Second time’s a charm?

At July 8, 2008
By Lotus, aka Sarcastic Mom
In Body/Health, Humor, Weight Loss/Getting In Shape
58

Once upon a time, I completed a workout video called “Drop it with Dance, w/Tabitha D’umo.” I tried. I really did. The outcome was less than victorious.

I was SUPPOSED TO make Tabitha D’umo my bitch. I said I was going to, and all.

Well.

Dear Lotus,

Who’s who’s bitch now? Have you counted your fat rolls lately? Have you MEASURED them? I think Kevin & Leroy are actually bigger than your entire head by now. You = Loser. You, officially, get a FAIL on Not Being A Fatass.

Love,
Tabitha “You’re MY Bitch” D’umo

Can you believe the nerve of that woman? Totally classless.

But. Um. She might have a point. I only tried to use her video a handful of few times twice once after that first time.

And while I’ve done a few halfassed other workouts, there really has been no consistent effort to be physically fit, as I was hoping there would be.

And I have alllll kinds of excuses why, but really, it all boils down to one thing: Motivation. If you’re motivated, the excuses just don’t deter you. They aren’t good enough to stop you.

“My kid just won’t let me alone long enough for me to exercise!”

Um, naptime? Bedtime? Locking your kid in the closet for 30 minutes time?

“I’m just so tired that when I have time to myself, I can’t bring myself to exercise.”

News Flash! If you’d exercise, you’d be tired LESS often. (Funny how that works, huh?)

“I’m just so busy, there really is no time for exercise, honest!”

Now that’s just bullshit, sorry. If you’re committed to something, you can find time. Make time, even.

There are about 23,475,869 things on my To Do List that I am behind on, on a regular basis. But 30 minutes? Come on, just 30 minutes every other day? We can find this, right? Even if we have to get up 30 minutes earlier? (Please do not wish me physical harm for suggesting that.)

You know what’s really motivating? When you step on the scale and discover that you keep gaining weight (what, there’s no cap on how high that number is allowed to get? crap). Or when your “fat jeans” get tighter and tighter, threatening to become your “skinny jeans.” FYI: your “fat jeans” are NOT ALLOWED to become your “skinny jeans.”

How about when you’re just.so.tired alllll the time, and holy flying pigs, did part of my side just fold over and touch itself? Oh.My.Gah.

I, who never makes New Year Resolutions, actually made a resolution this year, and halfway through the year, I am totally getting a Big, Fat F on that.

I WILL NOT BE OUTSMARTED BY MY MUFFIN TOP, DAMNIT!

So today, I attempted the Billy Blanks Tae Bo Cardio workout DVD for the second time. And HELL NO I am not able to hang with it for the entire time yet. But I was incredibly surprised and pleased that I was still alive when it was over. Both times, I have fully been prepared to die. I had my will in order and everything.

I’m going to try several things in the coming weeks and see what happens. Regular exercise (*whimper*), no more late eating (and I LOVE me some late eating), and actually sleeping at least 7 hours a night (is this possible?).

Revolutionary ideas, to be sure.

PS: Tabitha, I’m coming for you, whore.

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It seems like a raw deal, but don’t worry – I hit like a girl.

I finally posted Braden’s 18-Month Update.

Yes, I know he’s over 19-months old now. I have been pretty good this year about writing His Updates, but I fell way behind on the last two. I know, I know, excuses are like a-holes, yadda yadda yadda. If you can find me, you can write “SLACKER” on my forehead with black permanent marker.

But I get to punch you in the face afterwards.

Sorry, them’s the rules, pardner.

Soon, I’ll even be actually writing his 19-Month Update. If I’m feeling particularly nutty, it might even get finished, oh, I don’t know, before he turns 20-Months old? I know! You can’t believe the insanity! Who would actually do this sort of thing on time?

Oh! Someone who’s not Terminally Behind In Life? I’ll have to remember that.

Anyway, go over and read it. Please? I back-dated it to the proper date, and now it’s really lonely out there in “Old Posts Land.” You don’t want Braden to one day view it and think everyone hated him when he was 18-Months old, do you? Of course not! Only a cold, heartless bastard would let that happen! And you are not that. You are wonderful people!

Btw, I’m thinking this post clearly shows what a good parent I am, and what an amazing parenting blogsite this is. Don’t you agree? You do!? Why, I am so incredibly flattered and taken by surprise!

Of course, just to make it official, you should go vote this site as Best Parenting Blog.

Because you didn’t already have enough to do today, right?