Disclosure: while I was not paid for this post specifically, I am compensated for my work on the Family Connections citizen journalism project. Seeing as how I invite you all to crawl up in my butt on a regular basis, I thought maybe I should tell you that.

For the past few months, I’ve been participating in BlogHer’s Family Connections citizen journalism project as a Momspotter. Basically that means I tweet a few times a day with the #momspotting hashtag about how I use technology in my day-to-day parenting life.  I also write forum posts on the Family Connections Group at Blogher about digital parenting topics.  I’ve had a lot of fun talking about this stuff, and it’s made me consider the impact of digital technology on my family in much more depth.  Seeing thoughts from other parents who have older kids has also made me realize what we might be facing in the years to come!  There’s a little meme associated with this project, and I’m going to answer the questions here, for your amusement and inspiration.

(More disclosure: I totally ripped off the “for your amusement and inspiration” phrase from an episode of Spongebob Squarepants, because that is the level of intelligence I strive to emulate.  When I was typing it, I heard his voice in my head.  At some point, I can promise you that I’m going to work the phrase “The official testament of how heartily we party… hearty?” into a post. Yes, I am a highly educated and classy sophisticate with incredibly literate and lofty aspirations.)

Anyway, If you like this meme, feel free to do one yourself and leave a link in the comments or tweet it with the #momspotting hashtag. (And if you hate the word “meme,” like I do, you can totally set a flaming bag of dog poo at its front door while we laugh and hide behind a tree.  And just call this a survey.  Or something.)

1. Which expensive electronic device do you most often let your older children abuse or your baby drool on?
   Braden is neither a baby nor an older child, so I guess it’s fitting that he alternately abuses and drools on my iPhone. I know. Even I think I’m a certified moron for letting him anywhere near such an expensive piece of technology, but he’s supervised (I don’t let him walk away with it) and he’s much more careful with it than you might think. Sometimes I let him play a game alone, sometimes we engage in an activity together. My favorite has been watching him create his own songs with layered tracks using the Zoozbeat App. And you can see from this photo how tickled he is by that. Totally worth letting him play with the expensive gadget. And I have those songs saved.  They go in my “Braden” file right along with all the digital photos and videos of him.




2. How many take-out restaurant numbers do you have programmed into your phone?
   I actually have absolutely none of these programmed into my phone. I do, however, have several apps that can tell me what the nearest places are where I can get all kinds of things, from free wifi, to coffee, to food, to a happy ending, I mean a massage. *cough* John, however, does have numbers programmed into his phone for take-out from restaurants… because I HATE calling and placing orders and, as such, I force him to do it. Because I’m a control freak a good delegator of tasks to those who are best suited to complete them most effectively. (I used to be in Retail Management, can you tell? Heh.)




3. How many hours of television do you so totally not let your kids watch a week?
   Hahaha, well, Braden used to watch several hours of cartoons on PBS every morning, and sometimes in the afternoons, as well. Some days, there would be no TV. Most days, there was a lot of PBS (we only get limited basic, so there’s literally no other children’s programming for him to watch on TV). Various DVDs were in the mix, too (kiddie music, Thomas, etc). Over time, I decided he’d behave better if I limited his TV exposure. So now he watches at most 2-3 hours of something – that includes DVD watching. At least a couple days a week, we call “NO TV” all day. For the most part, he’s okay with it. Sometimes he LOSES HIS MIND. For all of 5 minutes. Then he gives up and moves on. And his behavior is much better with less television viewing. We have a motto: “Too much TV is bad for your brain!” He says it now. (I’m trying to get him to stop saying, “No, Mommy, no, not the closet again!” because that’s going to get me in trouble eventually.)




4. Do you think people who say “we don’t watch television” at playdates but really mean “we just watch DVDs” are lying liars from Liarville?
   I don’t know – I guess it’s possible that they are TOTALLY from Liarville. But if it’s anything like Margaritaville and they’re willing to share the yummy drinks, I’m okay with that.  Seriously, though, it doesn’t really matter whether the program is on a TV channel, streaming live on the Internet, or running off a DVD, it’s all media viewing, right?  So, yeah, it seems dumb to say “we don’t watch TV” if you mean “we only watch DVDs.”  But overall, I don’t care what other people do or don’t do.  Not my kid, not my business.




5. How many miles have you driven with your child and not one device of electronic entertainment in a single car trip?
   Well, when he was an infant we made 12 hour car trips, but he was technically asleep during most of them. Why? Because we were FRIGHTENED FOR OUR VERY LIVES. So we traveled overnight. We didn’t have a DVD player then, or smart phones, so we decided our best shot was driving all night to avoid the demon wailing. Later we got the portable DVD player and that became the primary method of calming the insane toddler during long rides. Because, GOOD LORD.  Sometimes you just want to jump out the window of a moving vehicle if you have to hear “WANT OUT, GO PLAYGROUND, SEE SEE SEE!!!” one.more.time.




6. What’s your record for calls to the pediatrician or Ask-a-Nurse in a single day?
   Um. One. Is this abnormal? I do admit that I’ve hit up Drs. Google and Twitter quite a bit. I recently learned all you’d ever want to know about Croup from Ye Olde Internet. Didn’t call the Ped once.




7. What’s the sexiest thing your husband/partner could text you after a hard day?
   “I know I am still on the road and won’t be home for another week, and you’re tired, so I hired a nanny and Keifer Sutherland is going to be over in about 2 hours. Have fun!”
   What? Ok, fine:
   “I miss you and I’m bringing home dinner so that you don’t have to make it or clean up afterwards.” RAWR, BABY.




8. What’s your favorite iPad joke?
   This entire post: The iPad Made Me Poop Bricks is my favorite iPad Joke. Also? The iPad itself is my favorite iPad joke.




9. What’s the dumbest parenting tool, gear, gadget or device you ever bought?
   ?? I honestly can’t think of a single one that we purchased that we thought was dumb. I even asked John, because I thought, “Surely there was something we bought that we later threw across the room, screaming, ‘WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT!’ because it was worthless.”  But no, he couldn’t think of anything.  Uh, we’re wise consumers who conduct effective research before making purchases?




10. How many years will it take for your child to become more tech-savvy than you?
    Hahaha, he may already be. He’s figured out how to do things on my iPhone in less than 10 seconds that I STILL don’t know how to do. He really needs to get a job soon and start pulling his own weight around here.  Stinkin’ free-loader.

Your turn, beeshes!