The Whole Damn Apple

Braden has become quite fond of apples lately. But only apples in the certain way he wants them. Yes, if you try to cut up an apple all nice-like for The Exalted One, he will kindly repay you by thrashing in his high chair, grumbling, then whining, and then end the show by shrieking while flinging the disgusting, offensive apple slices in all directions. Just as long as those hideous creatures no longer grace his tray.

Didn’t you know that he’s a big boy now? He only wants to eat WHOLE apples.
Can he eat a whole apple in under 7 days? Why yes, he can! It only takes him 6 days, 23 hours and 59 minutes!

Will you become “Murder Target Number One” if you take it away from him before he’s done? Why, yes! Yes, you will!

So, ok. I let him walk around all day with an apple lately. It makes him rather happy. He munches it, slobbers on it, and rubs it on various items as he walks by them, then continues eating it. I cringe and bite my lip, but I let him have it. He enjoys walking around with it, and randomly throwing it down on the floor over and over again.

I saw him eat a piece of my hair off his apple today. I thought, “Hmmm. That’ll hold a few log chunks together later.”

When he finally gets almost done with it, he has eaten all the flesh and come to the core, reducing it to a slobbery, mushy mess I like to call, “Choke-Fest 2007,” and he doesn’t entirely understand why I have to take it from him.

“Honey, that’s the core, if you try to put that whole last part in your mouth and cram it to the back of your throat like that, you can get hurt… no… stop doing that… give it to Mommy! Braden, now, see how you’re making that gagging sound and you can’t breath so well? That’s exactly what Mommy was trying to warn you about.”