I like to be alone. (translation: I am oh-so-screwed.)

I’ve always been happy spending large portions of time by myself.  In fact, I prefer it to being around other people a lot of the time.

I don’t get “bored” from being alone.  Never have.  I can always come up with some way to entertain myself when there is no one else around.  Really.  In fact, I usually don’t get to the majority of things I’d like to do all by myself, there are so many.

There are lots of labels that we try to fit on people who feel this way… “anti-social,” “introverted,” “weirdo.”

The thing is, I’m not all together anti-social, introverted, or weird.

I can be rather social, outgoing, and extroverted.

It’s just that I really enjoy time to myself.  Introspection.  Downtime.  Whatever.

This has been the hardest thing for me about becoming a mother.

I see you nodding.

I am very rarely alone.  Even during those oh-so-special times when you think no one else would even WANT to be around you, as a mother, you often have a guest.

“Why no, I didn’t want to pop a squat alone, why would I want to do that?  Come along, little one, and watch me poop.”

And what of taking showers?  Either you

a. just don’t shower

b. have a munchkin in there with you, or

c. the moment water hits your skin, there is one howling from another room.

They wait until you’re trying to scrape the filth of many days from your skin to have complete breakdowns.  That, or to mortally wound themselves.  They do it on purpose, you realize.

[The parental units must not be allowed to refresh themselves.  This is part of The Plan.  This is part of how they break us down.]

And what if your other half occasionally decides to hang out with the spawn in the morning so you can sleep in a bit?  You can’t get any decent snooze time anyway, because you can hear them carrying on in a loud manner.  At least if you’re in my home.  Where Screamie McGee resides.  There is no waking moment invulnerable to being sporadically punctuated by a shrill report.

The downtime – it’s just not the same anymore, is it, folks?

A trip to the grocery store alone has become almost as enjoyable as only, um… other things should be.

“I’m going to run out and get a few things from Kroger.  I’ll be back soon.”

“Okay.”

Pause.

“I thought you were going to Kroger?  Why are you standing there with that glazed look in your eyes?”

“Oh. Sorry.  Yes.  I was overcome with desire and anticipation at the idea of not being screamed at when I stop the cart to pick something out.”

*wipes drool off lip and gets car keys*

While I absolutely believe it is worth it, and I wouldn’t trade this life for any other - sometimes, I would really like to have time alone again.  Know what I mean?

So, in the face of all this, how do you keep your sanity?  What do you do to find some time alone?