Officially a Tennesseean? Yee-haw!

(As opposed to “Yippee-Ki-Ay“, which is what I said when I was officially a Texan.)

In case you were wondering what I did to celebrate my birthday yesterday, I’ll give you a hint…

It starts with a “D” and ends with a “V.” There’s an “M” in the middle.

No, I didn’t Dance Most Vigorously. Nor did I Distribute Mono Viciously. I didn’t even Demonstrate Musical Vibrators. (What the?)

I did that other DMV thing.

That’s right, I renewed my license. Why did I do such a foul thing on my special day of days? Well, refer to #1 on yesterday’s list.

Yes, this was the ULTIMATE in Lazy Douchiness. I let my license run ALL THE WAY to its expiration date – and it was still a TX license, so go ahead and throw those rotten tomatoes. Or just call me a dildo, whatever.

Yeah, we moved to TN from TX in May of 2006. So, uh… um… yeah. Still had my TX driver’s license because why?

LAZAY DOOSHAY.

A couple of hours at the DMV never hurt anyone, right? *insert moan*

What really killed me was the poor young woman in line a few people ahead of me – she stood there for at least an hour with an infant. Who, by the way, never cried once, even though he was awake the whole time… what manner of witchcraft is THAT? Oh yeah, some people have CALM babies. But I digress. When she got to the counter there was something wrong with the proof of insurance she brought or something. Basically, she got turned away.

HOLY SHITKNOCKERS. I think I might have cried.  And cursed a little.

After waiting in line long enough for the rest of my pubes to turn grey (did I ever mention that’s started happening?) things went easily enough for me. At the picture taking, I asked if they could airbrush out my zits (depressing fact – I am a HIGHLY acne-prone pregnant person). Unfortunately, the woman said no, but she indicated that they didn’t show up in the photo… and she was right.

Insane, really, considering that this is what they really looked like as recently as yesterday (and pretty much exactly what they still look like)…

…but I’m not arguing.

Now if they could just erase my side-saddles, you know, for real.

Then I might just Disco-boogie Most Victoriously.