A Whole Lotta Hodge Podge, Yo.

So, for today, you get a hodge-podge of totally random crap, just because it’s floating around in my head.  Aren’t you lucky!?

Why yes, yes you are.  (Just smile and nod in agreement.  Don’t disagree with the crazy lady.)

So, first off, when I did the post with the video of Braden and the Bubble Machine, several of you asked about the bubble machine.  IT IS AWESOME.  Just my humble opinion.  Braden has loved it from the very first time we used it, and, I will childishly admit that so have I.  I’m a sucker for a bubble – that’s why I call them tiny packages of happy – and a machine that spits them out non-stop is a machine Momma likes.

It’s from Summer Infant.  I first saw it from OneStepAhead, but you can buy it cheaper at Walmart.  (Those last 2 links go right to the product, btw.)  I picked ours up at a local Walmart, so no shipping and the base price was lower.  I made sure to tell you about both, though: for the cheapies (like me) and the Walmart Haters (like me, but who aren’t cheapies).

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Next up, I wanted to mention that “Operation Potty Familiarize” has begun.  No, we aren’t exactly expecting Braden to be Potty Trained at 15 months.  What we do expect is that familiarizing him with it now will make things much easier in the future.  And?  He has peed a nice long pee in the potty twice this week.  YAY!

(And do you care? I dunno. But I like to talk about poop and pee, so there you have it.)

We have this Baby Björn potty:

given to us by my sister (the one he’s peed in twice), and we just bought this Graco potty:

for its many cool features (like cushioned seat, easy to clean collection bowl, and removeable ring for use on toilet) and b/c Veronica at Toddled Dredge said good things about it in her potty review.

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For those of you who are following my Hashimotos Thyroiditis Escapades from me revealing my problems to the lab work and how my vagina fell off, and then on to finally hearing back on my tests… the latest news is that:

1) I still haven’t paid my lab bill of $387.  Better pay it.  We’re about to incur even MORE expenses…

2) I FINALLY heard back on an appointment with the Endocrinologist (after waiting for only a week and a half – yay for prompt medical attention!) and I have an appointment scheduled for January 28th.

I would like to mention that neither my doctor, nor any of the nurses, have decided to give a shit that I walked into that office and told them that I have been feeling very depressed lately.  I was told that I would not be receiving an anti-depressant to help with that since the underlying medical problem could be the cause.  Of course, they didn’t refer me to a therapist or counselor of any kind either.  Just have to wait over a month to even have an appointment to get that checked is all… sure hope you don’t kill yourself or anything in the meanwhile… Is that responsible patient care? Just wondering.

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While responding in e-mail to comments left on the Screamie McGee post on Monday, I found myself sharing a gem with a couple of folks (MP and Bill), and I decided I’d pass it on to all of you, because it made me chuckle.  So, it follows:

[As per Braden's screaming lately:]

John and I have decided that we are partly to blame.  Braden sees us yell when we get mad.

Me to dog: “NO! NO! BAD DOG! GO GET IN YOUR BED! LIE DOWN! STAY!

John to TV: “NO, NO NO… YOU IDIOTS! BLITZ! OOOOHHHH, THAT WAS A HORRIBLE CALL! I HOPE YOU DIE!”

Me to John: “STOP YELLING AT THE TV, DAMNIT!”

Both of us to Braden: “STOP SCREAMING, THAT’S SO ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!”

It’s like, uh, spanking your kids for hitting? Heh.

So, part of our battle plan [to rid us of The Shriek] is a kinder and gentler John & Lotus.  No more yelling to solve our problems.

Damnit @ kids making us be better people!

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Are you clicking all the links?  Don’t make me record your ISP and find out where you live, only to hunt you down and obsessively watch you through the window of your home, while clenching a hunting knife between my teeth.

Cause, I will SO totally use it to cut through your cable line.  So there.

Now, go vote for me in some of those categories on the right sidebar.  Not because I’m threatening you or anything, but because you honestly think I’m funny, like my parenting tidbits, dig my photography, and find me to be a hot mommy.  Even though I have a muffin-top and backfat.

That skinny b*tch…

Theme for January 12th, 2008: “Skinny”

That’s right, I said it. Look at her, when she was just a kid:

Um. Where did those long, skinny legs go!?

(Please try to ignore the very, very poor fashion choices.  Please.)

*

And then, just a couple of years ago! *gasp*

Just ridiculous…

And did you know she thought she was too chubby THEN!

That stupid, skinny b*tch.

Kevin & Leroy?

They laugh in the face of that stupid, skinny b*tch’s replacement.

They slap their knees (Don’t see knees, huh? They’re covered in a gelatinous substance.) and they GUFFAW.

Well. I’ve got news for you, Kevin & Leroy. Today? I bought a couple of workout DVDs. I’m going to dance (as recommended) and kick (with Billy Blanks, awwww yeah!) myself thin.

I hear you crying, my backfat buddies.  And it sounds so sweet to me.

I wanna be a stupid, skinny b*tch again!

PS: I have done you all a public service tonight by conducting physical research on the perfect pose to hide unwanted fat.

Apparently, in order to camouflage ass, gut, and waddle fat, this is the perfect pose (don’t forget to suck in EVERYTHING POSSIBLE):

What? It’s completely possible to stand this way and act natural.

Let me introduce you to Kevin and Leroy.

We’re a full day into 2008, and I’m going to tell you that NO! I did not forget to post my resolutions.
I just like to show up late for everything.

In 2008, I resolve to:
1. Breathe
2. Eat
3. Continue being a spazzy dork. (Why fight it? Besides, Mrs. Flinger says she’ll be my BF for being just like her in this way.)

(Can you tell I don’t really make serious NY Resolutions?)

Oh yeah, and I would also like to see if I can lose something that I discovered clinging to my back the other day.

Do you SEE THAT THING?  Yes. You do.  Because it’s huge.  I think its name is Kevin.

*gives Kevin the finger*

That is a fat roll that was not there before.  Do you remember my Fatty McFatterton post?  Well, I actually lost 5 lbs in the weeks following that post.  Then… I must have missed them, because I found them all again and even more.  I think there’s something about feeling like crap (aka, the D word) where all my fat cells start campaigning for my hands to shove things into my facehole so that they can multiply, because misery loves company.

Of course, Kevin’s twin brother, Leroy, is currently residing on the other side of my back.

*gives Leroy the finger*

So, anyway.  Yeaaaah.  The other day while I was cramming Mexican food into my facial orifice, I started doing the Happy Food Dance… I was moving my upper body side to side… when suddenly I noticed that…. Uhhh, HELLO?  Part of my back was folding over and touching another part of my back and THAT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.

So.  Uh.  Yeah.

And can I just say, for the record… OMG, DID I ACTUALLY SHOW YOU GUYS THAT PICTURE?

I have nowhere to go but up now.