Because Monsters are assholes.

The anniversary yesterday was lovely, and I thank you all for your lovely words and wishes on the post. 

The only crappy thing about the past couple of days is that I’m having a wicked arthritis flare-up, my upper back and neck are a mess of pain (don’t make me turn my head or I’ll hate you forever, plus or minus 3 days), and my left knee has a possible torn/degraded meniscus with edema (water buildup and swelling) that prevents me from bending it much at all.  YAY!

My advice to you is:

DON’T GET OLD.

Really. Stop aging right now! Yes, you there! STOP IT! It’s NOT good.

While I’m on the mend, this little girl makes me happy.  I have watched her video about eleventy-million times in the past couple of months, and I ALWAYS laugh.

What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen/heard a little kid (yours or someone else’s) do/say?

Let’s make s’mores.

The time left until my big, exciting appointment with the Endocrinologist is   s. l. o. w. l. y   ticking away.  Every day seems like a year.  Every minute seems like an hour in which the world is sitting on my shoulder saying, “You don’t hold us up very well, woman.  Your shoulders are weak.  You need to workout more.” 

Tabitha D’umo looks at me from the cover of her stupid Dance DVD.  Mocking me.  I entertain thoughts of burning her face up in a bonfire as I dance around it, naked, in my front yard.  But it is below freezing, and I can’t find my matches.  Darn.

Last week was a long, long week.  Lots of good.  Lots of bad.  We fight.  I snip.  I apologize.  We butt heads.  We talk.  I cry.  We laugh.  We cuddle in bed and then fall asleep.

The next day, it happens all again.  I just want to sleep all day.  Can I please just sleep all day?  I don’t want to be a human today.  I want to sit in the corner and stare at the wall.  Also.  I want to stop having frizzy hair that breaks if you look at it wrong, and brittle nails that do the same.  My back locks up and my neck goes stiff on me.  I find patches of dry skin on my feet that look like this:

My back will.not.stop.itching.  It itches in an insane way.  Sometimes, it feels like the skin is trying to crawl off of my body.  I don’t blame it.  The other day, I scratched it with a ruler, absently, while thinking about the curtain tiebacks I wanted to install.  Today, looking at my back in the mirror, I noticed that I had scratched long rivets into my back at some point, probably with the ruler.  I didn’t even realize it.  That’s how bad it itches.

On the days when I can actually get out of the house (like Monday, thank you, Alli!) things feel better.  The motto is, “Movement in Sunshine.”  It seems to help with the Depression Symptoms.  But the lump in my throat.  That choking feeling.  And that world.  On my shoulders. Oy.

Please help me, Mrs. Endocrinologist.  And tell me this paper you sent that says, “payment in full is due at time of service” was just a mean joke you like to play.  Please?

Oh, look.  I just found my matches.  Wanna meet me in the front yard, my friends?  Bring your marshmallows.

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Random Sharing, While in Agony

Kind of random and pointless post today, since my back is acting 159 years old again.

Something I did in the past few days (not sure what, exactly) has paid off by resulting in sciatic pain shooting down my leg yesterday morning, followed by tender, nervy pain in my lower back last night, and climaxing as serious, hobbling-type back pain for me all day today.

It has worsened as the day has worn on, no matter what I have done. Usually I can minimize the pain with a combination of Ibuprofen/Ice Gel Pack/Hydration/Rest. Today, the Back Pain Demon is having none of it.

So, I hobbled down the steep-ass driveway this morning to sweep up the mulch that some Butt Raper’s dog flung out of the flowerbed I’ve been nurturing alongside the driveway. If I see this happening again, I swear I’m going to run out there, bad back or not, and kick that freakin’ dog as hard as I can.

Then John mowed the lawn, since it was starting to look like no-one lived here, and a kid came to my door last week and asked me, “Can I, uh… mow your lawn for some money?”

John has been gone all this afternoon to do work on Chris Cagle‘s next album. He’s at Scott Hendricks’s studio, much to his delight. He’ll probably be there all night. Yay @ the work and the experience for John. Boo @ John being gone while I’m all decrepit.

Braden has been increasingly vocal in the past month, with a sharp upturn in the jabbering activity just this past week.

He’s been making a sound for some time that I SWORE was him asking “What’s this?” It sounds kind of like “Huh-Ish?” He confirmed my suspicions a few days ago when he held up his little, fake cell-phone and CLEARLY asked me, “Whas-tis?” He has said it semi-clearly only once more since then, but has been repeatedly making the “Huh-ish?” and now “Teh-Iss?” sounds while pointing, or staring, at something. It’s wonderful.

For the record, he’s been saying, “Dadada” for awhile. Sometimes it seems discriminate, sometimes it seems random. Today, twice, he’s whined, “Maaaaahh” to me in a needy way.

Also for the record, TEETHING SUCKS. I would like to petition Our Creator for a change in this process, ie: all teeth should arrive overnight, at one time.

Have I mentioned that my back hurts? Right now, it’s feeling like Satan’s Torture Playground Rehearsal Scene, in the movie, “Lotus: The Later Years.”

I need a nap. Where’s MY paci?

*grumble*

At least Braden’s having some fun today.