Posts Tagged Alex Year Two

Lazy Douche Enablers: Dawn, Alex Year Two

Posted by Lotus, aka Sarcastic Mom in Conversations, Friends, Guest Post, Humor, Husband, Lazy Douche Enablers, Relationships, Sex on March 3, 2009

Lazy Douche Enablers write posts for me every other Tuesday. That way, I can be a much better… you guessed it: Lazy Douche. Today’s Enabler is Dawn, of Alex Year Two and Room 704

My little secret…

Men – you need to leave. This is not a post you want to read. Go the place that is else . . . come back tomorrow . . .

I was at work one day and the conversation turned to orgasms.

As they do.

I shared a story that I will share with you here.

Scout and I were laying in bed talking about orgasms. Or my non orgasm during sex, as it were. He says, “Well. I . . . I’ve never had someone …. um …. not . . . before . . .”

I opened my mouth to reply . . .

I took a deep breath . . .

“Well, they, um, were liars, fucking liars, sluts clearly very in touch with their own bodies and and very comfortable with themselves . . .”

I didn’t have the heart to tell them that there were a bunch of fakers in there.

The three of us laughed and laughed. Not at my sweet husband, but at all y’all out there who think a woman has never faked it with you.

Hey dudes, I told you to leave. You didn’t listen. This is what you get.

The next day – one of the girls came to work and immediately grabbed me . . .

She shared a story that I will share with you here.

“So I told my husband about our lunch conversation yesterday . . . he didn’t understand why we laughed . . . he said, “but no one has ever faked it with me before . . . ”

(To this day, hubs still believes in the 100% orgasm rate before me. I like to think of it as a gift from me to his masculinity.)

_____________________________________________________________________
When she’s not laughing about fake orgasms, Dawn authors a website about her son and other life topics, Alex Year Two. And if you want to see where Dawn, er, gets real, visit her latest project, Room 704. It’s creating quite a “buzz.” And by this Friday, I’ve heard that a visit there will help you stop being a fakester, too. *ohsnort*

Alex Year Two, At Work, Conversations, Fake, Fakers, Faking It, Guest Post, Humor, Husband, Kaiser Alex, Lazy Douche Enablers, Marriage, Masculinity, Men, Orgasms, Room 704, series, sex, Vibrators, Wife, Women

33 Comments

The one where I make you look at my ass. And Elvis.

Posted by Lotus, aka Sarcastic Mom in Blogging Stuff, Friends, Haiku, Photography, Poetry, Relationships on February 13, 2009

Have you seen a ton
of Blissdom Conf posts this week?
Here’s another one.

Thought I could not go.
Husband gone and no childcare.
No conference pass!

Thursday? Felt sorry
for myself. A bit jealous.
But then realized…

Your happy is what
you make it. So, Friday I
hopped on over there.

In the parking lot
saw my first three hot ladies.
FLINGER LICKED ME. SCORE!

From eleven to
one:thirty I ran people
down with B’s stroller.

Entered a sea of
mingling, chatting ladies.
Saw faces I knew.

While I still felt like
sort of a jerk outsider,
my spirits lifted.

That night, was honored -
four ladies came to my home!
For hours we all laughed.

Dawn*, Victoria,**
Sammanthia,***Leslie**** – they came -
brought food, drinks, and mirth.

leslielotus
Photo by Victoria, with Leslie’s Phone, Edited by Me. Heh.

A balm to my soul.
Can’t express how I needed
a night just.like.that.

Wasn’t planning to,
but Saturday morning I
hopped over again!

Photo courtesy of Domestic Extraordinaire

More love ly faces…
snapped a bra and then B and
I crashed a session!

brandingsession
Photo courtesy of A Mommy Story

(Oops! Sorry, Alli!)
We’re total rebels! B now
Blog Branding expert.

Photo courtesy of Domestic Extraordinaire

Braden blogged along!
Okay, okay, it was a
Spongebob DVD.

(Damn, this is long, huh?
Heh. Sorry about that guys.
But it’s fun for me.)

I had a short, but
lovely (unregistered) time.
Wish I had seen more!

But Sunday morning,
more fun to be had on the
Blissdom Photo Walk!

Lisa, Jill, Roni,
Colleen, Leighann, Mishelle… then
Maggie and Michelle!

Walked Downtown Nashville,
took photos, chatted… enjoyed
the warm, sunny day.

Photo courtesy of Mommy Always Wins

Swooned a bit over
Elvis. I think Braden was
worried about me.

Photo courtesy of Mommy Always Wins

FYI: Some shots
require you to stick your ass
out for all to see.

Photo courtesy of Mommy Always Wins

Did I have “total
conference experience?”
Hell no, I did not.

What I had instead,
was the best I could each day.
And? That was darn good.

*BEWBS
**”Snort that, bitchez.”
***The “i” is silent!
****She drinks when she cusses, ya’ll.

Alex Year Two, Blissdom, Blissdom09, Blissfully Domestic, Bloggers, Blogging, Conference, Crashed, Dowtown, Elvis, Internet, Mrs. Flinger, My A Cups Runneth Over, nashville, party, Photo Walk, Rebels, Session, TN, VDog and Little Man, Women

30 Comments

Age of Aquarius

Posted by Lotus, aka Sarcastic Mom in Guest Post, Making A Difference on July 7, 2008

Hey there, remember me? I’m Dawn from Alex Year Two.

No?

Let me remind you:

Riiight. Now you remember them me.

I am in desperate need of your help. It’s vital people. VITAL.

It’s even more important than (then?) when I asked for advice about what color to paint my toenails.

This is about hair.

Once upon a time, I was featured on Hair Thursday. (You’ll have to click over for this – kinda like a scavenger hunt – I’m on the bottom.)

Now the beautiful Sarah gave me great advice, then my life blew up and I am just now ready to tackle this here hair situation.

Kicked in the ass by this photo taken by my husband, Scout.

I’ve worked on taking better care of it so it looks less frizzola.

(hotel wallpaper – NOT my own bathroom.)

Sarah gave me conservative cutting advice (because I came off like a chicken shizzle in my email) – and I totally trust her. But then I found out about Pantene’s Beautiful Lengths …. 8 inches off my hair …. hm ….

I found someone to cut my hair, she’s never touched my hair before. This makes me a little nervous.

I’m committed to coloring my hair – it’s a good change. I’m waffling on whether or not I should follow my Hair Thursday advice to the letter or if I should chop off a big ole pony tail for the greater good.

First 100 voters get a chance to control my destiny! Big reveal will be at BlogHer!

When Dawn isn’t flashing her BEWBS over here, she struts her stuff over at Alex Year Two. After you vote about her hair, hop over there and read her adventures with Alex, Scout, and… drunk santa? Hm….

advice, Age of Aquarius, Alex Year Two, BEWBS, Choose, dawn, Guest Post, Hair, Hair Thursday, Hair Tips, Hair-do, Haircut?, opinions, Poll/Question, polldaddy, Voting, Whoorl

30 Comments

The BEWBS Just Keep Showing Up

Posted by Lotus, aka Sarcastic Mom in Awards, BEWBS/The Rack on June 10, 2008

The Travelling T-Shirt is on the way to its next Bloggie Stop: Kaiser Mommy.

Dawn is the owner of the Fabulous Rack (BEWBS!) that all of you wonderful readers voted as best.

CONGRATULATIONS, DAWN!

Official Acceptance Speech From Dawn:

I’d like to thank the academy of wonderful Sarcasticmom.com readers who voted for me, my husband for always offering to hold mah bewbs for me when the load is too heavy, my son for encouraging me to carry him all the time to build my arm muscles, I’d like to thank God for um … blessing? …. me with porn star dimensions naturally, I’d like to thank contestant #12 for giving me such a run for my money – I voted for you, you HAWT thing! and finally, (music plays …) I’d like to thank my Panache Tango II Superbra for supporting me all these years! Thank You All!

Let’s not forget our 2 fabulous runners up! Congratulations, BEWBS Ladies!

Second Place: Nikki, Secrets of a Black Heart

Third Place: Tena, My Therapy

Now, I may be a total assbrain for so many reasons, they would not even fit on this page to think it would be a prize for someone to guest post here. But I’d love to harass these three fine ladies into guest posting… you know, so that we can get to know them a bit more now that you have all given them accolades for their, um, obvious endowments.

What do you say? Let’s get to know the BRAINS behind our winning BEWBS!

An honorable mention goes to a sweet, sassy, and silly friend of mine, Angie, who didn’t want to be considered since she’s not officially blogging yet. Instead, she just wanted to send me her Bouncin’ Preggo BEWBS just for fun. Everyone needs a friend like that, right?

Here’s her Rack:

On to the next bit of BEWBS Business. (Have you noticed yet how much I like to type, “BEWBS?”)

There was a slight BEWB Mishap in putting together the Best Chest Voting Post. EEEEK!

These BEWBS got lost in my inbox!

And these BEWBS got eaten by my website’s Spam Filter!

It is SO very sad when BEWBS lose their way. *sniff*

In order to make it up to these BEWBS, I’m offering “You Didn’t Even Have A Chance, And That’s Not Fair!” consolation prizes to their owners. Each will receive a Brookstone Floating Photo Frame.

How does it work?

It’s Magic, Dummy. Just like a fine rack.

Last bit of BEWBS Business (for now):

These BEWBS…

…made me laugh so.very.much.

And the fabulous woman (”Mr. Lady“) who owns them has so many creative words of wonderfulness and hilarity on a regular basis that if you’re not subscribed to her website, you are missing out, and should go over there and do that. Now.

For veritably choking me with laughter when I saw her last minute entry into the Best Chest Contest, I am going to give the owner of those BEWBS what she needs. A T-Shirt.

A John Carroll T-Shirt.

Kudos to the designer