We’re a full day into 2008, and I’m going to tell you that NO! I did not forget to post my resolutions.
I just like to show up late for everything.
In 2008, I resolve to:
1. Breathe
2. Eat
3. Continue being a spazzy dork. (Why fight it? Besides, Mrs. Flinger says she’ll be my BF for being just like her in this way.)
(Can you tell I don’t really make serious NY Resolutions?)
Oh yeah, and I would also like to see if I can lose something that I discovered clinging to my back the other day.
Do you SEE THAT THING? Yes. You do. Because it’s huge. I think its name is Kevin.
*gives Kevin the finger*
That is a fat roll that was not there before. Do you remember my Fatty McFatterton post? Well, I actually lost 5 lbs in the weeks following that post. Then… I must have missed them, because I found them all again and even more. I think there’s something about feeling like crap (aka, the D word) where all my fat cells start campaigning for my hands to shove things into my facehole so that they can multiply, because misery loves company.
Of course, Kevin’s twin brother, Leroy, is currently residing on the other side of my back.
*gives Leroy the finger*
So, anyway. Yeaaaah. The other day while I was cramming Mexican food into my facial orifice, I started doing the Happy Food Dance… I was moving my upper body side to side… when suddenly I noticed that…. Uhhh, HELLO? Part of my back was folding over and touching another part of my back and THAT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.
So. Uh. Yeah.
And can I just say, for the record… OMG, DID I ACTUALLY SHOW YOU GUYS THAT PICTURE?
I have nowhere to go but up now.
#1 by Dawn on January 2, 2008 - 12:36 AM
hahahaha.
I just noticed that you look cold
Otherwise … eh.. it’s all good 
Dawn’s last blog post..Back Home
#2 by imaginary sarah on January 2, 2008 - 12:40 AM
Aw, Lotus! I would caress your back fat and sing it songs of love.
Baby got back, and I like it. (Otherwise, I’d have to think about my own twins, Sonny and Tubbs. *shudder*)
imaginary sarah’s last blog post..Do you hear what I hear?
#3 by Alison on January 2, 2008 - 12:48 AM
Hey, I have their twin brothers over here!! What do you think about that….I think we are related now or something!!
Alison’s last blog post..First Evah Contest!!
#4 by cajunvegan on January 2, 2008 - 12:50 AM
LMAO … ever heard of fatback? Google it. Yum-o.
cajunvegan’s last blog post..It’s a New Dawn. It’s a New Day. It’s a New Life. And I’m Feelin’ Good.
#5 by Kat on January 2, 2008 - 1:22 AM
Aww, Kevin. You’re so cute and small. Lotus thinks you are ginormous, which is also pretty cute. You will probably die soon, Kevin, because I don’t imagine Lotus would put a picture of you on the internet if she didn’t mean to kill you very soon. Well, goodbye Kevin. It has been nice knowing you. We’ll see you again if Lotus makes another baby. Bye.
Kat’s last blog post..Little Earthquakes
#6 by Jenty on January 2, 2008 - 1:29 AM
Oh LOL!!
Jenty’s last blog post..I can now get on with my life
#7 by Courtney on January 2, 2008 - 2:22 AM
Oy, on my third kid in three years…my Kevin and Leroy decided to invite over their cousins for this go ’round. SIGH.
At least I know I’m not alone…
Courtney’s last blog post..Things I Accomplished on Day One of 2008
#8 by Veronica on January 2, 2008 - 4:41 AM
You have goosebumps! Is it cold there?
Meh, fat. It was Christmas, we were supposed to shove things in our mouths (not like that, you have a dirty mind y’know?) and anyway, everyone needs the extra padding in winter. You should try wintering without it, it sucks bad.
Now I am sure I have some awesome, kick ass recipes for delicious food around here somewhere…
Veronica’s last blog post..A Refusal And A Story Of Terror
#9 by Veronica on January 2, 2008 - 4:44 AM
Hey, I just noticed you are over 200 readers! Congratulations!
Veronica’s last blog post..A Refusal And A Story Of Terror
#10 by lilacspecs on January 2, 2008 - 4:59 AM
Hey, I admire you for putting that picture up there. And while all back fat should be nuked, trust me yours is not that bad. Certainly nukeable in the near future…mine on the other hand, might be photographable next year if I magically develop an over abundance of will power.
lilacspecs’s last blog post..Fondue and P.U.
#11 by Kelley on January 2, 2008 - 5:55 AM
he he he. You are one game woman. No way in HELL my back fat is gunna end up on the internet. Unless there are very expensive shoes involved. Or a good nights sleep….
Kelley’s last blog post..Lets talk about toilets….
#12 by alala on January 2, 2008 - 5:58 AM
Ugh, I have my own Kevin and Leroy to get rid of, but no idea how to go about it. It’s kind of difficult to exercise without leaving the house (NO, I will NOT! It’s COLD out there!). As for dieting, I’ve tried to keep track of what I eat, but my memory is so bad, I’m lucky if I know what I’m currently chewing.
alala’s last blog post..oh please let’s have Christmas again!
#13 by Rebecca on January 2, 2008 - 7:19 AM
I started going to Curves (www.curves.com) in December 2006. I say I started going there when I started seeing curves I didn’t want.
So I feel yer pain.
Curves rocks, by the way. (And no one is paying me to say that.)
Rebecca’s last blog post..Barkalarm
#14 by Average Jane on January 2, 2008 - 7:19 AM
Hmm, that looks awfully familiar… Fortunately, today’s the day that my eating habits get back on track (yogurt with fruit for breakfast instead of bacon and eggs, etc.), so I’m hoping to, ahem, unroll soon.
Average Jane’s last blog post..Average Jane Goes Back to Work
#15 by Sandy on January 2, 2008 - 7:24 AM
You are a brave woman. Good for you. Good luck in 2008.
Sandy’s last blog post..The New Year
#16 by Jenny on January 2, 2008 - 7:30 AM
Fucking Kevin. He always shows up just when you least expect him.
And don’t even get me started on Leroy.
Jenny’s last blog post..New Years Eve
#17 by Anglophile Football Fanatic on January 2, 2008 - 7:57 AM
Ah, I totally empathize Lotus. I have Bubba and Jim Bob on my back, too. I don’t know why people don’t warn you that pregnancy creates back fat. It sickens me. UGH. And, I love that you shared that with the class. Show and tell is for winners. Holding back is for losers. Now I feel like I must share mine on Haiku Friday.
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..WW #18: Boys with Toys
#18 by Melisa on January 2, 2008 - 8:11 AM
Those twins are trouble, that’s for sure. Their more evil twins live here with me, though.
At least you can still say you’re trying to lose baby weight and people will believe you. When I try that, the person I’m talking to just looks at my 12-year-old “baby” and then looks back at me in amazement.
Melisa’s last blog post..Here’s a Multiple Choice Quiz For You…
#19 by Hydes Like Us on January 2, 2008 - 8:19 AM
Leroy and Kevin…meet Dennis and Mel.
Hydes
Hydes Like Us’s last blog post..Weekly Winners
#20 by zdoodlebub on January 2, 2008 - 8:27 AM
Coming out of lurkerville to tell you I can’t believe your awesomeness for posting that picture. (Bows in awe.)
zdoodlebub’s last blog post..Don’t Let the Door Hit You Where the Good Lord Split You
#21 by Ree on January 2, 2008 - 9:05 AM
I love some of the names here.
What I really want to know is how the hell did you take that picture?
Because I have quadruplets over here.
Ree’s last blog post..Okay, Much More Positive Now
#22 by Angie H on January 2, 2008 - 9:28 AM
You are so freakin funny! I laughed outloud so hard!!
#23 by Lou Lohman on January 2, 2008 - 9:28 AM
My dear Lotus,
I can sympathize. Yes. I can. But my problem isn’t so much the twins (yes, men have them, too) as it is their ‘big brother’ who lives around front and stands between me and my shoes, which I haven’t seen while standing straight up since before Clinton was President. However, I am going to London, England, at the end of March and Big Brother is going to be twenty pounds lighter (and therefore, smaller) by then ‘Or Else’. And we all know what ‘Or Else’ implies, when spoken by ‘The Man Of The House’.
Lou Lohman’s last blog post..Jan 2, oh eight
#24 by rachel on January 2, 2008 - 9:37 AM
You rock!!
rachel’s last blog post..The Parenting Meme from Hell
#25 by Secret Agent Mama on January 2, 2008 - 9:37 AM
Listen Bitch (said with the utmost love and respect, yo), I wish my effin’ back fat looked like that. Geez Louise!
I actually think it’s cute. I’d cuddle.
Secret Agent Mama’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
#26 by witchypoo on January 2, 2008 - 9:46 AM
At least you don’t have what sailors call a titty do.
That’s when your belly sticks out farther than your titty do.
witchypoo’s last blog post..Contest time!
#27 by The Autumn Dahlia on January 2, 2008 - 9:53 AM
Where did you get that picture of me?? Girrrl, we’re all going through it. But I’ve purchased some Dove Energy Glow… cause, as I like to see it, fat always looks better tan
The Autumn Dahlia’s last blog post..Happy New Year
#28 by Badness Jones on January 2, 2008 - 10:17 AM
So glad it’s not just me….but I swear, they’re outta here by May!!!
Badness Jones’s last blog post..….but it’s not a resolution….
#29 by Angeline on January 2, 2008 - 10:18 AM
*laugh* Great new year resolution! you really need to get rid of the extra ‘wings’ that is way too low to give you a flight. *wink*
Happy New Year!!!
Angeline’s last blog post..Back to School
#30 by justmylife on January 2, 2008 - 10:22 AM
You are not alone in the whole I lost weight only to gain it and more back! I did the same thing. I hope to get back on track with the diet and exercise thing, yeah right. Its a goal, right? 30 pounds to go! You are BRAVE to show us pictures, I am not so brave and never will be! Well, maybe when I lose 30 pounds, I will share a picture of my stomach with the world.HA!
justmylife’s last blog post..I’m back….
#31 by Sleeping Mommy on January 2, 2008 - 10:41 AM
I keep thinking you’ve jumped the shark and yet, you come back around again and there you are, ready to jump it again.
Bravo lady!
Sleeping Mommy’s last blog post..2008 WILL be happy damn it. OR ELSE.
#32 by Beck on January 2, 2008 - 10:49 AM
Kevin and Leroy’s twins are on ME, too. We few, we happy few.
Beck’s last blog post..Sliding
#33 by Tiffani on January 2, 2008 - 10:50 AM
My back is the same only bigger. You’re cool for posting the pic. Let’s kill the back fat together! LOL
Tiffani’s last blog post..Auld Lang Syne
#34 by Andie Summerkiss on January 2, 2008 - 10:57 AM
I think both Kevin and Leroy are okay. They are not that bad. The camera is exaggerating.
Thanks for sharing … now I know what their names are. I think we all have the bad twins on us. Even when they are not showing themselves, they are there alright …
Andie Summerkiss’s last blog post..The Aftermath
#35 by MP on January 2, 2008 - 11:01 AM
Leroy and Kevin’s first cousins Lamar and Keith are visiting me…I’d love for it to be temporary..but they have been hanging around WAY too long.
MP’s last blog post..Happy New Year!
#36 by Kay on January 2, 2008 - 11:56 AM
Happy New Year! Am I the only one who thought that the 365 website was going to be a 365 degree view of Lotus?
#37 by Bill on January 2, 2008 - 12:05 PM
I’m debating whether this picture is in the same league as my naked chippendales picture and I’ve decided that your are a Brave New Girl, far braver than I, for posting so honestly. Your description of finding Kevin is fah-huh-king hysterical. Your battle with kevin and leroy is winnable, my battle with stray hairs that are cropping up on my back seems a losing battle. You’re still FH to me though …always will be
Bill’s last blog post..3 Memes and a 4-Pack of Bartles & Jaymes Wine Coolers
#38 by Tasina on January 2, 2008 - 12:16 PM
I have no sympathy for your twins as I HAVE A FREAKIN’ LITTER BACK THERE!!!
Tasina’s last blog post..Blogging 2007 Style
#39 by Amanda on January 2, 2008 - 1:52 PM
Aw, Lotus, how could any man resist clinging to that gorgeous backside of yours?
I think you should alert John to your new male admirers, and maybe he’ll give you an intense back massage. Hey, maybe they’ll rub off? Kevin and Leroy look pretty puny to me. I think they’ll give up the fight easily.
I refuse to assume familiarity with my unwelcome backside dwellers. It could be the stray dog effect, once you acknowledge and feed them, they never go away.
Happy New Year!
#40 by Sandy (Momisodes) on January 2, 2008 - 2:22 PM
First, props for posting…..I can barely stand my own face in a photo, nevermind my nasty stretched marked backside. Second, didn’t you know muffin tops are the most scrumptious things ever? What? That’s what I tell hubby as mine keeps growing
Momisodes’s last blog post..The World On My Feet + A Few Painted Piggies
#41 by janet on January 2, 2008 - 2:43 PM
dudette, seriously, i was going to say ROFLMAO … and i realized how cool it would be if i really COULD laugh my ass off…and away.
otherwise, i’ve suddenly become the hostess for fred and ethel. what is THAT about????
monday, jan. 7 is my target date for cleaning up my act (and back fat). i’m on vacation until then, and it would be no no no fun to do it now.
but then, the fat ass that just WON’T laugh itself away is back in the pool.
janet’s last blog post..It’s great to be in 2008
#42 by Kim on January 2, 2008 - 2:49 PM
Hi Kevin and Leroy! Maybe some day you can come have a play date with my twins Frick and Frack, and their big, big sister Bertha. Then all 7 of us can have some mexican food!
Kim’s last blog post..Welcome back to Work . . love, 2008
#43 by Oh, The Joys on January 2, 2008 - 2:52 PM
Dude. You are the bravest.
Oh, The Joys’s last blog post..I’ve Got Two Strong Arms
#44 by SadieCass on January 2, 2008 - 2:54 PM
Uh…I have one of those two…well, two actually. One on either side. I had twins *lol*
That’s why one of my resolutions is the whole ‘healthier’ thing. HEre’s to hoping it works!!
SadieCass’s last blog post..Welcome!!
#45 by Jientje on January 2, 2008 - 3:17 PM
You’re hilarious!
If I had thought I had seen it all, you introduced me to those two, LOL!
Jientje’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday, why not?
#46 by Angel on January 2, 2008 - 3:46 PM
I’m totally framing that picture. Or maybe I’ll just make it my desktop picture.
Angel’s last blog post..“I said, give me the goddamn epidural!”
#47 by Jennifer on January 2, 2008 - 4:10 PM
I have Pierre and John-Luc. Also I contend with Carlito and Jose…my ass saddlebacks.
Jennifer’s last blog post..How I’m Using Materialism to Self-Medicate
#48 by Frances on January 2, 2008 - 5:22 PM
A couple of their cousins have set up residence on my back too!
Waving at you from New York,
Frances
Frances’s last blog post..from a new years day photostroll
#49 by A Jill of All Trades on January 2, 2008 - 6:06 PM
Bringin sexy back….
I’ve been debating on whether or not to share my front and side, full length views of my self (in shorts and a sports bra, of course) from shortly after I had Aidan, to now.
I wanted to visually document my weight loss progress. I’ve gone from looking 6 months pregnant to looking like I’ve just started showing pregnant.
I only have 20 lbs to go to reach my desired weight; 10 to my pre-baby weight.
Keep on trucking sister. Maybe we could arrange a get-together eventually. We live about 3 hours away. Both The Tattooed Mama and I live in the same town (and funny, I’ve never met her, even though I’ve offered). Maybe we could all meet up!!
A Jill of All Trades’s last blog post..The cat in the house.
#50 by Karen on January 2, 2008 - 6:51 PM
I am laughing so hard I. CANNOT. BREATHE.
Oh yes – your year is only going to go up from this point. Love it.
Karen’s last blog post..Saving Money On Ink Cartridges
#51 by Suzanne on January 2, 2008 - 8:35 PM
Having had my own set(s) of backfat twins(quadruplets, sextuplets) riding around on me most of my life, and squawling like a stuck pig about them for most of that time, on my 40th birthday, I finally declared, “Fuck it! They’re part of me. I refuse to feel bad about something God so apparently wants to be a part of who I am!”
There are many advantages of being 40+, the biggest of which, for me so far, has been the ability to unapologetically fly the bird at the world and those in it who would like to try and make me feel bad about myself.
And besides, I still have an hourglass figure – it’s just squishier than most think it should be. Fuck them, and the opinions they rode in on, I say.
So, as for Kevin and Leroy – if they bother YOU – get rid of them. But if they only bother you because you THINK they should bother you – then let me save you a decade plus of drama and tell you we love you with or without K & L. Fo’ real.
Suzanne’s last blog post..Happier New Year Each Year
#52 by Don Mills Diva on January 2, 2008 - 8:46 PM
Oh how I wish Kevin did not look so familiar!
Don Mills Diva’s last blog post..Scientifically speaking, he’s a miracle
#53 by Shelly on January 2, 2008 - 9:00 PM
I’m new here, but I have to say that the fact that you posted Kevin’s picture makes me love you just a little bit.
Shelly’s last blog post..Cold & Babies
#54 by MommyTime on January 2, 2008 - 10:20 PM
You are so much braver than I am! No way could I post a picture. I haven’t even given The Thighs (my sisters and I all have them) names yet, on the same principle as I use with stray cats: if I name them, they might decide to stay. Anyone as gutsy as you, though, could just scare them away and make them somehow happy about it…so I’m sure Kevin and Leroy will be packing their bags very soon!
MommyTime’s last blog post..Is there a Type Z personality? And how did I end up with one?
#55 by peppylady on January 2, 2008 - 10:21 PM
I sure hope Kevin and LeRoy understands the finger.
peppylady’s last blog post..Head or Tail (Resolutions)
#56 by river on January 2, 2008 - 11:36 PM
Hey there Kevin and Leroy, I’m Cletus, and this is ma fam’ly, Bobby-Jo, Yewgene, Buddy and ma wife, Sassy, over there on the left is ma brother, Dwight and his fam’ly, Karen, Sharon, Betty and his wife Sue-Ann. It’s shore nice to meet ya’all. Is ya’all up for some Bar-B Cue next Sat’dy? We’s all meetin’ down by the fishin’ hole round ten, y’all are welcome ta join us……..
#57 by Melisa on January 2, 2008 - 11:50 PM
Yes, I do believe maybe it’s time for a family reunion?
Lotus: how are you at party planning??
Melisa’s last blog post..Shameless Plug
#58 by Mackenzie's Momma on January 3, 2008 - 2:48 AM
Lotus,
Thanks for the laugh. Need some company on the ‘lets banish kevin and leroy train’? Cause i’ll join up i’m being a bit realistic about my goal though since i live in the goregous(horendously wet) pacific northwest. I have until june 1st to lose ‘em or else! though i must say lately i’ve found i’m packing around bessie in front too- to the point that our pediatrician thought i was having another baby. *hides face in shame* well i’m off to find some ‘healthy” snack at midnight
Mackenzie’s Momma’s last blog post..My new years resolutions
#59 by ~JJ! on January 3, 2008 - 7:27 AM
Those twins are vicious.
Kill them.
(But I love you for writing this)
~JJ!’s last blog post..Memory Box
#60 by Wendy on January 3, 2008 - 9:18 AM
I don’t have a kevin and leroy to blame. So McDonald’s and Papa Gino’s are gonna have to take the blame! It’s not a news years resolution (otherwise it would fail!), but is a goal for me this year to lose weight!
Wendy’s last blog post..Reducing your stash? Let me help!
#61 by Kimberly on January 3, 2008 - 10:37 AM
Holy crap, I just spewed diet coke all over my desk. *gives Kevin and Leroy the finger for inducing such a mess.*
Kimberly’s last blog post..Resolved: 2008 edition
#62 by Stephen on January 3, 2008 - 12:08 PM
Hello Kevin, nice to meet you. Is Leroy camera shy? Oh yeah I’m giving them both the finger.
#63 by Karla ~ Looking Towards Heaven on January 3, 2008 - 1:38 PM
I must have adopted their long lost cousins… *sigh*
(the comments on this are so funny too!)
Blessings,
K
Karla ~ Looking Towards Heaven’s last blog post..If loving these is wrong, then I don’t wanna be right
#64 by Dawn on January 3, 2008 - 2:43 PM
OMG! I swear you crack me up on a daily basis!! Posting that pic – girl you have got some, uh, well, bigguns my friend. Brave soul, I salute you.
Best of luck with the eviction!
D
Dawn’s last blog post..Unwritten
#65 by Penelope Anne on January 3, 2008 - 3:16 PM
Naming the rolls….I am not sure that is a good thing silly one.
Penelope Anne’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen Volume 14: Goals for 2008
#66 by VDog on January 3, 2008 - 3:54 PM
Jeebus christ you’re popular. You AND your back fat.
Hahahaha. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
VDog’s last blog post..Just A Reminder…
#67 by MarysMom on January 3, 2008 - 9:26 PM
Wow! I admire your guts to have a permanent reminder of those lovable rolls. I can’t even look at mine… somehow, if I don’t look at them, then they are not really there….
MarysMom’s last blog post..It’s My First Baby’s Birthday Today
#68 by Lisa's Chaos on January 4, 2008 - 8:51 PM
How did I miss out on the naming the back fat party? Looks like you and AFF took the good names. Maybe mine are Frank and Fred and I would love to kick their butts too!
Lisa’s Chaos’s last blog post..skyrockets at night
#69 by Hecticmom Undone on January 6, 2008 - 12:36 AM
*LOL* I just found that I have the two similar guys on my back. Their names are Fred and George. Hopefully we can successfully get rid of them together!
Hecticmom Undone’s last blog post..Rain Storm Damage Pictures
#70 by Deb (Missives From Suburbia) on January 12, 2008 - 6:00 PM
I have those, too!! I signed on to have kids, not back fat. WTH?!
Deb (Missives From Suburbia)’s last blog post..Love or Fear?