Not going to Blogher?
A post with swag. And bewbs. Everyone should really be happy. What more is there?
News from Room 704 and Me:
Not attending Blogher 09, and bummed about it? Blogher@Home is hosting posts and giveaways to keep you entertained and get you in on the fun, even if you can’t attend! Check them out.
Friends of Maddie is kicking off a charity that will support families and babies by raffling a Netbook. Your donation will honor Maddie, help families and babies who need it, and enter you for a chance to win. Trifecta.
Sitting at home, but you still want swag?
Click the appropriate link below, pay flat rate shipping, and get entered to win swag collected for you from fabulous merchants/companies by The Purveyors of Swag (Room 704).
For $10.00, anyone in the USA and Canada can buy a ticket.
For $20.00, everyone else in the WORLD can buy a ticket.
Click to pay your shipping/buy your swag ticket:
US/Canada
International
One swag ticket = One piece of swag.
Who wins? EVERYONE who has a ticket.
You buy a ticket = You win swag.
We have LOTS of swag. The more tickets sell, the more we show you.
Swag Teaser List so far:
Elf Makeup Sets/Products & Accessories
Jewelry from RBH Designs
Assorted Children’s Books
Reusable Shopping Bags
Baby Products
$50 Crocs Gift Certificates
$50 Monkey Toes Gift Certificate
Nava Atlas’s Secret Recipes for the Modern Wife
Eden Fantasys Bullet Vibe
More to be revealed as tickets sell… so, so much more. Buy your ticket!
Still bummed you’re not attending Blogher 09, even though we’re throwing swag at you?
at least your bewbs aren’t going w/o you. like mine did last year.
If you’re STILL bummed… Dude. I can’t help you.
I mean. Bewbs. ^ At least smile. Sheesh.
Blogher Party Madness: The Room 704 Party, Beeshes
This post brought to you by the ever lovely Dawn, aka Kaiser Mommy and Victoria of VDog & Little Man, and Leslie of Mrs. Flinger… all from Room 704.
And if you’re not attending the conference? Scroll to the bottom – there’s a special message for you there from me. 
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We are Queens of Procrastination here at Room 704, and the lovely ladies we align ourselves with love them some procrastination, too. SO. Without further ado, I present to you:
THE OFFICIAL ROOM 704 PARTY PIMPAGE POST (in its full glory):
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DRINKS sponsored by:
and
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And of course, drinks paid for by YOU!!!
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AWESOME swag from:
PLUS MANY, MANY MORE!!! (We can’t give away ALL our surprises! But oh yes! Eden Fantasys and GoGirl are BRINGIN’ IT.)
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Here’s how it’s going to go down – as best as we can tell anyway. Remember – we’re as transparent as saran wrap. No, we will not model the saran wrap for you.
10:30pm you will begin leaving the awesome People’s Party and making your way to “Java East.” Now, we are not encouraging you to dump another party for ours, NAY, we are encouraging you to make your way to us so the faboo ladies hosting the People’s Party can head on up to us as well, take a sigh of relief, relax, put their feet up and revel in a job well done; a party well thrown.
About the location – “Java East”….. oh Java East. Through a series of … interesting communications we have a very casual layout. We have easy accessibility, we have comfy couches…. we have a section of the first floor lobby. We feel for the people who decided *this* was a great idea, they’ll learn. They should consider themselves fortunate we are not decorating with inflatable penises …. Anyway. We will be very easy to find. Want to see it? Java East/Lobby Level/Sheraton Chicago. When it starts the 360 sweep and you see the fountain, hit pause. There is our area.
Hour One – 10:30pm-11:30pm
About the drinks: The first 200 people to make it to the bar at our party will get a tasty vodka drink on us. No tickets, no bracelets, whatever Hotel pricing for drinks is … WOW. So ask for your drinks without ice, and be sure to say big fat THANK YOUS to sponsors of *all* the parties at BlogHer. If you are potential sponsor reading this who would like to buy a round of drinks? Feel free to reach out to us at contact at room704 dot us. If you are still thirsty after our drinks run out, head to the ChiBar right next to us, get a drink and come back out to the party (yes, we’ve cleared that with the Sheraton big wigs, and yes, you can get “light fare” there too (aka FOOD) FYI).
About the swag: As a great big thank you to those who purchased ads from us — we are putting a sticker on a swag bag with your name on it. One bag per person, so yes, even if you ordered multiple ads/spots, it’s still gonna be one bag. Since we can’t figure out a good way to make sure you get a drink, we’ll make sure you get a swag bag. (We will also be posting the catalog at Room704 so everyone can see the awesome.) The rest of the bags will go out on a first come first served basis. If you would like a “vanilla” bag (i.e., one that doesn’t go “buzz” in the night) – be sure to grab one of the ‘ProtectABed’ bags and not the brown bags
Hour Two – 11:30pm-12:30am
You can continue to get drinks from the ChiBar – and we will begin our giveaways. We have a LOT to giveaway. A LOT. So be sure to drop us your card when you get to the party so you are entered! We plan to have a place set up between the columns in front of the fountains. We’ll be the ones in the purple feather boas.
At some point we will be pimping and honoring our special guests — Stefania Pomponi Butler, a “Very Clever Girl(tm),” aka CityMama, and Michelle Lamar, aka White Trash Mom, who will be selling & signing copies of her book, The White Trash Mom’s Handbook. So don’t forget to bring some cash money for your book (and to buy something from ANOTHER special guest, yet to be announced!).
Last but not least, if you would like the latest in the series of buttons for the party – here it is!
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Editor’s Note: And for those of you not attending the Blogher Conference – we have not forgotten you! Blogher@Home has been set up to be chock full of giveaway sand fun times for those NOT attending the conference. And Room 704 (Purveyors of Swag!) has been putting together a very lovely Swag Opp for all the fabulous At Homes! So get in on the fun. Go here and sign up for your chance to win some awesome swag that we’ve rounded up from some amazing sponsors who care about you even if you can’t attend a conference.
Peace, beeshes. <3Lotus
Let’s Get Mediocre and Screw. Up.
A couple of months ago I was at a conference with many other women. I sat there listening to the conference speaker in my outfit I had agonized over, with my embarrassing, ponytailed hair that really needed to be cut, and worried about my appearance. (Because really, it IS all about me. All. The. Time.) As I sat there with all the other shiny, pretty mommies, my blood ran cold when I heard the speaker say:
“Pull up your right pantleg.”
Uh-oh.
“Now take your left hand and feel the woman’s leg to your right.”
All the shiny, pretty mommies groaned. We were BUSTED. As I reached over and felt the girl to my right’s hairy calf, and as mine was felt up as well, I thought, “this is kinda hot!” “Yay! I am not the only one who haz ugly!”
The speaker then went on to say that we shiny, hairy mommies had just participated in the “ministry of mediocrity” – helping others by showing our real selves. Wiping off the lip-plumping-diamond-shine-hydra-gloss and puckering up with our skinny, dry, cracked smackers. She said that when we show others our imperfections, they can better accept their own.
The be-atch had a point.
It made me think of a good friend with whom I have playdates. We’ve decided to betrothe our two-year-olds (really, arranged marriages just eliminate so much of the worry!) so we get the kids together so they can start getting to know each other. This girl and I are both terrible housekeepers. I love going over to her house and seeing cheerios and three-day-old shredded cheese on the floor. It’s like Christmas! She’s giving me a gift by being just as bad or worse at housekeeping as I am. And you know what? I am as comfortable in her mess as I am in my own. We can relax, celebrate our epic failure, and have a good time together.
(Exhibit A: the current state of my living room floor)
So do me a favor, blogosphere. When I see you at BlissDom or BlogHer, and I stick my hairy legs in your face and ask you to feel them, will you obligingly do so and then show me a hairy pit or a chin hair? Don’t be a tease, I know you’re not perfect. Let’s compare uglies, get comfy, and party!
Come on, now…I showed you mine. Will you show me yours?
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There has to be some law against being that gorgeous even with a ponytail and hairy legs… anyone? No? Well, it’s a good thing for Jenny, then, because she’d be in the lock-up for sure. When she’s not too busy being so damn cute, she spends her time Mommin It Up! with her cousin Emily. Hop over!
BoobHer ’08
As you all know, I really would have liked to have gone to San Fransisco last week to attend BlogHer 08.
Unfortunately, it was not in the cards.
But the same cannot be said for My BEWBS.
Redneck Mommy assured me that The Rack had a fabulous time!
Witness the photographic evidence of BoobHer ’08…
BEWBS were honored to be lovingly held by Ninjas One and Two:
Thusly dubbed, because they were very sneaky and did not identify themselves. Lovely ladies who held my boobs and allowed it to be photographed! Please come forward and name thyselves!
(Update! Secret Identity of Ninja Two is Carissa of and so she blogs. Woot!)
Of course, the excitement did not end with meeting fabulous ninjas… It had just begun!
BEWBS were actually tried on!
Mamma Loves demonstrates proper placement:
MotherGooseMouse concurs with Mamma Loves’s form:
Assertagirl insists it is also important to hold them close for proper fit:
Kyla of The Journey thinks they need a twist:
Desperately Seeking Sanity‘s Heather agrees quite a lot:
Note: The Rack does NOT cause gas. Just a disclaimer.
MotherBumper was feeling lonely, and decided to try the “Twist Placement”
See, The Rack instantly attracts beautiful women like
Mimi on the Breach! (and double fisting of beer!)
Velma, from A Smeddling Kiss, was thinking of trying on The Rack, but
she couldn’t stop giggling. What was she thinking about?
I think she told Slouching Mom her dirty thoughts:
This Random Airport Perv even
tried to get in on the BEWB action!
Back away from The Rack, Random Airport Perv!
The BEWBS are only for my BlogHer Hos!
Thankfully, Jess of Oh The Joys saved The BEWBS.
And compared them to her head.
Backpacking Dad is totally sniffing the left BEWB.
Dude, Boob Smelling?
Oh, wait… was he trying to kiss them?
Angella, of Dutch Blitz, shows him how it’s done!
That’s when things got really out of hand.
And the LICKING began.
MotherGooseMouse was not satisfied with her earlier pose.
Way to go, MGM!
Y, of Joy Unexpected was not to be outdone.
Lindsay, of Suburban Turmoil seemed to approve.
Of course, Queen of All Licks, Mrs. Flinger honored
The BEWBS with her illustrious tongue.
With that one lick, all degrees of separation between
BEWBS and all bloggers licked by Mrs. Flinger were
undone in one fell swoop.
SCORE!
Things were getting a bit hectic, so Redneck Mommy, Jen of One Plus Two,
and Jess rescued BEWBs and took them to a place where
they would feel right at home. Oh, yeah, baby.
A Naked Bath House.
Seriously.
Read Their Posts.
Whew!
After such an exciting time, there’s really no better way
to wind down than to hop into bed with the absolutely
adorable Casey, of Moosh In Indy.
AWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwww.
Yes, folks, BEWBS had a FANTASTIT time in San Fransisco!
Only one problem. Now that The Rack is back home, it’s spending all its time hanging out with its new BoobHer Friends. Waaahhhhhh….
But, on the real, I’m totally going ONE DAY, damnit.
So, lots of us actually reading things online today are “the ones who did not go to BlogHer Con.”
The ones who are going will probably be busy travelling to San Fransisco and settling in for the start of the conference on the 18th.
And some of us are jealous, and some of us don’t give a flying fart… some of us are crying into our keyboards, others are claiming sour grapes… some of us are blatantly pissed off, others of us are like, “eh? BlogWho?” You get the idea.
I basically feel like this: There are a ton of people all in one place right now who, for some reason or other, do this same thing I enjoy doing. “Blog.” Many of them do it for the exact same reasons I do, many have entirely different reasons. A good handful of them are people I admire, adore even. And lots of them are intriguing and interesting people I have never even been exposed to, but could meet if I were there. I would like the opportunity to meet the people I adore, and those I could potentially adore.
I’m settling for pictures of them with a picture of my boobies. What can I say. I’m easily amused.
Money is the main reason I’m not there right now. Ladies and Gents, that shit is expensive. And, that is not to say that we don’t have enough in savings, finally. Because we do, after kicking ourselves in our collective ass around here this past several months and scraping every extra penny into a savings account.
(Oh, hello, we can actually be responsible adults with a savings account? Who knew? Wow, John and Lotus are growing up! Congrats to them!)
BUT, and here’s where I might sound bitchy, I have to force myself to have some perspective right now. To have some more sharply focused priorities than spending money to hang wif mah homies. (This is in NO way a judgement of anyone else’s priorities – it’s about our specific situation - read on!)
I probably could have talked John into letting me spend the money in our savings on the BlogHer trip. Not necessarily because I’m that persuasive and manipulative (*cough*) but because he loves me dearly and, to a fault, he tries to make me happy. (The man changed out of his PJ’s the other night to go buy me ice cream, did you read about that on Twitter? Clearly, a saint among mortals.)
But we have some lofty goals, like paying off my student loan (which I got so I could get that M.A. that I am so obviously using the hell out of right now, see? ugh.), creating a medical fund (hai, we have no health insurance, kthxbai), buying a larger family vehicle (Honda Civic not going to cut it if we ever actually succeed at having a second child), and actually having enough of a downpayment saved to buy a house again. Because, I’m sorry, but renting sucks donkeys.
Those are big, bad, crazy dreams, my friends. And we’d like to attain them in no more than the next 2-4 years. Which, when starting with no savings, is pretty damn adventurous and hopeful. But certainly not Un-Doable.
Not Un-Doable at all… With a lot of sacrifice of things not absolutely necessary, and a lot of forced prioritizing.
Which means no hanging wif mah homies that costs $1000+, no new camera, no lots of stuff I would really reee-heee-heeeeeaaaally like.
And? It’s totally going to be worth it. So, while I’m a bit jealous, that’s it. I’m not uber upset.
(But once we have our house and ect., I am GOING to BlogHer, and I’m rooming with her and I’m absolutely licking her.)
I wrote this post because several people have been surprised that I’m not going to BlogHer Con, and asked me why. Now ya know!
Going to BlogHer?
Yes?
First, I hate you you’re a poopie-head I’m really jealous of you.
But also very happy for you. (Seriously!)
Second, you must look for this fabulous woman I love:
She’s going to have something of mine with her:
And she’s happy about it!
Remember, look for Redneck Mommy, holding The Rack.
You MUST NOT miss a Photo Opp with MAH BEWBS AT BLOGHER.
(Not going to Blogher? Let’s sit online together for 3 days and whine jealously. Deal?)
All photos of the Hot Canadian courtesy of said Hot Canadian. Rawr!
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