre moms last blog post..Thank God It’s Friday
Angel Smith
At least he wasn’t sleeping in YOUR bed! *grin* Or worse yet, the couch-if your couch doesn’t have cushion covers that remove. Rooms-to-Go is the only solution to that!
Not that I would know or anything, ha!
Angel Smiths last blog post..Farewell, Faith; Hello, Fay
Tatiana
This video is funny!
Tatiana
Hmm it didnt come up…. nevermind!
Sarah
Ugh…Angel is among the ‘play in the poop’ set, too…and she DID get some in her mouth when she did (the several times she did). It just makes me puke. Oy. I feel for you. Hope you took a nice hot shower for yourself today!
Twitter: sadiecass
Colleen - Mommy Always Wins
Ugh. We had another ultimate poop challenge with the new Bum Genius’s…went to put little dood in his crib for a nap, and was puzzled at the way he was “itching his lower back”. I though, “Oh no – don’t tell me he’s getting a rash of some sort!” Picked him up, held the 30-lb child up in front of my face reeeeeel nice and close, so as to examine said rash, and saw that poo juice was oozing out THE FRICKIN’ TOP OF THE DIAPER. He had it under his fingernails. PEW.
At least at my house, it didn’t happen in the middle of the night!
Twitter: mommy_wins
Mz. Nesbit
that’s yucky.
yep, that’s the biggest thing i had to get used to when becoming a mom…
realizing that it was going to be NOTHING like i had envisioned–
Mz. Nesbits last blog post..Things that are cool
Claire in CA, USA
I stopped reading after “…Kiefer Sutherland…” Now, he’s all I can think of (which is a helluva lot better than thinking about diarrhea, yes?)
Claire in CA, USAs last blog post..He’s home from camp
Natalie
eeew, yuck!
In his mouth? *shudder*
jen
but you have great hair. at least there’s that.
jens last blog post..behind curtain #3
Raging Dad
Oh, that is a heinous story! Nothing worse than poop in the hair. Only happened to my kids once (so far). Knocking on wood…
Jenny from Mommin' It Up!
that is grosser than gross!! baby diarreah is the WORST. did you take a chemical shower afterward?
Twitter: jennyitup
Tracey
**sigh**
I have a similar story, only it was when I was working as a nurse, the guy was not a cute little boy who owned my heart but rather a large alcoholic/drug addict going thru involuntary detox in an ICU bed..
Not that your night wasn’t hell on earth.. just a little reminder the poop is always smellier when you don’t love the offending being.
XOXO.. hang in there Lotus!
Traceys last blog post..Our week at a glance
Jacki
EWWWW….that is just disgusting! And so sorry you had to clean it up!
Jackis last blog post..Our daughter? She doesn’t miss us.
stephanie
Yep, I agree w/ Deb – fabulous hair!
@MomCosm: You were very brave to even *attempt* reading Lotus before breakfast!
Willow
Okay, my teenagers can be a pain in the butt but at least I’m past diapers. I feel your pain — did enough of those over the years! I just wanted you to know that I enjoy your blog so much I just passed an award on to you. http://apronstringsandangst.com/i-heart-bloggy-love-two-awards/
Willows last blog post..I Heart Bloggy Love! TWO Awards!
Veronica
Amy screams if she gets poo on her hands. She is fussy and for that I am thankful.
Terri
“And nobody has come to my door to offer doing my dishes, laundry, and to vacuum my carpets for the rest of my natural life.”
in addition, said person did not, at least, show up at your front door with your new Dyson….for shame…
Terris last blog post..Forever in High School, the proof is in the pictures…
Fruit Lady
a friend of mine called not long ago to ask me if this was normal. she found her son had napped after doing this and never screamed for her help! yucko!
Fruit Ladys last blog post..My Buns are Numb
Allison
(I just recently found your blog and LOVE it.)
ICK! My son did the same thing the other day. Why do they need to touch it?! I know they are curious and all but…yeesh!
Allisons last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Posing for the Paparazzi