• Darkness, Light… and Human Development

    I have the gift of being able to capture my son’s life, and his essence, in images – already I look back through them and marvel at what happens when passion, love, skill, and an observing heart & mind come together. I can see his life unfolding and see his different personality traits emerge as I look through this growing archive. It blows my heart and mind.

    Talk about bittersweet. Can’t stop, won’t stop.

    Darkness & Light
    Braden, Age 7, September 2014

     

     

    By the time I recognize this moment this moment will be gone, but I will bend the light, pretending that it somehow lingered on.
    ~John Mayer, Clarity

    *****
    © Lotus Carroll, All Rights Reserved
    To license commercially, please email.

  • My Heart Skips None Of These Beats

    The last bit of summer vacation is pressing in on us, and it has largely become this: the frantic run from pool to platform on repeat, a near maddening loop of frenzied obsession, the intense need to squeeze in as much flight, falling, plunge and ascension as possible before the school bell once more rings.

    He is reborn over and over again in an unrealized effort to slow the sinking of the sun.

    It is both beautiful and somehow tragic in its simple impossibility; it is all at once the sweetness of youth and his slipping grasp on it. My heart swells and tightens as I watch him hurry to soar and float once more.

    I feel him breathing life inexplicably into me as he powers through his, and I realize that I love the bittersweet pulse of this life.

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  • The Beauty of Change

    We collected a rather large batch of caterpillars that were threatening to skeletonize my sunflower garden recently. I housed them in a small plastic container with slots for air designed to hold buggies and fed them sunflower leaf rations (they turned their noses up at other types of leaves) saving most of my garden from destruction while still feeding them. After several days, they all suited up in their respective chrysalises and made with the metamorphosing. We dug witnessing this, and awaited the unfolding of their wings as they became Bordered Patch Butterflies (Chlosyne lacinia).

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    For the past couple of days, they’ve been greeting the world anew, and as they do, we open the hatch on the container and set them free into my (flower filled, butterfly orgasmic) back yard. It is an incredibly joyous feeling to watch one of them lift out of the housing and ascend into the air and off to freedom, somehow making my heart more buoyant even though it is my lungs that fill with air while I breathe in and watch them float.

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    This little flapper needed some extra time to dry its wings and visit with another creature who has been rapidly changing right before my eyes lately.

    The Beauty of Change

    I have a tender love that floats on wings of expectation and wonder for them both.

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  • In These Quiet Moments Love Speaks Loudest

    a father smiles at his sleeping son
    it is in these quiet moments that love speaks loudest


    My little 3 person family took a few trips to the beach last summer. On one of those trips we drove almost all the way there and then stopped in a hotel for the night before heading out for beach frolicking fun the next morning. This is a candid monochrome from that hotel. John is looking over at Braden, our (then) 6 year old, in the other bed. His expression speaks volumes. I love moments like this. Capturing them feels like being able to work real magic, the kind that will allow you to travel through time later, or the kind that lets you see inside of someone’s heart.

  • His Ever Changing Face

    Every day he looks a little different. He grins up at me now with this lopsided, crazy toothed smile. Him, squinting into the sun and my lens and blowing my heart with his innocence and love.

    His Ever Changing Face

    Every day he is a little bigger, some tiny bit older, somehow new in his growing-boy-changeling ways.
    He is what all children are – a person becoming something amazing in deceptively tiny steps that are really so, so big on their insides.

    They feel big to me, and as they go by, I feel a weight turn and shift inside me. It is both a feeling of joy and sorrow, the disparity between which is one of life’s greatest gifts to experience.

    Change on, my love.

  • Birthday Balloons are the BEST!

    seven years ago
    i saw your face for the first
    time – it was perfect

    in so many ways
    you have changed, grown, and flourished
    but this fact remains

    you will always be
    the best thing that has ever
    happened to your mom

    ***

    This photo is from Braden’s 1 Year Birthday. Today he turns 7.
    The time is flying by, but I cherish everything, and with each passing day, ever more so.

    Birthday Balloons Are The BEST!

  • No, Fig Newtons did not sponsor this.

    But we love them. And their wrapper. Wanna see how 2 sickies entertain one another when they’re home alone at snack time?

    Be warned, this is about 5 minutes of your life you will never get back. It will, however, leave you with a goofy grin on your face and a feeling of happy deep within you. If it doesn’t, you likely have a dead fish for a heart. Good luck with that.

    So? Do you have the happy?