It’s inevitable.
All spring and summer long (but for bouts of the bitchiness I’m cursed with, both by Nature and Nurture) I spend my time climbing the ladder.
I kick my feet back into the air after each step up, with a little grinning head toss and a shimmying booty shake, as I climb up, and up and up. Is that a spicy little theme song playing?
I hum a song as I let the sun shine on my face, feeling that warmth.
I look up and see myself getting closer to the top as time passes, but mostly, the peak holds no meaning for me. Sometimes a memory tickles buttons in my mind, but the sun has permeated even there, and its rays push those memories into corners unreachable for now.
The smile on my face keeps spreading.
I still shake my booty and kick out my feet as I step up, up, up the ladder.
By the time it’s bleak and cold outside, I reach the top. There’s nowhere left to go.
But down.
I look down at the sleek, cold, metal of the slide and I shiver.
My smile starts to fade. I’m cold. The corners of my mind come alive with recognition of what’s happening.
As the wind blows through me, rattling my bones, I look around and can no longer find the light of the sun.
My teeth chatter.
Before long, a sudden gust of wind slaps a strong, icy hand into the small of my back and gives a malicious PUSH, and with a gasp, I tumble into the metal.
There are no sides to hold. There is no amount of scrambling that can stop my descent.
As if it matters… for as soon as my flesh makes contact with that metal, the cold seems to leach out of my very soul all desire to fight the obvious.
As my face falls slack, I quickly begin the long slide down for The Winter.
#1 by stephanie on December 8, 2008 - 2:19 AM
Does a (virtual) hug help? Probably not. But here’s one anyway…just in case! ***HUGS!!***
#2 by Michelle on December 8, 2008 - 2:28 AM
So you are Solar Powered!
I have a girlfriend like that (I don’t mind any weather – doesn’t seem to affect me), and she moved to Queensland (top of Australia) with work, but it suits her so much because she is so much happier.
#3 by river on December 8, 2008 - 2:30 AM
Huh???
#4 by Rachael on December 8, 2008 - 2:33 AM
Ah, the winter. Have some hot chocolate & relax. You can get through it. What a beautifully written post.
Rachaels last blog post..Proposition 8: The Musical
#5 by Veronica on December 8, 2008 - 3:07 AM
That sounds right about how I am too. I suppose I should be thanking god (or someone) that Amy was born in Spring and that this little one is due in Summer.
(((hugs))) You know where I am if you need me, okay?
Veronicas last blog post..Stretchmarks and all
#6 by kompostela on December 8, 2008 - 6:17 AM
Don’t give up! You are stronger than you think:)))
kompostelas last blog post..Game to Develop Your Toddler’s Little Fingers Skills
#7 by Janelle on December 8, 2008 - 9:49 AM
((hugs)) !! Don’t think you are alone. I just think winter brings out the “best” in all of us.
Janelles last blog post..Random Happiness
#8 by Kara on December 8, 2008 - 11:34 AM
move to arizona! It’s helped me out. don’t move to michigan, that was my worst year. HUGS!
Karas last blog post..Been a rollercoaster!
#9 by Ashley @ mrs007.net on December 8, 2008 - 11:38 AM
I hate the winter too…Coupled with PMS it makes me very irritable and unpleasant. It’s not all bad, and wearing my hubby’s Timberland socks helps me feel a little warmer. Hang in there it’s TN…it could be 74 degrees tomorrow
Ashley @ mrs007.nets last blog post..PMS meets Make a list Monday
#10 by Jean on December 8, 2008 - 12:57 PM
I am in CT and hate the cold weather. Not only is it cold, but it gets dark too early. They really need to get rid of Daylight Savings Time. Most people don’t want it. Our cold weather lasts for a long time and I always complain that it is not fit for humans. lol
Jeans last blog post..Glamour Magazine’s Woman Of The Year 2008 – Ten Year Old Nujood Mohammed Ali
#11 by Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] on December 8, 2008 - 1:29 PM
Sending up warmth from Florida.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]s last blog post..You’re My Only Hope
#12 by Special K on December 8, 2008 - 1:36 PM
I just started vitamin D that is supposed to help this a lot in the winter due to Vitamin D deficiency. I will let you know if it actually works!
Special Ks last blog post..Quick! Before Mama finds me!
#13 by Chris on December 8, 2008 - 2:07 PM
Great post. I choose to read it metaphorically, and it’s a perfect description of that painful spiral that inevitably follows a high. I know they say that you can’t have mountaintop experiences without going through valleys, but that doesn’t make the valleys any more pleasant.
#14 by Barbara on December 8, 2008 - 2:21 PM
I’m with Chris. It said, in words better than I could put together, exactly how I feel. So hopeful and so despairing. Beautiful post.
Barbaras last blog post..342/366 – Cold
#15 by lceel on December 8, 2008 - 2:31 PM
Don’t get any slobbers on the slide, okay? You’ll make it that much more slippery for the next guy.
lceels last blog post..Mea Culpa Redux
#16 by Jennifer S^N on December 8, 2008 - 4:36 PM
I’m not clear as to how to interpret this, but off the top of my head…I was pregnant last winter and extremely depressed. I felt like a mime trapped in a glass box….I missed the greenery. The color. White can be so blinding. ( especially up here in the frozen f^&*( tundra…;) Everyday seems like a blizzard….Hark? What is that I hear, spring is on the way!
Take good care of yourself and that bump! Being pregnant is a full time 24-7 job….whew.
Jennifer S^Ns last blog post..Sophie is growing up so fast….slow down child!
#17 by Patsy Bain on December 8, 2008 - 9:21 PM
Love the analogy — I feel that way some days during winter, but we lived for years were it was cold but sunny more than cold and gloomy. Now we live were it isn’t peticularly cold but it is gray, gloomy more than sunny during the heart of winter (Jan. and Feb.) I think I prefer the cold and sunny.
again — nice writing.
Patsy Bains last blog post..To Do and Soon and Unconscious Mutterings
#18 by Meredith on December 8, 2008 - 10:22 PM
This line from one of my favorite novels has always lifted me up:
In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.
Albert Camus
Here’s to finding your invincible summer, Lotus.
Merediths last blog post..How I spent Black Friday
#19 by A Jill of All Trades on December 9, 2008 - 10:15 PM
3 words:
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
Something tells me you may already know all about that….since you are a psych major and all.
A Jill of All Tradess last blog post..Stoked!