The Doldrums

So, the past few days have been… okay.  Ups and downs.  A high desire to just sleep.  I’ve only threatened John’s life a handful of times, and I swear, I have been limiting my thoughts of poking him in the eye with my thumb to a minimum of 5 a day.  In all fairness, every time I tell him, “I’m going to slap you,”  he responds with, “I’ll punch you in the face.”  So, you know, I’m obviously not the only one with anger issues around here.  Also, there is still no desire for business.  Please pray for John’s continued sanity.

As part of my desire to be a better mother, I’ve really been working on my “closet problem” with Braden.  Although I haven’t been able to stop myself from putting him in there frequently, at least I’ve limited the amount of time he had to stay there.  Two hours at a time is really kind of me, right?

Additionally, The Mexican has still been spared the fate of the microwave, although I do have to admit that I’ve recently been considering putting him in the crock pot instead, anyway.  Less mess, and who knows?  He might be nice and tender… I’ve been so lazy about preparing meals lately….

Oh, yeah.  The jerks still haven’t called me with the results from my thyroid labwork. But guess what came in the mail today?  THE BILL.  The MF’ing bill.  Including a test for Thyroid Antibodies, WHICH I DIDN’T NEED.  See, I have ALREADY been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis.  That means that antibodies have already been detected.  And there’s this thing about your body where ANTIBODIES DON’T JUST DISAPPEAR.    I am livid about having this bill in my hand already when I have been given no results, and I am livid about the cost. 

THREE HUNDRED EIGHTY SEVEN DOLLARS. 

Did you choke?  Cause when I saw that, my vagina literally just fell off my body.  Hey, I haven’t been using it lately anyway, so, no big deal, right? But come ON!  And, of course, the test I didn’t need was the most expensive one.

So, you know… I’m just a tiny, litte bit PISSED OFF.

The weather is not helping my mood.  Today = Grey.  The clouds are grey, the sky is grey, THE WORLD IS FREAKING GREY.  But no snow!  No, not here!  If it has to be so dreary and bleary and cold and crappy, it would be nice if we could have a gee golly winter wonderland out there.  At least then it would look SHINY as well as WHITE, instead of GREY.

Seriously.  I hate this.  Outside, it looks like if you tasted it, you’d have that bitter aspirin taste in your mouth.

Today, outside tastes yucky.  And that makes me sad.

Lotus Update, AKA Whining

It has been a rough week for me, guys.  I’ve been sick since early Thursday morning, and I am STILL not well.  It was food poisening, of my own stupid design.  I was working with raw chicken on Wednesday night, and I think I probably got some contamination sickness.  I’m usually very careful, so this just sucked big time.  In the past 3 days, I have consumed 1.5 bananas, half a piece of peanut butter bread, a bit of milk, a few bites of salad, a few wedge fries, and lots of gatorade.  If I’m not a svelt 135 lbs by Christmas, I’m complaining to SOMEONE.  Heh.

Had a gyno appointment on Friday, which wasn’t horrible, but it’s not the favorite activity of my life.  Finally also had some blood work done to check up on my thyroid.  I have a confession to make, and that is that I have some rather poopy health issues that I have not been sharing with the blogosphere very much.  I was diagnosed with Goiter and  Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis in 2005 and underwent all kinds of nutball tests.  When you go into a place specializing in “Nuclear Medicine,” and a guy hands you a vial with an odd looking pill in it, telling you to swallow it… and then almost spazzes when you begin to slide it into your hand, spitting, “No NO! Don’t touch it!  Just drop it into your mouth!”  You get kind of scared as to what the hell that thing is going to do inside you.   So, yeah, that was followed by what seemed like endless nuclear scans that day.  I also had ultrasounds of the thyroid and repeatedly had to have blood drawn.  The highly educated and lauded Endocrinologist concluded that I had HT, and that it wasn’t messing up my hormones ENOUGH to put me on medication yet.  So, so sorry, nothing we can do for you right now. Come back when you’re REALLY messed up and miserable.  Then they wanted me to schedule (and pay for) another ultrasound, and that’s when I said F This. 

I had my levels checked again while I was pregnant, and they were still near the same place.  I have NOT had them checked since giving birth (a big No-No), and so I reqested the blood work at my Gyno’s office on Friday.  Should hear back next week. 

Part of the reason that I am worried about my thyroid is that I’ve been struggling with some pretty unrelenting feelings of fatigue, despair, and hopelessness – otherwise known as Depression – continuously for the past several months… as well as… shall I say it?  Loss of libido.  And if it’s not the thyroid from hell acting up and needing medication, then I need something – anti-depressants, therapy, maybe some cocaine?  I dunno. 

So, I have shared my big fat medical secrets with you, bloggy world.

Oh, and please forgive the lack of replies to all your wonderful comments recently.  I have just been so tired and sick and it’s hard for me to even want to get online.  I highly appreciate all the well-wishes sent!  You guys rock. 

I’m thinking of trying to eat some real food tonight.  You know, FOOD?  That stuff I LOVE?

Hope you are all having a great Christmas season!  It’s almost that special day!   I can’t wait.