Lazy Douche Enablers: Jamie, Blonde Mom Blog
Lazy Douche Enablers write posts for me every other Tuesday. That way, I can be a much better… you guessed it: Lazy Douche. Today’s Enabler is Jamie, of Blonde Mom Blog.
In Which I Reveal My Unbridled Hatred For Dora
My youngest daughter is 4 and still drinks the sickeningly sweet Dora Kool Aid served up with a side of oddly shaped football head and the incapacity to speak without yelling.
We’ve acquired a motley crew of Dora dolls that talk (thank God for hard to find batteries that mysteriously “die” and cannot be replaced) plus a talking Dora cash register. Thankfully we do have one doodle pad Dora theme toy that is blissfully silent. The Dora dolls, however, have those creepy eyes half-rolled back into their heads while they wait to be recharged in the corner of my daughter’s room perched on, what else, a Dora chair. I’m not sure what’s worse…hearing Wishing Fairy Dora sing over and over again or seeing her passed out like a nightmarish Latina Bride of Chucky doll ready to kill me with “Where Are We Going…TO HELL…mwaa haa haa haa.”
Seriously. The dolls are nightmare inducing. It’s enough for me to grab them one by one, shake them, and scream, “Dora, Shut The Fuck Up!!!!”
I guess I’ve watched one too many episodes of Dora where I find myself secretly rooting for her and Boots, the dumb as a box of taco shells monkey, because I know it will come out, “Dora, Shut The Fuck Up… Por Favor!!!”
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Jamie has been writing about the more humorous, and messier, moments of life in the dog hair/estrogen filled vortex she calls home at BlondeMomBlog since 2005, but has never used the real F word on her blog. Muchas gracias, Lotus.
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Nikki
I have felt your pain and thankfully my daughter has grown out of dora!! *yells to the heavens THANK GOD!!*
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Loralee
Dora actually saved my son’s life so I can’t think she’s of the devil…too much.
He’d been hospitalized in serious condition w/acute asthma when he was in the first grade. Two WEEKS and no improvement. His oxygen stats never got above 75.
One day, I colored Dora’s shirt pink. NOT orange, and he wigged the hell OUT and started SOBBING HIS GUTS OUT.
The doctor was in there and his stats started climbing and climbing and in that moment he turned a corner.
So much as I totally think she’s annoying as hell, she’ll always have a tender place with me.
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river
How many Dora’s and WHO bought them?
(always go for the non-battery (silent) option)
mapsgirl
Oh we have that doll. Funny how it gets “lost” (buried) in the very bottom of the toy box all the time.
AnnD
Oh wow, that is slightly creepy looking.
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Ashlie- Mommycosm
Yeah, that doll would not be allowed in my house. Way too Bride of Chucky for me. I don’t mind the TV show though. It buys me 30 minutes of uninterrupted me time…can’t complain.
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Peggy
We, too have an army of Dora dolls…Ugh! We keep the toys in the basement and the kids are kind of afraid to go down there…haha…I am cruel!
I root for Swiper!
Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
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Michael Silence
I’ve handled everything except the Wiggles! They make my head explode. Oh, if I had access to the red button!
Anneli
I’m one of these damn foreigners, so have no knowledge of Dora beyond some extraordinary drama on LiveJournal (in which a hilarious female refused to let her kids watch Dora because Spanish is the Devil’s language, and she wanted them to grow up to be good Americans, or something), but… I have to say, that doll is creepy! I think dolls in general are creepy, but that doll is extra creepy!
kompostela
I’m happy my girl doesn’t play with dolls:)) She likes cars and different animals
jill
God I hope that, like Barney and Elmo go FAR FAR away. I think toys like that are just ‘branding’ — its a sickening cycle. You watch the show so you get the doll, which makes you watch the show and want more toys, hten art supplies, then in 1 1/2 years they out grow it and you are stuck with a bunch of crap. I had nothing (except a she-ra lunch box that I carried for a while–and friggin wish I still had-because who couldnt use a good thermos?) of that nature, and I didnt crave it. We couldnt afford it , and besides, that just wasn’t my style. Then again, I dont think marketing was that big 25?ish years ago (good God almighty, seriously? 25).. holy hell. anyway, point being that if you can, stop those from coming into the house, or donate the ones you do have to a local hospital, one at a time. sick kids need toys too!
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
Stab her!
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Ree
The only horror movies that scared me were the Chucky ones. That damn doll had me hiding my face behind my hands.
I think Dora could be Chucky’s sister.
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Autumn
That’s why I avoid letting my daughter see anything Dora or Hannah Montana! My kid is into Yo Gabba Gabba, now that I can handle…
juliet
Fake a break in from a Dora fetishist then start fresh.
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Mrs. Schmitty
That doll is seriously scary looking.
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Jill
I feel this way about Elmo toys. They are the loudest MFing toys ono the planet and I actually have used masking/duct tape over the speakers to mute them on more than one toy.
p.s Bet you’re glad they made a tween Dora doll so your daughter will never outgrow her!!
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Suzanne
INSIDE voice, Dora. Damn bitch needs to learn, INSIDE voice.
(and you had me rolling. Thanks.)
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juanita
It’s better than being forced to watch the Terminator 2 movie 3 times a day while your 2 year old memorizes each and every line then says them along with the movie.
What can I say it was his favorite movie.
At least he did me the favor of NOT liking a giant purple dinosaur that will remain nameless.
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Al_Pal
That is a scary freaking doll. Meep!
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