You ask, I deliver.

Today’s PhotoHunt Theme:
Self (yourself, or part of you)

I have issues. It’s official.  This post proves it.



Lilacspecs “Triple Dawg Dared” me to show my unshaven pits when I joked about it on this post.

Then Madness said she wanted to see them too, and requested my hairy legs to go along with them.  (Incidentally, Sunshine also wants a leg hair picture.)

Allie actually challenged me to “grow a pair” and show my pit.  Whoa.

And Kat almost broke her desk, beating on it and yelling, “ArmPIT! ArmPIT! ArmPIT!”

 Christie, Shannymar, Mommy Cracked, Jennifer, Cate, MP, Scylla, Angela, Jenny from Mommin’ It Up!, Jenny-Bloggess,BusyDad, Dirty Laundry Diva, and Veronica all chimed in to support the idea of armpit posting, in one way or another.

Queen of Shake Shake accused me of making everyone wait because I had to grow it out!  I’ll have you know I took the picture the very next day!  (And no, one could not exactly braid the hair, but it’s past the point of stubble.)

Several people were clearly against posting the armpit hair.

Wright is scared and wants a warning (consider this it, honey).

Lou’s not particularly fond of pit hair, he says, and my even mentioning it brings back bad memories of nipple hair for him.  He  now claims I owe him a Rack shot to make up for that.  As if I haven’t given plenty of those already!

Rachel says she is not looking forward to the pic (but still loves me). *whew*

Bee Repartee “says no to armpit hair” even though she has a French name.  Do you also dislike cheese and wine!?  We should really just start calling you “Becky Smith” or something, you realize.

Karen MEG actually said I was scaring her and called the whole thing a threat! 

Some comments were a bit ambiguous…

Amanda said posting the pic was a tease, and she’d rather sniff my armpit.  That’s why I love her so much. 

Melissaz said she wouldn’t be able to sleep if I post a pic.  I can’t tell if that’s because she’d be too busy vomiting in disgust, or laughing in merriment, to sleep.

Taz just said, “armpit???  Girlfriend, does this mean you’re not familiar with the body part or are you just questioning my sanity with very brief typing?

Sandy(Momisodes) calls it a threat… but says that she supports me.  Hmmm.  I can’t read you, Sandy!

Karen said she thinksshe can do without the armpit hair… but that I have to if I’ve been TDD’ed and says she’ll cover her eyes… but peek!  MIXED MESSAGES, KAREN, SHEESH!

In the end, I have to go with the majority here.  I’m all democratic and junk, see?  And those who desire to see my pits (and legs), no matter how immensely disturbed they clearly are, win out on this round.

And really, since I’ve already show all of creation My Backfat:

My Muffin-Top:

And My Just Woken-Up Face:




What’s a few more gross pictures?

Remember, we all look like this. Admitting it can only make us more comfortable with who we really are.



So, with what will possibly be a little regret once I see how GROSS they look published in all their largeness…

Right Pit:

Left Pit, With BONUS DISGUSTING MOLE!:

Legs:

I hope you’re happy.

And that you didn’t throw up a little (or a lot) in your mouth.

Now, I seriously deserve your vote for Hottest Mommy Blogger. Because what’s hotter than Every.Single.One of the photos in this post?

Yup. Spazzazoid.

After yesterday’s slight moderate okay, huge heart-attack moment, I’m trying to stop shaking like a dorkwad and breathe normally.  Why does something like that make me go all bat-turds?

Oh, yeah.  Because I’m a slightly moronic Spazzazoid.  Yes. I just made up a word.  Use it freely.

My plan for today was to keep the “meme drawer” clean and do a couple of these thingies I’ve been tagged for.  Because if you’ve been around for awhile, you have seen what can happen when I don’t keep the Meme Drawer Clean.  And if you haven’t been around awhile, feel free to click and find out, man.  But be warned.  That’s a shizzo-lotta crap to read about me. 

But hey! If you’re really into getting to know me better you can read about My Eights.  Or, if you’d just like to point and laugh at my stupidity… Get In Line.  Uh, I meant, you’re in luck, because you can now do that… with such wonderfully embarassing anecdotes as the “floating turd story” and finding out that you’re not alone if you have, indeed, sharted… just by reading this sexy post.

*ahem*

It’s also Thursday Thirteen, and dangit if if I didn’t get my Go-Go-Gadget Brain! in gear and decide to be the incredibly whizzomatic, geniusoriffic, and smartastical person I am (*snort*) by bringing you today’s…

7 Things Meme PLUS 6 Things Meme = Your Fabuloso Thursday Thirteen!

Holy turds, who knew I could add?

I was tagged for the 7 Things Meme by the following awesomeatious persons:
Napaboaniya
Christie
Kat
Vegan Mama

And for the 6 Things Meme by these wonderiffical peeps:
Sarie
Ray
Cookiebitch

 

13 Random Thoughts that floated through Sarcastic Mom’s head today:

1. Why.do.I.have.to.wake.up?

 

2. I’m totally unprepared for the first time I catch Braden eating a Booger.  Words of advice?

 

3. I wonder if it’s possible to vote for Coffee for President.

 

4. Why can’t groceries just regenerate themselves?

 

5. Kevin & Leroy are still touching me innapropriately.
Hi. This is my backfat.

6. Has anyone’s vag.ina actually ever fallen off?

Hm. I googled it (“vag.ina fell off”) and discovered 2 awesome things.
1. It doesn’t look like there are any documented cases of vag.inas falling off.
2. The #2 Google Hit for that search is on THIS SITE.  I’m putting that on my resume.

 

7. What’s that SMELL?

 

8. My hand just had to slip while I was checkin the diaper, didn’t it?  My finger just HAD to slip into the sh*t, didn’t it???

 

9. Poop should not be allowed to exist. (Then there wouldn’t be any Scatastrophes.)

 

10. Tabitha D’umo is still mocking me.  Die, whore!

 

11. I am a good mother.  Ignore the picture below and just maintain eye contact with me, damn you.

 

12. It’s really not that hard to ignore your child’s screaming when it’s coming from inside the closet on the other side of the house.  Really.

 

13. I don’t have to pull any cheap tricks to make people visit my website. It’s just because I’m such a good writer.
“The Rack”

Have a great (rest of) Thursday, friends!  And don’t forget… *insert words of wisdom*

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