This is a jumping spider. He is definitely furry. In fact, he’s totally sporting kind of a Don Kingesque look.
He makes a great date on a random afternoon. Because really, what would you rather have in your face at any given time than a plump, furry thing that is prone to jumping this way and that?
(That’s what she said?)
He is bold… daring. Challenging me. Coming towards the camera and holding out his front legs, as if to say, “I am not intimidated by your sexy smile and your hot rack. (shut up, he knows where it’s at) Your sensuous, womanly curves do not make me feel insecure. I am more man than you have ever met. Now show me your egg sack.”
But I’m all, “Look, dude, inter-species flirting is really distasteful, and I won’t have that on my blogsite, so you’re going to have to take your rude comments somewhere else. Furthermore, my egg sack is far too demanding for the likes of you. You’d never do it justice. Now pose for me, bitch.”
And then he just shrugs and sits there, thinking it over.
I stand my ground. In fact, I tap my toe a little, with a slight grinding motion after the tap.
Finally he just gives in and vogues his furry, spidery little heart out.
Because, really, he knows I can just step on him and call it a day. He’s smart like that, so he gives me what I want before I move on.
Let this be a lesson. While I might not show you my egg sack no matter how artfully you woo me, if you get in position when I tell you to, I won’t step on your furry, little head.
(PS: This is clearly a joke, because everyone knows I’m a shameless whore and will show my egg sack to anybody.)