Posts Tagged Confessions

Confessions of a Preggie

Posted by Lotus, aka Sarcastic Mom in BEWBS/The Rack, Body/Health, Pregnancy on November 18, 2008

  • Being an “Internet Pee Holder” has never been more difficult. (You know you do it, too.)
  • I want to take eleventy-seven naps a day. Braden is getting sick of the closet.
  • The nausea is fading now (Booyah!) and I never threw up. And I want to eat all day long. Bring on the fatness, oh yeah, baby. (I am NOT a skinny pregnant woman.)
  • I really, really need to do Kegels. Pee-Pee Leaky No Sexay.
  • Everything makes me cry. All shows which involve danger to a baby should be banned or I might die. Dog food commercials and grocery store fliers are even a danger, for crying out loud.
  • When you are reeeeee-heeeee-leeeeee tiiiiired, shaving is SO overrated. If you don’t do it for a month, look like a freaking APE, and your husband literally tells you that’s disgusting, you should continue to not do it just out of spite. Even if you were totally about to do it the next day. Asshole.
  • It is evil to be pregnant around Halloween. I HATE ALL the trick-or-treaters who DIDN’T come to my house, and left me with all the candy, which, by law, I am forced to consume myself now.
  • I don’t drink caffeine during the first trimester. Just my thing. But I WOULD KILL FOR SOME COFFEE, OMG, I MIGHT CRY SOON.
  • John looked at me wrong several times this past couple of months. I have devised at least 4 fool-proof ways of killing him such that no one could ever discover his remains. Unfortunately, he does not have a life insurance policy. Tooooootal murder buzz-kill.
  • My boobs were one of the first things to “symptom up” with Braden. This time, no soreness… until NOW. Thanks, Braden, for tweaking my nipple and leading me to this tender discovery.
  • Oh, and yeah, The Rack Is Expanding. Bow-Chicka.
  • Unfortunately, so is my ass. Badonka.

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