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32 comments


  • As always, your writing takes us all right to the heart of your feelings, and allows us in to share in your pain. I don’t think that anything that you did (gathering the pine needles/smelling them during the year) is weird, or odd, or insane.

    You’re coping. That counts.

    December 16, 2009
  • Lotus,

    I am so sorry for you, John and Braden that your family is missing your other son.
    .-= Suzanne´s last blog ..Santa, Can I Have A Maid For Christmas? =-.

    December 16, 2009
  • Claire in CA, USA

    Big hugs and love to you, Lotus. I love that you collected those pine needles. Not weird, at all. I’m so sorry for your loss.

    December 16, 2009
  • xx

    December 16, 2009
  • Michelle

    No, not crazy at all.

    December 16, 2009
  • I have not been following your blog for all that long, so I had no idea you had been through these two traumatic experiences. I am so sorry for your loss– this was a beautifully written post, and I think your idea of saving those pine needles was a great idea.
    .-= Jenni´s last blog ..So, let me get this straight… the early bird gets the worm, and the late bird gets a better deal? Pfffft. =-.

    December 16, 2009
  • Lotus, the pine needles in the jar… that’s so beautiful.

    Hugs.

    I love you

    December 16, 2009
  • I’m sorry to hear about you loss.

    December 16, 2009
  • How awful. I had a few early m/c’s and they suck. suck. suck. So, effin horrible.
    What a nice way to reflect on a lost pregnancy. (It wasn;t really lost though-taken is more like it, eh?)
    Beautiful post.

    December 16, 2009
  • <3
    .-= lceel´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Solitude =-.

    December 16, 2009
  • I’m so sorry. I also have carried for week a baby that I had lost – it’s heartbreaking.

    The pine needle thing makes perfect sense to me.

    I have music I can’t listen to…
    .-= amy2boys´s last blog ..Christmas Gift Guide 2009 =-.

    December 16, 2009
  • I understand more than words can say. Lots of love this holiday season.
    .-= Jessica´s last blog ..Christmas Tree(otherwise known as not my fault) =-.

    December 16, 2009
  • Hugs and prayers for you today. This was painfully beautiful.
    .-= Rachael´s last blog ..Baby Pictures! =-.

    December 16, 2009
  • Beautiful, Lotus. Very moving too…

    Don’t know what else to say.
    .-= Gabriel´s last blog ..Send me a picture of your Christmas tree! =-.

    December 16, 2009
  • I have no words, and your words were achingly beautiful.
    .-= Tara R.´s last blog ..Mother Earth =-.

    December 16, 2009
  • You’re so strong. I cannot even imagine. So sorry.
    .-= WackyMummy´s last blog ..How Did He Grow Up So Fast?! =-.

    December 16, 2009
  • I lost a baby in my second trimester 2 Thanksgivings ago. And this is such a perfect description of how I feel.

    Hugs to you. Thanks for writing so beautifully about something so devastating.
    .-= Bridget´s last blog ..Stocking Vote =-.

    December 16, 2009
  • This is so hauntingly beautiful. I wish there was something I could say to take some pain away.

    December 17, 2009
  • It is difficult to know what to say to a post like this, but it is equally difficult to say nothing. I am sorry for your loss…I am inspired to read that you are working with the grief, and that you are finding the place where sadness and joy can intermingle.

    Thank you for sharing.

    December 17, 2009
  • This is so beautiful.

    And not crazy. Not even a little bit.
    .-= maggie, dammit´s last blog ..Hope =-.

    December 17, 2009
  • Such a tender story and part of you, amazingly told. I feel moved by your words. Peace and love to you Lotus.

    December 17, 2009
  • Sweet girl, my heart aches as I read this. However, I love the fact that you are dealing with your grief. I’ve been dealing with grief in a number of ways, different than yours, but still heavy grief. For me, in the hurting, the gut-wrenching pain, I have been brought closer to My Momma who is no longer here, and closer to God–who at times, still hears my angry, sorrowful words I speak to Him. My Momma passed away unexpectedly during Christmastime, it’s such a hard season for me to handle.

    Here’s to honest grief, love, memories,Christmas, and the future. Hugs to you.

    December 17, 2009
  • Jen D

    That was the most moving thing think I have ever read. Thank you for sharing it. Am still crying. I wish you joy this Christmas to help ease the pain.

    December 18, 2009
  • Luvs you.

    December 18, 2009
  • WOW!! Your post is powerful and I can feel the emotion through it. I hope this Christmas has MUCH more memories for you, and good for you for keeping those needles from the tree! What a wonderful memory!
    .-= Bobbie´s last blog ..Dear Internet =-.

    December 18, 2009
  • Oh, Lotus. :( *big, fat, squishy hugs & lots of love*

    December 19, 2009
  • I was browsing through Networked Blogs and found yours.

    I’m glad I did! 15 years ago, I suffered a miscarriage in my 3rd month. Then almost a year later, I found out in my 3rd month that the baby I was carrying was no longer alive. Due to some problems with the hospital/doctor/insurance, I carried my baby for almost a month. It was the most depressing time of my life. The D&C left me emotionally numb. I’m so glad that you are able to find joy again! Blessings to you and your family.
    .-= Leslie Limon´s last blog ..The Truth About the Tooth Fairy =-.

    December 19, 2009
  • So holding you in my thoughts right now. Wishing you a very peaceful and lovely holiday this year, darlin’.
    .-= bejewell´s last blog ..All I Want for Christmas is This Dildo Helmet =-.

    December 20, 2009
  • (Somehow it seems totally wrong to post a serious, heartfelt comment and then see “Dildo Helmet” after it)
    .-= bejewell´s last blog ..All I Want for Christmas is This Dildo Helmet =-.

    December 20, 2009
  • Amy

    As always, when I read what you write, I come away affected. Whether it be funny or tragic, I am always moved. With this post however, it spoke to my heart in so many ways. It brings back memories of the suffering, cause that’s what it is, truly, of my own little one dying. I only have the antiseptic smell of a NICU unit to associate, so for you I am glad. Glad that you have something beloved and pure to remember Davin with. Thank you for writing your blog….you think you are just giving yourself therapy by writing, but your words profoundly affect others. Namely, me.

    December 21, 2009
  • Amy

    As always, when I read what you write, I come away affected. Whether it be funny or tragic, I am always moved. With this post however, it spoke to my heart in so many ways. It brings back memories of the suffering, cause that’s what it is, truly, of my own little one dying. I only have the antiseptic smell of a NICU unit to associate, so for you I am glad. Glad that you have something beloved and pure to remember Davin with. Thank you for writing your blog….you think you are just giving yourself therapy by writing, but your words profoundly affect others. Namely, me.

    December 21, 2009
  • [...] time of year has me in a weird place – I’m both surging with joy and childish wonder at the beauty and spirit of the [...]

    December 03, 2010

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