Braden’s Uncle Randy is in town right now for Country Music type thingies (he’s a badass DJ in San Antonio) and we picked him up at his hotel for lunch on Monday. The last time Randy saw Braden was when his butt still fit in the palm of my hand. (Braden’s, not Randy’s. I’ve never had Randy’s butt in my hand, just for the record.)
After Braden woke up (he fell asleep in the car on the way) he made sure to tell his Uncle Randy “Hiiiii!” about seventy times.
Have I mentioned that he really likes to say “Hi” to people? Yeah. He totally does.
Luckily, Randy didn’t fart during lunch or Braden would have been yelling, “FARTER! FARTER!” over and over again. That’s his other favorite thing to say. Like when we’re at Kroger shopping and someone else’s shopping cart wheel makes a fart noise. And then he starts saying that really loud over and over again (FARTER! FARRRRTER!)… and all I can do is almost shit myself laughing (because, hello? that is hilarous). Which is great, since then I’d smell like turds and that would at least confirm for everyone what they were already thinking – that I ACTUALLY FARTED and he’s busting me.
Ahh… well, that’s what I get for being the one who taught him how to say that in the first place, eh?
Of course, by the way, Braden was a complete Angel all through lunch (Elmo DVD on travel sized DVD player helped). Randy mentioned that Braden was nowhere near as troublesome as I made him seem on my blog.
And so it goes – the child is, as they always are, successful at charming and fooling everyone else into thingking he is NOT actually a demon spawn from the pits of hell (yes, my uterus is hell) but is actually a sweet, little cherub of light and joy.
Ohhh, beware yea – those of you who are fooled by the little rosy-cheeked prince. He will have your souls.
Want to babysit for a few days, Uncle Randy? 
#1 by Claire in CA, USA on November 11, 2008 - 1:06 AM
Uncle Randy must go back and hit play on some of those videos of the Braden screaming bloody murder.
Claire in CA, USAs last blog post..Kinda fun meme
#2 by Lisa on November 11, 2008 - 7:47 AM
I’m totally laughing at this because J gets this “OMG” look on his face when he or someone else farts. He makes sure that everyone within a 30 foot area knows that some one tooted.
Aren’t the always angels in disguise around others? I know mine turn into someone else when they are at someone elses house. Not sure who they are but they don’t come home that same kid.
Lisas last blog post..Mission Complete & ___ of 365
#3 by shannon on November 11, 2008 - 8:01 AM
1st At least he is an angel sometimes! Thank God for small blessing. mine usually company as a signal to fight scream bite and generally act like brats reducing me to a screaming harpy in front of witnesses. Always fun!!!
2nd I am a San Antonio girl and I never once connected Lotus Carroll with Randy Carroll! My Goodness! Could you PLEASE ask Randy why the heck I can’t get KJ97 on streaming audio overseas??? I get some stupid message about licensing restrictions. I have been reduced to listening to y100 for my country music fix.
shannons last blog post..Thank You Veterans
#4 by lceel on November 11, 2008 - 8:04 AM
Okay. You have me totally polluted – I want you to know that. When I saw the title to this post, as I clicked on it, I totally had visions of you having lunch with a really horny friend who had earned the appellation ‘Uncle’. Cause everybody knows the meaning of the word “randy” – and it would be so totally you to name an horny friend “Uncle Randy”.
Meh.
This was so normal.
lceels last blog post..Happy Birthday, Marines
#5 by witchypoo on November 11, 2008 - 8:25 AM
It’s frightening, lceel and I had the very same thought.
witchypoos last blog post..Tarot Lesson
#6 by Summer on November 11, 2008 - 10:38 AM
It’s not fair, they’re always little angels around other people. Only mom and dad get to experience the evil that toddlers can bring. LOL
Summers last blog post..Carry Your Baby
#7 by Colleen - Mommy Always Wins on November 11, 2008 - 10:55 AM
Ha ha – darned kids! Always looking sweet and cute around other people. My mother simply does NOT believe my children ever pout or hit each other or throw Matchbox cars down the cold air return.
Colleen – Mommy Always Winss last blog post..Weekly Winners – November 2 – 8, 2008
#8 by A Whole Lot of Nothing on November 11, 2008 - 11:06 AM
You may not want to bring him around my house, or he’ll pick up worse words that ‘farter.’
A Whole Lot of Nothings last blog post..I’m Marrying a Woman
#9 by Karen on November 11, 2008 - 12:22 PM
Iceel and Witchypoo, I would have never thought those thoughts. Uncle Randy? hahaha.
Karens last blog post..Project 365 Day 35
#10 by Cameron on November 11, 2008 - 12:52 PM
My kids are such well-behaved little angels around friends and family. As soon as the friends and family leave, satan delivers their souls back to them and the terror begins all over again.
Camerons last blog post..I’m Sure Many Of You Probably Like It, But…..
#11 by kompostela on November 11, 2008 - 1:39 PM
LOL! My little Sofia also loves to say this word:)))) I think for children it’s something amazing and really funny:)) For us too but only when our children do it:))
#12 by Vicky (Secret Mom Thoughts) on November 11, 2008 - 2:13 PM
You have a street angel. A street angel is what my ped calls a kids that drives you nuts at home but is great when he is out. I have one too. Better than having the tantrums in public right?
Vicky (Secret Mom Thoughts)s last blog post..Weekly Winners
#13 by Talina on November 11, 2008 - 3:29 PM
Wow, he is one honest guy blabbing about all the unmentionables… He would be telling on me left and right these days. The farts are just sneaking up on me. He!
Talinas last blog post..Lookie what I got…
#14 by Barbara on November 11, 2008 - 5:22 PM
My daughter’s current favourite is “bugger”. I’m sure you can imagine some of the looks I get in the supermarket. Yes, it’s my own fault!
Glad though that mine aren’t the only ones that behave like total angels when we meet other people that I’ve already told my children are evil. Bastards. (my children, not the people that are stupidly sucked in by their behaviour).
Barbaras last blog post..316/366 – Reading
#15 by Tatiana on November 11, 2008 - 7:36 PM
OMG! He totally is a badas DJ! I listen to his show daily! Small World…
#16 by Barbara Baker on November 11, 2008 - 9:20 PM
That is too funny…when I lived in San Antonio (I live in Corpus christi now), all I ever listened to was kj97. That is cool.
Your son is just too cute though!!!!!
Barbara Bakers last blog post..Is your site the COOLEST?
#17 by Keely on November 11, 2008 - 11:58 PM
Ha! I’m laughing because people outside our household also think that our little one is this sweet, shy little thing. She’s sweet – most of the time – but she’s definitely not shy. There’s a reason I dressed her up as a monster for Halloween. But she’s darling, really.
Also, I think I’m going to start yelling “FARTER” when need be.
Keelys last blog post..Keith Olbermann Speaks Out On Prop 8
#18 by imaginary binky on November 12, 2008 - 2:34 AM
I knew a felt a shift in Earth’s axis. It must have been when Braden was behaving at a restaurant. Woo!
I’ll have you know that John and you were on my mind when I was cruising the highways of San Antonio in the last month. The reason? Randy Carroll and KJ97 signs posted all over the dad-gum place. Hahaha.
imaginary binkys last blog post..You’ll shoot your eye out
#19 by A Jill of All Trades on November 12, 2008 - 8:48 AM
ACTUALLY!!!!
If you had laughed so hard that you shit when you farted, you technically Sharted!!
Yeah, I love how they turn on the charm for others. Aidan does it for a very short time, then he’s on to shoing off his mean side. The second day my friend brought her baby over (who is almost one), he was pushing her and throwing big toys towards her.
We had to do time out for the first time. Surprisingly it worked.
A Jill of All Tradess last blog post..Adopting a baby and growing up adopted.
#20 by Ashley on November 13, 2008 - 1:12 PM
That post was the funniest thing I have ever read! I almost passed out from trying not to laugh out loud hysterically. I normally love to laugh loudly but I fear my boss may fire me for reading the “farter” story instead of doing my real job on company time.
I also can completely relate. Whenever my 2 year old daughter hears a sound resembling a toot she asked if I “pooped.” It has not happened but my biggest fear at the moment is her asking me that in public.
Thank you for the laughs. I love your blog.
#21 by Parker on November 13, 2008 - 11:30 PM
All children act like angels around other people. It is a conspiracy, and it doesn’t end with the toddler years. This allows them to turn the tables on us as they get older. “Grandma, mom is so mean. She yelled at me and grounded me and I didn’t do ANYTHING”. Don’t even bother trying to explain. You will only hear, “he never acts up at my house. You just have to know how to handle him. I’ll be there in 20 minutes to get that boy. He just needs some time with Grandma……”
Parkers last blog post..The Twilight Series – Love It