Singin’ the loose stool blues… oohhhhh, yeahhhh….
Thanks to everyone for not virtually slapping me for being such a whine-bag yesterday. And really, apologies if I offended anyone.
In other news, there is no post of any relevance today, as I’ve been crapping my guts out for the past 24 hours with some kind of Super Evil Intestinal Bug.
Maybe I should try to be all happy and positive and call it An All Natural, Surprise Body Cleanse!
Yeah, after this much explosive diarrhea, I’m having a hard time being happy & positive, so I’ll leave the positivity to you lovely and enlightened readers for today.
Because, really? It would not be too far from real to imagine brown waterfalls coming out of my ass.
My friends as of late:
Here’s hoping your week is going far more fabulously.
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Betsey
It’s been very similar in my house.
Hope you feel better or at least can get off the pot soon.
Betseys last blog post..Today is not yesterday
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Betsey,
I think I spent more time sitting on the terlet last night than lying in my bed.
Which should be a crime!
Hope your clan is feeling better, too.
Twitter: LotusCarroll
badness jons
Feel better!
badness jonss last blog post..Cupid made me do it….
Lynn (Walking With Scissors)
Ugh. Nobody likes peeing out their ass. Poor thing.
Lynn (Walking With Scissors)s last blog post..How I Waste Time When I Should be Working
lceel
You’re making it very difficult to maintain my vision of ‘the RACK’ – what with the confusion of ‘brown waterfalls’ rushing through my head. I’m going to have to start all over.
lceels last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Almost
Twitter: lceel
Ness
You realize that along with diahorrea comes….WEIGHTLOSS! Yes there IS an upside!
But, alas, there is no upside to the sore butt that comes with it.
Nesss last blog post..Who Doesn’t Like Free Business Cards?
Twitter: droversrunness
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Ness,
Ugh. I didn’t even mention that my rectum feels like ground meat and I was actually crying last night every time I even thought of having to wipe.
Then I dug out the plastic squirt bottle they gave me after I had Braden and I started the Hand Bidet action after every trip.
Poor, poor butthole.
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
My sister refers to it as ‘peeing out of my ass.’
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]s last blog post..Worse Than Being Puked On
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing],
Dude. My pee has NEVER had such volume. Or force.
Or stink.
Or explosiveness.
She needs to have that checked.
(hehe)
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Ashlie- Mommycosm
Oh, yeah. It’s going around my house, too. We call it monkey butt, you know, because you have monkeys flying out of your butt. Makes the kids less freaked out when it happens. Makes me giggle…and is easier to spell than diarrhea.
Ashlie- Mommycosms last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Paradise
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Ashlie- Mommycosm,
LMAO
(what’s left of it)
Twitter: LotusCarroll
nagdalie
thank you thank you thank you for making sure your toilet was clean before taking that picture! i mean i can talk gross with the best of them, but nasty dirty toilets really do gross me out! (and believe me after living in turkey and having to use some of the squatties there i’m allowed to be grossed out!)
nagdalies last blog post..Hope is the thing with feathers…Emily Dickinson
Tanya
oh dear! lol
SingleParentDad
A toilet so clean you could eat your dinner off it, hold on………
SingleParentDads last blog post..A Little Less Like Me Please
Junebug
Last year when I had the flu, I lost more than five pounds. That was the only benefit. The liquid squirts are the bomb! Can’t get there fast enough either.
Junebugs last blog post..Fun Monday-Landmarks
Sammanthia
I can laugh because for once IT’S NOT ME! My butt cheeks are clenching together just reading this. Hope you feel better soon!
Special K
I like to think of it as butt puking! I had the full on stomach flu last week and I died. The end.
Special K
And that chicken broth looks like that might be the culprit of what is spewing forth from thy buttocks. It looks like what came outta me anyway.
And I am deciding to be grossed out or not that you have taken a pic of food on your toilet.
I still love ya though.
Special Ks last blog post..Stimulating the economy
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Special K,
Heh. If you’ve stuck around this long, I think you’ve decided to love me through all sorts of gross displays by now.
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Angela
And THIS is a fine example of why I shouldn’t read blogs while eating dinner. Yuuuum!
Feel better, Lotus!
Caren
Also….you are missing an ingredient. Don’t HESITATE to whip out the asshole cream.
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Caren,
You know, when I took the photo, I TOTALLY forgot to run upstairs to the master bedroom bathroom and get the huge tub of Vaseline and the tube of Desitin that became incredibly acquainted with my rear last night.
Good times.
The Ole’ Ground Meat in my rectum is at least lubed well. *cringe*
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Allie
Immodium. Drink flat Coke or Pepsi. Did you know if you eat corn while you have the runs that everything is liquified except for the corn? Corn laughs at soft bowel movements and says, “you can’t break ME, bitches”.
And not once did I think the broken sunglasses post was actually about broken sunglasses, for what it’s worth.
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Allie,
Woman, can you believe that Immodium didn’t.even.touch this case of Butthole Waterfalls? Seriously. That is when you know the apocalypse is nigh and it STARTED IN YOUR ASS. Because Immodium is some serious shit (pun intended).
On a related note, last night I became acutely aware of how many fecal/ass phrases I use in my language: shitty, crappy, ass-ton, etc. Heh.
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Tink *~*~*
sorry you are feeling so um crappy!
I usually do plain oatmeal or plain rice the first day, and if I feel that is going well, I introduce a banana the second day. I hope you feel better soon.
Tink *~*~*
NEW at My Mobile Adventures *~*~* : Which Way Do You Look?
Tink *~*~*s last blog post..Which Way Do You Look?
Karleigh
As I have found out recently on a forced liquid diet post-op, Chicken broth can also CAUSE diarrhea. Just keep that in mind.
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Karleigh,
Indeed! It’s the fat content. I’m only having a little, today – after most of the worst diarrhea has passed. It helps to be able to drink a lil bit of something that has a bit of protein content. But mostly crackers and Gatorade. Slowly working up to more.
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Tabitha
Eek! Having the runs and other bowel/butt/intestine-related issues is no fun at all! I feel for ya. Hope you feel better soon!!
Kat
LOL on the “All natural, SURPRISE body cleansing.”
That’s some funny shit.
Pun intended.
Kats last blog post..I’m Leaving!
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Kat,
Haha, as I just said above, last night I was noticing all the fecal/ass phrases I use all the time. I guess it’s good when your writhing in your bed and you can still laugh with your husband about saying “asston” about your diarrhea.
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Heather
I’d reccomend you buy some sour natural yoghurt and add it to your ‘sick foods’ because it contains a live bacteria that replaces the good bacteria lost during ‘intestinal problems’. Hope you feel better soon!
Heathers last blog post..
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Heather,
Great idea! Thanks.
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Jacki
You have my sympathies! We just had this in our house a few weeks ago, and it is not fun!
Jackis last blog post..If I have to watch Barbie Diamond Castle one more time….
Nikki
Sorry to hear you are feeling “shitty”. My little one has the same problem right now and I just got to clean my carpets because of it. So hopefully all will end soon for you too.
Nikkis last blog post..More Ice Pics
Karen Sugarpanties
Okay um…. I totally read that one box as “Flushable MINT Wipes.”
Then I thought for a second about your possibly minty cornholio.
I’m tired. And moving. Go ahead and laugh.
Karen Sugarpantiess last blog post..Passive-Aggressive Notes
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Karen Sugarpanties,
Laughed my ass off at this.
Then forced my husband to read my post just so I could then direct him to read your comment. Heh.
The truth is, my bunghole (hey, you said cornholio) has a serious case of (what else?) Ass Breath. You know, like, chronic and shit (pun intended).
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Teresa
Wow, we’re having this problem right now too! Get checked for giardia and cryptosporidium. That’s what hubby found out he had today. All I can say is EWWWW. Hand washing is a major thing here!
Teresas last blog post..I’m A Glutton For Punishment
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Kelley
you know those crackers are now covered in faeces now, right?
Feel better soon my lovely. I only want to see you shooting glitter out that fine arse.
Oh, and I will have a little sumptin sumptin for you asap.
Lotus
@Kelley,
I enjoy my crackers with faces. And feces. (heh) Technically, they were still sealed at that point.
I have been recycling the toilet water to wash dishes with lately, though, to save money. Is that bad?
Re: your last sentence: I hope that means I’m getting laid.
Lotuss last blog post..Singin’ the loose stool blues… oohhhhh, yeahhhh….
Twitter: SarcasticMomLC
river
Scraped apple is good for helping with diarrhoea. Peel a raw apple, scrape at it with a spoon, eat the scraped off bits. Not sure why it works, but it does. Eat yoghurt to replace the good bacteria. Get checked like Teresa said.
Lotus
@river,
Did you know that apple sauce is also good to eat with diarrhea. Always seemed weird to me, since the juice will cause it. It’s a fiber/bulk issue.
Yogurt’s definitely on the list.
Lotuss last blog post..Singin’ the loose stool blues… oohhhhh, yeahhhh….
Twitter: SarcasticMomLC
Ed (zoesdad)
The song that keeps “running” through my head as I read this:
On the commode again.
I can’t wait to get on the commode again…
Ed (zoesdad)s last blog post..The Breakfast Club
Lotus
@Ed (zoesdad),
NICE!
I keep thinking, “Don’t go crapping waterfalls, please just shit the stinkers and the craps that you used to….” (to the tune of this old TLC Song: http://www.mtv.com/lyrics/tlc/waterfalls/904928/lyrics.jhtml)
It’s starting to drive me mad.
Lotuss last blog post..Singin’ the loose stool blues… oohhhhh, yeahhhh….
Twitter: SarcasticMomLC
perpstu
Oy! I agree, the best strategy is to put a positive spin on it! I hope your natural body cleanse results in less poundage for you! Feel better……
Twitter: perpstu
Lotus
@perpstu,
Unfortunately, I usually rebound from days of not getting to eat by eating 7x as much as usual and actually GAIN weight.
No worry from anyone that I will ever starve myself to death.
Lotuss last blog post..Singin’ the loose stool blues… oohhhhh, yeahhhh….
Twitter: SarcasticMomLC
jennielynn
Seriously, the comments and replies are as funny as the post. Poor, poor butthole.
Sorry your butt went all Chuck Norris on you.
jennielynns last blog post..A Continuing Rant Against THE F BOOK
Lotus
@jennielynn,
I am totally agreeing with you. This shit talk is fun, right?
Does that mean something’s wrong with us? I hope so.
Lotuss last blog post..Singin’ the loose stool blues… oohhhhh, yeahhhh….
Twitter: SarcasticMomLC
Jean
Have you tried pure ginger tea? I find that it works for a lot of stomach ailments. I hope that you are feeling better today!
Jeans last blog post..Michelle Obama’s Inauguration Outfit
Corey~ living and loving
oh no! hope you feel better soon!
Corey~ living and lovings last blog post..Wordless Wednesday~ Mad For Mud
Sarah
Ooh, what a bummer. Heh.
That really stinks. Heh. Heh.
Okay, I’ll stop now. I have Crohn’s so I really shouldn’t be joking about anybody’s diarrhea because, yeah, been there, done that. It really does suck, though, and I’m sorry. I hope you’re on the mend soon!!!
Sarahs last blog post..Why I no longer listen to my husband.
Lotus
@Sarah,
Those are some crappy puns, Sarah.
PUN INTENDED.
ahahahaha.
PS: They were not really crappy. I just wanted to make a shitty pun.
PUN INTENDED. AGAIN.
#iamusemyself
Lotuss last blog post..Singin’ the loose stool blues… oohhhhh, yeahhhh….
Twitter: SarcasticMomLC
Peggy
Wow…I mean this is the first time I’m commenting here because I cannot believe the amount of comments regarding your shit! It must be some sort of record and I just wanted to be a part of it!
Feel better.
Peggys last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts
Sarcastic Mom, aka Lotus
@Peggy,
Well, I’d love to claim my turds are that popular, but the comment count is inflated due to all of my replies.
So, maybe it’s a record for how many comments a blogger has left on their own post? LOL
Twitter: LotusCarroll
Tranny Head
Dude – you should totally get a colonoscopy now so that you don’t have to do the prep for it later, right? Hawt.
Tranny Heads last blog post..Perspective and Other Things That Begin with the Letter "P"
Jenny from Mommin' It Up!
I love it when people blog about poop. Especially YOU! I hope you’re feeling better darling.
Jenny from Mommin’ It Up!s last blog post..And I’m Spent
Twitter: jennyitup
Karen R
I love your photos, I checked out quite a few of them on flickr. I hope you are feeling better by now. You have a darling little boy. I could getlost in his eyes!
karenraye
Karen Rs last blog post..New Stamps
Barbara
I thought they were mint wipes too – made total sense to me!
Hope you feel better soon.
Barbaras last blog post..43/365 – A Basket of Roses