Second time’s a charm?
Once upon a time, I completed a workout video called “Drop it with Dance, w/Tabitha D’umo.” I tried. I really did. The outcome was less than victorious.
I was SUPPOSED TO make Tabitha D’umo my bitch. I said I was going to, and all.
Well.
Dear Lotus,
Who’s who’s bitch now? Have you counted your fat rolls lately? Have you MEASURED them? I think Kevin & Leroy are actually bigger than your entire head by now. You = Loser. You, officially, get a FAIL on Not Being A Fatass.
Love,
Tabitha “You’re MY Bitch” D’umo
Can you believe the nerve of that woman? Totally classless.
But. Um. She might have a point. I only tried to use her video a handful of few times twice once after that first time.
And while I’ve done a few halfassed other workouts, there really has been no consistent effort to be physically fit, as I was hoping there would be.
And I have alllll kinds of excuses why, but really, it all boils down to one thing: Motivation. If you’re motivated, the excuses just don’t deter you. They aren’t good enough to stop you.
“My kid just won’t let me alone long enough for me to exercise!”
Um, naptime? Bedtime? Locking your kid in the closet for 30 minutes time?
“I’m just so tired that when I have time to myself, I can’t bring myself to exercise.”
News Flash! If you’d exercise, you’d be tired LESS often. (Funny how that works, huh?)
“I’m just so busy, there really is no time for exercise, honest!”
Now that’s just bullshit, sorry. If you’re committed to something, you can find time. Make time, even.
There are about 23,475,869 things on my To Do List that I am behind on, on a regular basis. But 30 minutes? Come on, just 30 minutes every other day? We can find this, right? Even if we have to get up 30 minutes earlier? (Please do not wish me physical harm for suggesting that.)
You know what’s really motivating? When you step on the scale and discover that you keep gaining weight (what, there’s no cap on how high that number is allowed to get? crap). Or when your “fat jeans” get tighter and tighter, threatening to become your “skinny jeans.” FYI: your “fat jeans” are NOT ALLOWED to become your “skinny jeans.”
How about when you’re just.so.tired alllll the time, and holy flying pigs, did part of my side just fold over and touch itself? Oh.My.Gah.
I, who never makes New Year Resolutions, actually made a resolution this year, and halfway through the year, I am totally getting a Big, Fat F on that.
I WILL NOT BE OUTSMARTED BY MY MUFFIN TOP, DAMNIT!
So today, I attempted the Billy Blanks Tae Bo Cardio workout DVD for the second time. And HELL NO I am not able to hang with it for the entire time yet. But I was incredibly surprised and pleased that I was still alive when it was over. Both times, I have fully been prepared to die. I had my will in order and everything.
I’m going to try several things in the coming weeks and see what happens. Regular exercise (*whimper*), no more late eating (and I LOVE me some late eating), and actually sleeping at least 7 hours a night (is this possible?).
Revolutionary ideas, to be sure.
PS: Tabitha, I’m coming for you, whore.







Zoeyjane
I used to teach Tae-Bo. And it would totally awe and astound me how many seniors would come to the back of the class and work their little old asses off, but dro out part way through, only to return again, the next class. Not that I’m making a direct comparison, besides the actual work out. You’re not a senior, I’m pretty sure. But the point was that if 82 year olds can do the whole thing after trying it a couple times a week for a month, you can kick Billy’s ass, soon.
Zoeyjane’s last blog post..So Cute, My Heart Hurts
Hecticmom Undone
*laugh* You know you have to lose some weight when your fat jeans have become your skinny jeans. I have been there!
Huzzah – celebrate – today I fit back into my pants that were my “regular” size pants. Not my skinny or my fat pants. But my – I look ok pants (but, I could still lose a few.)
Hecticmom Undone’s last blog post..Oh Good Grief…
lilacspecs
I’ve lost almost 30 pounds since I moved to Europe, but I’ve been in a holding pattern for like 3 months now…fluxuating within 5 pounds…it sucks and I plan on getting my act together (after our vacation to Scotland this week)…plus it pisses me off that my boyfriend’s legs are so much sexier than mine.
lilacspecs’s last blog post..Music Monday – How I Used to Be
Summer
So, um, come down here and motivate me? ‘Cause my butt keeps getting wider and yet I’m still just sitting here. *sigh*
Seriously, you can do it! It will get easier with time (so I hear) and then you’ll find more motivation than you need. Like when your skinny jeans are falling off of you.
Summer’s last blog post..Win An Electric Double Breast Pump
Veronica
7 hours of sleep a night? Hell at the moment I would be happy with getting to spend 6 hours in my own bed, let alone spending that time actually being asleep.
Ah yeah sorry, sleep has been non existant here for a fortnight.
Good luck with the DVDs. My big excuse is….I don’t have a DVD player and I have low blood pressure causing me to damn near pass out everytime I stand up at the moment.
However, winter has to end sometime and I have a huge yard to kick a soccer ball in. Soon, very very soon…
Veronica’s last blog post..Dear Neighbours…
The Mom
I started 10 minute solutions Fat Blasting Dance Mix with Jennifer Galardi this morning….AGAIN….but this time she’ll be my bitch!
Oh and yeah I only break for 10 minutes from my blog reading, so that’s all I can give.
The Mom’s last blog post..Communicating with a Tween
Michelle
Exercise?…I tried aerobics once. Once. Now I have a dog that digs my garden if I don’t walk her at least every second day. Unfortunately, it’s now winter and dark when I get home so I’m only walking three times a week instead of six, but still eating the same amount. Sigh…Must stop the after dinner snacks.
witchypoo
Some people aren’t naturally inclined to exercise. Like someone I know who took a smoke break during yoga.
witchypoo’s last blog post..Camping
Ree
Go get her, girlfriend. I’m joining you. My biggest excuse recently was that my stepson moved into my basement and therefore my workout room.
Guess what? He can get his ass out of there between 4:30-5:30 every other day. Yes, he can. Because I pay the mortgage.
Ree’s last blog post..The Birthday Pain-in-the-Ass
katia
My excuse: it’s too hot to ride my bike to the pool and the water is too warm. sigh. I’m so pathetic. That and it looked like it *might* rain.
katia’s last blog post..new home
Mad Squirrel
I do the Yoga for Dummies DVDs an I have them memorized. Than I park farther away, go up and down my stairs every chance I get. Did you know 45 minutes of gardening or housework is exercise?! Yep! I am doing the Alli thing along with my exercise! It works! I also take my youngest and the dog for a walk!
Mad Squirrel’s last blog post..Vote
anne
Katia must live near me – it’s always 95 degrees, 100% humidity, and threatening to rain at any one moment. That’s my poor excuse. That, and my belly is the size of Montana, but I was supposed to be exercising this whole time, so that doesn’t hold, either. Sigh.
Go kick Tabitha’s ass.
anne’s last blog post..the point when I become totally, completely irrational, scream uncontrollably, and require serious medication
Miss Britt
I feel totally justified in saying this since you have said it before…
Dude! We are totally on the same wave length!
I bought a battery for my scale this weekend, hoping that would push me to finally stop thinking about it and actually DO something.
I haven’t put the battery IN the scale yet.
But I will! Really – I will!
Miss Britt’s last blog post..Do You Wanna Hear Me Kick Adam’s Ass?
dana
For real…I’m with you on this. I’ve been acing the exercise portion — it’s the eating thing that gets in my way. I can’t stop stuffing my face. But — I’ve learned it’s medically related (a minor metabolism/insulin disorder) and my doctor has given me a jumpstart in that department (read: prescribed a drug). So far I think it’s working.
I do remember a time when exercise was hard for me to accomplish. I was so lazy I actually told someone I was too tired to make any excuses. Heh. My how sad that is, thinking back on that.
So here’s to you and me and everyone getting healthy!!
dana’s last blog post..Lordy, Lordy! Look Who’s Forty!
kay
You go girl!
Manic Mom
Exercise should be a four letter word.
Manic Mom’s last blog post..Thanks for riding VanWays
Angie
Best of luck, Lotus!
Angie’s last blog post..Another Independence Day in the bag…..
Suzy :)
This *might* just be the kick-in-the-pants I need to start my 15 min of yoga a day again, and the swimming and the walking… we shall see!
Suzy
’s last blog post..Quilt in the Works – Happy Hour
karin
I enjoy reading your blog a lot and have never commented. However, why not sign up and train for a local 5K? If you’re interested, I can direct you to a training site and/or help you find a race. Good luck!
Alison
I just “recommitted” myself to this also. Although some monster came in and stole all of my workout DVDs!!! BASTARDS!!
Seriously though. Tae Bo- best workout I’ve found!
Alison’s last blog post..A Post for the Sake of Posting
Dawn
pleased to be alive at the end. hee!
Dawn’s last blog post..Red Tent Alert
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas
“holy flying pigs, did part of my side just fold over and touch itself?”
made me fold over laughing!!
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas’s last blog post..I Cheated on The Man with The Other Man
Twitter: amy2boys
Taz
you go girl
Taz’s last blog post..How Cute..
tenakim
I think we should all make a vow- with unflattering before pics and everything- to make those bitches “our bitches” and show them- my bitch is Debbie Siebers from the over-priced infomercial purchase “Slim in Six”- Work out EVERYDAY for 6 weeks! I do love it- if I get started, it’s just so damn hard to move my ass off of my computer chair!
lceel
I love that picture. And the pose. I REALLY love that pose. Apparently, so does Branden. And, because your young and innocent son is in that picture, I’m not going to let this comment go where my mind went. Because this is a family show, after all.
lceel’s last blog post..Summer in the City
Twitter: lceel
Tiffany
You can do it!! Motivation is the key. I lost 40 pounds recently by walking on my treadmill and eating better. (Don’t worry I’m still a fatass but just not as fat as I was.) Have I lost any since then? NO!! I lost my motivation. It’s hard to do but if you set your mind to it then you can do it. I have faith that YOU will be able to do it. And try to have fun with it. Maybe dance around with little man and get him involved. OMG did I just say fun about exercise? I need to lay down =)
Tiffany’s last blog post..I Got Suckered
Cassandra Rae
When fat jeans become skinny jeans they are really Mom jeans – ouch! But, that’s okay because we’re not your average Mom. We are *HOT* moms!
Cassandra Rae’s last blog post..Think Highly of Yourself – Your Kids Deserve It!
KD (A Bit Squirrelly)
My motivations is summed up in three words:
Ten Year Renion
Ugggg….Please post about what works. I am freaking out a bit, because I have to impress these people that I haven’t given a second thought about the last ten years until now…yeah I know Pathetic. I need help.
KD (A Bit Squirrelly)’s last blog post..Tattoos–there is a reason that tough bikers get them..
Natalie
I’ve outgrown at least five pairs of “fat” jeans in varying sizes. What does that say about me?
I’m a fat ass. Yes I am.
You? Are not.
But kudos for wanting to get healthy.
Also, you are waaaay more flexible than I am.
Natalie’s last blog post..Summer Storm
Special K
Go Lotus! Inspire us all!!!!!!!!!
Special K’s last blog post..He’s not heavy, he’s my brother
Barb @ getupandplay
You can do it! I can do it, too! No longer shall we be slaves to the muffin top!
Barb @ getupandplay’s last blog post..Utah has the WORST voter turnout rate in the nation!!
Lori
Good for you! I love to do Tae Bo. Another video I like is Leslie Sansone’s Walk and Jog- you just walk and jog w/ a few little kicks and knees, but it’s a GREAT workout.
I just started getting up at 5:15 EEK, just so I could work out. It is SO hard to get out of bed, but after I workk out I feel so much better all day long.
Lori’s last blog post..Part 4
Lori
One other thing- I did the Body for Life challenge (12 weeks) last year and lost 15 lbs. I didn’t think it was that hard. The great thing was, after the 12 weeks I stopped exercising and eating right and only gained back 4lbs in 9 months! Now, I just started my second Body for Life challenge to lose that last 10 lbs.
Lori’s last blog post..Part 4
Karen MEG
Go Lotus GO!!!!!
Karen MEG’s last blog post..Weekly Winners # 27
Mom2Miles
I found myself attempting an Afro-Caribbean inspired workout on FitTV the other day. My toddler thought it was hilarious. Man, I hope none of the neighbors could see in the window! The things we do to fit in our jeans….
Mom2Miles’s last blog post..Month 26: Is It Still a Party If It’s Over by 8?
A Whole Lot of Nothing
Can you do an extra 30 min for me so I can count it?
A Whole Lot of Nothing’s last blog post..Farts Heard Around MessyHouse
Jenny from Mommin' It Up!
Lotus this was so much fun to read!! You are a great writer. This is what keeps me coming back!
Jenny from Mommin’ It Up!’s last blog post..We Survived
Twitter: jennyitup
In the Trenches of Mommyhood
My excuse for not running: IT’S TOO HOT. I suck. I need to just get my ass in gear and GO. It’s that simple.
In the Trenches of Mommyhood’s last blog post..When Ya Gotta Go, Ya Gotta Go
blogversary
You go girl!!
I used to break up my workouts into 10 min segments throughout the day when I was trying to care for a newborn. Yo, it works. I swear. Good luck finding your groove.
Goodbye to muffin tops; I am fighting a little one from my second kid.
blogversary’s last blog post..cake
Tanya
I do bellydance classes.
When you see how the instructors and the regulars look, it motivates you.
It starts by toning your muscles then slowly you lose weight. I lost 3kg by only going once a week in 8 weeks. It’s fun as well and for women only.
Hopefully there are classes in your area if you are interested? It’s only an hour a week then you can practice at home while you’re doing almost anything.
I loved it because i got to know the women in my group and each term you learn a different choreography.
and pretty costumes!
Kat
You GO, GIRL! You can do it!
Billy Blanks kicks my f**king ass. But he has it going on.
Kat’s last blog post..Kat for President!
Hockeyman
I picture a Napoleon Dynamite moment before the dance video starts…
Are you ready to learn the hottest dance moves?
Yes
Ok, then, lets get started
Ok
*snigger*
Hockeyman’s last blog post..Found Porn
Maria
Those photos surely gave your male [and some female] readers dirty, nasty thoughts. :p
Try the master cleanse. I hear it works like a charm. Me? I need to eat. Gorge. Constantly.
Maria’s last blog post..Bit TOO nice there, babe.
Rachael
Should it be embarrassing that I thought Tae-Bo was fun. No, that doesn’t mean I stuck to it like I should have. But it was still fun.
Rachael’s last blog post..Ten for Tuesday or The State of This Union
Twitter: rachael1013
Krista
I hear that NOT getting enough sleep causes you to gain weight. They don’t say the opposite is true, but I’m all for anything that doesn’t make me gain weight… now if I could just convince the rest of me to go to bed before midnight…
Krista’s last blog post..Validation?
justmylife
Good luck! If you keep at it, I may have to give it a try. I have a few pounds and rolls that need to go away! heh!!
justmylife’s last blog post..I’m back and Ready for anything!!
Tracy D
I’m with you! I have the samw commitments right now. The sleepw ill never happen, but the eating and the exercise surely can. My back fat are no loger answering to their names. Now they just laugh at me…..
Tracy D’s last blog post..Night Falls
Beck
Oh, God. I love you.
And this totally inspired me to haul out my dust old exercise tapes, too. I now blame you for my aching legs. But in a GOOD way.
Beck’s last blog post..Charmers
Memarie Lane
For the first time in my life, I’ve actually been exercising regularly for the past 6 months. But then I found out that this horrible pain in my hips is due to loose ligaments from the pregnancy that are only aggravated by any type of exercise. And it can only be relieved by childbirth, hence defeating my entire purpose of exercising, to ease labor. I just can’t win!
Memarie Lane’s last blog post..Kid-Friendly, Mother Approved Popsicles
skiplovey
Hi-lar-ious! Kick some major booty, girl.
I always love hearing about someone else’s workout promises because it usually motivates me to step it up with my own workout deal.
Take no prisoners.
skiplovey’s last blog post..What the hell is a 187 anyway?*
K8spade
Billy Blanks kicked my effin ass all over Jersey. I got Tae Bo’ed bad. I’m apparently not fit enough to sweat to the oldies. *sigh*
K8spade’s last blog post..How Men Can Ruin Even the Sweetest of Moments
Ellie
I think you’re really funny, I really do, but you’re ragging on Tabitha D’umo a lot and it is very obvious that she did NOT write that note. I think it’s cruel of you to ruin her reputation when, in fact, she is an amazing dancer that many people look up to. I don’t mean to be rude, but my daughter loves to dance and Tabitha and Napoleon D’umo are her idols, and I just feel like you should be aware that it’s unfair of you to damage her image to get a few laughs. On a happier note, I think you are a great motivater and I think it’s great that you’re inspiring people to step up and work out, so good for you. (But it would be nice if you didn’t rag on Tabitha so much)
Heather
motivation for me includes some pictures I took of myself a few days ago in a bikini…HOLY SHIT…now I know why we can’t see ourselves from behind…SCARY!! I love the comment about not having enough energy to make any excuses….ha!
Heather’s last blog post..Gone to the dogs…or in our case DOG!!
Athena
My latest effort is swimming. Forcing myself…must swim 4 times a week – MUST. Raced a storm during my laps yesterday and won. Nothing like the fear of being hit by lightening to motivate you.
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SherE1
OMG – the link to the “first try” had me crackin’ up! I feel ya, girl. I started this fitness regimen of mine in May and it is hard to stay motiivated. I have my slacking weeks, for sure. Especially working out at home. SO hard with the kids all up in my business! (hehe) Stay strong – keep at it! She’ll be your bitch in no time – yay-ah!
Hey, is that the same Tabitha who choreographs hip hop routines with her husband for So You Think You Can Dance and America’s Best Dance Crew?
SherE1s last blog post..Life of a Rock Star
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